When I woke up this morning all the gang from the BAU were in my toy box - even Elle, Gideon, and JJ. But alas, sadly my Mom told me that they didn't belong to me and made me return them to their "true and rightful" owners. I tried to claim eminent domain due failure to maintain the property in the manner to which is warranted, but my Mom says I can't claim eminent domain, even if the owners are doing irreparable damage to their property. So sadly everything recognizable belongs to Jeff Davis, CBS, ABC, and the Mark Gordon Production Company.

Any refurbishments, additions, and or revitalizations to said property of the prior mentioned owners are my idea.

JJ sat relaxing by the fireplace; her feet up, listening to the radio on lazy December Saturday afternoon. Henry was drifting peacefully in the land of nod. Everything on her to do list was done for the day. Thankfully, her cell phone remained blissfully silent.

Lost in thought while music played in the background, JJ pondered the great mysteries of life. How had she gotten here? What had lead to this point in her life? It seemed like just yesterday she had been starting at the BAU. Was it really 4 years since Elle had left the team? And Spence - when had Spence grown up….he did NOT look like a 12 year old kid anymore. What happened to the sweater vests…the corduroys…god she could still remember the first time she met him…..when he had asked her to the Redskins game….if she had known then what she knew now….but hindsight was 20/20.

Her thoughts drifted as the music and lyrics pouring from the radio and flowed over her. The lyrics of some song jumped out at her more than others; the words of some songs caught and held her attention. The lyrics directed her thoughts to the past, reflecting the history of the last few years in her minds eye.

Do you remember me
I sat upon you knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies
Well I'm all grown up now
But still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream
So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up Christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
Oh,
This is my grown up Christmas list
- Grown Up Christmas List - Amy Grant

Yes those things were definitely on her 'Grown Up Christmas List'. She did need help. She and Will were for all intents and purposes over. She had been stripped away from the family that had been created by the team at the BAU.

She thought back over the cases they'd handled. The victims, the loved ones lost forever, the lives torn apart. The cases and the effects of the cases flashing in rapid succession through her mind. It was like watching her life in fast forward.

She saw Gideon attempt to come to terms with the results of the bombing in Boston; Elle laying in a hospital bed after being shot in her own home; Spence tied to a chair in Henkel's shed, being beaten and drugged; Morgan accused of crimes he didn't commit, only to have to confess to the team about crimes committed against him so long ago; Emily being beaten while being a hostage; Penelope in a pool of her own blood; glass shattering as the bullet she fired lodged itself in the Battle's forehead; carrying Jack out of his home and shielding him from seeing his dead mother; the helplessness of attending Hailey's funeral and trying to fathom what Hotch was going through; being forced into a promotion she had neither sought, nor wanted.

Then there was she and Will. Their relationship had been hanging on by a thread by the time she was transferred to the Pentagon. Being careful what you wished for because you just might get it, really was wise advice. Especially where she and Will were concerned. Will had wanted her to quit her job at the BAU ever since Henry had been born. Once he got his wish and she was transferred to the Pentagon, her being around every night and weekend had actually proven to be the final straw for the relationship.

They had never taken the time to get to know each other. They dated long distance for a year - and while they had enjoyed their time together, a weekend or two a month, did not a relationship make. Then she had been pregnant with Henry. She loved her baby boy and would not trade him for anything, but the circumstances of his birth had been less than ideal. Suddenly she and Will were thrust into a committed relationship, living together, and discussing marriage. She had never really seen she and Will ending up together, until it became what was best for Henry.

Once Will moved in with her, it was always about when was she going to leave the BAU, get a safer job, and be around for her family. Then he got his wish. She was home every night, every weekend, and for every family moment. It was too much time together. They didn't know each other, not really.

What had before been minor irritations, suddenly became major issues. The fighting had been endless. Finally, they had decided Will should spend the holidays in Louisiana. They were taking a break. In reality it was a break up. She was an adult. She knew what a break up looked and felt like. All that was really left was to tell their families. She knew she should be upset, distraught even, but she only felt relief. They didn't have to fake it anymore. She knew Will felt the same way. She could see the relief in his eyes when she dropped him off at the airport last weekend.

