This is a sequel of sorts to I Got Time While She Got Freedom...or maybe a companion. You don't really have to read it first, but you can if you want. This is the series of events from Quinn's view. If you want others let me know, I'm pretty sure I can write this story from any POV. I think I've already had requests for Puck, Kurt and Rachel and I plan on doing all three, Rachel will be last though so any other requests throw them my way :)

Don't own Glee or Glee characters, No specific spoilers, but takes place after the Christmas episode...Enjoy and thanks for looking!

PS...it was getting sort of long so I split it into two parts this is only their Junior year...

The Best Part of Me (1/2)

There was a time when I thought that I might spend the rest of my life with Finn Hudson. Back when I was trying to pass off my kid as his because I thought there was no way that Noah Puckerman would ever make anything of himself. Funny how things don't work out exactly the way you imagine. There was also a time when the girl in my arms was just another high school nuisance to me and I spent a good deal of time making her miserable for no other reason than it amused me.

Turns out people have an amazing ability to surprise me because the sight of Finn Hudson makes me violent, the man I thought would flip burgers in Lima forever is currently living on my couch because he just got a great job in New York City, and the girl I thought I hated is the same one it would be impossible for me to live without.

See I may not be the nicest person ever to walk the Earth but this woman, the one who fits so incredibly in my arms, makes me want to be a better person. It's weird to want to be different than you are, to fight against an instinct inside of you to defend yourself at all costs, but one day it happened. Now five years later (to my great surprise) Rachel still looks at me with a sparkle in her eyes and we're both laughing at her fathers as they tell some story explaining the presence of a makeshift stage in the back corner of their lawn.

Part of me still can't believe that she actually said yes. I just got a job running a small art gallery and I'd been planning it for months. Well, the truth is I've probably been planning it since eleventh grade when she smiled at me for the very first time. Rachel smiles all the time, but most of the time it's forced, too big or too small for the situation, I chalk this up to her being an actor and I pretty much love it that I'm the only person in the world who knows how to tell the difference.

She's smiling now as she talks to Puck and I see her falter a little as her gaze locks onto Finn Hudson who is sitting by himself like a cry baby. I feel the glare of hatred on my face as his eyes meet mine and I will my fists not to clench at my sides. I feel Sam put a hand on my shoulder and I close my eyes to take a calming breath. When I open them I'm even more furious however because Rachel comes into my line of vision which means that she's heading straight for that overgrown puppy dog.

Sam rattles something in my ear that I can't hear over my raging irritation that Finn still thinks it's okay to touch Rachel. I thought we cleared this up in the Principal's office the day I gave him a black eye. Then it occurs to me that even though Rachel has stayed friends with Frankenteen I usually make myself scarce whenever they get together, Rachel says I ruin the mood by glaring at him and it makes him nervous. I usually roll my eyes and tell her there shouldn't be a mood before I kiss her and shrug off to let them do whatever it is they do when they get together.

When we're in Lima that usually includes Sam so I can't be too judgmental about Rachel spending time with her ex. He's looking at me waiting for an answer and laughs when I look at him blankly because I have no idea what we're talking about. He tells me to give the guy a break and I turn my scowl toward him and set my hand on my hip in a pose that is so familiar to the two of us that I feel my face soften when he laughs again. "He still loves her, you got her, quit glaring at the guy." He says as he grabs my hand and leads me away from Finn and Rachel.

I scowl anyway and ask him when he discovered his love for Finn and he bumps my shoulder as he sits next to me on the Berry's yard swing so we can stare at Rachel and Finn without being obvious. This is why I love him, he knows what I need almost as well as Rachel. If I had turned out to be at all straight I could have married this man. I tell him so in a quiet voice and he smiles, he likes it when I get all mushy.

