Oh wow so I'm sorry for updating this story like a whole month later. But it was a side project and one of my less important one :/ Sorry. Anyway, I lied. I've decided this is going to be a *drum roll* three-shot. Lol. I thought I owed Nagisa a chance to tell her side of the story. And this is what I cooked up. ;) However, I think Nagisa is a bit out of character; she's a bit too perceptive, while on the show she's such a little ditzy, lovable, airhead. Anyway...
I hope you like it.
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Nagisa
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"Will Tamao-chan be okay while I'm gone?"
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You know something is wrong with her. Why wouldn't you notice? You are her best friend. And best friends notice everything.
The first thing that crosses your mind is the Etoile election ceremony. Well, you did humiliate her in front of those couple hundred people. You and Shizuma. You are momentarily sidetracked, when the name flashes through your mind. You feel you face heat up as you think of your silver haired girlfriend.
And why shouldn't you? You've come a long way to get where you're at now. You're happy. But she isn't.
You're sitting on your bed cross legged, as you look at Tamao's desk standing innocently off to the side of the room. For some reason you feel a little sick at the thought of it being empty. It's not normal. It's not normal for the poet to not be cramming notes into her books, or muttering lines to herself. You idly muse if she's even been writing at all. You haven't seen her with a book in such a long time.
You think back to the time you sat in on her poetry club, and the poem she recited aloud reverberates in your head. That was probably the first time you realized how great Tamao was. Even with the way her whole face lit up as she proudly read her poem showed that she, herself, knew it too.
You continue to think of the poem as you cross your arms over your chest. Of course, you don't remember the words entirely – actually you don't remember them at all. It only makes that sick feeling trickle down towards your stomach, making it even more prominent.
You sigh and look out the window; the sky is dimming, and the sun is setting. It'll be curfew any moment, and Tamao still hasn't returned.
It's been like this for a few weeks – ever since the ceremony. Tamao doesn't talk to you as often. She doesn't stay in the room very long. And it makes you upset because she's your best friend, and you hate to see her upset.
You let out another sigh, and play with your hands. Your fingers lightly brush against the thin silver ring on your right hand. You feel your lips pull into a tiny smile as you stroke it gently. A gift from Shizuma, it was a sort of promise ring, according her. But you still cherish it nonetheless. It just makes what you have with her more real.
You really are together with her. And that thought alone lightens your mood, and makes you forget about the poet.
For about five seconds, because then Tamao herself walks in through the door.
"Ah, Tamao-chan." You greet, brightly.
You notice the way she winces slightly and averts her violet eyes as she sees you in the room. It only makes your lifted spirits sink and pummel to the ground. Why did your presence dampen her mood?
"Nagisa-chan." She replies, throwing you a strained smile. She walks stiffly to her desk, and relieves herself of her bag around her shoulder.
"I was getting a little worried. It's almost curfew." You say lightheartedly. She grins back and it almost looks sincere. It pains you how obvious she's being.
"Ah, it was a long day at the poetry club, sorry for worrying you." She apologizes and walks towards the bathroom.
You know she's lying; poetry club isn't on Saturdays.
You stare at the bathroom door and hear her turn on the shower. It's pointless to wait up for her.
You know, that's all you're going to get out of her today. So, with another heavy sigh, you roll into the covers of your bed.
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"What is it, Nagisa?"
Her voice sounds so distant when she's addressing you, that you jump slightly. You don't know if it's you, or her, that causes this reaction.
"Eh?"
Shizuma's golden eyes narrow for a second, in that smoldering stare that used to freeze you in your tracks. You want to think that you're used it, but you don't think you ever will be.
You're both enjoying the nice sunny day – well at least you wish you could be enjoying it. But you feel like there's a lingering rain cloud over your head. A Tamao cloud. And you feel guilty for thinking of her when you're with your girlfriend.
Shizuma reaches a hand and flips her hair behind her shoulder, a gesture that breaks you from your depressive thoughts and has you gasping. She really is beautiful, you think. You are so lucky to have her.
"What's wrong with my Nagisa-chan?"
You're face unintentionally falls at being addressed. It was only a few minutes earlier that you were addressed in the same way by her. That sad forlorn look in her violet eyes, as she watched you walk away.
"What's troubling you?" Her hand reaches out and her long fingers stroke your cheek. They're ice cold against your warm face. You flush and bow your head.
