A/N – This is somewhat of an AU based on the new Rebuild of Evangelion. Obviously, since their third movie hasn't come out yet, I can't build too much on the story. That being said, assume the last angel in You Can (Not) Advance was defeated by Shinji, and he saved Rei. I'll go more into this later, but just take that in. If you haven't seen two recently released movies, scroll to the bottom of this chapter; I'll recap them for you. Just know that Asuka's name was changed in the movie to Asuka Langley Shikinami. This is in Asuka's PoV. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Reminiscing

Can anyone truly comprehend it? I highly doubt it – after all, humans tend to think too highly of themselves when they ponder what would happen if they were placed in the same situation. It really is somewhat of a curse, when I think about it… we can never have real emotions for another person beyond what is present in the here and now. There's no predicting the future for the relationship, there's no promise of tomorrow, and there's actually no promise of the past in some cases. That's why I despise those two with every fiber of my being. Immature, love-struck children is what they are. I hate Ikari, I hate Ayanami, I hate Nerv, I hate Unit 05, I hate Japan.

… I hate what I've become…

So here I lay, staring at the ceiling for what is likely to be some of the last hours of my life. No doubt they're out there, trying to figure out what to do with me as to not raise too much suspicion. After all, the disappearance of a captain is sure to raise at least a couple of alarms in Europe, especially when you combine that with the fact that I piloted a technically illegal Evangelion. I only woke up about an hour ago, and I have no idea how long I've been unconscious, but I know exactly what happened. That damned new Eva was an angel, and Shinji… no, it wasn't him. He wouldn't do something like that. Whatever was in Unit 01 tore me apart. It hurt so damn bad – something that simply can't be explained. I could feel every punch, every bite, and every tear as Unit 01 began to eat at my innards. By the time it tore me from the Evangelion, my plug suit was torn to shreds; not from the damage, but from me clawing at my own skin trying to make the pain stop. I haven't looked, but I just know my abdomen is covered with scratches. I have no idea how I survived, but I did. Not like it matters, they think I'm the angel now, and we all know how my kind are dealt with.

I guess I've grown accustomed to the idea of death. After all, I've faced it multiple times already – my lucky streak was bound to end eventually. I just never thought death would come in any form outside of an Eva. I can see silhouettes of people in lab coats staring down at me from the balcony above, and there's all of the horrid machines surrounding me. I'm restrained on the bed by my wrists, ankles, waist, and neck, all by cast-iron shackles. Very medieval, I must say… a little cliché, even. By now, they've noticed that my eyes are open, and now more than ten people are looking down at me. I haven't bothered to yell at them, because really, there's no point. Any moment now, one of these machines will inject me with God only knows what, and take me out. I just wish they would get on with it, the anticipation is much worse than the conclusion.

"Pilot Shikinami," a man comes over the PA system, "Are you aware?"

"Aware of what? Look, if you're going to kill me, just get on with it. I understand, you don't know anything about the angel, blah, blah, blah. Though these restraints are a little much, no?" Jesus, I didn't realize how hoarse my voice was… no doubt from all that screaming.

"Don't make any sudden movements, understand? We don't want to use force," in other words, use that catheter in my arm hooked up to a machine that's clearly not for saline, "Go ahead, Doctor," oh great, she's the last person I needed to see… a door I didn't know existed opens behind my head, but I'm obviously unable to turn and look.

"If you all are that worried about me, why would you send a doctor in here? Idiots," and really, if I were an angel, do they think some shackles could hold me?

"Asuka, long time no see," wow, Akagi sure has gotten old over the years.

"Oh yeah, back at ya. Hey, how's everything with you? Still living in the same place?" I mock her overly casual tone with a sarcastic tone, "Oh, and before I forget, mind telling me what the hell is going on?" as if I didn't already know.

"You know we have to take precautions," I jingle the chains on my wrists with an annoyed look on my face, "Okay, maybe that was a little excessive, but we can't be too careful. Do you remember what happened?" thinking back to something I'd much rather forget, I avert my eyes and nod, "Then you understand why we had to do what we did," so Shinji did attack me… she can have him.

"Whatever. How long are you going to wait before killing me?" her face didn't change in the least, confirming my suspicions, "As long as possible, then," she walks to the side of the bed and sits down, staring at the ceiling in the process.

"You know, you're a very lucky girl. Gendo ordered you dead a few hours ago," she looks over to me, "Then the Tenth Angel attacked as we were preparing the potassium chloride," even I have to admit that's one hell of a timing, "As far as we know, two angels can't attack at once. So all of these restraints are just for good measure, but I think it's about time we let you go. I've been monitoring your brain functions for some time now, and nothing seems out of the ordinary."

"Whoopee," I roll my eyes, just annoyed with the whole situation. This is just ridiculous; at least the German branch of Nerv had everything in order. The old woman sighs as she pulls out a key and releases each brace, one at a time. I sit up and rub the areas of contact, "Can I go now?"