Wait, I'm wrong
Should've done better than this
Please I'll be strong
I'm finding it hard to resist
So show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for

Don't Let Go
I've wanted this far too long
Mistakes become regrets
I've learned to love abuse
Please show me what I'm looking for
Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord, I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for
Show me what I'm looking for
- Show Me What I'm Looking For - Carolina Liar

She had made so many mistakes. Things she wished she would have done differently. So many regrets. She wished she knew what came next; what she was looking for. She was so confused. It used to be so easy. Everything was in place in her life and now it seemed so far from what she had planned for her life. At least she still had her friends. Her family. She might not see the team everyday anymore, but they were still her family.

She and Pen did breakfast, lunch, or coffee on a weekly basis. Spence came over for dinner on a weekly basis to spend time with Henry and her. She had gotten together with Pen and Em for drinks a few times. The team had even managed to get together for a happy hour while they had been in town a few weeks ago. It wasn't the same. It was different the first time they had to explain what they were teasing Spence about. She was still included, though. She was still family.

Take time to realize
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in
Take time to realize
That I am on your side
Didn't I
Didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No, it's never going to be that simple

If you just realize
what I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now
- Realize - Colbie Callait

The more time she spent with Spence, the more she realized that maybe they had missed out on each other. Maybe their moment had passed them by. She wished she had realized what she just realized now, in the midst of her aimlessly drifting thoughts, five, six, seven years ago. They really could have been perfect for each other, if only they had given themselves the chance. She should have told Spence after the football game, that no, just being friends wasn't enough, that she felt very strongly for him, could maybe even love him given the time. Now she knew she loved him, but it was possibly too late.

I can take the rain
on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then
And just let 'em out
I'm not afraid to cry
every once in awhile
Even though going on
with you gone still upsets me
There are days
every now and again
I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what get's me

What's hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain
of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
hard to force that smile when
I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder, getting up, getting dressed
Livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away
All the words, in my heart
That I left unspoken
- What Hurts the Most - Rascal Flats

Yes, if she had it to do over, she would do it differently. She wouldn't want to have regrets. Not again. Maybe that was the lesson. Life was short and you couldn't put things off. You never knew what was going to happen. Events happened quickly and taking things for granted robbed you of opportunities you thought would always be there.

While the best of the past seemed like it had all just been yesterday, it seemed like it had been years since she had been forced to abandon her family and work at the Pentagon. It was funny how time expanded and contracted based on the quality of the experience.

The ringing of the doorbell startled her out of her thoughts. Looking through the peephole on the door, she saw non other than the very man that she had been lost in thought about. His ears must be burning.

"Spence! I was just thinking about you!" JJ said as she swung open the door.

"Good thoughts, I hope" Spence replied. "I came to spend time with Henry…and um… you, of course, JJ." he stammered, the blush rising from his shirt color to his cheeks. He hadn't blushed around JJ in years. What was going on with him today? JJ had only been a way from the team a few months and they still got together at least once a week as long as he was in town and not out on a case.

"Only the best Spence, only the best" she said silkily…and now she was blushing….had she ever blushed around Spence? Not that she could remember. Her thoughts had really had run away from her….especially if they could make her blush about Spence.

Henry broke the semi awkward moment, making his presence known over the baby monitor as he woke from his nap.

"I'll get him" Reid volunteered.

He slid off his coat and hung it in the closet and then took the steps, two at a time in his anxiousness to see Henry. He had just seen him a couple days ago, but in his opinion, he could never have enough time with his godson. They were precious moments, and you could never get back time that was lost.

He wanted to make sure that if anything ever happened to him that he had spent as much time a possible with the most important people in his life - JJ and Henry. He could never admit it to JJ. He knew that chance had passed him by. JJ was with Will. They had a son together. He could never tell her that he hadn't gotten over her. There was no falling out of love with JJ. Not then, not now, not ever.

He knew he was going to miss out on things by not being able to let JJ go; but, he couldn't bring himself to settle for someone else, and that is what it would be. Settling. If he couldn't give someone his whole heart, then he couldn't give his heart. He couldn't give his heart to anyone. It wasn't his to give - he lost it almost seven years ago when a blond, five foot six, angel with the bluest eyes he had ever seen walked into the BAU.

Walking into Henry's room Spence shook his head to dispel the thoughts running through his head. He had this talk with himself every time he came to visit. No matter how much he enjoyed it, he had to stop pretending this was his son, his family, his home, his life.

He and JJ were friends, best friends, but still just friends. He shook his head again. Maybe if he kept telling himself that, his brain would finally convince his heart.

He stepped into the doorway and the happy shrieks of a two year old little boy filled the space in the room and the space in his heart.

