A/N: I legitimetly have no excuse to why it's been over a year. Writer's block? College applications and starting college? I don't know. All of it. But here I am. I hope you're all still out there!

Meredith crept down the stairs, avoiding all the spots she knew would creek under her feet. She thought Derek could still be asleep, which would be amazing considering the restless nights he'd been suffering. It took all of her willpower not to climb in bed with him and just hold him until the sun came up.

On her way to the kitchen she peered into the living room to find Derek wide awake, sitting up with his back against the couch back, legs limply laying on the pull out, watching the sun rise over the gray Seattle morning. She propped herself against the doorframe, watching him for a moment.

"You're up," she said, voice turning up in surprise.

"Couldn't sleep."

"Wanna talk about it?" She stepped further into the room, not sitting on the bed, to let him keep his space.

"No."

"Will you anyway?"

He finally turned towards her.

The face she saw was not her best friend. This man's eyes were dull and lifeless, sunken in with dark bags under them where her best friend's sparkled. His hair was oily and stuck to his forehead, his clothes disheveled.

"We've talked, Meredith. I talked to the stupid shrink, I talk to you, I talk to Mom. Talking gets me nowhere. I still can't walk."

"I know, Derek. I know talking doesn't fix anything. And it's going to take some time. But you can have a full life."

"What kind of life? Kids? A wife? Erin already left. I don't know if I can have sex ever again. I'll never have a full life. What woman would ever want to deal with me?"

Meredith couldn't bring herself to answer. Derek had given her a perfect in but she had the sickening feeling that what she wanted to say wouldn't be received the way she wanted it to be. "I would!" she exclaimed, the sound bursting through her tightly closed lips. Immediately she regretted it, wanting to take it back but by Derek's expression she knew it was too late. "I love you. Okay? I'm in love with you. Have been for a long time. I don't care if you can use your legs you're still Derek."

She watched as his lips parted and he stared at her, open mouth, obviously unsure of what to say. "Mer I-"

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to stop thinking you're unloveable. I meant what I said but I really don't want it to change our friendship."

Derek's lips parted and she could see he wanted to interrupt so she cut him off. "I forgot...I need... something upstairs. I'll be back." Before he could say a word she was dashing up the stairs.

Meredith didn't waste a moment, running into her bedroom and collapsing on the soft comforter. She didn't even realize she was crying until she feels a wet spot on the pillow below her face. She quickly sat up and wiped her eyes, not letting herself dwell for too long. Instead she sucked in a breath, fluttered her eyes for a minute to get out the excess of moisture.

Taking a few deep breaths she stood and left the privacy of her room, descending the stairs. She walked towards the living room, stepping in with her eyes fixed on Derek's chest, avoiding eye contact.

"I'm going to heat up some of the food your mom left," she says as flatly as possible.

"Mer-"

"I know it's breakfast but we both know I shouldn't be cooking so I figured-"

"Meredith."

"There's some macaroni and cheese and…"

"Meredith will you please look at me?" The resounding boom of his irritated voice echoed in the room, forcing Meredith's eyes up.

"You can't just drop a bomb like that and run away where I can't follow you."

"Sorry."

"No you're not. But it's okay. I just…we need to talk this through."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"There's everything to talk about!" he exclaimed. She looked away again. "I always tried not to think about it because you're my best friend but…you're the person I want to wake up to in the morning."

Her heart beat faster in her chest, swallowing every other feeling. She took a few steps towards him.

"But I can't be even more of a burden on your life."

Before he could say another word she jumped on to the pull out couch and crawled close to him. "Shut up." With that, she placed her hands on his cheeks and pressed their lips together firmly. She could almost feel him thinking under her lips but within seconds his hands were on her waist, his lips eagerly kissing back.

"Mer-" he tried cutting in after a few minutes.

She pulled back, resting on her heels.

"Mer I…I can't do this to you. I can't ruin your life. Like this. And what if we didn't make it? Our friendship would be over."

"But what if we did make it?"

"If I can't have kids…"

"I don't know if I care. Or we could adopt. There are options."

"What if we can never have sex?"

"There are other ways."

"Meredith be serious."

"Derek I am being serious. I love you. I know exactly what I'm getting into-"

"I don't think you do."

"I do."

"You'd just be taking care of me for the rest of your life."

"I won't. You'll learn how to take care of yourself. And I would do it if I had to…but I'd take care of you for the rest of your life. Women live longer. You're also an old man."

Derek snorted.

"I want to do this, Derek. If you want to be together, no matter what you can come up with, I'll deal with it.

Derek looked down at his hands for a moment, fiddling his fingers, obviously contemplating what he wanted. He looked back up at Meredith and pressed his lips into a tight smile. "I love you too."

Smiling she carefully moved forwards, hugging him around the shoulders, careful to avoid his legs and back. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing his nose into her neck.

"I still can't believe this optimistic Meredith," he mumbled.

She smiled. "Shut up. I'm growing or something." When she pulled back, the smiling face she was met with almost seemed like she was getting a glimpse of her old Derek.

Live in my house, I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back
With one thousand kisses
Be my lover, I'll cover you