Day: 18

Month: 3

Season: 19

I was in a sea of darkness, thinking nothing, noticing nothing. It was a world without pain, without worry, without time. I didn't notice the passage of time, but when the rare moment came that I was aware of this, I wondered not why I was here, or how to get back to reality. It's so nice here, I thought. No pain, no worry. I want to just stay here... But then a more frightening thought comes: Am I dead? Is this death? Eventually, these thoughts invaded more and more the serenity of my little abyss. My refuge from the world. Invaded. But the more I fought it, the more I was thinking. Am I dead. Is this all? Soon, flashes of white invaded my refuge, flashes of rememberance. I soon realised this wasn't real. It may be my mind but it's not real. I need to get out of this. As if on que, my peaceful black abyss opened up in a fury of color and sound. After an angonizing moment, I can feel the real world around me, my breath in my ears, leaves rattling on the ground.

I open my eyes slowly, squinting them agianst the bright light of noon. As my eyes slowly adjusted, I realised it wasn't actually noon, it was the light from a street lamp. I felt tired, and I didn't quite know why. I lifted my head, ignoring the pain, to take in my surroundings. I was in a mountian of cardboard boxes, with one exit, and numerous holes in the top, leading to other boxes. I tried to swivel my head to see what was behind me, but it hurt so much that I had to give up, so I gingerly set my head down on the ground. I swiveled my ears back, and they brushed cardboard. So I was at the back, nothing behind me. There was a bulky black cat at the enterance, sleeping. I tried to lift my head, call out for help, but once I tried, blackness swarmed my vision, and I was in the black abyss once more. But it wasn't black.

There were pictures of memories, like photographs, if you will. Pictures of my sister, my brothers, as kits. The way they will always stay. Same with my parents, the way I will always remember them; happy, purring, enjoying life, and enjoying each other. Not like later. Then comes Red. The first Red, my first friend after my family was killed. He saw me on the streets, cold, lonely, hungry, exhausted. Why did he take me in? It's suicide on the streets of Salem. Others might try and kill you, from jealousy, or just plain because it's agianst some unspoken rule, not to take anyone in. Learn to survive by yourself. But we survived. More than one time, we had to flee from attackers jumping off the stone and mud buildings. I remember learning to find water. Now, as if called, a new memory came up, but it was more like a movie...

Red laughed at a joke I can't remember. I was laughing, too. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something shimmering in the middle of the street; water! Red forgotton, I dashed over to the puddle. I was about to drink from it when I jerked back and studied it, cautiously. It was a bit muddy, but that's okay, I'm used to that. So what... ? There! There was a flash of the rainbow on the water. Good thing I didn't drink from that. It has oil in it. Red padded up to me? "What gives?" Then he sees me eyeing the water. "Ah, water. Why'd you leave for that? I looked at him as if he had bees in his brain. "Because it's water, that's why!" Red purred. "So? You still haven't figured out how to get water plentifully, have you." I tipped my head. "Is that possible?" Red purred agian. "Of course, follow me!" He trotted off, and I followed. Presently we arrived at a cactus. I stared at him, suprised. "We're supposed to get water from this? He chuckled. "Like this!" He unsheiths his claws and lifts up his paw. Then he brings it whooshing down to... My mother's neck. The memory changed. It was still Red's paw, but it was moving in slow motion, as if through water. My mother, on the ground, was exhausted, and couldn't fight anymore. She looked on grimly, ready for death. I leapt, screaming. I seemed to be able to move as fast as normal, though. I stood over my mother, protecting her. She looked up at me, kindness in her gentle eyes. "Don't give up. Wake up, now. Do it for me." Then her voice seemed to transform into all the voices I knew in my life, singular, and yet many all the same. "Go, now." I wanted to wail, plead like a little kit. "But how!" Her eyes softened, and she was about to answer, when Red's paw came down on my neck. My world exploded in a flash of red, then darkened.

For the longest time, I was in that cold, black abyss agian, but with no memories to keep me company. Then I was aware of a sound. A faint rustling, like... leaves! I was awake. I creaked open my eyes, waiting for them to adjust to the light. Then I called out, "Water!" The large black tabby at the jumped, suprised, then turned around to me. The tom padded up to me. "Buddy, you okay?" I coughed. No, I wasn't okay, supid! "I-I'm really thirsty." He nodded. "I'll get you something. Hang on there. I'll also bring Reverend." I nodded, but before he left, I realised something. "Wait." I called. He glanced back. "Who's Reverend?" He paused for a moment. "He's like Shatter." I nodded. I got it. He nodded too, and left. Reverend must be their leader. I rolled the word around in my mouth. Reh-verh-end. I heard that before. But where... ?

