Dazed Blue Eyes

Theres a light
Theres the sun
Taking all the shattered ones
To the place we belong
And his love will conquer all
Shattered || Trading Yesterday

It happened one night. Katniss started screaming his name. Peeta. She was used to these kind of nightmares, the ones of faces that meant so much to her twisted in pain and agony. Prim. Finnick. . Rue. Madge. It never seemed to end, but there was one thing they all had in common. Those faces that tormented her in sleep, they were all dead and so she knew that not even then could they still be hurting. This time, she could almost smell the red, hot liquid that flooded out of his arms, his neck, his chest. His blue eyes were hiding from her, shielded beneath his pale eye lids, just begging to be closed forever.

She wasn't there to watch a hooded figure lash at him again because suddenly she was stirred awake by an incessant shaking. She frantically searched the place to recognize where she was but at the touch and smell of the soft bed sheets underneath her, she knew it was home. With great effort, she lifted the upper half of her body to a sitting position and swiveled at the waist. She was only startled for a second at contact with his ocean blue eyes, still dazzling in the darkness.

Words weren't necessary, she knew this was an unspoken end to everything she had put him through. He climbed into bed with her, just as he did so many times before, and wrapped his strong arms around her. Then it became a habit, and there were times she imagined they were back on the train headed to Capitol for the Hunger Games. Just him and her, without anyone else to worry about; on the train, you were resolute on forgetting those back home because all you could think about was your impending death. Reminiscing now, she remembered how comforting it was to have Peeta with her. He would take her mind off of it sometimes, because he knew how to calm her in a way no one else did.

A few nights after that, she separated from his chest to look up at him as he slept. Hesitantly, she traced the hollow of his neck, and then the edges of his face before she whispered a surreptitious apology. She can't fathom why she did it, or what propelled her to finally speak up – but the fact that he couldn't hear her in his sleep made the confession so much more alluring.

"Hm?" he mumbled, his eyes opening sleepily.

She wasn't expecting this. "Nothing. Go back to sleep."

His blue eyes bore into hers, making her restless. It took her so long, too long, to realize how much she needed those eyes. She didn't speak, but continued to trace his jawline, and then his cheek. "I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it.."

He looked down at me questioningly, "Katniss?"

She ended his words with a kiss. Their first kiss since being at the Games – They'd shared so many kisses then, but this one, it meant something different to her now. She felt his arms wrap tighter around her back, pressing her body into his.

"You keep me sane." She whispered into his neck.

She could feel his hesitation, and knew that sometimes, he still wondered whether she had chosen him because Gale had left to district two. She had never explained to him how she and Gale had severed bonds long before that. That the possibility of there ever being a relationship with him, similar to the one she shared with Peeta, was unfeasible. Of course, she wasn't Peeta, and wasn't good with words so those things were left unsaid.

Days after that, she asked Peeta to come along with her to district four to see her mother. Ever since Prim had died, neither of them had spoken. It was too hard to bear but she knew that the moment they reunited, the topic had to be addressed, and that's why she had put it off for so long.

On the train, Katniss never let go of Peeta's hand and he never tried to pull away. Occasionally, she felt a slight tingle in her arm when he would squeeze her hand or interlace their fingers. She began to notice things more carefully now. Effie and Haymitch weren't watching, neither was all of Panem and so Katniss finally had the time to figure things out. Often, she compared certain feelings to situations with Gale, although thinking of him wasn't as pleasant as it used to be. Once, Gale was associated with the only happiness she had left in my life – it hadn't been like that for quite some time.

She reminisced back to hunting in the woods with him. The smell of fresh air and the roughness of wood and trees she had saved to memory made her feel as if she were really there. Then Gale took her hand in his and together they walked back down to the fence together. She had never felt warm inside, not the way she felt now. It must be different. And then the more she went dizzy comparing sensations, the more she realized that the feelings that were once confused between the both of them, were strikingly different.

Katniss loved Gale, but not in the way she thought she did.