"It's nothing." You assure firmly. You don't really want to talk about this with Shizuma. Why would you even want to be talking about another girl when your girlfriend won't be with you for very long? "Forget it."
Her face looks doubtful, before she wraps her arms around you and pulls you against her.
"Tell me." She breathes into your face, and for a moment you forget where you are.
"It's – it's well Tamao-chan," You begin, noticing one of her eyebrows rising in mild surprise.
"And how is our little poet?" She asks a bit unkindly, you notice. It shouldn't bother you, it really shouldn't. She has every right to get upset for not wanting to talk about Tamao. But it still makes you a slightly miffed how she can't even say her name.
You ignore the feeling and continue.
"It's just that she's been avoiding me lately." You say, feeling your face start to heat up at the intense stare she is giving you. Her eyes narrow slightly and she looks away from you. "I don't know what it is."
She loosens her hold on you and leans back against the tree. You stare up at her and see the amused expression on her pale face. You don't know why, but it unnerves you a little, and not in the usual, heart stopping, face heating, good way.
"You really don't see it, do you Nagisa?" Her lip curves into a tiny smirk. You pull your eyebrows together and frown.
"Don't see what?"
She pauses, letting out a tiny sigh, before gazing back down at you.
"She's in love with you." Shizuma says with that same confident smile. "And she's bitter because you've chosen me instead of her."
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You don't quite know what exactly to think of that. You're pretty sure your face is still frozen in that initial shocked expression at hearing Shizuma's words.
The thought just seems impossible.
Tamao, in love with me?
It sounds foreign in your mind.
You don't know if you believe it or not. You need to see her. You need to see her in order for you to know for sure if that's the reason.
So you confront her the moment you see her. And it doesn't go as well as you hoped. She denies when you ask her, naturally. But you can't help but keep probing. You know you should stop but you just need to know.
She's no longer looking at you, but rather, glaring at the floor between the two of you.
"Tamao-chan –"
"You're incredible, you know that." Her voice is mixture of a snarl and a choked sob. You get that sick feeling again as you watch her bring a hand to her face and wipe angrily at her eyes.
"I didn't mean to-" You start but she cuts in harshly.
"No of course you didn't." Tamao responds nastily. It feels like a sting. You've never heard her sound so – so mean. And it hurts you to see her like this – about to break any second – and know that you are the cause of it all.
Her defensive behavior is enough of a confirmation, but you want to fix things, between the two of you. Carefully, you take a step towards her.
"Tamao-chan…"
She shakes her head roughly, backing away. She turns her head away from your line of sight completely. And you know she feels absolutely ashamed. That only makes that sick feeling in your stomach worsen. Your throat starts to burn as if there's puke about to burst through it any second. And you can feel sting of tears building up.
You want to pull her into a hug; comfort her. Tell her to not be ashamed. But you can't find it in yourself to close the gap between the two of you.
"Don't want to talk about it." She finally mutters, brushing past you, and getting into bed. She throws the covers over her body, and doesn't speak. You know the conversation is over.
With a large lump in your throat, you quietly get in to your own bed.
It's official.
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That was probably the worst night you've ever tried to sleep through in your life. You still can't get the sound of her muffled crying out of your head.
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She apologizes the next morning.
"I just need a little time." She tells you quietly, before leaving you alone in the room. And that's exactly how you feel; alone. It feels almost as if someone died in your family.
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That hollow feeling only seems to worsen every day. Every time you see Tamao, walking alone your chest starts to ache in an unfamiliar way. You hate it. You wish you could just apologize and that would make her feel better, but you know it won't. You know that whatever Tamao is feeling is ten times worse than what you're feeling.
You've taken into the habit of looking for Tamao, even if you won't go talk to her, and she won't approach you, you still do it. Even if it's just passing in the hallways, your eyes always flit in her direction.
She's wearing her hair differently, you notice one day. You have not been able to get up early enough to see Tamao, before she leaves, or else you would have noticed sooner. She's abandoned the bun. Her hair is down and it hugs her shoulders like a cerulean curtain.
She looks – well she doesn't look as miserable as you feel. She looks pretty happy, in fact, from where you're sitting she's actually laughing. Your eyes flit to the person sitting next to her; Yaya.
They've been out together a lot lately, and that's where you suspect Tamao's been having nightly visits recently. It shouldn't bother you really, but it does. It's almost as if she's replacing you. Why can't Tamao have fun with you, or spend time with you? You're her roommate – who coincidentally, is the object of her affection.
