Suppression and Confession

By Kenny

I don't want to think about it. I need a diversion. And a very good one.

Work naturally comes into mind. Work has always been a good way of taking my mind off things. But it looks like work can't even distract me from this.

Damn! I sigh and put down the last report I have just finished reading.

"Done." I say to no one in particular.

I look at my watch. 6:30PM. Even though I don't want to go to the cafeteria and risk seeing him, I have to. My stomach is already complaining. So I gather the reports sprawled out on my bed, put it on my desk and head out of my room.

I walk down the hallway and wonder how the hell I have put myself in this particular mess. I know I'm an asshole sometimes… Fine, make that most of the time. I can be mean; petty; and even cruel, but being a ranger and saving the world on a daily basis has to account for something, right? Right?

And believe me I do not deserve to be in this kind of mess. I did not intend to get myself into this mess in the first place and besides, I-

Ouch!

I stumble back as I bump into someone. That hurt. I collect myself and stand up, and before I can even shout and tell this person how stupid he is for not looking where he was going, I stop. Because in front of me is the very person I am trying to avoid right now.

"Aww… My bells have seriously rung." Bridge said, rubbing his head and trying to stand up.

I just stood there looking at him. This cannot be happening. Tell me this isn't. Whoever god is up there in the heavens has something against me.

Bridge looks up and sees me.

"Hey Sky!" He greeted with those sparkling, determined blue eyes. And those eyes cannot be up to something good. I've seen those eyes a couple of times. The last time I saw those was when Bridge forced me to come with him to visit my mother.

"He… Hey," I replied, trying to sound as casual as I can.

"Are you going to the cafeteria?"

"Uh… Yeah, why?" I asked, eyeing him warily.

"Good. I was just on my way to our room to get you."

"You… were?"

"Yeah. I wanted to ask you something."

Uh-oh. The moment he said that, I knew that wherever this conversation was going, it was something I definitely won't be pleased with.

"Are you avoiding me?"

Great! What did you expect Sky? Bridge is the most perceptive person you've ever met, psychic powers or none. Of course he would notice something.

But how was I supposed to answer that question? If I answer 'no' he will keep bugging me and believe me, Bridge is the last person you want bugging you. On the other hand if I say 'yes', there's the dreaded 'why?' that comes along with it, which I am most definite I won't be able to answer properly, or I won't be able to answer at all for that matter. And so I resort to the one thing Schuyler Tate knows and does best – denial.

"What? Of course not." I say to him as convincingly as I can.

"Really? You haven't talked to me since I came back Sky. You didn't even ask me how was I after Cruger dismissed us; or how was it like being taken captive; or how if I was okay after nearly being crushed by moving walls or if all of my limbs were still intact. That was a very un-Sky-like attitude."

True. Under normal circumstances I would've asked those questions and kept checking up on him if he was truly still in one piece. But today was not a normal circumstance as I have come to a very disturbing realization.

"I… I'm busy. A lot of reports to finish and stuff like that." I retorted.

At least that was partially true.

"Yeah, right. You should see your face. What's wrong Sky?"

Damn. This is one of the things I both hate and love about my best friend. He reads me as clear as a crystal. Unlike everyone else who believes there's no real person behind the business-like Sky Tate they see every day. Although right now, I have to say that I hate Bridge for this exceptional talent.

"Nothing." I tell him, still trying to avoid any further discussion.

"Look at you! You're lying to me! To me! Your best friend!" Bridge burst out.

Okay. Now that's quite disconcerting when he starts to give that "best friend" monologue. Fine, I give up. But the hallway was definitely not the perfect place to talk this over. After all, the walls of S.P.D. are insanely thin, if you know what I mean.

"Uh… Can we talk about this after dinner?" I offered.

"Promise?"

I swallowed hard, "Yeah, promise."

And we walk together to the cafeteria in silence and have the most uneventful dinner.

"What's wrong Sky?"

Just great! Only a few seconds inside the room and Bridge already asks the million dollar question. I look away from his face; pondering whether I should tell him the truth and risk ruining our friendship or make up a silly excuse and salvage it instead.

"Come on, you can tell me anything. You know that."

I look at him, and all I can see are two beautiful, sincere blue eyes staring back at me.

"Yeah I know. It's just…"

"It's just what?"

"Just don't hate me, or punch me, or do something… violent."

"Why would I do that? Of course not." He snorted.

"I highly doubt that after you hear what I have to say."

He was about to open his mouth and probably argue but I beat him to it.

"First of all, I want to apologize. If it wasn't for me and my great suggestion that we split up back in the port, Bork wouldn't have had the opportunity to kidnap and imprison you."

"Sky-"

"I know, I know, it's part of the job and all. But I'm sorry anyway."