I watch Rachel and Finn interact as if a day hasn't gone by since high school and I feel something close to sick as she ducks her head and tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Now I remember why I always choose to make myself disappear when she's around Finn, I hate watching them together. I hate the way he smiles at her and I hate the way she smiles back. I hate the feeling of insecurity that races through me and I hate the split second I spend doubting Rachel's feeling's for me.

That's the worse part about it. Rachel and I rarely talk about the overgrown man child, It doesn't cause a fight when we do, but my last name is not the only thing that I've inherited from my father and I try my best to hide that side of myself from Rachel even though she knows it's there and says she loves me anyway.

Something about my girlfriend talking to Hudson makes me want to punch him in the face, grab her arm and tell her that she can never see him ever again, but Rachel cares about him for whatever reason and I haven't gotten around to asking her why. It's a bit of a sensitive subject for me because even though I have absolutely zero doubt that Rachel loves me now she didn't always love me…

It's after Christmas Junior year and school's been back for about a week when I fall in love with Rachel Berry. Honestly it wasn't that big of a shock to me, well the Rachel Berry part was sorta jilting, but the girl part wasn't so bad. It's the first time in a long time that I hike the familiar path to the fourth floor girls bathroom that no one ever uses in order to visit my old after lunch stomping grounds.

I know I shouldn't, but I've been with Sam for a while and it's a little on the discouraging side to be dating a guy that's prettier than you. I know it's wrong and I know Sam thinks I'm really hot, but as it turns out I'm feeling a little insecure since my mother invited the sperm donor over for Christmas dinner, whatever. Truth is I'm dreading it a little bit and I argue with myself the entire way up the stairs.

I don't have to worry so much about it because my plans are thwarted when I swing open the door and Rachel looks at me for a split second before she turns away hurriedly. I'm about to open my mouth and give her my usual greeting of 'Man Hands' when I realize that something's not right. I pause and I'm about to leave when I notice that Rachel did not give her usual polite greeting of 'Hello, Quinn.'

I take a step closer to her and realize that her grip on the sink is turning her knuckles white and her shoulders are shaking gently, but noticeably. I look in the mirror and even though Rachel has her head down I know that she's crying and for a moment I'm stunned. I've seen Rachel cry almost as many times as I've seen her smile or sing, but this time it's different.

Rachel is over dramatic most of the time and when she cries she lets everyone know, but right now she's alone and silent and it's sort of unnerving. I whisper her name and she still doesn't look at me, but her shoulders shake harder and my heart aches because I can hear the amount of effort she's using to sound normal. She tells me she's fine and that she'll be out of my way in a minute if I could just give her a moment alone.

I know I'm coming across as awkward as I stand and stare at her, but there's something inside me that wants to make sure that she's okay. Something inside that wants to hug her and assure her that she's going to be alright, but when I reach out to touch her she flinches away from me. I'm hurt, but honestly I've spent a good amount of time trying to destroy her so I get it and step out of the bathroom.

When she still doesn't emerge after another three minutes I open the door cautiously and she's still leaning over the sink letting it catch her tears as they stream down her cheeks. I say her name again and this time I ask her what's wrong. It makes her cry harder, but she manages to choke out the word Finn and now I know why watching Rachel cry right now is so disturbing.

This is the girl who was slushied practically every day last year. The girl who gets made fun of and dismissed on a regular basis from a band of geeks who are supposed to be her friends. I've called her a billion names every single day since the third grade and every one of them has been met with a withering glare and a huff as she turns on a tiny heel and storms away. It's somewhat disheartening for me to see that it is actually possible to break her.

I swallow hard as I walk toward her, but once again she shies away from me and won't let me touch her. I give a frustrated sigh because I'm irritated that she wont' let me help her, but it disappears when she's crying harder and I hate the feeling of helplessness that shoots through me. I try to think of anyone to call to help me, but no one likes Rachel and I can't think of a single person who would care if I called and told them that Rachel Berry was crying in the bathroom. Hell, I wouldn't care if I wasn't standing here witnessing it.

