I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

Author's Note: Well, this is it. I did go ahead and combine the last chapter and the epilogue. It just seemed right as these two chapters really need to be read together. Hopefully, you will feel that Edward has something redeemable inside of him still. I think he does. Thank you all for your support of this rather odd little story. I feel better now having written it, LOL.

Chapter 6: Change of Heart

"Just hear me out

If it's not perfect I'll perfect it till my heart explodes."

Get Stoned by Hinder

~OT~

Her laughter was terrible. It rocked through me like an earthquake, shattering my foundation, splintering the world beneath me.

She shook her head. "God, Emmett tried to tell me," she muttered. "He tried to warn me."

Of course it would be Emmett. He had always seen through me, the golden boy, the chosen one, the son who made good. He saw me for what I was. Emmett, the brother I had despised for his simplicity, was the one who saw the clearest. Nothing could be hidden from those friendly blue eyes, no lie remained undetected, no sin unknown.

Just as Emmett could see the darkness in me, he had seen the light in Bella.

Emmett knew her in a way I never would, even though I'd been inside of her body. Emmett had been given a glimpse into her heart – her soul. He knew the woman she was now.

"He told me he saw you after..." I jerked my head toward the living room. "After that happened."

"You mean after my husband got blown up?" Bella's voice was a challenge that still echoed with remembered pain and fear. But her eyes were steady. She had already faced that nightmare and come out the victor.

The words were blunt and raw. "Yes." That was all I was capable of saying. Once more, I was humbled by her, by the mere fact of her existence.

"Yes," Bella said after a long pause. "Emmett came to see me." She gave a little laugh that sent cool fingers up my spine. "Emmett was the only Cullen who didn't seem to think I was disposable." She tilted her head and studied me. "Does that make him the fool?" Her smile was bitter. "Or you?"

"Me," I said immediately. "I'm sorry, Bella. My head..." I grabbed at my skull, wishing I could rip out the ugliness that lived there, thrived there. I was darkness. Bella was light. I was everything bad in the world, while Bella was good. There could be no more obvious dichotomy than us.

There was no us.

I had to remember that.

But could there be again? In my arrogance, I dismissed the man and child waiting in the other room.

"But I get it now, Bella, I get it," I explained desperately, only showing just how much I didn't get it at all. "I fucked it up. I know that. But I see that now, and I want to make it up to you."

She just gaped at me. "Excuse me?"

"I want to make it up to you," I said, holding out my hands and offering her the world. "I can take care of you." I could take her away from this shitty little house in a Nashville suburb. I could make sure that the little girl with the compelling eyes wanted for nothing. I was broken, but not as badly as Jacob Black. I had four limbs that worked, a body that could be strong again.

For her.

Always for her.

I had just been too stupid to realize it. Instead of destruction, as I had come here for, maybe I was going to find redemption and forgiveness. And healing.

And Bella. Oh God, Bella just might be mine again. I could be a better person with her in my life. I knew I could. I would.

"What?" she asked again, as if I was speaking in a language she had trouble comprehending. "What did you say?"

I approached her but stopped just short of touching her. Everything about her screamed "Don't touch!" I could feel both my excitement and frustration building. "I could take care of you...both of you. You and your little girl." I lowered my voice to keep Black from hearing. "You don't have to live like this, Bella."

Then she laughed again, laughed so hard that tears streamed down her cheeks. "Oh my God! You're so far removed from reality that I could almost feel sorry for you if it wasn't so fucking infuriating." Then the laughter fled and in its place was pity. "Edward...you...me...us...that's been over for so long that it's like we never existed." Her smile was sad then and she shook her head. "You need to figure yourself out, Edward. I'm not part of the equation anymore. What we had – God, that's just...it's just gone, Edward. Gone. Over. Finished. I can't tell you how finished we are."

"It doesn't have to be," I said urgently. "I could make your life better than this." I gestured around the crappy little kitchen with its cheap appliances and cracked linoleum floor. "I can give you so much more."

"God! Don't you get it?" she said between clenched teeth. "That's what love is. It's sticking around when things suck. It's having faith that one day things will get better and knowing that even if it doesn't, what you have is good and right and makes you happy." She shook her head. "I feel sorry for you, Edward, because I can… I've already learned the lesson that you'll never comprehend. You just don't get it. You probably never will."

"Bella, I-"

"Edward, do you know the best thing that ever happened to me?" Her voice was soft. But it reverberated through me like the call of an angel's trumpet, sounding out destruction and the end of the world.

I shook my head.

"It was that night in Seattle, when you just looked through me and pretended I didn't exist."

That wasn't the answer I had been expecting.