"Shinji's waiting for you outside, he'll take you home after you change," for the first time, I realized I was in a hospital gown. He's the absolute last person I want to see right now; if I wasn't still so weak, I'd come within an inch of killing him. How could he do all of that to me? I understand destroying Unit 05, but to literally tear me apart? There's no excuse for that. with alabaster knees, I get out of the bed and leave through the door Akagi came in. Following the one-way route, I eventually pass through two large doors to see Shinji, in his school uniform for some reason, sitting on the bench with his elbows resting on his knees.

"I take it Rei killed the angel by herself?" I speak down to him in a raspy voice, and he jumps out of his skin. His head was originally hanging, and I suppose he was asleep.

"Asuka!" he leaps up and takes me into something quite foreign – a hug, "Thank God!" I weakly push him away from me and keep walking.

"Don't talk to me, just take me back to Misato's," I don't consider that hell hole my home, but it's all I have right now. He stood for a moment as I walked off, but he quickly walked up to my side.

"Are you okay? What did Akagi say?" I didn't bother honoring him with a response. I don't need any of his false friendship bull right now. Thankfully, he shut up and we were soon in a car being driven by a man in a black suit and sunglasses who apparently had his larynx removed. I didn't bother changing; all that was there was a school uniform, nothing important. I just wanted to get home and get into bed – I wasn't the least bit tired, but I just needed to relax. Alone.

Finally, we pull up to the apartment and I make a B-line for my room, closing the door as I cursed the lack of a lock. After noticing it was well past midnight, I change into my typical house attire of a large t-shirt and panties, crawl into bed, and bury my face into the pillow. I absolutely hate this… I can't stop thinking about it. Every time I close my eyes, all I see is a reoccurring movie of what happened in that horrible Eva. My body still ached from the tremendous stress put on it, and the nail marks on my stomach stung with every breath I took. Reminders of what happened were all around me, and I just can't stop reliving them. I bite down on the pillow as hard as I can, trying to make some kind of stimulus that'll distract me… it didn't work in the least.

"Asuka?" I hear my door slide open slightly, but I don't bother raising my head, "Are you okay?" I hate that freaking broken record. I roll onto my side, facing the wall. My goal with that was to give him the message I didn't want to talk, but the idiot couldn't catch a social signal if it bit him, "Are you still in pain?" he has some nerve asking me that!

"Get out of here, just go back to that damned doll of yours," leave me alone! Get out! Go die! I want you to die!

"What are you talking about?" he took a moment before continuing, "Do you… do you think I did all that?" oh great, here come the lies… "Asuka, my father was controlling the Eva. I couldn't even see what was going on," he walked over to the side of the bed and just stood there.

"Okay, fine, now leave," part of me wanted to believe him… I just don't know. I stare at the now-bare cuts on my left hand and clench my fist soon afterwards. All of that… for such a bastard.

"You think I'd do something like that?" I stay silent and close my eyes, wishing him away. After what seemed like an eternity passed, I feel the bed adjust to the weight of him laying down next to me in an exact repeat of that night days ago.

"I said get out of here, I want to be alone," he didn't so much as move, "Did you hear me? I said leave," I nudge his back with my elbow, to no avail, "This isn't cute Shinji!" for the first time since I woke up, I raise my voice… it hurt like hell, "Stop pretending like you care!" I subconsciously curl up into the fetal position as I continue to stare at my left hand, "I hate you! I want you to just die!" I throw my eyes closed and once again clench every muscle in my body, making the bed shake. After a few more seconds, he finally stands up and leaves, but not before throwing in his two cents.

"Just so you know, I tried to destroy Nerv after Unit 05 was killed. I was arrested for trying to protect you," he closes the door with slightly more force than really necessary, and I was finally alone in the silence I desired. The bed was still shaking as I tensed up, and I soon found myself unable to release myself from this position. Not physically unable – mentally. I was so damned angry, I had no idea what to do… hell, I don't even know what I'm angry about. I don't know for sure if he was the one that did all that to me, but that's not even what I was focusing on anymore. Somehow, among all my thoughts, I found myself soon dozing off as I slightly wish that I wouldn't wake up in the morning. Unfortunately, my wish didn't come true, and I found myself being awoken by the horrid cicada-sounding doorbell. I rub my eyes as I read the blinking '5:00' on my clock, and grunge out of bed and into the living room.

"Shikinami, good to see you're well," that damned doll stood in the living room dressed in her school clothes, as was Shinji. She glanced down at my thighs, which were covered with horizontal scratch marks, "Are you well?"
"I'm fine, that's just what happens when you go through what I did," I send a glare at Shinji as I enter the kitchen, "I'm not going to school, don't wait up."

"Actually, we just got back from school. You slept all day," so what, they walked home together? Pathetic. His voice was just as cold as mine was, "Rei just wanted to see if you're alright," thankfully, they weren't able to see me from the living room. If they had been, they would have seen my jaw drop to the floor.

"Well I'm fine, you can go now," I may have to deal with her at Nerv and school, but I refuse to have to put up with this here!

"I'm… sorry you were piloting, Shikinami. I was to be the pilot, and you took my place," that's right! I forgot about that! "I'm in your debt."

"Oh shut up!" I finally go back out into the living room and scream at her, "I didn't do it for you! I did it so I could pilot! You don't deserve to step foot in an Eva, let alone pilot a new one!" she stares at me for a few moments before speaking.

