Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, JK Rowling does. I do however own a time-turner and if I go back far enough in time... *grins evilly* (Oh yeah, nor do I own The Sydney Morning Herald)

The Effects of Lemon Drops

"That's it!" Harry roared, "I am so over this!" Without another word, he stormed from a shocked Headmaster's office after yet another pointless meeting in his sixth year and down to dinner, ignoring the head goat's calls for him to come back, swallowing the lemon drop he'd – for once – accepted from the Headmaster.

As soon as Harry entered the Great Hall he climbed up onto the teacher's table and let sparks out from his wand, attracting everyone's attention. "Oi! Next generation of wizarding sheep! Listen up!"

"What are you doing Potter?" McGonagall demanded.

"Screwing the wizarding world," Harry replied bluntly before returning his attention to the slightly stunned hall with a smile, "Now you lot listen up! I am sick and tired of this bull shit! The whole light versus dark thing is sooo clichéd! So, I'm giving it up!" There were murmurs and exclamations at this, but Harry kept smiling brightly around at the room.

"Harry, what are you talking about?" Hermione cried.

"Glad you asked bookworm!" Harry grinned, "See, it occurred to me – what the bloody hell is in this for me? So, I've decided – fuck the war I'm gonna become an accountant! Maybe." Stunned silence met this announcement. "And you know what? I don't even want to be a gray wizard which I guess is the middle ground between light and dark and it seems quite popular these days really ... although how that happens I have no idea because really, dark and light aren't colours ... But anyway! From now on I'm on the blue side. You heard me! The blue side."

...

"Potter's cracked!" Malfoy laughed.

"Indeed I have Draco my good man!" Everyone was sure Harry's cheeks had to be hurting from the size of his smile by now. "Now onto business; who's gonna fuck the war and follow me?"

"What are your long term goals?" Luna Lovegood piped up from the Ravenclaw table – she actually seemed quite interested.

"To find and domesticate the Crumple-Horned Snorkack and take over the country of Australia."

"...Merlin, he actually has cracked," Ron said fearfully.

"Already told my buddy Draco over there I had," Harry said cheerfully, "So, who's willing to give up their education to follow an insane teenage wizard Merlin knows where in the hopes of finding a non-existent creature and of taking over a country?"

"I'm with you Harry," Luna announced, standing up, "As the first member of your group can I suggest naked Fridays?"

"No can do Luna," Harry said sorrowfully, "Friday is hand-stand day and that might be a bit awkward. Can we make it naked Thursday?"

"I was rather fond of the Friday..."

"Well... I suppose we can make Wednesday hand-stand day and then we can have naked Fridays!"

"What about Thursday?"

"I thought you just said you didn't want Thursdays?"

"No it's just that you said –"

"Oh you want both! Well naked ThursFri... I like it! Now, anyone else joining?"

"We'll join you Harry!" a bright voice called out and Harry turned to smile (really, weren't his cheeks hurting yet?) at his fan club which comprised of Ginny Weasley, Colin and Dennis Creevey and Cho Chang who for some reason was at the Gryffindor table – probably to help plan stealing his underwear again.

"Jolly good show!" Harry laughed, "Anymore takers? No? Going once – twice – gone! The blue side has chosen its path! The blue side says FUCK THE WAR!" With a maniacal laugh, Harry jumped off the teacher's table and ran – still cackling – from the castle and out into the grounds. Harry's fan club glanced at each other but soon they too were cackling and running from the school after their leader, Luna just skipping along dreamily behind.

Everyone was too deep in shock to do anything about it.

Indeed, it was almost half an hour later that anyone moved at all. Minerva McGonagall wasted no time in speeding up to the Headmaster's office and started speaking as soon as she burst into the room. "Albus! It's Potter! He's gone mad! He just ran from the school saying something about the blue side and - !"

She cut off. How could she not? Crouched on the floor of his office was Albus Dumbledore, surrounded by muggle army figurines. "Oh yes," he was muttering as he separated them into groups, "The fuchsia side will win this war! And now with the leader of the blue side gone from my domain I can lead my troops into battle! Excuse me? Don't back-chat me soldier I am the leader here! What? You want to throw me out of office? I'll give you throwing me out of office!" With a mad cackle not unlike the one a certain insane Gryffindor had emitted just half an hour earlier, he picked up the little green soldier and hurled him out the window.

"A – Albus?" McGonagall stuttered, wondering whether to make a break for it when the Headmaster turned to her with a wide grin.

"Ah Minerva! You must have got my call! So, are you in?"

"I – in, Albus?"

"Why, will you be my deputy of course?"

"I – I most certainly will not Albus Dumbledore! What on earth has gotten into you people today?"

"That is a shame, a dear, dear shame." He pouted for a moment – and rest assured, a pout on a man pushing one hundred and fifty is kind of creepy – before he held something out for the other Professor. It was a bowl full of little yellow sweets.

"Albus listen to me; everyone's going insane!"

"That is a shame."

"What did you do to Harry?"

"... Lemon drop?"

SYDNEY MORNING HERALD

ALL HAIL NEW LEADER OF THE BLUE!

In an unexpected turn of events last night, Harry Potter, British teenager was voted in as the first King of Australia, despite the fact that our country was under the rule of the Queen of England. His first order of business and effective immediately is the direct name change of our country from Australia to 'Blue'. He assures us that aforementioned Queen is a close personal friend and has no problem with his taking over the reins or altering the name. When asked to comment on his new position, His Highness, King Harry had this to say:

'Fuck the war! Viva la revolution!'

Truly inspiring words and this reporter will follow our new King wherever he may go. Especially if he continues to provide all here at The Herald with lemon drops. Good show my liege!

In other news, King Harry is planning on conquering New Zealand next week! And I say good luck to him! Long live the King!

Page 4 - The suspected location of Blue's former Prime Minister

Yes. Yes this is what happens at four o'clock in the morning instead of three. I'm pretty sure the lemon drops won this war. And Dumbledore finally succumbed to the inevitable sugar high! ... Or maybe those lemon drops were just drugged, who knows?