I stand awkwardly for another minute before I finally think of something and pull out my phone. Five minutes later Puck peeks in and I take a step away from the crying girl and watch as Puck works his magic. When Rachel gives a weak smile a moment later I fleetingly wish I was as smooth as Noah Puckerman. I watch Puck talk to her gently and pull her close when she loses it again and then he leads her out of the bathroom.

Rachel looks back at me part puzzled, part thankful and part intrigued as Puck leads her away. She's vulnerable, her eyes are red and tears are staining her cheeks. Her makeup is smeared down her face and her brown eyes are seeping with sadness as she stares back at me from her spot at Pucks side. Rachel has never looked more beautiful than she does right now and she's never been so real. There's a spark in my chest and I don't realize it right then, but I'm a goner.

Rachel and I don't talk for a while after that, not because I don't want to but because I'm still sorting things out on my own. I do talk to Puck though a couple times to make sure she's okay. He assures me that she's fine and I ask him to look out for her. He looks at me funny for a second and then nods telling me she's been slushied.

I feel my jaw tighten and simply say 'who'. He answers and at Cheerios practice I make Santana and Cara run five hundred suicides. When they're finished I have two sophomore members of the football team slushy them and their uniforms in blue, adding that they had better dry clean them before Sylvester sees them. Santana glares at me hatefully, and I feel my mouth turn into a smirk that's equally as hateful as I set my hand on my hip and glare until she retreats toward the locker room.

It's the last time Rachel is ever slushied and a few days later I finally get to talk to her. She's sitting on the bleachers waiting for Puck and I am waiting for Sam and decide to sit next to her. It's the only time we ever talk about Finn and I finally know why she was crying so hard in that bathroom the other day. I try to comfort her and put my arm on her shoulder, but she looks at it like it's stinging her so I just listen and make a mental note to tell Puck and Sam to forget to block for that douche bag at Friday's game. When she's done she finally meets my eyes and says a very quiet, but sincere thank you.

We spend the rest of the time waiting in a not over whelming, but still tangible silence and she actually smiles a little when Puck throws his arm around her. I tried to put my hand on her shoulder when she was talking about Finn and she jerked away involuntarily and I feel a little something like jealousy as I watch how easily she lets the man whore that is my best friend touch her. I shudder to think what that means and invite them to dinner and a movie with Sam and I.

Puck shrugs and looks to Rachel who nods and follows him to his car. When he holds out his hand for hers and she takes it my own hand burns in Sam's grip and the jealousy consumes me again. Later, when the guys are getting popcorn and Rachel and I are left alone I am unable to stop the question from charging out of my mouth and I ask if she and Puck are a couple. She smiles sadly and assures me that she still loves Finn, but 'Noah' is the only person left who will tolerate her.

I firmly tell her that I can tolerate her and it's not just because she's a hot Jew. The second it leaves my mouth my brain fights over which part of the statement to explain first. I simultaneously want to tell her that I know that's not the only reason Puck talks to her and that I was talking about him thinking she was hot not me, but Rachel saves me from my mouth by smiling and laughing. I relax a little and the four of us actually have a decent time.

Sam's away visiting his sister in California for the weekend and I am feeling unusually lonely when I call Rachel over the weekend. It could be the fact that my two best friends hate my guts or at least the thinking part of my two best friends, or maybe that my mother is on an 'outing' with the 'donor' for the second time this week, but I feel almost excited when Rachel invites me to spend the day with her and her Dads. Puck shows up during dinner and I laugh along with Rachel when her father's start making jokes about 'Noah' being able to smell the food from his house.

After dinner we play Monopoly and I pretty much have a blast as I ruthlessly wipe everyone off the board in a record hour and a half. Puck and I stay to watch a movie with Rachel and by the time it ends I finally get Rachel to give up her affinity to my touch and she's actually leaning against me yawning with her legs in Puck's lap. I giggle, yes I, Quinn Fabray giggle, as Rachel stretches and lets her head fall back on my legs looking exhausted.