"Be that as it may, I'm glad you're unharmed," she turns to Shinji and sends him an almost invisible smile, "Good day, Shinji," wait, did she just call him Shinji? What the hell? She turns and walks out of the apartment, leaving me and that idiot alone once again.

"So I take it she finally uncrossed her legs for you?" I cross my arms and glare at the boy in front of me.

"Why do you have to be so crude? And no, she's just been like that since I get her out of the tenth angel," so he saved her, huh? Real cute. What a coincidence he couldn't do that with me. He walks past me and into the kitchen, "I know you went through a lot, and I'm trying to be patient, but really, you're just being rude. I'm only trying to help you through whatever's going on," with a 'hmph', I storm back into my room. I don't need a lecture from some kid! Who does he think he is? He of all people has no right to tell me how to live my life! That brat doesn't have a single aspect of his life in order, and he thinks he can give me advice! I throw myself onto the bed and once again bury my face in the pillow.

"You're such an idiot…" I turn my head towards the closed door and squint for a moment at a faint object beside it. Nearly all at once, I take in what the object was, and my heart hits the soles of my feet, "Oh my God…" I sit up in bed and back up as far as possible, never breaking eye contact with the figure hanging in the corner. That horrible smile… that damn puppet… her hair… I finally lose it and start screaming. I honestly don't remember much from that point on, only that Shinji ran in and actually had to hold me down on the bed. Couldn't stop looking at that demonic figure… Shinji looked in the corner a few times too, but he had no idea what I was so scared of. Eventually, the fear took over and I push him away, sending him to the floor. I run to the only room in the house with a lock – the bathroom – and shut myself in, immediately curling up in a sitting ball in the corner, "Du bist tot, du bist tot, du bist tot," I mutter to myself over and over as I rock in the corner.

My head is buried in my knees but… am I… crying?

A/N – And that's about it for the first chapter. If you haven't seen You Can (Not) Advance, this story will make zero sense to you. If you have seen it, you'll probably still be pretty confused! Regardless, much will be cleared up in the (much) longer next chapter, Unsafe; until then, keep on keepin' on!

MOVIE RECAP: Obviously, this contains major spoilers. If you've seen the movie, no need to read any of this. Okay, you pretty much only need to know what went on in the second movie to get it. It opens up with Maya piloting, but that girl seriously has about a paragraph of lines in the entire movie, so she's unimportant so far. Asuka is dropped from a plane in her Eva, and takes out an angel fairly easily. She soon moves in with Misato and Shinji. Kaji takes Shinji, Asuka, Toji, Kensuke, and Pen-Pen to a wildlife exhibit where scientists apparently cloned marine life from before the Second Impact. Rei makes a passing comment that, like the fish, she can't live anywhere else. The next angel is taken out in the same manner as the movie, where Shinji has to catch it as it's falling from space, Rei breaks the AT field, and Asuka destroys the core. That night, Asuka is ashamed she couldn't take it out on her own. The next day, Shinji makes lunch for himself and Asuka, but also included Rei this time through. For the first time, she says 'Thank you', which is a reoccurring subject throughout the movie. To repay him, she plans out a lunch where she cooks, and invites Gendo, Shinji, and Asuka to eat – her goal is to get Shinji and his father closer together. Unfortunately, Unit 05 is delivered to Japan and, due to the Vatican Treaty that states a country can't operate more than three Evas, Unit 02 and its pilot are dismissed for the moment. Rei is the one chosen to test pilot Unit 05, but the day of the test is the same day as her lunch. Asuka volunteers to pilot, earning a 'Thank you' from Rei, though Asuka claims is was only so she could pilot. If you've seen the series, you know what happens next; Unit 05 is an angel, and Asuka is trapped inside. Same as before, the dummy system in Unit 01 takes over, and Shinji is forced to tear apart Unit 05, though he can't see anything until it's all over. When he gains control, he goes wild and starts destroying Nerv, but is soon knocked out by the LCL pressure. He is arrested, and soon after quits Nerv. While walking home, the next angel attacks, and he makes his way to a safe house. Unit 00 is still damaged from the falling angel, and Unit 01 refuses to accept a dummy plug, so Maya is ordered (though, not by the Japan Nerv. She is ordered by someone else not specified) to pilot Unit 02, and quickly releases 'The Beast'. In essence, this is when the Eva transforms slightly into a monkey-lizard-thing and enters a controlled berserk mode. Rei comes out in her Eva, holding an N2 missile, and tries to ram it into the angel. With the help of Unit 02 tearing away at the AT field, the missile gets through, but has zero effect. Unit 02 is blown back and destroys the safe house Shinji was in, telling him to run and that she'll 'help him'. She picks him up and starts running, only to see Unit 00 being eaten by the angel. The angel soon turns into a naked woman (most likely Rei) while still retaining the original head. From there, Shinji gets into Unit 01 and begins to pilot. Now, this is the important part for my story to make sense; as he's trying to save Rei, he starts the Third Impact. BUT! In my story, he saves her and kills the angel. Like I said, that'll be covered in more detail later on.