A Very Special Pine Tree.

Author: Invader Johnny.

Synopsis: Ivy and Harley are having an argument on the night before Christmas; the clownish woman wants a tree for Christmas but sadly the green villainess won't let her, what's a girl to do? Why play dirty of course.

Author Notes: This idea came to me after reading a few Ivy/Harley fics, and I dediced to try doing my own piece of work for two of my favorite villainesses.

That being said, if you don't like femslash there's a back button up there you know, also for the sake of this story Poison Ivy WON'T have a few of her powers, which ones? Take your pick and also think of this as an AU with a comical aura.

Also, I'm pretty sure that this is such an original title for an X-Mas Story... Note heavy sarcasm.

Anyway, just Enjoy.

"Pleaseeeeeeeee."

"For the last time Harley, NO!"

"But it's Christmas!"

"Which is exactly why I'm saying no!"

"You're not being fair Red!" Harley protested. She pouted in an attempt to get Ivy's sympathy.

"I'm not being fair?" Poison Ivy yelled at her girlfriend incredulously "I actually celebrating this commercialized hoax of a holiday with you because I know how much it means to you and I'm being unreasonable? You're being ridiculous!"

"Aww, come on. It's not just like you're doing me a favor. It'll be fun for you too." Harley replied. "Come on Red, don't you want our first Christmas together to be memorable?"

Ivy sighed and folded her arms. "You know I do, but Harley, there's more to it than that."

"Like what?" Harley didn't seem to believe her.

"Do I even have to tell you?" Ivy snarled.

"How am I going to know if you do—Oh..." Harley's eyes widened in realization when she saw Ivy's face. "Oh! No! No! I wasn't going to cut down a live one! I would never do that! You know I wouldn't! I was just thinking—"

"You are NOT buying one of those god-awful plastic monstrosities. They're mockeries of greenery, and I won't allow one in my home!"

"But, Red..."

Ivy held up her hand to Harley. "I'm not listening. I won't let you bring one of those ugly, man-made disasters into our house and that's final!"

"'Final?' Just because you say so? That's not fair either!" The blonde replied childishly.

"It's my house. It's perfectly fair!" The green woman retorted.

"You're the one who's always going on about how women can only be in equal partnerships when they're together! If you're just going to dictate everything, how does that make you any better than 'patriarchal' men?" She said the world "patriarchal" with a bit of trouble, it was clear she was only remembering it from Ivy's numerous rants.

Ivy was struck silent for a moment, clearly annoyed that Harley was using feminist rhetoric against her. "This is different, Harl."

"Really? Is it? I don't see how. So please, enlighten me."

Ivy took a deep breath and walked over to Harley, stroking her cheek gently. "Harley, listen to me, you are and will always be the most important thing to me. You're the wonderful partner I never thought I would have, and you're the only person male or female I see as my equal. But, I just can't have one of those disgusting things in my home, don't you understand?"

"I understand." Harley's tone quickly changed, and she turned away from Ivy's hand, folding her arms petulantly. "And you'll understand that you not letting me have a tree means I'm not sleeping in your room tonight."

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Oh, real mature, Harl."

"Look whose talking!"

Ivy let out an annoyed sigh. "Ugh, fine. You know what? I'm going to go wreck some havok in Gotham city, might as well have some fun tonight. Whenever you want to take this whole thing seriously you know where to find me."

"Have fun... you know, less fun than sex, which we won't be having. Ha!" She stuck her nose in the air to indicate her indffenerence.

Suddenly her eyes widened in horror at the thought of the redhead going outside. "Di... did I say no sex?" The blonde laughed nervously and quickly put herself between Ivy and the door. "I mean... erm... Well, I didn't mean no sex I meant that we are both kind of... agitated, which is fun. Let's HAVE sex!"

Ivy raised an eyebrow. "You're punishing me for not letting you have a Christmas tree with angry sex? Harl, you really need to work on this manipulation thing."

Harley's eyes darted out the window, where there was a huge plastic tree on top of their car. "Well, I know... but it just seems like a shame to waste all of this villianous, holiday frustration."

The smile on the younger woman's face had to be one of the weirdest thing Ivy had ever seen, but despite the sudden change in her atitude, all the redhead did was raise her eyebrow skeptically "Whatever...Guess I win."

"Great!" Harley grabbed her hand and began pulling her into the bedroom.

Ivy laughed a bit at Harley's enthusiasm. "Looks like someone really wants to get laid tonight," she muttered to herself.

Once they were in the bedroom, Harley pushed Ivy playfully to the bed and jumped on top of her.

"I dont know why you're suddenly acting like this, but I dont really care." Ivy smiled at her. "It's very sexy."

The blond forcefully smiled "I'm not even naked yet, Red."

