"But I've always cared more than him."

Emma replied solemnly as she moved to lay down on her cozy, new white bed with her soft cotton pajamas on.

"You don't know that, Emmie. Will may just have a different way of showing it to you. I'm sure he still cares about you and maybe it's just hard for him to be around you."

Emma had been confiding in her older sister about Will since she got married a few months ago to Carl at their Vegas wedding in December. She used to call her mom about problems, especially Will problems, but since her marriage, their relationship had grown a little strained. She figured her parents were just upset and that when they met Carl, he would grow on them like he had done to her last year in the middle of her issues with Will.

"It's been three months! When he was married to Terri and I was the single one…I—well you know how I was with him. I didn't, I tried not to flirt or spend time with him but I couldn't stop myself because it always made me happy, made me forget that he went home to someone else… but he hardly even looks my way. And when he does talk to me, it's so forced and awkward. It's like he just wants me to leave."

"Because he still cares about you."

"Then why doesn't he show that he cares! Why can't he see that I'm moving on and happy? That at least I still want his friendship?"

"Maybe you'll never get that back. Emmie, men deal with heartbreak a lot different then women."

Emma's heart sank at the thought of never having Will as a friend again. She had gone three years just being his friend even though she had been in love with him, and he couldn't even say "hi" every once in awhile to her?

"So he just ignores you at school? I mean, you guys have to at least see each other in the teacher's lounge or staff meetings, right?"

"That's the problem, Ella. He doesn't outright ignore me but he's always short, and if the conversation doesn't involve work then it's like I see his eyes glaze over hoping I'll leave. He isn't rude, but he isn't… the Will I once knew."

Emma rolled back the covers and headed to her kitchen for a glass of water and aspirin while continuing to talk with her sister.

"Listen, he isn't ever going to be the Will you once knew. Because the Will you once knew was in love with you and…you did love him back. Let's face it, most men can't just be friends with women they've thought about sleeping with."

"Ella!"

Emma blushed and covered her cheek with her hand. She looked around as if anyone in her empty apartment had actually heard her sister.

"What? It's true and if you don't think he has, you're seriously delusional. Believe me Emma, if you had sexual thoughts with him before you were married… I can guarantee he has."

"We shouldn't even be discussing sexual thoughts and Will!"

Her sister agreed but after a long pause, Emma continued.

"You know, he even dated this blonde girl for awhile and still wouldn't talk to me much. I couldn't have been with someone so easily willing to give up on something in the first place—"

"—Oh Emmie, don't give me that speech. He may have run the moment he realized you were a virgin but when he came back to his senses… you ran too."

"Do you know how hard it is, how hard it was to care about someone for three years only to find out they're just like every other guy? I had good reason to run."

"If that's what you really think then fine."

Emma rolled her eyes at her sister's remarks. She had always wanted Will for Emma, and even after she heard about Shelby and April… she seemed to see his side more than Emma's and that bothered her.

"Why is it that when I try to tell you about my problems with Will, you just agree with him? Because everyone in the school seems to think this was all my fault – but even my own sister?"

Ella paused for a moment, seeming to contemplate her next words before she spoke. Emma almost said she had to go, when her sister finally spoke up.

"Em, I'm not taking anyone's side in this. All I'm saying is…you're a newlywed and we've spent the last 45 minutes talking about why you can't be friends with your ex-boyfriend or whatever you want to call him."

She looked out past her bedroom into the living room to see a 20 x 20 wrapped canvas photo of her and Carl shot a weekend after they got married. Emma wanted proper wedding photos around their apartment to make it feel a little less like then didn't just elope. He was kissing her cheek and she was smiling brightly and genuine.

She walked over to her dresser and pulled a small, crumpled photo out from beneath her underwear that had her and Will together at his sister's house with his two nephews after she asked them to babysit one night. They had already made dinner reservations at an expensive restaurant 20 minutes out from Lima, but Emma admitted she had never babysat in her life and she wanted to try. They had changed plans to help his sister and Emma brought two chicken salad sandwiches along. It was her favorite date ever and she'd taken a quick snapshot of all four of them snuggled on the couch together.

She held the picture close to her heart and almost forgot Ella was still on the line.

"…Emma? Are you still there?"

She let a single tear roll down her cheek as she mumbled, "I just miss him."

After another long pause, Ella spoke up.