I shook my head; it doesn't matter. Probably in the streets... again, no matter. The bulky black tom returned with a dripping moss ball, and the old cat that found me after the battle. Looking at my disheveled state, the old tom blinked sympathetically. He nodded towards the black tom. "Leave that here now and leave, please, Matthew." I blinked. Matthew left. "Matthew?" The old tom turned to me. "Matthew's an... odd name." The old tom nodded. "Yes, but it... he was a kittypet, and his owners were something called Christians. Anyway, that's a popular name with Christians." I nodded; I hadn't heard of Christians, but a name's a name. It sounded like something I heard in Salem once. "So... you're Reverend?" The old tom nodded. "So you're in charge here?" Reverend seemed hesitant. "I... am influential, yes." He is the leader, I realized. He just didn't want to admit it. "So... what's this group about? You call it... Rouges United? How exactly are you united, if you're the leader, -and yes; you're the leader-, so, how are you united, exactly?"

Reverend paused. "We are... united, in the form that we all make the discisions, jointly." Something seemed wrong with this. "But as you said, you're largely influential. You're the leader, you have the final say. So what's keeping you from overriding their choice?" Reverend chose to change the subject. "So. How come you were fighting us?" Now it was my turn to pause. He purred. "We're not stupid. You have the mark of BloodClan; why were you fighting us?" I muttered "Because Shatter saw need to." There was an awkward pause; he kept himself busy with something in the corner. I re-started the conversation. "Why did you save me? You didn't need to." Reverend replied quickly. "BloodClan or no, you're a fellow cat, and we needed..." I finished his scentance with contempt. "A prisioner?" Reverend sighed and turned to me. He looked truly saddened. "Yes, a prisioner. Something to bargin with Shatter." Now that suprised me.

I did a double take. "You think Shatter would respond to a bargin because of me? I know you're not stupid. He doesn't care about the individual. Not unless they're family." Reverend flicked his tail. "They came for you, you know. They sent a patrol to find you, see if you were alive." At first I was happy; they remembered me! Then I became wary. "And I know that this really happened... how?" Reverend chuckled. "You'll just have to take my word for it." He then mewed," Are you in pain?" I took stock of myself. Could move my tail, twitch my ears... and the rest, I had a hard time moving, and when I finally did, black threatened my vision. I finally responded,"Yeah." He rolled a ball of moss to me. "Drink." I sniffed it. It smelt funny, but then... I licked a couple of drops, and I felt the pain ease away. A couple more drops, and- darkness. Agian.

I felt a paw nudge me in the side. I groaned and turned over, and then was jolted awake by the pain. I opened my eyes, and saw a blurry golden pelt, surrounded by blackness. My vision cleared, and Sand was leaning over me, concerned. "Are you okay, bud?" I groaned in response. I tried to speak, but my words were slurred. I tried agian. "Do I look okay?" Sand sighed. "Well, atleast you're alive. Do you need anything?" I tried to growl, but it came out as a moan. "Not from a spy." Sand's eyes widen. "H-How'd you... I... I..." I cut him off spitefully. "How'd I... you... you... You. You spied on your comrade. On your friend. On your... "I paused. "On your brother. I'll tell you what you did. You betrayed my trust. You betrayed the trust of your friends, and your actions lead to the death of many of your friends... and mine."

Sand couldn't speak. He kept on working his jaw, as if trying to speak, but nothing came out. Finally, he mewed "I... I'm sorry." I rolled my eyes. "You're sorry, huh? Sorry doesn't replace spilled blood. Sorry doesn't bring the dead to life. Sorry don't do s***. You say sorry, and expect me to forgive you? Not even close." Sand sighed. "I didn't know it'd lead to a battle. Honest!" I sighed. "And I should belive a Rouges United cat... why?" Sand's eyes hardened. "Hey! BloodClan's the decietful violent ones. Like you. Why should I be helping you? Heck, why should I even be talking to you?" I exploded in anger. "You shouldn't be talking to me! You should be in your den, sleeping with the rest of your little group! No, I take that back. You should have died in the first big battle with the Clans. You don't deserve to exist. Don't worry, though. I'll fix that." I tried to get up, but it seemed like my legs wouldn't support me. They wobbled for a moment like jelly, then collapsed as I lurched forward. However, I flashed out a paw and sliced Sand on the nose. He stood there, stunned, as I lay on the ground, panting. I looked up. "There, a little thing to remember me by. Now, off with you!" Sand nodded silently, and turned away, ears back and tail down. I wave of remose hit me like a brick. Did I do the right thing? Or did I push away my only way out of here?

I shake my head; It's already done; no use crying over it.