Well maybe not anymore.
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You're staring too much, you know it, and even Shizuma knows it. It doesn't mean anything though, because you're madly in love with Shizuma. It's only because you miss your best friend.
And it's not like you're suddenly attracted Tamao. It doesn't mean that you like her as anything more, even if you get embarrassed whenever you pretend to sleep while she's getting dressed. Or feel your heart skip a beat whenever she greets you with a simple, yet polite nod. Or even when you stole back her red ribbon. It doesn't mean anything. You needed a hair tie, and that was the only thing you could find, after all.
You try to get this point across to a rather frustrated looking Shizuma. Her tawny eyes study you in cold silence as you try to explain.
"I just miss my friend." You say exasperatedly as she crosses her arms over her chest. The angry expression on her face only makes you even more nervous than what you initially were feeling.
"What are you even doing Nagisa?" She says quietly, but it only sends a chill down your spine.
"What do you – "
"I mean, why are you still picking at her when that ship has clearly already sailed." She fumes out.
"I'm – I'm not picking at Tamao-chan!" You protest defensively. "I haven't even talked to her –"
"What's that in your hair?" She interrupts you suddenly, reaches forward, and tugs at the ribbon. It pulls your hair a little, as it falls into Shizuma's hand. For some reason you feel this sense of blasphemy at seeing Tamao's red ribbon dangling around Shizuma's palm. You hastily pluck it from her hand.
You know you look flustered, because Shizuma's glare only deepens.
"What are you doing with this?"
"I needed a hair tie." You explain sheepishly. You don't really know why you're feeling so embarrassed. It is the truth.
Her lip curls into a scowl as her eyes flit between the ribbon in your now clenched fist, and you. You feel like she can see right through you. But you shake that thought away. What more could she possibly attempt to see, if you're telling her the truth?
Her eyes lower to your fist and pause for a second, before looking back into your eyes.
"Where's my ring?" She question coolly.
You bow your head, and chew your lip.
"I forgot it." You admit, feeling like the world's biggest jerk. The looks she gives you when you say this not only makes you want to bang your head against the wall, it also nearly breaks your heart.
"You need to fix this, Nagisa." Shizuma says finally, moving away from you. The distance she puts between the two of you reminds you vaguely of another incident involving –
There you go again. You find it incredible that lately most of your thoughts always revert back to her.
"Nagisa!" Shizuma snaps you back into reality. She must have noticed your spacey behavior.
"Huh?"
"I'm getting tired of this." She says and she doesn't even sound angry or frustrated, she just comes out across as weary. "Who are you in a relationship with, me or her?"
You know you've royally screwed up by hesitating. It takes you a whole seven seconds to respond to her question. Her eyes widen and she opens her mouth to speak but you cut in.
"You, of course I'm in a relationship with you. I wouldn't have it any other way." You reply honestly and in that moment you are telling the truth. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine, but just fix things okay Nagisa?"
"Okay."
"Good."
She leans in and presses a gentle kiss on your lips. She pulls away.
"I love you." You don't look her in the eye as you say it.
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That night, you slip Shizuma's ring on your finger, and remove the red ribbon from your hair. The gut feeling emerges and you can't manage to go to sleep without tying the ribbon around your wrist.
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"We've been invited to a tea party." You remark dryly, a week later. Shizuma looks up from the book she's reading, to stare at you. Her gold eyes narrow in that familiar way. You don't feel anything, after a week of this silent, cold-shoulder treatment, you're used to it.
"By who?" She asks sharply, snapping her book shut. You flinch slightly, but it's only slight.
"Who do you think?" You deadpan. You're not like this. You know you're not like this, detached, emotionless. But lately, every time you're around Shizuma you just feel drained. It shouldn't be this way, you think. You should try harder.
You both, haven't touched really, or hugged, or even looked at each other for more than a few seconds.
You love Shizuma, and you're pushing her away. But you don't think you can take it anymore. If you have to see another one of her bitter frowns, you're really going to pull your hair out.
"I never took Yaya as a hostess." She finally says indifferently, glancing down and opening her book again. It's quiet for about a minute before you speak up.
"Is that it?" You burst out.
"What, you actually want to go?" Shizuma raises a brow skeptically.
