A/N: Notes at the end of the chapter.

WARNING: This chapter contains adult themes.

Memory Lane – Chapter 5

Emily stretched slowly and sighed contentedly as she turned her head to look at her lover. Aaron lifted an idle hand and stroked her cheek before letting his hand drop back down to the bed. Summer thunderstorms had been raging all day and with neither of them due anywhere, they'd simply decided to stay in bed.

The last two and a half months had been a blast, Emily decided as she snuggled deeper into Aaron's embrace. Nights had been spent at his apartment as frequently as they could manage it and they'd snuck around everywhere in their hunger for each other. There were very few rooms in the large mansion her mother owned that hadn't witnessed a hurried coupling between them of one kind or another. Sometimes she'd initiated things and other times it had been all him, but it never mattered because it always ended in the same explosive, mutual high.

But after her mother had left and it wasn't essential to hide their relationship anymore, they added dinners out, plays, movies and other outings of interest to both of them. They talked about anything and everything, both interested to find they had their eye on one day joining the FBI after they accumulated experience in other places. They also spent long evenings in the library reading to each other; after the household staff caught them one morning in the pool together and had barely reacted they hadn't needed to keep it a secret anymore so they hadn't.

Now she was a short week away from leaving for her job at the State Department and for the first time in her life, she was divided and feeling confused about her choices in life. She'd tried so hard to fight her growing feelings for this man but in the end it hadn't mattered because her love for him had snuck around her back when she wasn't looking and had wrapped around her heart. Many times she'd thought about telling him how she felt, but she'd always held back. She knew he cared about her but she also knew he was waiting for his high school sweetheart to come back and make a decision about them and that until she did, he would always hold something back from her; and that was the one thing she didn't want. She wanted his whole heart as much as she had secretly given him hers.

She pushed those thoughts to the back of her head as she turned and kissed his shoulder. "I don't know about you, but I'm starving all of a sudden. Do you want to come with me while I raid the kitchen?"

He grinned. "Sure kitten, but only if you avoid putting on anything while you do it."

She grinned back, delighting in the nickname he'd given her and slid off the bed. She sauntered out of the room and into the kitchen, shooting an annoyed look at the phone as it rang. She ignored it in favour of rummaging through the fridge as Aaron picked it up and greeted the caller.

Aaron's somewhat shocked, somewhat pleased "Haley!" had her turning to watch his facial expressions as he stood naked across from his lover who was not his sweetheart. She was disappointed but not surprised when he shot her an uncomfortable look and walked out of the room. She closed the fridge door without finding anything to eat as her appetite fled. Returning to the bedroom she slipped into one of his shirts before settling back against the pillows to wait for him. His voice was a soft murmur she couldn't quite make out and though the call didn't last for very long, neither did he return to her straight away.

She was just thinking of going to find him when he returned to the room and after pulling on his sweats, sat down heavily on the edge of the bed near her feet. She followed his gaze to the window and watched the rain fall as she battled to keep her emotions in check. At that moment, she was glad for her mother's words of wisdom on schooling her facial expressions to show nothing of her growing inner turmoil.

"Haley is back in the country and wanting to see me soonest. She says it's good news if I want it to be and she's only sorry she wasted so much time coming to the conclusions she has."

Emily swallowed hard and was proud of her steady voice as she asked quietly, "When are you seeing her?"

"I invited her round for dinner tonight. I said there was some things we needed to discuss and it was better if we did it somewhere dry and private."

"Will you tell her about us?"

"I'll have to, I think, if I don't want it to ever come back on me. I won't mention you specifically but I will say there has been someone."

She nodded and dropped her head back against the pillow. "I'll shower and grab my gear. I'll be out of here in about half an hour. I'd suggest washing your bedding and airing out the room if you don't want to rub in what we've been doing here for the last few months."

He turned to look at her. "I'm sorry this is ending so abruptly, but you were leaving at the end of the week anyway, so I guess it isn't really that unexpected after all."

"No, not really. Don't worry about me; I'm a big girl. And I won't cause any trouble between you and Haley. All I want is for you to be happy." Suddenly realising she couldn't spend another minute there pretending she was alright, she moved quickly off the bed. "You know what? I'll just skip that shower and go. I can get away with it since mother isn't home to stare in disapproval. It'll give you more time to clean up here."

5 minutes later she was standing at the front door looking up at him as her heart shattered into a million pieces. She'd intended to just walk out the door with a regal goodbye, but she couldn't resist claiming one last kiss. She went up on tiptoe and sliding a hand in his hair tugged his head down to hers and kissed him as if this was the only way to tell him she loved him and she'd never get another chance. Her bag slipped from her other hand as he pressed her back against the doorframe and kissed her as deeply as she was kissing him, his hands at her hips and pulling her closer still.

On the verge of blurting out her feelings regardless of her promise not to cause trouble, she wrenched her body out of his arms and grabbing her bag flew down the hall and out into the pouring rain to her car. How she made it home with water dripping from her hair and tears pouring from her eyes she never knew but the next thing she knew she was through the front door and tripping on the entry rug.

She slid down the hall slightly and landed against the wall, not even noticing how she bumped her head or feeling the carpet burns she collected on her right arm as she skidded. Sobs wracked her body so hard she could barely breathe and she honestly felt as if she was dying as the pieces of her heart shattered again and again every time she thought about never seeing Aaron Hotchner again.

Arms suddenly wrapped around her and distant voices asked if she was alright. All she could do was cry as someone rocked her gently and soothed her softly. Something warm and dry wrapped around her and hands lightly stroked her hair and back. Slowly, so slowly she thought she was drowning in her sorrow and pain, the crying eased and she was able to breathe again. She looked round her to find her head was pillowed on Frannie's shoulder, Sheila sat at her back and was stroking her gently and Thomas stood nearby looking worried and upset.

"Can you tell us what happened sweetheart?"

She swallowed against the need to start crying again. "It's over Frannie. He's going back to his high school sweetheart and my dreams of his changing his mind about me and handing me his heart are over.

"He doesn't love me and I don't think I will ever love anyone else. Ever!"

New Section-

A blast of music signified her alarm going off and Emily turned her head to glare at the machine only to find she could barely see it and lifting a hand to her eyes found she'd been crying in her sleep as she remembered those long ago events. She dragged her body out of bed and into the shower. Running from her memories had been a bad idea yesterday; not only had she not run from them, but she'd ended up running so hard she'd been almost crippled with the pain throughout the day. This had forced her into near-immobility which had unfortunately given her mind licence to run rampant.

As she washed her hair and prepared for the day, she thought about what had followed that tearful pronouncement. She'd left at the end of the week as planned and had quickly settled into her new job. But without her heart intact, the previous joy and excitement over achieving a role she'd wanted since she entered Yale had faded and it became just a job. She'd resisted the urge to check on Aaron for six months before caving in and putting his name into a Google search engine. Then she wished she'd continued to resist as a news piece from back home said that he'd married his high school sweetheart and was settling into a job as a public prosecutor. Both were very happy with life and looking forward to their future together.

After that she'd done the best she could to put that summer behind her and moved onto focusing on her future. She'd thrown herself into the job and had excelled so much so that when she'd applied for the FBI her bosses had done everything they could to convince her to stay. The FBI had been thrilled to have her and she had been thrilled to find that she wasn't the only to have achieved her dream.

She laughed sadly as she thought about how it had all ended. She'd kept tabs on Aaron as she worked her way around to the appointment she really wanted to achieve and finding he was where she was going to be had brought her to life for the first time in years. She knew he'd been stunned to see her, though pleasure had been there too as he'd greeted her in his fancy office. But oh how it had hurt that he'd initially rejected her presence on his team and that he hadn't known she was coming had added to her hurt and confusion. She'd been glad that he'd had to go away for a few days so that she could lock away her heart again and regain her composure. She knew he wouldn't be happy to see her when he returned but she did what she could to prove she was the woman for the job and to show that if he could forget the past, so could she. When he'd given her the chance, she'd only just remembered she couldn't kiss him in celebration and had nearly walked into the door in her haste to retreat before she made a fool of herself and blew her chances entirely.

She'd grieved for his pain when Haley had divorced him; squashing the petty little voice in her head that stated gleeful that she never would have left him had he chosen her instead of the other woman. Dealing with her renewed emotions had kept her plenty distracted as she'd settled into her new role in his life. She doubted he ever knew how she still felt about him after all this time and she intended to keep it that way, but after Haley had been killed and he was suddenly available again, it had taken everything in her not to rush to his side and offer to comfort him in any way he would accept.

She walked out of the lift and greeted Garcia, who wanted to know how much fun it had been taking care of the gorgeous little replica of the boss-man and as they walked towards the bullpen, she again squashed her feelings and pulled up the calm unruffled Emily Prentiss everyone had come to know and expect. She greeted everyone warmly, assured Aaron…no Hotch Emily, remember he is Hotch to you now…assured Hotch that she was well rested after looking after Jack and that of course it had been a pleasure to help him out in such a way and that she was ready to get back to work.

And it was business as usual as she ordered her heart to behave with great reluctance as she watched his gorgeous tush walk away from her yet again.

End-

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this little foray into Emily and Hotch's past. I know I had fun writing it.

I have a busy weekend planned but I am still intending to get a fair bit of writing accomplished as I am really enjoying the pastime. I want to get chapter 5 of Life As We Know It out and the next little story out in this series. Then I'm going to attempt a casefic (start clicking my nails on the desk nervously) where several of our favourite heroes end up in more than a little danger. Gulp!

As always, love the reviews, so feel free to post them.

Happy New Year to you all!