JJ could always tell when her baby boy saw his godfather walk into a room. There was always a tell tale happy shriek. It brought a grin…not just a smile, but a grin to her face.

She watched Spence carry Henry down the stairs and listened to Henry happily babble about Uncle Spence being there and it being time to play.

The afternoon carried on with entertainment provided by her best friend and her baby boy. They laughed and giggled and played. There were blocks, trucks, dinosaurs, snacks, stories, singing, and lots of why this and why that. Why was Henry's favorite word right now. He was a very curious little boy and very bright for his age - of course he had a good gene pool to draw from. They didn't let dummies work at the FBI for almost seven years, let alone promote them to the Pentagon.

Dinner time came and Henry and JJ's pleading convinced Spence to stay, not that he really needed to be sold on spending more time with them.

After the meal was over, there was little boy liberally covered with his dinner - there was as much food on him as in him, by all appearances. This made bath time a requirement. Spence and JJ bathed him together. A giggling little boy played with bubbles, rubber duckies, and boats.

"Unca 'pence, where bubbles come from?" Henry asked as he splashed a rubber ducky in the bubbles, all the while grinning at his Mommy and Uncle Spence.

"Well, Henry, buddy….umm…bubbles happen because soap is a surfactant. It lowers the surface tension of water so that a bubble can form…and then the soap bubble forms and the surface tension increases again because the soap is more spread out and the cohesion between the soap molecule helps hold the bubble together." Spence replied grabbing a handful of bubbles and blowing them towards Henry.

Henry giggled when the bubbles landed in his hair and then splashed at his Uncle Spence.

JJ smiled watching Henry and Spence interacting together. If JJ didn't know better, she would think that Henry actually understood the highly scientific answer Spence provided. Henry looked at Spence with complete adoration, wonderment, and love. It warmed her heart and yet broke it at the same time. She had never once seen Henry look at Will like that.

A dry and freshly pajama clad Henry was cuddled up with JJ and Spence on the couch. He giggled as they watched Dori play hide and seek with the baby sea turtles in "Finding Nemo", his favorite movie. JJ, however, was busy watching one of her favorite scenes. Henry and Spence together. She watched as Spence dipped his head and whispered in Henry's ear. She watched as Henry snuggled into the crook of Spence's arm and shoulder and rested his head against Spence's chest. She watched the delight and happiness on both of their faces. Watching the scene in front of her brought back her thoughts from earlier that afternoon. Would Henry have been Spence's son? Where would she be now? Would a forced "promotion" to the Pentagon be more tolerable if she still got to see Spence everyday? What would their life together be like?

All of a sudden her vision blurred - except for a corner on the far side of the room - that corner of the room seemed to be more in focus. Brighter. She looked at Spence - his and Henry's attention was still on the movie; although they both looked like they would be falling asleep any moment. She glanced at the corner trying to figure out what she was seeing and got lost in her thoughts for what felt like the millionth time that day, losing all sense of time and space. When she turned back, the sight before her brought tears to her eyes. Spence was sprawled out on the couch with a sleeping little boy curled up on his chest. Their hair fell across both of their foreheads. She bent forward and swept the locks off each of their faces and gently kissed them each on the forehead.

"This could have been your life" a voice from the far corner of the room startled her and she jumped.

"Who are you? How did you get in here? What do you want?" She asked glancing down to make sure she hadn't woken her boys. She paused, her boys….when had Spence ever been hers? If she were honest, she would tell you that he had always been hers; but, then she had never been honest with herself.

"I am your guardian angel. And really JJ, don't you think it's time you were honest with yourself. Spencer Reid has always been yours, always will be. All you ever had to do was ask. He gave you his heart a long time ago. You gave him your heart too, you just never had the courage to tell each other. You have cheated each other out of everything that could have been, should have been, and would have been. If only… and really aren't those two of the saddest words in the English language. If only, they rank right up there with what if. Which if I am not mistaken, all your questions earlier were focused around those four words. What if and if only."

JJ shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose, fully expecting that when she opened her eyes back up that the "guardian angel" in front of her would be gone and she would be waking up on the couch, probably with an empty wine bottle next to her.

"Come now JJ, when did you stop believing in guardian angels? When did life get in the way of your belief? I assure you I am very real." her guardian angel spoke.

"This is what I get for falling asleep to 'It's a Wonderful Life' last night." JJ muttered under her breath. "Ok Clarence - I can't help you get your wings. I think you're in the wrong house, the Baileys live 3 houses down the block. In an effort to maintain my sanity, I am asking you, very nicely, to move along to…" JJ paused, "well, wherever it is you are supposed to be."