"All of our friends are going to be there – "
"Correction; all of your friends are going to be there, Nagisa." She cuts you off. You feel an unusual feeling bubble at the pit of your stomach. A feeling you're not quite familiar with because you're usually too carefree to associate yourself with this emotion. Anger. "Besides, that poet is going to be there. And I don't think that's best for you."
You can feel the sensation trickle upwards towards your chest like lava.
"I want to go." You try to say evenly. The tone of your voice causes Shizuma to glance back at you. Her eyes widen a little, before relaxing.
"Don't be silly, of course you don't." She tries to dismiss you, but you jump from your seat in the heat of the moment.
"I'm going." You state.
"Go on then."
"Fine." You seethe.
"Don't expect me to be there either."
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You're thoroughly relieved that Yaya planned to have a little tea party amongst your friends. It actually gives you an excuse to forget your little fight with Shizuma. And if you're being honest with yourself, you're a little excited to see Tamao – though the reason still remains unknown to you.
You're one of the first to arrive. When you walk in, Yaya appraises you with a raised brow before gesturing for you to sit down. Slowly the others start to trickle in. Soon, Tsubomi is here with you and does most of the talking. Yaya and Tsubomi are quite a troublesome pair, always bickering. You probably would have been annoyed with them if your mind wasn't already occupied with something else – someone else rather.
And as if the questions in your mind have been answered, you hear soft, timed, knocking on the door.
"Will you get the door?" Yaya asks you from her seat. A second after the question Tsubomi reaches and bonks her on the back of the head with her hand. "What was that for?"
"You're so lazy!" Tsubomi scolds. "This is your party."
Another argument rolls in, after you rise from your seat and head for the door.
Once you reach for the doorknob and yank it open, you swear your heart stops. Like literally, for a brief millisecond, just stops beating. And then, it suddenly, it pounds against your chest at bullet speed. It's so loud and distracting; you're horrified that the blue haired girl at the door might be able to hear it.
"Oh! Tamao!" You yell out, barely hearing yourself. Tamao's eyebrows rise slightly and she blinks at you before, returning the greeting.
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It isn't long before she's off to work – making the tea of course, because Tamao's tea is the best. You miss it. You miss the little exclusive tea parties, you both would have.
You can't help but feel a little put off by Tamao's behavior. And it doesn't make any sense because you should be used to this. Tamao's distant attitude. You spent all this time staring after her as she avoided you. And now you're feeling sentimental?
You muse over this, while watching Tamao, gracefully make the tea. You watch as Yaya moves forward to help her. Maybe it's the way those two move around each other. Like they know, without asking what they're going to do next.
You can feel your chest tighten as you see their fingers brush, as they both reach for the kettle. You miss Tamao, and you're upset that she found a new best friend. You're upset because she's found a new friend in Yaya.
You have to keep reminding yourself that as you continue to watch her. It's nothing more. But for some reason you feel that the sudden urge to strangle Yaya isn't because she's Tamao's friend.
It doesn't take long for the tea to be made, and pretty soon everyone is sitting around the table drinking tea.
You don't realize how blatantly obvious your staring is, until Tamao has the decency to stare right back and speak to you. It doesn't make sense – the way your face flushes immediately, when her eyes land on your face.
"Where's Shizuma-sama?" Tamao asks, a little defensively. And you feel like a complete idiot. Your lips feel heavy and you resist the urge to angrily snap back. But this is Tamao and you can't snap at her without feeling guilty.
And you can't exactly tell her that she's the main reason for Shizuma and your relationship problems.
"She – uh – she's busy with things." You mumble. Tamao doesn't look convinced, in fact, she looks about two seconds away from calling you out on your lie.
But in the next few seconds, it's announced that a game should be played. Phew, close one, you think. You're all for this game, as long as it doesn't leave you to Tamao questioning you.
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So maybe a game isn't the best idea for your situation. Especially if it's truth or dare. And yet you can't help but feel a little tremor of excitement when it's Tamao's turn. You can see the nervous vibe she's giving off, and now your curiosity has doubled.
"Truth then." Tamao mumbles.
"Okay, have you ever… " Yaya trails off and puts on her thinking face. The excitement dims down as worry starts to overcome you. Yaya is our friend, but she does have the tendency to be – well Yaya. "Had a wild sex fantasy of anyone in this room?"
This just proves your point.