"That never stopped you from looking sexy to me"

Harley blushed "Thanks."

"So what say we begin?" Ivy was grinning ear to ear right now. "You've got a pretty good start here."

"T-That's because I want to try something different." Harley smiled. She had a plan. Oh how she had a plan. It would be perfect.

"Oh?" The redhead was intrigued. "And what might that be?"

"What would you say if I asked you to do a little switcheroo?"

"What? You want to wear my clothes and me wearing yours?" Ivy seemed a bit confused. "I think you're taking the idea of getting into my pants a little too literally."

The younger woman's face turned as red as a tomato "That's not what I meant!"

"So tell me what you have plan because I dont want to waste time with this guessing game."

Harley grinned nervously "Would you mind if for once I tie you up?"

Ivy frowned "Why?"

Harley pouted. "Because I always get tied up."

"There's a rason for that you know"

"I'm sure there is, but would it kill you to do this once... for me?"

Ivy sighed. "No I guess not."

"Yay!" Her girlfriend cheered. "I'll get the rope!"

Several moments later the green villainess was straped to the bed, both arms and legs being unable to move.

"See, I told you it wasn't so bad?" Harley laughed a bit. "I mean, I would know. Now... so many possibilities, I can do anything I want to you..."

"I dont recall you being this kinky before."

"What can I say? When I want something, I want it really, really bad." Harley smiled, leaning closer to her. lover "And now I'm going to take it."

Ivy smirked. "Oh Harley, I have been a very naugthy girl. What are you going to do?" For a few moments Harley actually began to think of all of the things they could do like this. She had ideas, after all. Wait, no, bad Harley, getting distracted. This wasn't about sex, it was about the Chirstmas Tree. It was a trap. Yes, a trap. Trap now. Sex later.

The blond kissed the readhead passionately for a minute or so before slowly pulling away, and getting up from the bed.

"Hey, where are you going?"

Harley grinned cheeckily. "I'll be right back."

"What for?" Ivy yelled in a mixture of anger and annoyance.

"Because I need to get something. Besides, teasing you is fun, you get so angry."

"You want to see me angry?"

"Yup"

"Have you lost your mind?"

"Nope, I just think you're hot when you're angry." And with that the blond slowly closed the door, but not before mockingly waving goodbye to her girlfriend.

"Don't have too much fun without me."

To say the redhead was surprised was an understatement. She couldn't believe her parther in crime could be devious. Maybe when comiting felonies and figthing the "forces of justice," but in bed? That was a new one.

Not to mention it was a turn on. This was like a game. "No chance in hell I'm about to let you win Harl"

And with vigor, the villainess began to struggle with the ropes, in a few minutes she would be free.

After all if there was one thing she could do faster than her lover was to get free from any sort of bond.

And she did.

Within five minutes she got up from the king sized bed, massaging her wrists, and walked out the door as quiet as a mouse. Tonight was going to be a lot of fun.

Harley was out the door quite quickly, she desperately wanted to get rid of the evidence. Maybe she could just keep it in the attic, Ivy would never know. She began to drag the tree toward the house. Damn, she'd never thought that she have to hide things from her partner but she just couldn't let her see the tree. She'd been pissed enough at the idea of the tree. Harley couldn't let her see it.

She loved Ivy, a lot but sometimes Harley wondered if it was only her that gave and gave. When was her turn to receive? Ivy said they were equals, but Ivy always wanted to make decisions for her, as if her judgement was always better, it just wasn't fair.

"What are you doing?"

Harly quickly jumped in front of the tree, attempting to hide it despite the fact that it was talelr and wider than she was. "Oh... nothing, nothing at all..."

Ivy was clearly not amused. "Tell me you are not sneaking that dreadful excuse for fake flora into my home."

"Of course not!" Harley answered, with a nervous giggle.

"But you were going to weren't you?" Ivy pressed

"No, of course not! No!"

Ivy's facial expression did not change, she clearly was not buying it.

"Yes? I love you?"

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Get that thing out of here its hideous!"

"But its not even real!"

"THAT'S AN INSULT TO NATURE!"

"Nothing is ever good enough, is it? I just can't win."

"What you mean?"

"I can't have a live tree because its murder, and I can't have a fake one because it's man-made!

"Why do you even want a tree?" Ivy boomed exasperatedly "We're not even Christian! In fact, we're the opposite of good, Christians. We're villains!"

Harley sniffled a bit. "You know what? You win, we won't have a tree this year or the next one or the year after, or ever!"

"Glad you finally see things my way."

"That's the thing, Red" Harley hiccuped "I always see things your way." She pushed the tree back up on top of the car. "I'm going to return the tree. Don't bother waiting up."

"Harley..."

"It's fine. I should do what you say, you're always right. If it wasn't for you, I'd be dead now, after all. You're right, this is your house. I'm sorry." Harley closed the door.