"It almost killed me, but it…it set me free," she explained. "It helped me break free of your spell. And when I finally stopped hurting I was ready to live again…and to love. It took a while, but when I finally put my heart back together again, I found a man who was worthy of it." Her smile was breathtaking. "It's beautiful, Edward, to love and be loved with everything you have. To know that they'll always feel the same way about me, that what we have is real. Even when I'm sitting beside Jake's hospital bed or facing the fact that my daughter may never be able to write her own name, I know how lucky I am."

I couldn't speak past the lump in my throat.

"I'm lucky because I love them and they love me…completely. We don't hold anything back from each other," Bella continued. "And that's what keeps us going. That's something you can't understand, Edward, because for you, love is all about taking from the other person and trying to hold back of yourself so that you don't feel vulnerable. You want to hold onto the power by not giving yourself. But that's what love is; it's sharing your weaknesses and trusting the other person not to use it against you. It's putting it all out there, all the good and bad and just plain weird. It's giving that person the ultimate power over you, but trusting that they'll never use it against you."

I could only stare at her.

Her shoulder slumped. "So just go back to your life, Edward. We don't need you." She met my eyes. "And I don't want you. I already have what I want, and you're not it."

I stared at her for what seemed an eternity. I looked for any sign of hesitation or weakness, but there was none. Bella was happy, and she intended to remain that way. Improbably, impossibly happy with her small little life.

With Jacob, the Incredible Broken Man and Macy, the Wise Innocent.

I was superfluous. A hindrance.

She looked at me without a shred of doubt or hesitation and told me that I needed to exit her life for once and always. She took that last golden thread that stretched between us and snipped it out of existence.

She set me free.

Whatever came later, I was free. Free to fall or soar. Free to fail or succeed. Free to hate or love. It was all up to me now.

I leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek and that was the last time I touched Bella Swan.

~OT~

Bella taught me many things, but foremost among those lessons was this: Love existed.

Love might be a fairy tale, a myth to some. But she showed me that love, real love, genuine forever kind of love, really did exist.

It lived inside the beautiful exhausted woman who told me that I was not what she wanted. It existed inside the broken man who wore his love for her on his empty sleeve. It thrived in their little girl, who was perfect in her imperfection.

What they shared was real love – the kind that was a rock – a foundation upon which entire lives were built. The kind of love that was a stone fortress that endured long after those who created it were dead and forgotten.

Bella taught me that. She showed me that. And even her rejection was sweet because, in the end, I finally got the bigger picture. I finally figured out that I was just a small piece of the puzzle and that everything else meant so much more.

I had lost her. But in doing so, I found myself.

I could work on that man; I could try to make him something worthy again.

Epilogue….

"I wanna write her, her name in the sky.
I wanna free fall out into nothin'.
Oh, I'm gonna leave this world for a while."

Free Fallin' by Tom Petty

~OT~

I watch the changing of seasons from my window. Today, the wind is high. The leaves are fluttering madly in its wake. From behind me, I hear a soft voice call out, "Edward?"

I turn and smile. "I'm fine," I assure him. He studies me for a moment and then nods his acceptance. Emmett has been my constant companion for the past year since my condition worsened. I have needed his help. The thing I like about Emmett is that he doesn't hover, and once he has seen that I don't need anything, he leaves me.

Once more, I am alone.

I prefer it that way. I have much to contemplate. There are many things I never took the time to understand and now I find I have many hours to fill. Two days after I left Bella's house, I woke up in a hospital. And Emmett was there with me. He tried to comfort me while I cried, he held my hand when the doctor gave me the news. He didn't rearrange my "pretty face" even though I had contacted Bella. Instead, he just talked to me. And he listened, really listened. He heard my confession of every foul deed I had ever committed, every unkind or cruel thing I had done. We were there for a long time.

In the end, he told me that it didn't have to keep going on like that. He said he'd be there for me if I wanted to change things

So I went back to a house that was suddenly a home.

Emmett came with me. Now he looks after me. He uprooted his life and takes care of me in all things. I'm writing some of the best music of my life and he has promised me that when the time comes, he will see that it "does the most good" and we talk about my hopes for what it might accomplish. It is my secret, my legacy, and Emmett stands guard over it like an avenging angel.

I sleep now, real sleep, though it cannot heal me. My wounds are beyond the simple balm of slumber. But I like to sleep now; I no longer fight it, struggling against the truths I know wait for me there.

I dream at night. I remember my dreams. I suffer them gladly. If there is such thing as painful joy, then that is what they are. The knife is sharp and the blade cuts deep, but it is the lancing of a wound. In my dreams, all of my mistakes are made right and I am given a chance to reclaim the happiness I once threw away. It is mine only in my dreams, but that is enough. It is more than I deserve.

Four years ago, when Bella told me about the best thing that had ever happened to her, I had been shattered. I had already been broken before I ever arrived on her doorstep. She had broken me again with her simple declaration. But like a bone that has been set incorrectly, it had taken that shattering to set me right again. I've been clean of drugs and booze since that day. The memories are harder to put away, so I've stopped trying. I find in them some solace as I contemplate the man I am today. I am not a good man yet, but I am better.