Tamao's face immediately pales, and her eyes meet yours in less than a second. You may sometimes be a little ditzy but you're dead sure that Tamao is referring to you. Her violet eyes bore into yours; making warm bursts of heat erupt in your chest. You can feel the tightening muscles loosen up. And what is this? You're blushing – no that's an understatement. You're brick red.
As quickly as her eyes meet yours, they look away, embarrassed.
"T-that – What kind of question is that!" She chokes out, still refusing to look at you. Does she think that you'd be offended? Because you don't. It's, well, sweet. If anything, it's probably a turn on – wait – no you don't mean that.
You don't know why you're thinking these things. Since when were sex dreams sweet?
The bickering continues between Yaya, Tamao, and even Tsubomi joins in the mix. You're not really paying attention; you're still trying to process the thought of Tamao's… wet dreams.
"Fine, I dare you to kiss Nagisa."
At the sound of your name, your attention snaps back into place. The initial blush that slowly faded away comes back full blast when Tamao turns her gaze back on you. Her eyes are wide, and a little fearful. Her mouth is open in shock, and she looks like she's turned to stone.
You're not exactly sure why your heart starts to race again, as you wait for her to move. You can't explain the anticipation that builds up at the thought of her closing the distance between the two of you, and pressing her lips against yours. And you can't really describe the sudden and equally strong desire to kiss her.
It's unexpected, but obviously not unwelcome.
"That's not funny." Tamao finally says, turning away from you. You blink and the little daze you were in washes away slightly. She rises from her seat in a huff, and she's glaring at everyone. "I can't believe you!"
"Tamao, we're just kidding around – " Yaya tries to explain, but Tamao, fully turns away.
"Enjoy your game." She snaps, before walking out the door.
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And then you're chasing after her, cursing yourself for not putting on any shoes before you came after her. She's running quite fast and you're not sure you can keep up with her. Since when did Tamao get so fast?
You keep up, your hand is only a foot away before you dive and snatch her wrist, yanking her towards you.
"Nagisa-chan, what are you – "
"You- you can't just run off like that!" You practically wheeze out. "Do you want to get in trouble?"
Her violet eyes widen slightly before softening. And then she looks away from you – like she can't even manage to look at you. It makes your chest sting slightly. You want her to look at you. You have no idea why. You just want her to see you again – the way she did before the Etoile election ceremony.
She sighs softly; you don't realize how close you are until you feel her breath on your face.
"I'm sorry." She mumbles. The way she apologizes, it's like she's saying it for something other than running off. And that empty feeling you get in your gut erupts suddenly. You shake your head, trying to shoo away that sensation.
"Don't." You say earnestly, tightening your hold on her wrist. "It's my fault, I shouldn't have let her egg you on," She lifts her gaze back on you. Those dark mulberry eyes send shivers down your spine, and you feel your face heating up. You don't know why, by god, you have no idea why you suddenly begin to flush. "I just didn't know that the thought of kissing me was so repulsive." You admit, looking away hurriedly. It's probably one of the most honest things you've said in such a long time.
Why didn't she want to kiss you? Did she not love you anymore? Or was expecting to be kissed insensitive towards her feelings?
Your face flushes a darker red as you come to the realization that you did – in fact – have a slight inkling of hope that she'd just go right ahead and kiss you.
"It's not – it's not like that." She says in a soft voice. "I mean… I just didn't want to hope for the impossible."
The slight desperation in her tone makes you look up to her face. And you can see the light hints of tears brimming up around her eyes – they're bright, almost glowing in this moonlight.
"Tamao-chan, what do you mean the impossible?" You question, even though you have an idea of what she's talking about. And it breaks your heart that she thinks that way. You pull her a little closer, so that she's only a few inches away from you; you're about the same height as her.
You study her face, the way her ears flame first and then slowly trickle their way to her face. It's weird how you didn't notice this before; it's quite adorable, really. You would voice out your thoughts but the miserable expression she's wearing makes you hold your tongue.
"The thought of me and you." She says hesitantly, as if testing the words out loud. Her lips tremble, and her eyes are watering again. She lets out another little huff, and this time her breath hits your own lips. You're so close. "The thought that you might… love me."
Tamao takes in an uncomfortable gulp, and she looks seconds from breaking. You don't know why, but all that flits through your mind is how cute she is; even on the verge of tears. So adorable,
So beautiful.
You don't even realize it, but you're leaning in and in less than a second your lips crash into hers. It almost feels like you're eating cake or something – the way you practically attack her. You don't know why you're so aggressive, maybe because you're a little angry. Angry at how ready she is to give up.