"Sky you don't have to-"

"Just let me finish okay?" I interjected and he nods.

Okay this is it. The truth or the lie? I lowered my head unable to look at his face as I begin to spill my guts to him.

"When you went missing earlier," I began, "I couldn't stop beating myself about it. I was so worried about you. I only thought about you the whole time - where you were, what happened to you, how I could find you. Suddenly looking for you was more important than turning Bork into custody."

I pause a moment, trying to organize my thoughts.

"I wanted to look for you but the commander gave that responsibility solely to Jack. Waiting in the sidelines for Jack to find you was nerve-wracking. And it made me think about a lot of things. It also made me realize a lot of things about myself and about you… about… us."

He's been quiet so far, I look up at him, and it seems to me that he's listening intently. I take it as a good sign and continue.

"Since my dad died, you know how I've been - closing myself to people until I completely didn't let anyone enter my life. Loving people and then losing them was a fear I've kept up until I met you and Syd, and Jack and Z, well actually there are times now that I still feel that fear. You're the closest to family that I've got, all four of you have become constants in my life, especially you and Syd and… and losing you guys… is something I don't think I can handle. Especially if it's you because… you're so special to me, Bridge and because… I..."

I stop. I think I better leave it at that. Yeah, it's better to leave it at that.

"Because what?" Bridge urges me to continue.

But before I can even say that it's nothing, my mouth seems to have come to life and is moving, or rather, talking already on its own.

"Because I love you." I blurted out.

Very nice Tate! You should bury yourself 60 feet under the ground and never come back to the surface ever again! That was a very big and major embarrassing thing to say to your best friend!

"I love you too Sky. I mean, I love all of you, and all of you are special to me." He smiles warmly at me.

Okay, he didn't get it. I should be thankful he didn't get it and leave it like that; I want to leave it like that, but no, my mouth has really taken a life of its own right now, and is betraying me.

"No. No . That's not what I meant Bridge… I… I love you more than a friend… I'm in love with you."

Shit! Why can't I just keep my mouth shut? If only killing myself was a viable option.

"Oh… Okay…" My best friend says as understanding finally dawns on him.

I look at his face and it was… blank. I couldn't read his face. For the longest time that I've known Bridge, this is one of the few times I couldn't figure out what was going on in his mind. His face was not as open and his expression not as clear as they usually are. He looks like he's contemplating about something. And he's not smiling which is bad, I think.

Seeing his expressionless face, I couldn't help but become more nervous about the confession I've done. Yeah, it's a shock for him. It's not like everyday that your male best friend confesses that he's in love with you - his guy best friend. But it would be nice to see him have some semblance of a reaction, even if it was a violent reaction that'd be fine with me. At least he had a reaction.

I can't stand the look on his face anymore and so I just ducked my head. Shit, I really screwed this up. I was already thinking of running out of the room but then I feel him take a step closer to me.

I swear, my heartbeat skipped faster, and I got a little bit scared. I thought he was gonna push me away, punch me, shout at me or something to that effect. But instead, I feel his gloved hands come up to touch my cheeks and when I look up at him, he smiles very warmly at me. And before I could ask, he leans into me so fast and presses his lips to mine.

What the…? Is this even really happening? No, I must be dreaming. I'd be waking up any minute now. This is just a dream. This can't be real.

But I didn't wake up. Because I'm already wide awake!

"I was wondering when you were going to tell me that." He says to me as he withdrew from the kiss.

I am so confused right now.

"Wha-"

"I love you too Sky. Just like the way you love me."

Whatever I was expecting to be his reaction after this conversation, this was definitely not it. Shit! He loves me! Bridge Carson freaking loves me, Sky Tate!

"But How?... When?... Why?..."

I can't believe this! Bridge loves me! And not just as a friend!

Now I'm wondering if I'm dead, and I'm in heaven. But I clearly remember that I was still alive when we went back from today's mission. So yeah, this is the real deal.

"How? I just know and feel it. When? I can't be too sure, maybe since we've started here at S.P.D., I guess. Why? I don't know. I just… love you and everything about you. Although sometimes your temper kinda pisses me off, and when you and Jack starts to bicker and fight over the simplest of things and-"

Before he could babble any further, I put my hands around his neck and yank him closer to me as I kiss him this time around.

God, it feels so great to taste him and feel him like this. I could definitely get used to kissing him everyday. And would you look at that? I just found an interesting and fun way to shut him up whenever he starts to ramble.

I withdrew and hugged him tightly.

"You've given me the greatest scare of my life today Bridge. Don't do that to me ever again, okay?"

"Didn't intend to in the first place."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Sky."

Sky Tate's not the sappy, romantic-type, I know. But hearing him say those words, how do you put it? Yeah, my heart melted.