SM owns everything you recognize.

A/N: 3/7/2015 Original chapter 13/14. I've made a few small corrections/changes.

When I come back to reality, I am sitting in a corner with my hands in front of me. Carlisle was standing a few feet away from me with a look of concern written across his face; next to him was a very worried looking Esme. Emmett was behind them with an arm around Alice who was buried in his side while her body heaves with silent sobs. Rosalie was about 5 feet from me, her eyes soft and her expression was one of worry with a mix of understanding. The last person I notice is Jasper. He is two feet in front of me sitting on the back of his heels looking at me intently. It was then that I realized I was sitting on the floor with my knees drawn up to my chest, arms outstretched to keep them away from me.

"Bella, shhh…" Jasper said calmly. "We are not going to hurt you. You're okay. Shh…."

It was then that I remember how I got here.

Carlisle put my shirt back on for me because I wasn't responding. He called for Jasper softly. I barely heard him and I snapped. I started screaming when they all rushed in. And hid in the corner.

"Bella?" Rosalie said as she moves next to Jasper. "How about we go downstairs?"

She extends her hand towards me, offering to help me up, but I merely shook my head as I stood up on unsteady feet. I wait until they start to move towards the door, I want to be the last one out. Rosalie, Jasper, and Carlisle were the only ones who didn't race downstairs with their super speed. They pace themselves, not wanting me to walk down alone.

Once we make it downstairs, everyone sits on cream colored couches. Two empty spots were left for me to choose from. One between Esme and Alice, then a spot next to the arm of the couch and Emmett, Rosalie sits on the other side of Emmett. I decide to take the seat next to Emmett, even though he's huge his presence comforts me, especially after earlier today.

"Bella, dear….it's so good to see you. I know I speak for the family when I say we've missed you terribly." Esme said from her seat on the other couch. "We love you so much, and I can't even begin to express how wrong of us it was to leave you like that."

"Esme, it's fine. I-I-I understand," I reply with a shaky voice, trying to keep the tears at bay as I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them.

"Bella, it's not fine. We shouldn't have left in the first place, we shouldn't have let Edward make the decision for the whole family. I'm sorry," Esme gently said.

I flinch when she said his name. I couldn't help it. I miss him so much it hurts. I don't allow myself to think about him, not even the family. I just can't do it. I rest my head on my knees and close my eyes. I am so unsure of what to do.

"Uh….thank you Car-Carlisle, but can I go home?" I mumble, knowing they would hear me. "I need to feed Charlie, and I have….plans."

"Of course you can Bella." Carlisle replies on behalf of the family.

"Can I drive you?" A shy sounding Alice asks, silently pleading with her eyes for me to say yes.

"Er….I, I kinda need to talk with him…Emmett. So, uh…Emmett, will you take me home? If you're okay with that I mean…" I stumble.

"Sure Bella. That's no problem at all." He said looking from me to a heart broken Alice. "Do you mind if Alice comes with though?"

"N-nooo. That's fine." I looked at my feet as I stand up and walk to the door. Both Emmett and Alice had already beaten me to Emmett's Jeep. Alice gets in the back seat while Emmett just holds the front passenger door open for me.

After I settle into the front seat, Emmett starts the Jeep and we head to my house. An awkward silence settles over the Jeep as Emmett drives the speed limit, I was waiting till I thought we would be well out of hearing distance from the house.

"Bella?" Emmett asks. "There was something you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Yeah." I whisper while looking at my nails, chipping away more polish. "I was…uh….wondering if you told anyone about…about earlier today?"

"Nope. I just told Carlisle that you'd gotten banged up at school, nothing else. I promise." Emmett said keeping both hands on the wheel and eyes on the road.

"Well, could you…uh, not tell anyone else? I just don't…" I whisper back before Emmett cut me off.

"Of course not Bells. You can tell them when you are ready too. I'd like you tell them soon, but no rush from me." Emmett said, reaching over to tousle my hair.

"What happened at school? Why won't you tell us Bella?" Alice asks.

"It…uh..it wasn't really anything to worry about. I mean, it's nothing. Honest. Uh…. Bye." I stumble as I hop out of the Jeep trying to quickly escape Alice's questions.

I look back to see Emmett talking Alice out of rushing after me as I reach the front door. Thankfully, Charlie's cruiser wasn't in the drive way.