Like all things, however, there is a price to pay. Forgiveness of our sins does not negate the consequences of them. I do not begrudge the debt.

Emmett doesn't laugh when I tell him that rock stars are supposed to die young if they want their legend to endure. It pains him, for now, broken and dying, I am a brother he is proud to claim. Odd how that happens. I sit here in this chair waiting for a phone call to tell me that the doctors have found a healthy heart to replace the one I damaged with my stupidity.

Perhaps today that call will come. Perhaps not. It no longer matters. I am at peace whether the call comes or not.

If the call never comes I will leave this world knowing three things. First, I will be sure that I was finally able to love someone more than myself. I have learned the lesson that Bella's grace and mercy taught me. Second that there is, at this moment, a little girl playing in a small, neat house in Nashville and she will be loved and looked after for the rest of her life. I have made sure of that, providing for her financially because in my heart she will always represent the promise of what might have been. That is my secret. And third…Bella Swan is the best thing that ever happened to me, whether she is mine or not.

I have rediscovered some truths that I allowed to slip away, and some that I pushed away and burnt to ash. Like the phoenix, however, they would not be vanquished forever. These truths hurt, but like any fanatic, I gather the pain to me with a smile. I am burning at a stake to which I hold onto with all my strength. I am the burning man.

I have learned that sometimes having money helps you to give a shit. And to care means to hurt. And to hurt is part of living. I embrace the pain now as eagerly as I once did the darkness. This is a healthy pain, a price paid for sins committed. I suffer gladly, grateful only that I have been granted the mercy of the lesson. I have finally realized that there are things out there bigger than myself, bigger than any single one of us, and that in the end, all we have is each other. That connection is all that makes life worth enduring. We are bound to each other in ways we cannot even imagine.

Sometimes, love simply is, and cannot be requited but it's still there, still sacred. Just because they can't love you back, doesn't mean that love can't save you.

It saved me in every way that really matters.

~OT~

The dream is different tonight, in a good way. The man stands at the edge of a familiar meadow. The sunlight is warmer, the birds' songs are more beautiful, and the flowers are more fragrant. If the man believed in paradise, he would think he has arrived. She stands at the far edge of the meadow and waves him forward.

This time, when he steps onto the grass and moves toward her, she doesn't move away. She doesn't run or taunt or tease. She stands...and waits. Every step takes him closer to her.

He is almost to her when he realizes that, for the first time, they are not alone. At her side, two little boys play. One has dark hair and green eyes, the other is a redhead, and his eyes are Bella's.

It is at that moment that he realizes he is standing in the world that might have been his.

When his hands clasp hers, her warmth seeps into him and that last tiny core of ice melts and gives way. It exists no longer. Her lips are soft and giving beneath his kiss. When he pulls back, her eyes are luminous.

"It took you long enough," she chides gently. She gestures towards the little boys who are staring up at him with a warmth and adoration he has never known before. "We've been waiting." She smiles and brushes her fingers over his cheek, and he is surprised to see that her hand is damp when she pulls it away. "Don't cry, love," she tells him. "We would have waited forever."

Then she takes his hand and he follows her blindly. He will go wherever she leads him. He would follow her to the ends of the earth and off the edge into the abyss if she told him to. The boys laugh and play and run ahead and then dart back. The dark-haired one takes his hand and he is surprised at the strength in the little hand.

At last, they stop and he stares.

The sun is not quite setting. It seems to hover there in the sky for their private delight and amusement. "It's amazing, isn't it?"

"You're amazing," he whispers.

She gives him a grin and then leans in to chastely press her lips against his. It is the most arousing kiss he's ever had. He brushes back her hair and smiles. "I love you," he whispers, unable to hold back the words any longer.

She lets him say those words; in fact she seems to welcome them if the light that blooms in her eyes is any indication. Gently, she cradles his face and in the distance he hears the boys laughing. "I love you, too." She sighs and her hand is warm and forever around his. "You can stay here you know...always." She looks into his eyes. "You don't have to go back. The choice is yours."

He leans into her. "I'd like that. I'd like that very much."

Her smile is tender as she nods. "Good."

For just a moment, he looks over his shoulder toward the dark side of the meadow. He realizes that he could still return there if he wanted. In this moment, he is being given a choice – to return or to stay here in this magical place where all is made right.

Even as he looks, he knows that he won't go back there. There is no need. He is done with that existence. He has made his peace. If this is a dream, then he is content to remain here and dream.

Her arm is warm and solid around him and he smiles. He doesn't need that world anymore. This is where he's meant to be. Forever.

Together, they turn and watch the sun that would never set in the land of might-have-beens.