Without telling my brain, my fingers sneak up and push Rachel's hair back and Rachel sits up quickly and gives me a funny look. Not that I blame her, if she ran her fingers through my hair I'd probably cut them off or something. Rachel stares for a moment longer before announcing that she has to get to bed and invites us to stay. Puck declines and since he does I do too, because even though I've done so much more than tolerate Rachel today for some reason the thought of being alone with her makes me tingle and that's something I'd like to explore myself from the privacy of my own room before I try it out in reality.

I give Rachel an impromptu hug goodbye and think about later when I'll have to threaten all of my limbs that they'd better quit going rogue on me or they'll be running suicides till they resemble limp noodles. Puck gives me my own signature eyebrow arch when the door closes and before I can protest I'm sitting across from him at Starbucks as he lectures me about how Rachel can't handle anymore heartache right now. I let him talk for what seems like forever, but when he implies that I'm formulating some wicked plan to destroy her I finally lose my temper.

Out of everyone Puck probably knows me better than anyone. He's seen me at my most overdone, smiling sweetly at his mother or my family and in a fit of hormone induced rage over a thing as small as bacon, so he knows that he's overstepped. I rant at him for a straight five minutes and end on the fact that I never once asked him what his agenda with Rachel was. At this he shrugs, mumbles that she's a hot Jew and he sort of likes how she thinks he's not a loser.

When I finally calm down I think it's sweet that he's looking out for Rachel and the two of us sort of make a pact to make it a thing. Puck looks at me funny again when I tell him we need to start by getting her over Lurch. He tells me he tried that already, she won't let him kiss her again. I give him a withering look and tell him that not every problem a girl has can be solved by wine coolers and his penis and roll my eyes when he looks properly chastised. We spend the rest of our date in silence, but we both kind of like it that way and he hugs me before I get into my car and drive off.

When I get home that night I realize I have a missed call and a text message from Sam. I'm relieved he only called once and I sit on the edge of my bed and call him back. He calls me Beautiful when he picks up the phone and this is one of the many reasons I think I love him, one of the other ones is that he doesn't start the conversation by demanding to know where I've been all day. I tell him I'm sorry I didn't call him back sooner and he says it's fine, he just wanted to hear my voice and he figured I would get back to him. I smile and relax against my bed and spend the rest of the night talking with him. It's only when he says goodnight that I think of Rachel again and the way my stomach fluttered when she finally let her head lean against my shoulder.

I get ready for bed and think about Rachel and how much fun she can be when she's not being insane. I think about the way she tucks her hair behind her ear and the sound of her laugh and the way she fit perfectly in my side when she turned to throw her feet up on Puck's lap. I follow that thought to the way her already short skirt had ridden up and how much my fingers itched to rest on her bare thigh.

I've never been stupid and I know what all of this means, hell even when I was getting sick every morning and missed my period I knew exactly what was going on. There was no panic then, only a well thought out course of action, and there's none now. However, since I'm not quite ready to think out a course of action for this crisis, for the moment I choose to ignore it. I shake my head and wonder when I went crazy as I climb into bed and a flash of Rachel leaving the bathroom with Puck invades the space behind my eyelids.

I have my first sex dream ever that night and I feel like I should be mortified that it's about Rachel Berry, but as it turns out when I wake up, tangled in my sheets with my hair damp around my neck, the only thing I am is irritated that Dream Rachel didn't finish the job and I have to get up in the middle of the night to relieve the aching between my thighs by taking a cold shower. I'm drying my hair and fixing my sheets for the fourth time in two weeks when I realize that this thing might need a course of action sooner than I'd anticipated.

