Disclaimer: All characters here are from the brilliant mind of K. A. Applegate. Anything you recognize is most probably hers. Anything you don't is probably my addition.

Note #1: This is my first attempt at fanfic. Therefore, if you're reading this, please review and offer tips ^^ cause I'm sure I'll need them.

Note #2: I'm Singaporean, so bits of Singapore Colloquial English (a.k.a. Singlish) may creep into what I type from time to time. Please inform me if you find any of it and I'll try to change it (operative word being try. I 'm not sure how to do so at the moment. LOL)

Note #3: I got this idea after reading "150 Things I am Not Allowed to Do at Hogwarts" and other variants.

{} – Thought speech.

My name is Marco.

Marco the Magnificent.

*SMACK*

"OWW! That hurt!"

"Get on with that list, Marco! Or you'll get more than just a smack upside the head!"

That would be Rachel. I just knew she couldn't resist touching me.

"Where on earth did you get – AHHH! RACHEL! PLEASE PUT THE SPADE DOWN! I'M BEGGING YOU!"

Anyway, I'm being forced to write this long list of what I shouldn't ever do. That would be because my comrades in arms have apparently refused to ever talk to me again if I ever do any more of the things on this list. Otherwise Rachel will… hit me with the spade. And trust me when I say you don't want to be hit by one. The pain is excruciating. The only thing worse than that is watching my best friend Jake and his girlfriend Cassie making ou–

*SMACK* "OUCH!" *WHACK* "AHH!" *THWACK* "OUCH! CASSIE! And I thought you were – OWW! – supposed to be the gentle one! Jake! Pull your crazy – HELP! OW! – girlfriend off me! AHH! You're supposed to be – AHH! – my best friend!"

Cassie's coming at me again with her arm raised (Does anyone else spot the irony in that she's hitting me using her arms while being unarmed at the same time? I'll need to find a way to disarm her before I get permanently harmed [Oh wait. I can morph.]), and with this fake, sweet smile plastered on her face. And all Jake does is sit there and laugh at me. Figures. Your best friend abandons you the moment his girlfriend gets mad. I suppose that's future training for when the wife goes on a rampage – stay out of the way. Then again, Tobias would so totally join Rachel in causing mayhem and destruction.

{That's right, and I'll go all mayhem and destruction on your belongings if you don't start typing that list soon!}

Great. Tobias is glaring at me with his super-powered hawk eye vision, perched over my – "WAIT! ARE THOSE MY SPIDERMAN COMICS?"

{Spiderman, Batman, X-Men and every other comic you own is in this pile. Heh. I guess you could say they'll be on my shit list if you don't start. And not the proverbial one, either.}

"WHAT? Okay, wait. You don't know where I keep all my stuff! Which means… JAKE! You're supposed to be my best friend!"

"Thing is, my best friend Marco, you've been going way over the line recently. And we have had enough," Jake says in that totally serious way. Which I know is a façade. He's really trying to hide the fact that on the inside he's laughing like he's been given control of the weapons station of a Dome ship. Which is so totally wrong, because I would get there first. And be better at it than he is.

Anyway. This list is what I'm not supposed to do anymore. In other words, Jake wants me to write down everything that makes my life worth living. With, of course, input from every other person there because they all want to have a say in what I'm not allowed to do. Isn't that just ironic?

Oh well. Here goes.

Number 1. I will not lock Jake and Cassie in a small closet just to see what would happen.

Number 2. I will stop singing about Rachel and Tobias in a tree and whatever usually follows after that. This despite the fact that Rachel regularly goes up Tobias' tree. That and the fact that that you can only do so much in a tree with a mouth and a bea–

"OWW! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Let me get on with this!"

{Dude, you cannot sing to save your life. I've heard you in the shower. It sounds like a flock of jays screeching.}

"That hurts me. It really does. Maybe I'll get you a grindstone for your birthday, because obviously neither your tongue nor your wit appears to be sharp enough to insult well."

"Marco?"

"Yes, Rachel? Here to defend your birdboy's honour?"

"Just so you know, I still have the spade."

"Ooooooh. Okay, okay, I'm typing."

Number 3. I will not pull Jake's trousers down in front of Cassie just to answer her unasked question about boxers or briefs. Jeez, I was being nice. Who doesn't want their questions answered? Besides rhetorical questions, of course.

{Marco?}

"Yes, Birdboy?"

{I couldn't help but notice what you just typed.}

"Well, isn't that why you're here in the first place? To watch me renounce my addiction to every bit of my life that I think is fun?"

{Aha. So If I ask you a question now, you'll answer it for me?}

"Shoot."

{So… I've been wondering. Boxers or Briefs?}

...

...

"AHH! JAKE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY BEST FRIEND!"