You want to tell her to keep fighting, to tell her not to give up, to tell her that you need her too.
Your hands move around her, exploring the mysterious lands of Tamao's figure. She's about the same size as you, and you like it. It's easier to maneuver. It's almost as if your hands were meant to touch her. She groans into your mouth and it only makes you quake with anticipation. She – she wants this, you know she does. She still wants you. She still loves you.
Her lips part and she pulls away slightly – you can feel her hot breath beat against your lips, dragging you back against her.
She's clinging on to you for dear life. You feel her hands digging into your back, through your pajamas. You would tell her it hurts, but you can't bring yourself to pull away. Besides you don't mind. You can't even really feel it.
You kiss her everywhere you can possibly imagine on her face, drinking in her taste. She turns her head, revealing her smooth pale neck. It shouldn't have made the excitement bubble in you tenfold, but it does. You should stop this – whatever it is your doing – with Tamao. But you've passed the limit of your rationality. It's all feelings now.
In a matter of seconds your lips connect with her neck, planting kisses along her pulse point. Your teeth grazing against her skin. She holds in a yelp.
"Tamao-chan," You whisper heavily once you're near her ear. "Tamao-chan, Tamao-chan."
She lets out an uneven sigh as you continue your journey along her neck.
You can feel her chest heave against your chin as you trail lower. Your hands move of their own accord – along with the rest of your body, seeing as how you've got her practically pinned against the wall – and move towards the buttons of her nightgown.
Her hands around you immediately loosen, and before you've gotten through the first button she's pushing you away.
"Stop!" She practically screams out and you almost fall over.
For one horrifying second you think that she wants to stop kissing you, and it sends a jolt of fear down your spine. Because you don't want to stop. Because you like kissing her. Because you have a feeling that you might not be able to do this again if you stop now.
"We shouldn't be out in the hallways. We might get caught, Nagisa-chan." Tamao whispers, almost sheepishly.
And you can feel a flame of pride burn in your chest at the sight of her flustered face.
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The next morning, the sun shining through the window wakes you up. It's weird because that never happens. Slowly, you blink and look around noticing the sun hitting the bed. The sun never hits your bed.
You hear a soft sigh next to you and you look down to find blue hair splayed out across your chest. You realize you're not in your bed, but Tamao's and you slept in the same bed.
Your mind travels back to last night. To the kisses and the touches and the warmth that was irrevocably and undeniably Tamao. She curls up toward you unconsciously and breaths against your neck. It makes you shiver with delight.
You want to wake her up – see her violet eyes staring back at you, kiss her. But you feel oddly at peace, lying with your limbs entangled with hers. Besides, this is probably the only time you'll ever wake up before Tamao.
You think she's probably really tired. Yesterday was an emotionally draining day, and with all the activities that were done last night you think she won't be getting up soon. Your eyes flit to her sleeping face. She's wearing a small content smile and you can't help but think adorable again.
She's adorable, and beautiful, and perfect. And you can't fathom the idea of hurting her in the past, when all you want to do now is hold her close.
"Tamao-chan," You whisper to her. She lets out a soft snore in response.
You can't hold back anymore. Your lips meet her forehead in less than a second, then her nose, her cheek, her jaw, the corner of her mouth.
You reach forward to brush her cerulean hair away from her neck to continue your journey across her body. But when your eyes glance at your hand, you come to a shattering halt. The ring. Shizuma's ring.
It's shining back at you, mockingly. Shizuma.
What on earth do you think you're doing? Kissing Tamao when you have a girlfriend you're madly in love with?
Through your internal interrogation you manage to untangle yourself from the sleeping Tamao, to sit on the edge of the bed.
What the hell are you going to do? How do you explain this?
You can't possibly tell Shizuma, she'll get the wrong idea – well she'll get the right idea, but it'll be wrong anyway. You're – you're a cheater. You cheated on your girlfriend. So what if you two were having problems. It didn't give you an excuse to go all wild.
You can't tell Shizuma. You just can't.
Despite the dreadful, foreboding feeling you get, you can't find yourself to move further away from the sense of warmth occupying the bed. What are you going to do? You can't just leave Tamao again. She loves you and you – well you certainly are attracted to her right?