And with that said the blond was about to leave when her lover got in the passenger seat of the car.

"Get out."

Ivy sighs dejectedly "Does this stupid tradition means so much to you?"

"I made a big deal out it so yes and I'm sorry if this pushed you over the edge but can you blame me for trying?" She asked sadly.

In the end the blond backed out of the driveway.

And as she watched her lovey drive away the guilt began to appear. "Damnit, Harley."

She knew what she had to do, even though she really wasn't going to like it, it was the only way. She sighed. "Better get started, I don't have much time."

Harley's normal cheerful demeanor had returned by the time she got back from the store. She supposed she shouldn't have messed with Ivy's obsession with plants. There were other Christmas Traditions they could try, after all. They weren't really a conventional couple, so a conventional Christmas didn't really make sense anyway. Harley had simply wanted a normal family, or something like that, but they were villains, they didn't do things like normal people.

As she walked inside, the lights were off, she assumed that Ivy had already gone to bed.

She was about to head to the bedroom herself, when she saw light coming from the living room. Ivy must have forgotten to turn a light off.

However, when she walked into the living room she saw one of the strangest, yet most wonderful sights she'd ever seen. Ivy was standing in the middle of the room, her vines around her, making a triangular shape around her body, like a Christmas tree. Lights were interwoved into the leaves and there were boxes of ornaments on the table.

When she saw Harley, she smiled, although it was clear that it was a bit pained. "Merry Christmas, Harley."

Harley was smilling like a child she just couldnt believe this, her girlfriend, the person that hated Christmas because of the mass chopping of pine trees was doing this simply for her and her alone, it was certanly better than any pressnt she could ever receive.

"Happy now?" Ivy grumbled.

Harley nodded and threw her arms around the mass of ivy surrounding her girlfriend. "I love you!" Harley pulled back and smiled. "Oh, this is so exciting! I can't wait to decorate you!" She was jumping up and down like a small child. She smiled at Ivy. "Don't worry, when I'm done, I promise it take it off, all of it."

Ivy smirked a bit at the implications. "At least this night won't be a total loss then." She looked at Harley "I think it goes without saying that this stays between us. No one else is to find out about this, ever."

"My lips are sealed. My very special tree. Now, are you ready, Red?" She looked at the table full of ornaments, her face suddenly full of child-like wonder again.

"Let's get this over with."

With a smile unlike anything Ivy ever saw from her partner, the torture began.

After several hours, Harley's work was finally complete

"Oh I almost forgot!"

The blond puts the presents under her unique Christmas tree.

"Now it's finally Christmas!" Harley declared. "You look beauteful, Red!"

"Like hell I do!" She yelled "What was I thinking when I planned this for you?"

"That you love me?"

"Aside from that!"

Harley got a camera out of her pocket.

"Hey, what are you doing with that?"

"I want to remember the moment."

"Well I don't!" Ivy protested "So dont even think of taking a photo!"

"Take one for the team, baby"

Ivy growled "Fine! But just one!"

And with that, Harley put the timer on the camera before runing towards her girlfrind.

"You make a beautiful tree, Red"

As it turned out Poison Ivy ended up being the Christmas tree, she was decorated from head to toe in Christmas lights, baubles, a necklace made out of candy canes, and even a star on her head but what really made the whole thing so embarrassing was the fact that she was in the middle of the living room unable to move during the morning because Ivy promised that she would make this as special for Harley as possible.

"This better prove that I care about your opinions." Ivy hollowed.

Harley gave her girlfriend a quick peck on the lips "I dont think you'll have to prove anything for a while, Red."

"Good"

FLASH

"Ok NOW can I get rid of these stupid decorations?"

"Not yet, I wanna open the presents."

"Oh god, this is going to be a long day." She thought grimly and said outloud "At least tell me you stole those things"

"Of course I did" Harley quipped "I was thinking of you Red"

The redhead grinned "If I could move I would kiss you"

"You'll have to wait for that" The blonde teased "Um Red?"

"Yes?"

"I have something to ask you"

"And that is?"

"Can you be the tree again next year?"

"What's in it for me?"

"Take your pick."

Ivy smiled evilly.

"I'm sure I can think of something."

"Uh... yay?"

And that my readers is my sorry ass attempt at a Christmas story, I'm not really sure if I succeded in writing both Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn "In Character" since it was my first attempt at writting a Batman fic, hopefully you guys will like it.

Also I originally had planned for Ivy to yell "No!" Right towards the end but then I thought she probably would take advantage of the situation for this and all future Christmases and get even with Harley.

I wanna thank Wandering Namekian for betaing this fic Happy Holydays to you my friend!

And Merry Christmas to all my fellow readers and writers on the site.

Invader Johnny Signing Off.