Over the next few weeks I surround myself outside of school with Rachel, Puck and Sam and I am a little bit amazed at how life can be pretty easy and almost fun when I surround myself with people I actually like who actually like me back instead of people like Santana who only hang around because they're trying to keep me close for the sole purpose of stabbing me in the stomach. I say it this way because Santana's not the sort of person who would do it in the back, she's more the type that would want you to see the gleam in her eyes as she pulled the knife out and watched you bleed out. Sadly these are the thoughts I usually have.

Rachel and I are laying on my bed listening to some ridiculous eighties song that we're supposed to learn for Glee and she's humming lightly along with the track when I notice that it's been months since I've heard her sing in Glee. I ask her about it and she says she's not ready to sing with Finn. I wrestle down my anger before I take her hand and tell her that she needs to stop waiting around for him to take her back. She looks at me so intensely, her brown eyes burn into mine and I have to look away. She tells me quietly that she is over him and before I can lean in and kiss her Sam is staring at us from the doorway and Rachel is leaving with the same look on her face that started this whole thing.

Sam is extremely understanding and infinitely cool when I give him back his ring. I have a moment of vanity and comment on the fact that he's taking it so well and turns out Sam is a lot smarter than I've ever given him credit for. He just shrugs, says he loves me, but I'm more tolerable when Rachel's around. I laugh and my heart aches when he says jokingly that I relax a lot more when she touches me than when he does and his hands have been under my skirt. Sam kisses me for the last time and I think I'm going to cry. He's completely amazing and leaves before the tears actually start. The next day in Glee Rachel doesn't sit next to Finn for the first time since last year and Sam squeezes my hand and winks at me as we head over to sit behind Rachel and Puck.

Rachel sort of avoids one on one time with me over the next few weeks, but shows up at my house one day when Sam and I are in the middle of a marathon session of Black Ops. He's been helping me keep my mind off of Rachel and turns out we discovered that I'm unnaturally adept at his stupid video game. Rachel smiles politely at Sam and apologizes for stopping by unannounced and Sam makes himself scarce as I assure Rachel that she's welcome anytime and lead her up to my room.

Rachel stands in front of me and fidgets for a moment, opening and closing her mouth a half a dozen times to speak only to fail and God help me I think it might possibly be the most adorable thing I've ever seen. I take pity on her a moment later and close the gap between us, I like the way she whispers my name and in the next minute I'm almost as surprised as she is that I'm kissing her.

Rachel's lips are soft and tentative as they move against mine and her fingers are doing this amazing thing at the base of my neck that makes me pull her a little closer as I settle my own hands against her hips. I smile against her mouth as she sighs a little bit when our bodies make contact and our first kiss is perfect. An hour later and I'm sitting against the head of my bed with Rachel straddling me and we're still making out.

We're perfectly slow about it, my fingers finally get to draw little patterns on her thighs and her hands move from the back of my neck to my sides only to be buried in my hair a moment later. Every inch of my body is relaxed for the first time since I was five and my head is sort of hazy when Rachel pulls away and I breathlessly wonder out loud how it's possible that she actually tastes like a berry. She gives a soft giggle and kisses me again and I feel like I could stay this way forever.

Rachel and I hang out (makeout, whatever) almost nonstop and I enlist Puck to keep Rachel occupied during school because I can hardly walk down the halls holding hands with Rachel Berry. I like it that even though Rachel knows what's going on she doesn't whine about it, I even sort of like when she takes to holding onto Puck' arm when they walk because she knows it makes me insanely jealous. I do not like it when she starts smiling at Sasquatch boy again.

I catch her smiling at that overgrown idiot in Glee as she teaches him some sort of dance step and my fists clench at my sides. I don't talk to Rachel for the rest of the day and when she comes over to my house that afternoon she laughs at me when I break up with her. I feel my face go red and tell her to get out, but she just smiles and takes my hand and says that I can't break up with her if I can't even walk down the hall with her at school.