You tilt your head to look over your shoulder, back at the sleeping girl. She's still curled up somewhat, but her arm is stretched out, as if searching for you. You can feel your heart flutter and this sudden urge to rejoin her. What if it's more than an attraction?
Could there be a slight chance that you may have possibly fallen in –
The loud noise of someone knocking on the door breaks you from your thoughts. You think it's probably Yaya and the rest of the gang. You both did disappear in the middle of the night. You should have at least told them you were heading back to your room.
You straighten out your crinkled sleep ware, and run a hand through your messy hair. At least make yourself somewhat presentable right?
Once you open the door, you sincerely wished that you stayed in bed with Tamao instead.
"Sh-Shizuma, what are you doing here?" You blurt out, on the urge of slamming the door.
"Yaya told me you left the party and ended up back in your room." She states indifferently. You can see her golden eyes peering over your head across the room. "She told me that you and the poet came back together."
You gulp and look away. You feel so guilty that you can't even pretend to get angry at Shizuma.
"It's true." You admit sheepishly, shifting your weight from one foot to the other.
"What did you do?" She demands coldly.
"Wha – "
"What did you two do? Did you sleep with her?"
Well technically speaking…
"No!" You snap defensively. And you're telling the truth. You and Tamao didn't do anything like that – well besides kiss, and make out a bit, but nothing more than that.
But it still counts as cheating.
Shizuma visibly relaxes, and her eyes are back on you. They narrow and it seems as if she's looking through her soul. She lets out a soft sigh, before reaching forward and brushing her fingers against your cheek. If it were possible, they felt even colder than before. So cold that you jump away.
"I'm sorry, Nagisa-chan," - the usage of your pet name almost makes you cringe. It just doesn't sound sincere coming from her mouth – "I'm just worried is all. We won't be with each other very long and I want to make what little time we have left the best. I love you, Nagisa."
You look up at her briefly and her golden eyes are smoldering into yours. She loves you.
"I love you too." You reply honestly. "I'm sorry I worried you. Lately, I feel distant from you and I just – I just needed someone to comfort me."
You realize that what you're saying is true. You were lonely and you did need someone to comfort you. However, you're still not sure you can place Tamao as just someone. She has a special place in your heart, but it doesn't come close to what you have with Shizuma.
.
.
You wait patiently on your bed as Tamao rouses. As soon as she wakes up she spots you and her lips pull into a happy lopsided grin. You don't return the smile.
You feel sick to your stomach at what you're about to do – to say to her. Tamao's smile fades as she notices your serious expression. And you can practically see the light bulb click on as she realizes what's going on. Her expression hardens and you know she's putting up the mask.
She gingerly scoots to the edge of the bed and doesn't meet your eye.
"Tamao-chan we need to talk – "
"Can't say I didn't expect this to happen." She mumbles softly. And you can feel your motive crushing. For one brief second, you're willing to throw away everything and pull her into a kiss. But deep down you know that it won't solve anything because you just don't feel that way for Tamao.
"It was a mistake; I'm sorry Tamao-chan." You respond in a whisper.
She still refuses to look at you.
"Tamao-chan please, look at me. I'm – I'm sorry! You're my best friend, and I care for you, but in the end I'll always choose Shizuma. I love her – "
"Just stop!" She blurts out. You literally flinch at this outburst. It's the second time you've seen her like this and you hate it. This is not Tamao. This is not your Tamao-chan. But when has she ever been yours?
She rises from her seat. "You don't need to explain. I understand completely. I won't bother you again. We'll pretend like this never happened, okay?" She flashes you an attempt at a friendly smile and it only breaks your heart.
"That's not what I – "
"Please, don't."
"Can we still be friends?" You ask desperately. Tamao finally looks at you. She's not crying or anything you would expect from her. She's emotionless, hard, and cold – like steel barrier. With a horrifying realization, you notice she reminds you of Shizuma at this moment. Closed off.
"I don't think so." She answers honestly, and you can hear the slight tremor in her voice. "I mean for right now."
.
.
You don't think there was ever at time where you hated yourself more than now. Hated yourself for listening Shizuma, hated yourself for hurting Tamao again.
This is what you get when you let people walk all over you; heartbreak. And there's nobody to blame but yourself.
You realize that you just love her too much.
.
.
.
Ah do you know who Nagisa is referring to? Hmm, the world may never know :O
Thank you for reading and I'd really appreciate reviews n' stuff so, without further ado:
REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW (rhymes, lmao)