Usual disclaimers, don't own the guys, wish I did (just so I could give them a big hug sometimes)

A "Starsky's Lady" moment...

I Promise, Terry, I promise

We are sitting on the linoleum floor. It's late and we've both already had more than a few.

The chimes have already rung past midnight as I lean my drunken carcass against the kitchen cabinet, my legs outstretched, staring at the wrapped package that sits in my lap.

Two weeks…It's been two weeks, but it still feels like yesterday and a lifetime all at once.

I take a deep breath, and despite myself I can feel the tears starting to well. I know I'm supposed to open it, to be the strong one here, but I don't want to, can't.

I look up, helpless.

Starsky sits cross-legged on the floor, the Monopoly game forgotten between us, dark circles beneath his eyes, his hair a wild tangle of un-kept curls, wearing his favorite red knitted shirt, or is it mine. I can't remember anymore, so many times it's been traded between us.

He smiles at me. It's a sad, lost smile that tries so hard to be strong, tries to ease my hurt, my pain.

He takes in a deep breath, swallows.

"Here. I'll show you," he says bravely.

I watch him open his own small gift, then chuckles under his breath though I can see the tears suddenly welling up as he stares down at the Monopoly book. He stares at it a long time, then looks up at me.

He smiles wobbily, waits.

I stare at the package on my lap again, my chest tight.

When I finally tear it open to reveal the white plush teddy bear, I see his eyes darken suddenly into wells of hurting indigo ink.

"His name is Ollie," he says very quietly. "She kept him on her bed." The corner of his mouth lifts ever so slightly, yet I see the lips trembling.

I reach for Terry's note, open it, start to read aloud…

To Hutch, I entrust Ollie and David….

My voice catches, my throat starts to close up and I can barely finish reading her words aloud.

My vision blurs completely and then it hits me, really hits me to just how much I miss her too, loved her in my own way for loving Starsky and accepting me.

When I look up, I see my partner's smile is still there but wavering beneath glistening tears, trying bravely to hold it together for me, but he just can't anymore.

I watch as the smile is crushed beneath a strangled, choked cry of a heart breaking, bleeding, now broken.

I can't bare to see him like this, it hurts too much, but neither do I look away, I can't, because he's hanging onto to me like a drowning man to his last breath and his pain becomes my pain...me and thee...just hang on Starsk, we'll get through this together.

Terry's note crushes in my hand, her words forever engrained in my heart

Love them both…don't let either change

I promise, Terry, I promise…