She doesn't let go of my hand as she explains that she doesn't push me because she knows that I am who I am and she accepts all of me. She says the fact that I didn't freak out in the first place about the whole situation is worth something and ends with the fact that she was just helping Finn with his dance steps so we have a better shot at winning regionals. The question is burning my throat but I do not take the opportunity to ask her if she still loves him. I might be in love with her, but she's right I'm still me and I still have my pride.

She kisses me gently and all of my anger disappears as she says she'll give me some time to think and then walks out of my room. Sam appears in five minutes when I text him that I've broken up with Rachel and he looks pretty pissed off. He starts lecturing me as he eats the cookies my mom brings to him because she hopes one day we'll get back together, but stops when I speak for the first time since he arrives. My voice is soft and uncharacteristically vulnerable when I ask him if he thinks she still loves Finn.

I don't know what he's thinking as he stares at me but I think I might actually cry when he says a serious yes a moment later. We don't say much after that, but somehow I'm thankful he's there anyway because I don't really want to be alone. I go to bed that night and I still don't know for certain if the break up with Rachel is permanent or not. She's already under my skin so far that she's invaded my heart, but I know that if I end things now I can still make a painful, but clean break.

I make my decision the next day in Glee when everyone from Golden Boy's side of the choir room is ganging up on Rachel because she wants to sing a solo for the first time since she and Finn broke up. They're all yelling about how she can't just change her mind about the set list this close to regionals. Rachel looks a little hurt and I can feel my blood start to burn under my skin. The next thing I know I'm screaming at the losers and Rachel is looking at me with something close to adoration as I let them have it.

I feel Puck and then Sam trying to pull me back to my seat, but it's only when the warmth of Rachel's touch settles onto my shoulder that I swallow and breath back my anger. I still want to punch every one of them though so I turn on my heel and stalk out of the room. Rachel finds me a moment later, smiling like she's just won a million dollars and I relax as she glances around the halls before she leans in and gives me a way too short kiss.

Rachel and I have made up, but the next day the sight of Mercedes, Tina and Artie rolling down the hall brings back my rage and I enlist two freshman from the basketball team to slushie them. I would do it myself, but Rachel will forgive me easier if I'm not the one who physically throws the slushie. Santana gets caught in the crossfire and we finally reach an understaning when she confronts me about it later that day.

She's standing in front of me full of rage when she yells, "What the hell, Q? I know why I ran those fucking suicides and I've left the little midget alone, why the hell did you order me a slushy?" I regard her with what I know is arrogance before I finally ask her why she told everyone about her and Finn. I ask her why she wanted to hurt Rachel so badly. She stares back, hard, for a full minute before she cocks her head to the side and tells me she did the 'freak' a favor. She also reminds me that once upon a time making Rachel miserable was one of the few things we had in common.

I sigh and feel a jolt of self loathing before I study her indifferently to see if she's lying. I'm a little bit surprised that she's not and I force an apology and tell her that she was not supposed to be part of the attack. We stare for a few more minutes before she tells me that I'm definitely a trade up from Hudson and before I can even be shocked at her sincerity she's gone and Grace find me standing in the locker room with my mouth hanging open.

It's the first time we've ever talked and I decide that I kind of like her and even though she's a little annoying and looks at Puck like he's a gift from Jesus I let her hang around me. Also, I like that her newness along with her love for the walking STD lets her accept my sudden decision to start eating lunch at Rachel Berry's table.

I talk Sam into asking Julie Weston to our Junior prom because he's been staring at her and talking about her for three months and every time she hangs out with us I seriously throw up a little at the way they both turn red at the sight of each other, so of course my girlfriend thinks it's sweet. I don't really know when I started referring to Rachel as my girlfriend when I think about her, but I kind of like it even though I never say it out loud.

Rachel's parents are out of town for the weekend visiting her grandparents or something and she invites me over for dinner. She goes all out and makes the only vegan dish I'll eat. There's candles and music and I notice that I can't help grinning like an idiot through the whole date because I'm so happy that it's foreign to me and I can't quite figure out how to keep my face in it's usual state of indifference. It's only when Rachel pushes a tiny box over to me that I falter.