"What are you smiling at?" Peeta asked her curiously.

She hadn't even noticed the smile her discovery had aroused, "I was just thinking."

He waited to see if she would go on but silenced any questioning when she didn't. Her head found its way to his shoulder and stayed there until the train came to a stop. At her mother's new house, smaller than her house in Victor's village but bigger than the one in the Seam, conversation was short. Due to her recent certification to be a Doctor, she had to leave almost as soon as she'd arrived. There were still a lot injured from the rebellion that needed tending to. Katniss didn't argue when she asked her to wait until she returned. She and Peeta spent the day walking around the town, meeting people, and even went to go visit Annie. She wasn't doing well, and the moment of their arrival prompted her to shut her eyes and close her hands over her ears, the same thing she'd always do when she was trying to block out a painful memory. Katniss couldn't stand to see her for a moment longer after that. She was just about to run for the door to clear her head when she noticed Peeta had stayed behind. He was looking at her with narrow, deadly eyes. She knew that face - he was relapsing from the tracker jacker venom, just like he had so many times before – but she never had to face him alone then.

"Peeta.." She said calmly, throwing her arms out in front of her to show him she meant no harm. "You're okay. It's just me, Katniss."

The name seemed to have clicked something in his head, and then he was on top of her, pinning her down to the ground.

Katniss tried her hardest not to yell because that would just make him more agitated, so she silently fought with him, holding his hands in place – but he was much stronger than she was.

"Peeta. Look at me." She demanded, trying to find a way to get him to lose that crazed look in his eye. "Peeta!"

Annie was shrieking behind him, and although she couldn't be blamed for reacting that way, Katniss wished she would just fall silent for a moment.

"Please, stop." Katniss begged, trying to prop herself from underneath him unsuccessfully. His body was heavy on top of hers, and her labored breathing became louder. "You don't want to kill me."

His blue eyes were wildly darting around the room, and then she felt the pressure of his body lighten. Annie had her arms around his waist trying to lift him off of her. It was just enough for her to free her arms and hold his face. "Look at me!" she said again with more authority.

He unclenched his fisits, a sign that his tantrum was over but it wasn't because of what she was saying. Her words were almost incomprehensible as it competed with the images in his head. The hallucinations that were once images of Katniss betraying him, Katniss using him, Katniss leading him straight into a death trap were different. Now he was staring at her face, twisted in anguish yet not afraid. She trusted him enough not to hurt her, something he didn't even trust himself with.

A picture of Katniss filled his head. Her dark, long hair fell loosely down her back as she ran, looking back at him with silvery grey eyes but they weren't as he expected to see them. Teardrops stained her cheeks and her mouth was parted in between frantic screams. Katniss was running from him, his girl on fire was scared of him. A moment later, he was on top of her similar to the position they were in now, and he held a blood-stained knife in his hand. He had killed her.

He jumped off her, nearly throwing Annie on the floor and flung himself against a chair. He held onto it like it was the only thing stopping him from doing that again. Annie helped Katniss stand, and her figure came closer but he couldn't imagine why she was walking towards him. He was dangerous. Her lips were moving but he was talking before she was, "Get away – no, Katniss – get away!"

She grabbed his trembling hands, denying him of his chair when he tried to fight back for it. "No!" she was saying, her face close to his. His breathing gained a steady pattern, and a single tear fell from his crystal blue eyes. Katniss gently wiped it away with her finger. "I'm not going anywhere Peeta. I'm staying right here."

He began to lapse back to his normal self and he hesitantly drew his arms up to her cheek, "You are?" he asked in a deluded voice, the idea of her running off with Gale creeping into his mind, but he wasn't sure if it was just the tracker jacker venom.

She smiled at him, erasing any doubt from his affected memories, "Always."

A/N: I love Peeta, and I always felt like Katniss could've further explained how she came about to feel about Peeta, in a more romantic sort of way. Anyhoo, enjoy! Please review (: