Author's Note: Never did I plan on coming back to to post another story, since I have been on a hiatus for YEARS. But I was cleaning out my hard drive today and found a couple of fanfics I have written way back in the day but never posted. Thought it would be a waste to just never put it up, so I chose one and here it is. Must have written this at least 5 years ago...well, hope you enjoy!

This short story is my interpretation of Misa's thoughts/feelings in the scene where Light kisses her in Volume 4, page 138-139 of the manga (feel free to do a search on the manga scans to match up the exact scene to this story). I've always thought Misa had more to her than just her ditzy apparence.

I look at you.

Your face, so serious, so beautiful—concentrated on something. Something. I know very well that it is not I.

It partly annoys me to know that you do not think of me the way I am thinking of you. How I wish you would just look at me once the way I want you to look at me. Even once would be enough. But those dark orbs, even though they now rested on me, did not see me. They only saw the other Kira. No, they only saw a tool…a tool whose usefulness has not yet been fully determined. Even though I tried so hard to prove myself to you, I know you still think I am just a burden. But…I'm trying. I'm trying to be as helpful as I can…only this way might I earn some of your respect, your affection.

You close your eyes in annoyance of my complaints.

It saddens me to see you do so, and I pretend not to see it. I follow your example, and close my eyes as well. However, instead of in annoyance, I close them in excitement. A pretense to cover up the fact that I am aware of your true motives and feelings toward me. Even though I know fully well, I wish I did not. That pain in my heart sharpens…but I could only continue with my act, and babble meaninglessly about our future as a couple. The words coming out of my mouth are sweet lies. They are fairytales. They are ideas that I know will never come true…

But suddenly, you surprised me. I felt warmth on my shoulders, and I turn to see your hands touching them. I felt gentleness beaming down on me, and I turn to see your eyes staring intently in mine. Then…in one sweeping motion, I felt warmth surge through me, as if…I suddenly existed.

Your lips were touching mine, a sweet moment of connection. I wish it would never end… It was quite unexpected, but it did not puzzle me for one second. I know you were trying to control me, to have me at your beck and call. But that is unnecessary. I already would do anything for you. Anything.

When we separated, I softly whispered your name. Even if this is just pretense, I want to go on forever pretending. I want to dream that this is reality. I have no regrets putting my fate in your hands and being controlled by you. As long as you will let me continue to pretend, continue to dream, I will be satisfied.

And maybe, one of these days…

You will learn to love me.

For real.