Once I was inside my house I rushed up stairs to my bedroom. I made sure to lock the door after me as I head towards the window to draw the curtains. I grab a small wooden box out from under my bed and sit on my mattress. Opening the box, I look at the things I had stashed inside. I took off my black sweater and threw it on the floor as I reached into the wooden box drawing out one of the razors. Holding it delicately in my fingers as light glints off it. There was always something so calming about the look of a razor, at least to me anyways. I lower the hand with the razor to my left arm. Holding it lightly to the skin of my inner arm, a couple of inches up from my wrist. I usually cut on my thighs. Only when I would feel like I was literally falling apart, hitting a new low, would I ever cut my arms. It was just too noticeable, and I was praying Carlisle hadn't seen any of the thin, faded scars that adorn my left arm. I took a deep breath as I push down into my skin, dragging the flimsy razor across my skin. Feeling the burn of the cut and the mental release as blood starts to flood to the surface of the cut. I let out a hiss as I finish the neat line, closing my eyes and savoring the pleasant empty feeling that always lingered after I cut. For me, this was the only way to empty my mind of the stress of living. It got rid of all the pain, even if it was only for a moment, and it always left me feeling empty, yet full at the same time. It was one of the few times that I didn't feel like I was falling apart. I couldn't help but feel sane, as crazy as that sounds. I brought the razor to another spot on my arm and cut again, relishing the instant and gratifying relief. I did two more cuts after that before I wipe the blood off the razor and return it and the box back to its hidden resting place. I open the curtains and glance to the driveway to make sure Charlie hadn't come home yet. He was still at work so I unlock my door and make my way to the bathroom.

Once I am in the bathroom, I shut the door and quickly turn on the faucet, sticking my bleeding arm under the cold stream of water. I close my eyes and hiss as the water hits the open cuts, making a painful yet pleasing sting. After the blood stops oozing out of my arm, I dry my arm off with a towel and return to my room.

I glance back out the window, starting to worry about where Charlie was. I don't remember if he said he was working the night shift at the station. He should've called but there was no messages on the machine when I got home. I shrug it off as I put on another hoodie, and change into a pair of sweats before settling under the covers in my bed.

I quickly fall into a dreamless sleep.

I wake up the next morning feeling as if I didn't sleep at all. I couldn't help but be restless. I kept waking up in the middle of the night thinking about him. I could've swore I saw someone outside my window but I can't allow myself to become hopeful. Just because the family seemed to welcome me back doesn't mean he would feel the same.

I glance at my alarm and realize its 6:30 a.m. and I forgot to set my alarm last night. I'm not gonna have time to do my usual morning run. I'm mentally running through all my options while I use the bathroom and look myself over in the mirror before deciding to get dressed in some sweats and an oversized sweater. I've given up on any form of fashion. Alice use to love to dress me up. 'Bella Barbie' they would call me. I really did feel pretty, sometimes, until I would notice their reflections in the mirror next to my own. No way would I ever compare to their beauty. I didn't even come close. I feel myself shutting down so I hurry out of the bathroom trying not to think of the white scale that's haunting my dreams. I make my way down stairs, listening for any signs of Charlie. I look out the window and notice his cruiser in the driveway. That's when I notice a note on the fridge from Charlie, talking about some wreck in the next county over that he was called in to help out on.

I grab some celery out of the fridge to ease the hunger pains before grabbing my bag and heading out of the door. I climb into the cab of my truck and head out of Forks. There is no way I could handle school today. Not with the knowledge that it would be the Cullens first day back and E…he would probably be there. I get onto the main highway heading towards First Beach in La Push. I start thinking back to last night and how much everything has changed in the past 24 hours. This changes everything.

After the mind numbing 45 minute drive, I reach First Beach. I park in the empty lot and grab the blanket I have stashed behind my seat. I head out onto the beach looking for a good spot to sit and think. I find a spot and spread my blanket out before plopping down. I begin to look back on my life in Forks. My life has drastically changed since leaving Phoenix. I was in complete control back there, and while my life was boring, I was content. After moving to Forks, it's like I became a different person. I met them. The Cullens. And Edward. You have to get over saying his name. They are going to want to ask you about him. You can't avoid him forever. We might not be at our goal yet Bella, but we are almost there and when we get there his jaw will drop. I remember that when I was with him I felt wanted for the first time in my life. I belonged with them. There was nowhere else I wanted to be but beside him. Obviously, a lot has changed since then.