Inside the box is a lily and two little slips of paper. Rachel is asking me to the junior prom. I panic a little and open my mouth knowing that something horrible is going to come out, but Rachel beats me to words and saves me from myself before I can say anything hurtful. She tells me that she knows that I'm not ready to be out, but she wants to go and figured we'd just go as friends. She goes on about how she just wanted to make me feel special by asking and that this was only for us and that she still understands that I'm not ready and assures me that it's fine.

I clench my teeth together as I see the sincerity in her eyes and wish for the millionth time that I was a better person. My heart swells with so much love for the girl across from me that I can't speak or I might cry and I nod. She gives the cutest clap and rushes over to my side of the table to pull me up into an embrace and as my face is buried in her neck I can't help it when the words tumble out of my mouth, "I love you."

She doesn't say it back, but the next thing I know Rachel's under me on the couch and my hand is dangerously high on her thigh as she squirms beneath me. Rachel moans into my mouth when I accidentally lose control of my hips and grind against her center and though she doesn't make me stop she does rest her hand gently over mine to keep it from moving any higher. When I bite her bottom lip though and she arches against me again I'm the one to pull away because I know she's not ready and I know I'm not a guy, but I don't want to be 'that guy'.

I sit for a moment and catch my breath and when I look back to Rachel I notice that she's still laying there, only now she has her knees pulled up and is sort of squirming a little as she looks at me with her lips a little fuller than normal and her eyes a little darker than normal and her hair a little more sexed up than normal. My mouth goes completely dry, I struggle to remember how to breath, or move, or talk, or function at all and then I mumble that I have to go before I run for the door like a girl.

In true Rachel Berry fashion I have four missed calls and a text message by the time I get home and just the thought of her voice forces me to take a cool shower before I call her back and apologize. She's unusually calm about the whole thing and I thank God that she doesn't mention the fact that I let those three little words slip out because truthfully, even though I meant them, I'm a little bit scared about what they mean. I'm also a little worried that she didn't say them back.

I pitch in with Puck and Sam for the Limo because Rachel bought the tickets and did the asking so even though we're only going as friends I want to make her feel a little bit special too. I seriously fall a little bit more in love with the two men in our lives when they tell me that we can pick Rachel up first so I won't have to worry about their dates finding anything out.

I'm staring at Rachel's hand that's resting on her knee, nervously thinking about the key card that Puck slipped into my hand, wishing that I could lace Rachel's fingers through mine for the sole purpose of calming me down, but Grace is across from me yapping and Sam and Julie are smiling and laughing in the corner and this is the most awkward car ride I have ever experienced. When we stop to pick up Mike, who is also going solo, Rachel reaches up and quickly squeezes my hand as everyone looks over to greet him.

I feel the stiffness in my posture settle a little and actually start smiling, listening to Mike and Rachel talk about a dance number that he's working on to show Schuester for regionals. Grace starts asking me about cheerleading championships while Puck and Sam explain to Heather the merits of school sports and no one notices that Rachel's fingertips are just barely resting over my little finger on the seat next to us.

Rachel's eyes widen when I show her the key card and I see Puck wink at her when she looks over at him. She seems hesitant, but calls her fathers and tells them she's staying out for the night, part of me wishes that they demand her home by midnight, but she smiles nervously when she hangs up and tells me she has to be home for breakfast. I spend the rest of the night in a silent and anxious panic, and I want desperately to know what Rachel and Puck are talking about quietly in the corner. I also want to punch Finn in his eye for staring at my girlfriend.

Rachel's apologizing and I'm as close to crying as I get outside of the privacy of my own room while she pulls on one of the hotel robes and sits behind me on the bed. She rests her cheek against my back and says she thought she was ready, but she's not and even though I'm hurt how can I fault her when I'm ready to do this, but I can't walk down the hall with her at school as she has stated a number of times. She doesn't say it tonight, but I know she's thinking it and I'm crying partly because I keep failing her and partly because she doesn't want me.

We eventually fall asleep and in the morning Rachel wakes me up gently telling me that we had better get home before our parents start to worry. We run into Finn in the lobby and I feel Rachel freeze by my side. I don't let my hurt show as they stand there and look at each other like wounded puppies, but I hate that he still has the power to make her feel this way. It seems like she's going to break at any moment or stand there and look hurt all day and the bitch in me wants to leave her there, but I love her and hate that look in her brown eyes so I take her hand and lead her gently away.

I don't talk to Rachel again until we lose regionals and she's sitting on the bus looking like she might cry, I'm still mad and hurt by what happened in Glee last week so I let her, but when the tears actually start I heave an irritated sigh and sit down stiffly next to her on the bench. She doesn't say anything and I assure her that it wasn't her fault. She looks at me like I'm crazy, but at least she's not crying anymore. That's really all we say, but I sit with her for the entire bus ride and wish to God, who probably doesn't listen to me anymore, that I didn't care so much.

My father shows up for dinner one night and I hate the way my mother smiles at him from across the table as I sit stiffly in my chair and wonder what he'd say if he knew I was in love with a girl. I think about telling him, but we rarely speak and I don't have any desire to hurt my mother even though I hate her a little bit too. I keep my face straight as he talks to me and politely nod or give a short answer when it's called for and by the time the meal is over I feel so exhausted that all I want to do is crawl into bed until summer. When he leaves he looks me up and down and gives his head a little shake before he kisses my mother on the cheek and nods in my direction.

An hour later I'm still standing in front of the mirror trying to figure out what's so disappointing about my appearance that makes him look at me that way. Which leads me to wonder what Rachel saw as she pulled away from me in the hotel room as soon as I was naked and the next thing I know I'm stripping, staring at myself in my bra and panties trying to figure out what's so disgusting about me.

My arms are thin, but muscular and my breasts are a little small, but that can't really be it, Rachel's aren't huge either especially since she lost all of her baby fat over the summer. My eyes move to my hips and thighs, what used to be my least favorite parts of my body. My hips are a little bit wide and even though they're well muscled from cheerleading, my thighs are a lot bigger than I'd like.

Lastly I settle on my stomach. The new winner for the part of me that I hate the most. I run my fingers over the barely visible marks on my stomach and hate myself when I run my hands over the small bump left from my still digesting dinner. This must be what scared Rachel away and I feel like I'm going to be sick when I step on the scale for the first time in months and realize that I've gained five pounds.

A moment later when I'm finished emptying my stomach into the toilet I feel strangely calmer and wipe the water in my eyes away as I get dressed to stand back in front of the mirror. I know why Rachel doesn't want me, now to figure out what my father hates so much about me.

Maybe it's because I stopped wearing my hair back because Rachel likes it down, I grab an elastic band and pull my hair back and look again.

Maybe I was slouching , Rachel says I'm more approachable when I relax, I stand a little taller and look again.

Maybe it's the absence of the makeup that Rachel says I don't need, I reach over and apply the color to my face and stand back to stare at myself again.

I swallow, maybe I don't smile enough. The corner of my mouth turns up and I am smirking at myself in the mirror as I stare at Quinn Fabray in her former glory as Head Bitch in Charge.

I stare until I'm angry and my fists are clenching at my sides, this is the Quinn that my father wants. The perfect one. The one who throws slushies and picks on people to feel better about herself. This is the Quinn Fabray who's afraid to walk down the hall with Rachel Berry and I hate her.

I clench my teeth and cry as I pull my hair down and wash my face, change my cloths to crawl into bed and look in the mirror a final time after I brush my teeth. My father can see Rachel all over me. I crawl into bed exhausted, try to decide who's approval I want more and I don't talk to Rachel for the rest of the school year...