"The names not Clarence, …it's Jason. I am not a ghost of Christmas, past, present, or future; I am not a figment of your imagination; you are not losing your mind; and you are most definitely not being punked." the guardian angel spoke with a grin.

JJ raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

"Oh come on! I'm your guardian angel. Of course I would know what you were going to say next, and of course I have a sense of humor. And as far as being your guardian angel goes, really JJ, how else would I know your thoughts from earlier this afternoon. You never mention those thoughts out loud when you have them. And moreover, let's be honest, you have them all the time."

Both of JJ's eyebrows raised above her hairline. He had a point.

"Don't worry no one else can hear us right now. You don't have to worry that we'll wake, what was it you called them, ah yes. Your boys."

JJ was really freaking out a little bit. No he had said to be honest . She was freaking out a lot.

"Breathe JJ. Breathe. Good. Earlier you wondered how you got here, that it seemed like just yesterday that so many events happened, that if you only knew then what you know now….JJ, I am offering you a chance to find out. I am offering you a chance to find out what could have been. What still can be….If you want it to be. You will get to keep your memories, to know then, what you know now. You won't be able to change everything, but you will have what you want, a chance for things to be different."

"What?" JJ whispered confused about what she was hearing.

"I believe you said it best yourself a few short weeks ago. There are things we don't want to happen, but we have to accept. There are things we don't want to know, but have to learn. There are people we can't live without, but have to let go. Some things are meant to happen JJ. Some things will happen no matter what you do. Call it fate, call it destiny, call it God's master plan. They are the things that no matter what was done, would have happened anyway; and then there are the things that can be changed. The things that were never meant to have happened, that but for a different choice, an extra second, words spoken, would have been different. Things started to go wrong about six years ago. I am offering you an opportunity to fix what can be fixed, with the understanding that not everything can be fixed." He paused for a moment.

JJ was still in shock and speechless. Was this really happening?

"Yes JJ, this is really happening. Now back to what I was saying before. You've heard of the 'Serenity Prayer' JJ?"

"I'm sorry?" JJ uttered, her voice cracking as the shock wore off.

"The Serenity Prayer, JJ, surely you know it. Recite it for me"

JJ took a deep breath and spoke the words that she had learned in her childhood and shared with Spence in some of his darkest moments.

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguishthe one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
And be supremely happy with You forever in the next."

"JJ, I want you take those words to heart, not only as something meant to bring peace and serenity, but as living, breathing advise, wise words, meant to be lived everyday. They will bring comfort and help to guide you. You are going where you have already been before, but with all the knowledge you have gained and an opportunity to change things. Remember the Serenity Prayer, remember your own wise words. Not everything can be changed. It's not what happens to us that defines us, but how we react to what happens to us that defines us."

JJ sank into the couch trying to wrap her head around what was happening and what she was hearing. She had a second chance, but with the knowledge of her memories. So much could be different. How would she know how to tell the difference between what should change and what should stay the same? How would she know? It was a lot of pressure. The questions raced through her mind faster than she could keep up.

"I can see your questions in your eyes. Your right, it could be a lot of pressure, if you let it be. One day at a time, one moment at a time, trust that all things will be made right. You have an opportunity to edit the pages of your life, and the lives of those around you for the better. One day at a time, one moment at a time. Trust that you will be guided and the answers will come to you when the time is right."

"What about…" JJ paused as she glanced at Spence and Henry still sleeping peacefully, cuddled on the couch, unaware of what was happening. She didn't know how to finish her thought out loud. If she changed things, would she still have Henry? Would he exist in a changed world? As much as she would love a second chance, she couldn't do it at the expense of losing her baby boy.

"Fear not JJ. We are not our physical bodies. We are our souls. A soul is not made from genetic material. It is a piece of heaven, a piece of God. A soul does not end; it cannot be extinguished. A soul goes on forever. Henry's soul will be waiting to be born to the right parents at the right time. He will always be with you; he is a part of you. Whoever his father may be, that will not change."

JJ gasped. After a moment she smiled and nodded. If she could have Henry and have this second chance too, she would take it. She relaxed and felt the tension and worry of losing Henry leave her body. She sank deeper into the couch and curled up around Spence and Henry. It was almost like falling asleep.

The guardian angel smiled. They really were a beautiful family. "Godspeed JJ. Godspeed and good luck."