SUPERSTAR

I'm awoken by a loud rustle echoing from another part of the house and start to panic for a moment, imagining masked robbers pillaging my apartment, before remembering I'm staying with Tegan for the month. I shift uncomfortably on the fold out couch, trying to fall back to sleep. It's pointless however; the thin walls fail to conceal any of the noise Tegan in making in her room.

The sound of Tegan's bedroom door opening almost makes me jump as I watch my sister's dark shadow creep towards the front door and hear it shut behind her lightly. Seconds later, the sound of the lock turning seems to echo through the silence. Now I'm starting to worry- the same thing has happened the previous night and the night before that. I'd thought before it had to be a dream, as I had been half-awake at the time... but now I know for sure what I had already suspected- Tegan is sneaking out of her own apartment every night since I'd been staying with her. But to do what? And why can't she tell me about it, whatever it is?

***

As the night approaches, I've made my decision: I'm going to find out where Tegan is sneaking out to tonight. It's for my sister's own good- or at least that's what I tell myself when I start feeling guilty about invading Tegan's privacy.

"Well... I think I'll turn in." I yawn and stretched elaborately, slyly eyeing my sister's uncomfortable movements. I've intentionally waited until only twenty minutes before the time Tegan usually leaves, just to make sure she'd be going out tonight. I can literally see the relief in my sister as she helps me pull out the bed from the sofa and hastily retreats into her room.

It's barely 20 minutes before I hear the muffled movements of Tegan's nightly routine speed up, her frantic movements clearly audible as she exits the apartment, the metal of her key fumbling against the doorknob. I snicker to myself- does Tegan honestly think I won't be able to hear what was going on?

I wait a minute or two before slipping out of my bed and pulling on my jacket to exit the apartment stealthily. The cool fall air nips at my exposed face as I follow Tegan's dark, hunched form- the only one on the street- around a shady corner. I will my footfalls to remain silent as I hurry to keep Tegan in sight.

Suddenly, Tegan makes a sharp turn and disappears into a dark alley. I sprint to catch up, pulling my hood over my head just in case I'm spotted. Arriving just in time to see a dingy green door slam shut, I lung after to catch it before it swings closed. To my frustration- it closes and locks automatically. Cursing myself for being too slow, I exit the alley around to the front of the building. I'm surprised to see a congregation of people- the vast majority women, slowly filtering into the front doors.

"Excuse me... uh miss? What's going on here?" I ask the last woman in line. She spins around to glare down at me.
"It's amateur night."
"Amateur what?"
"Haha. I think you're in the wrong place little girl." she grunts and turns her back to me abruptly, her obnoxious snickering sounds following her.

Wow, thanks a heap, Jolly Green Giant

I think bitterly, shaking my head in annoyance. Obviously I won't be getting any information about what the hell is at the end of this line, but I am definitely NOT a little girl. I know my sister is in the building somewhere, and I am going to see what she could possibly have been doing out here every night- even if I get pummeled by imposing women on my way there.

I keep my hood up and my head down as I hurriedly purchase a ticket and surreptitiously follow Jolly Green Giant inside. The last thing I want is to be recognized in a place like this. But, honestly- I highly doubt any of the people here are exactly fans of my kind of music. Looking around (mostly craning my neck over the tall heads), I see angry, tough looking people lumbering towards a door to what looked like a theater.

Is Tegan getting into heavy metal karaoke?

I'm herded roughly through the door, clutching my ticket. I'm sure if I dropped it, it would be trampled in a second flat. People seem to be noticing that I'm sorely, painfully out of place, and jostle me all the more. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea... I stretch to see over the people in front of me as I feel cool air brushing my face.

Finally, the crowd thins out slightly and I find myself in a cool, round theater. In the middle is a circular ring surrounded by thick elastic bands. I've seen larger places like this on TV, and I started to get some serious flashbacks from Rocky.

Looking behind me, I see the crowd growing, and rush to get as close to the ring as possible before I was trampled, pushing past some annoyed giants. I end up in the second row, squeezed in between a two rough leather jackets of indeterminate gender. I gulp and awkwardly cross my arms around me, waiting for something to happen and darting my gaze around like a scared and cornered animal.

"Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to Women's MMA Amateur night!" The venue erupted around me, throaty yells and shouts rising into the air like battle cries in some exotic country. I frantically look around again for Tegan- having pretty much no idea what MMA was, or why in the world Tegan would sneak out to be here of all places in Vancouver.

Suddenly, I hear the announcer's voice over the speakers again spitting out something that sounds like names, but the words are completely drowned out by more raucous shouting. I spot two women emerge into the ring. I'm so close, I can see both of their faces and muscular bodies clearly as they bounce in opposite corners, their intense gazes fixed on each other. I'm surprised and frightened to see their faces are uncovered, but they both have small boxing gloves covering their tightly clenched fists.

A loud bell rings, sending my heart screaming into my throat, and suddenly, everything is catapulted into motion. The crowd fades into my periphery as I stare, transfixed on the two women onstage. They both dance tensely around for a moment before the slightly shorter, brown haired one throws a punch at the blonde woman's face. I gasp out loud as I see her swerve away just in time before hitting her opponent square in the face. Despite the blow, the shorter woman is faster still, and sweeps her leg under the blonde, sending her toppling to the ground. I think it will be over then, but instead, she jumps on top of the larger fighter without hesitation, pummeling her with her fists until blood are spilled onto the floor, letting out short, primal screams as her fists unleash an unending flurry of violence.

I'm on the edge of my seat, biting my lip hard and squinting ahead, desperate to catch every second. Suddenly, two figures are peeling the dark haired woman off of her barely-conscious opponent. I can see her chest heaving, and her fists swinging reluctantly to a stop. She aggressively shoves her captors away from her, and says something to them. They nod and help the other woman up off of the floor, practically dragging her away as her head lolls to the side, and blood trickles from the side of her mouth.

A microphone is lowered from the ceiling, and the muscular brunette jumps to grab it with uninhibited zeal that almost makes me jump in my seat.

"I'm ready for you, Rayne! Bring it on, bitch!" she screams into the microphone, muscles in her neck tensing up. At the sound of the woman's proclamation, a wall of jumping and cajoling bodies erects all around me, blocking my view. I jump up from my seat, but it's no use- I'm far shorter than the people around me. Feeling brave, I clamber up onto the seat, peering over the heads in front of me. A pale figure emerges into the ring, and she's wearing a blue facial covering, but not a protective one- a mask that glides over obviously delicate features, yet still hides them perfectly. My heartbeat catches in my throat again as I see her arm muscles contract as she's balling her fists in her boxing gloves, circling around the slightly taller brunette. The small woman spits a wad of red from her mouth, and from my advantageous position, I can see it's blood accompanied by a small white tooth. A shudder skirts up my spine as I imagine her pain. How can she expect to fight with a black eye, missing tooth, bruised arm, and god knows what else?

There's a familiar, yet impossible to place quality about this 'Rayne' fighter, and I find myself inexplicably drawn to her aggressive prowess and lithe body. The bell rings, ripping my mind out of admiration and in a flash, Rayne dashes towards Brunette, swinging a savage blow to her unprotected midsection, and then head. Brunette sways for a second, and seems as if she's going to retaliate before she thinks better of it, and clatters to the ground with a muffled thump. The crowd counts to ten, but she's still out cold.

Rayne doesn't bother gloating over her triumph, the only sign she's satisfied with her victory is a curt, mocking little wave at Brunette's limp form as she's being toted away by strong arms. After her first triumph, Rayne conquers five more fighters, never seeming to tire, and taking swigs of gatorade between opponents. I can't keep my eyes off of her- she owns the ring, and I imagine she exerts the same effect on any space she's occupying at a given moment. I've never been he type to enjoy watching wrestling or violent movies, but for some reason, watching Rayne completely dominate the other women is incredibly exhilarating. Once, she was down on the floor, actually wrestling a particularly tough fighter, and I felt my pulse race louder through my neck, my wrists, and to my surprise, somewhere it definitely shouldn't.

Before I can process the unexpected emotion washing over me, the fight is over, and Rayne is leaving the stage, yet another victim of her virility being dragged along behind her. I check my phone, and do a double take at the time- nearly 2 AM! I've got to get home before Tegan! What if she runs into me as we're leaving?

I stand, and draw my baggy hoodie closer around me, letting myself herd slowly out of the venue with the burly people around me. They seem to jostle me quite a bit less; possibly I've passed their test of toughness or something. I could be mistaken, but I swear I see Jolly Green Giant nod at me as the fresh, post-midnight air hits me in the face. I scurry back the way I came, eager to hurry home. Eager, that is, until I reach the alley Tegan disappeared into hours earlier. Realization hits me; Tegan doesn't have to rush home. She thinks I'm asleep, and we both know how she loves to sleep in every morning, so it won't seem suspicious if she's in bed past noon. She obviously knows the fighters somehow, or else how would she have the key to get in backstage? She's probably back there laughing it up with some muscular MMA girl she's after... maybe even Rayne herself.

Undue jealousy courses through my veins, and I can feel my face start to flush with heat as I storm towards the door chipped with green paint. Surprisingly, there's someone waiting there. I look up at said person's indefinite features shrouded in darkness, opening my mouth to explain why I need to get inside, but a meaty hand opens the door without a word, and I gratefully scurry in, for once happy about my striking resemblance to Tegan.