"I know you do, and honestly I don't know what this all means right now but I'm here for you Emmie. Always."

Emma smiled through her watered eyes and gripped the phone.

"Thanks sis, I love you."

They said their goodbyes and Emma went to wash her face before climbing back into bed. Carl wouldn't be home until tomorrow so she grabbed her cell phone to send him a quick text.

Hi honey, I'm going to bed but just wanted to say I love you and can't wait to see you tomorrow.

She hovered over the send button momentarily wondering if she should wait until tomorrow morning in case he tried to call tonight. She wanted him to know she was thinking about him, but the shakiness of her voice after getting off the phone with her sister would raise concern and she didn't feel like answering. She didn't really know why she was so upset herself.

Love you too Ems. I should be in around 7, but I'll call tomorrow before my plane leaves. Mom's coping better with things but anytime anyone mentions dad she just breaks down. It'll just take time I guess.

Emma had found out Carl's father had passed away from a sudden heart attack and he flew to be with his family last week. She missed him, but the time alone was nice for her as she was still adjusting living together.

She'll get through it with your caring heart there to help her. Love you, night.

And Emma rolled over to her side placing the phone on the nightstand. About an hour later, she woke to a buzz from her phone.

She reached out to see who had just texted her and flipped it open.

Hey, sorry if I woke you. But do you know if we need to be at the Chateau at 7 or 8 to sign in the kids?

-Will

A wide grin spread across Emma's face as she read the text from Will. It was simple, business-like but she couldn't help but feel her heart beat quicker as she tried to think of a response. She didn't want to just say, "8" because Will hadn't texted her in months and she just wanted a little conversation to remember that they were still okay.

After eight minutes of contemplation, she hit send.

I believe it's 8. But if you want to get there a little early, I was going to help finishing set up at 7 :)

Within a minute, her phone was buzzing again.

Thanks.

And her heart sunk just as quickly as it had rose.

She laid the phone on the nightstand again and tried to fall asleep but her mind took her back to the Wednesday before Christmas. The last day before winter break…

"I think we made just over 200 dollars!"

Will was sitting in the chair across from Emma and she felt like, for a moment, that things could finally be normal between them again after Sue had pitted everyone against her and allowed them to have something to discuss other than her new marriage or how he was spending Christmas alone. She cursed herself for the word vomit that spilled out as she had invited him to stop by her Christmas party with Carl earlier that week.

"That's incredible, Will! Oh the little kids will just be so grateful on Christmas."

Will smiled and nodded a thanks to Emma. They sat there for a few moments, before they both spoke at the same time to clear silence.

"Oh, you go ahead… what were you gonna say?" Emma replied sweetly as she placed her hands near her chin grinning at him.

Will looked almost taken back that Emma was gazing at him. Almost like the way she used to…

"I—I was just gonna um, say that it was nice to see Sue being nice to the other teachers after the kids sang. Maybe her heart of stone is melting a little," he joked lamely at the end.

"Yeah, you know I'm surprised as well. It's a shame she ruined Secret Santa though, I always enjoy exchanging gifts and revealing the secret santa. It's like a little secret you get to keep until the day we all share!"

Emma flailed her hands nervously in excitement, secretly mulling over whether or not to give Will the present she'd bought for him last week. They had exchanged every year since she had arrived at McKinley and Emma wanted to keep the tradition going. She'd absentmindedly gone by Music Mania last week to look around and promised herself she would only buy something for him if it really seemed fitting.

Well, after an hour of looking through the aisles of guitars, drums, pianos, and trying to avoid the pesky salesmen, she settled on a book of sheet music from "It's A Wonderful Life", one of Will's favorite Christmas movies. It was a little pricy, but she figured they only bought gifts for another once a year anyway.

Will gave a little laugh at her joyous expression but moved to get up from his seat.

"Oh, do you need to go?"

He turned and flashed his lop-sided grin she wasn't sure why she loved so much.

"Yeah, I should head out. Merry Christmas, Em."

"Merry Christmas, Will."

The grip her fingers had on her desk door dropped much like her hope in ever having a real friendship with Will again. Things would never be the same, she thought to herself.

Emma finally fell asleep after a few more tears dropped as she hugged her pillow.

A/N:
Comments are always appreciated. If I receive some, I'll post up chapter 2 tonight!