Suddenly, I feel the same meaty hand that let me in grab me by the collar and roughly turn me around. I'm sure I'm caught now, and a pathetic, gurgling plea for release builds in my throat, before I'm interrupted for the second time;
"Chrissy called and said she would meet you in your room."
"Umm... o-ok. Th-thank you." I stammer. The owner of the hand scrutinizes my face long and hard before releasing me with a thump. I hasten along a hallway laced with the potent stench of onions and gym socks. I don't stop to get acquainted with it or the occasional bedraggled person stumbling by until I reach a door with light filtering out of the bottom. "Rayne" is scrawled on the door in bold sharpie letters, and I stop in my tracks, curiosity getting the better of me.

Before I can make a decision, I hear a group of loud voices coming towards me, and I panic, ducking into the room before I'm found out. Though the light is on, the room is thankfully empty. Theres a closet with folding doors, a battered couch facing said closet, and an even more battered vanity with a rusted mirror hung above it. Despite my infatuation with my strange surroundings, I don't have much time to explore because the doorknob starts to jangle. Thinking fast, I dive into the dark closet, sliding the door shut behind me just as the door is jauntily thrown open.
I peek through the crack in the closet door and see two bodies collapse on the couch with a mighty creak.

"Baby, ooohh, oh. W-wait, stop... can't we go to your place tonight?"
"Why, what's wrong?" Tegan's hushed voice catches me by surprise, and makes my flush furiously in embarrassment and confusion- What is Tegan doing in Rayne's dressing room?
"Well... for starters, I'm lying on what I hope is a potato chip, and as much as I love screwing on old, nasty couches, I have a feeling this isn't exactly the best place. You have a perfectly good apartment two blocks away."
"I told you I can't tonight. Sara's in town."
"You're damn straight I am!" I reply in my head with indignation.
"Then I'm going home."
"Fine. Say hi to your boyfriend when you get there."
"Goodbye, Rayne." I give an audible yelp at the name, and it all comes crashing down on me- Rayne is Tegan's middle name. How did I not see it before! And it's almost inconceivable that I didn't recognize my sister's tattoos as I watched her fight! Am I really that blind? But maybe I didn't want to see who she was behind the disguise- maybe her flimsy mask gave me an excuse to feel what no woman should feel for her own sister. Maybe-

My thoughts are violently interrupted as Tegan tears open the closet door and stares down at my tearstained face.

Later

"You were bound to find out sooner or later." Tegan sits on her bed, a black eye forming. I sit next to her, feeling cornered and guilty.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have followed you."
"No. I should've told you. It's just that... some parts of my life need separate from yours, Sara. You of all people should understand that."
"I do understand. But I wanted to know what was so important you couldn't tell me."
"You say you understand, but you don't. Not really. I'm a different person when I go out there, I'm... stronger and better. I didn't want that part of me to collapse when you found out."
"Do you feel collapsed?"
"No... not really. But my eye hurts like hell." I get up without a word, and return with cup of ice cubes, unable to find an ice pack in Tegan's freezer. Without waiting for her to say a word, I press the frigid cube to her eye, holding it in place gently as she winces. It melts slowly, sending drops of soothing water down her jaunty cheek bones. When it's gone, I cup my hand around the side of her face, stroking her damp cheek with my thumb.
"Tell me about Chrissy." I whisper, our faces close. Tegan tries to turn hers away, but I bring her gaze back to mine by placing my other hand on her neck.
"She's nobody. Just a part of stupid, arrogant Rayne."
"Rayne isn't stupid. She's... she's a part of you, and that means I have to love her."
"You don't have to do anything. I'm going to stop fighting."
"No! No, please don't! You were amazing out there, Tee. You were... you were..." I can't get out the words without revealing my true emotions, which are at a boiling point.
"I was what?" Tegan murmurs, our faces drawing nearer still.
"You were beautiful." Tegan smiles, and leans forward to kiss my cheek. I turn my face, my body responding to a last minute impulse, and our lips come together. As soon as they touch, it's electric. It's as if a spark has been set off between us, and neither of us can get enough.

Tegan rolls me over onto my back and explores my neck with her soft, but aggressive lips, causing a breathy moan to escape my throat and tears to stream down my face.

"Wait... wait, Tee."
"Please don't tell me you're lying on a potato chip." Tegan says, coming up to face me.
"No, it's not that. C-could you just hold me tonight?" I say through the tears. Long spent emotion flows out of me, trailing hot tracks down my face and onto my neck. I know I can't handle any more confusing events tonight, but I need Tegan to be near me. I need to know she'll be there in the morning.
"Of course." Tegan says, and wraps her arms around me after yanking the light on her bedside table. We both fall into an exhausted sleep, and it's the most restful I think I've had since I slept in Tegan's arms as a small child.