I don't own FF VII or any of its characters.

TW : Child Abuse

Kadaj is trying to get the blood out from underneath his fingernails. He works his tongue under the edge of the nail to get the blood out. The metallic taste is disgusting but the sight of rusty brown will make him even sicker. Kadaj is already haunted enough. He doesn't need to take pieces of his opponent with him.

He swipes at the tears running down his face. He hadn't even noticed he was crying until his vision became too blurred to see the mess on his hands. He wipes his eyes and goes back to his work. Who knows how long it will be until he can get into the shower. Hojo was so angry after the match that is no telling what the man might do during Kadaj's post training examination.

A younger Kadaj would have pitched a fit, thrown things screamed and cried until the scientists or guards sedated him but this Kadaj… he's too tired and weary for things like that. It's always better to get it over with. His punishments were always so much worse back then.

His eyes get blurry again. He lets them run. He will just work the blood out by taste. He won't stop crying anyway, not until he is safe a sound in his room with Cloud. It's useless to try. He's sleepy. This morning Cloud had said he'd have a funny story waiting for him when he got back. He wishes he were there now, with the other boy's clean skin and warmth. He wishes Hojo would just hurry up to punish him.

The door creaks open and Kadaj stops working on his nails. He sets his hands in his lap like Hojo has instructed him to but he cannot stop the way his hands become fists gripped around the fabric of his pants once the mad scientist approaches.

"Are you frightened?"

Hojo's voice is soft, almost gentle. Kadaj shudders. The softer Hojo's voice goes the worse things he has in store for you.

The backhand across the face proves Kadaj right. Blood drips from his nose in droplets that make a soft plip noise as the hit the white exam room floor. A drop or two hit his slippers and Kadaj winces because he knows he will have to scrub them until they are white again. He hates red, the color of blood. His blood. Cloud's blood. His enemies' blood. Red, disgusting red. If he ever gets out of this hellhole the only color he will ever wear is black. Black from head to toe with a nice long leather coat like the one Uncle always wore. You can't see stains with black. That's something Kadaj thinks is nice.

"You would think," Hojo says with a sneer worthy of kings and gods," that you would have learned to stop sniveling by now."

He punctuates his sentence with a rough upward tug of Kadaj's chin. Kadaj cannot help himself and thetears continue to fall from him as unwanted sacrifices. He tried, he really did but he can't just kill like Cloud can. It's not in his DNA like it seems to be in Cloud. Nobody should want to kill anyone, atleast not a normal person, but everyone knows that Hojo was far from normal.

It made the scientist angry. Kadaj was his special, top secret number one project and any failings in Kadaj are failings in Hojo. That is unacceptable. Kadaj is supposed be perfect but he didn't know how when he is just a human boy. He isn't even thirteen yet nor does he have hair under his arm like Cloud. His voice still squeaks sometimes but Hojo doesn't care about that, all he cares about are results.

"I can't kill like Cloud."

He jerks his head away from the scientist's grip but Hojo catches him by his nape and tugs on it until he once again is looking at the man. There is disgust on Hojo's face but also hints of frustration written clearlyin the lines of mouth.

"I know," Hojo says and from the way his tormentor grits his teeth Kadaj knows that whatever happens next is going to cause him unimaginable levels of suffering.

They both know that Kadaj shouldn't have taken pity and lowered his sword just before the last is only something Cloud can do and not hurt. He told Kadaj it gets easier but he lied. It's gets harder and harder because Kadaj doesn't know when it will end. He is not the Demon of Wuait or the Nibelheim Wolf as they call Cloud behind his back. He is only Kadaj, little plain Kadaj who hates blood under his nails and hates the color white.

As if he can read his captive's thoughts, Hojo grips Kadaj's hair even harder. The boy winces and tries to wriggle out of the grasp of his attacker but the blockers he was just with leave him weaker than a newborn sometimes. He is scared of what Hojo has planned and sick, sick of always being so afraid. His temper lashes out like it always does when he is scared. Even through of the nightmares and abuse, Kadaj can't seem to tamp it down even with Cloud's ever persistent help.

Thank Gaia for Cloud Kadaj thinks between the pains. He is the only reason that Kadaj has survived and the only reason that Kadaj attempts to live. He's heard tales of other subjects doing it. Using a bedsheet or a sharp instrument that a scientist carelessly left out. There was even a rumor of an inmate bashing

his head in until his brains fell out. Cloud had made him promise though. He had said yes of course. There were days when he loved Cloud so much that he ached at the thought that he had once hated the blond boy. That was a different world then, a lifetime ago. Kadaj could barely remember it on his harder days. But Cloud was always optimistic always clear and he had made Kadaj promise that'd be out of the labs one day. They swore on blood, on the gore that coated the both of them after brutal training sessions that had left their opponents in pieces. Hojo liked that, the sicko. He liked when they didn't kill as cleanly as they could. Cloud said that Hojo probably got off on it but Kadaj didn't know what that meant.

He didn't know a lot of things but Cloud knew and he was the one that kept them safe. He kept them alive so that one day they could escape. Kadaj despite Hojo's anger, cried harder. He wanted to live but Hojo made it so hard.

"I'm sorry."

It is futile to say it but there are times when Hojo feels merciful and Hojo's clemency is always worth a shot. Kadaj fights the urge to sob. Hojo would really hate that. It always feels as though you can't win. He hates it. Always losing and being punished for it.

Kadaj whimpers.

Please let it not be a vivisection. The pain was indescribable and left Kadaj grasping and struggling against his restraints with the urge to try and pull his crawling insides back in. Hojo would play music, Yuna, a pop singer from a country far away. One day, a guard escorting Kadaj from as successful session hadwhistled the tune as they walked down the corridor. Kadaj threw up on the first notes and had been so violently ill that a medic was called.

Hojo chuckles.

Kadaj swallows, the action difficult with the way his neck is arched back. He thinks briefly that maybe he should apologize. Sometimes, Hojo will be lenient if he grovels. Power must be a wonderful thing Kadaj thinks weakly. He could sure use a bit.

"I should put you on that table and cut you to pieces."

Kadaj sobs because who can keep it together under the threat of vivisection.

"Please…"

The words sound garbled and Kadaj reaches up to try to grab at the hands that are pulling out his hair. He opens his eyes and stares into Hojo's face.

"Please don't hurt me."

Something flashes across Hojo's face. His eyes go wide for a breath and then he flings Kadaj away before shaking his hand out like he was handling filth.

"Your father never cried."

"Sephiroth is not my father, Hojo."

Kadaj closes his eyes and tries to quiet the hysteria that bubbles up behind his eyes and in his throat. His father is Zackary Fair, not Sephiroth. He regrets all the times he wished it were reversed. Hojo likes to taunt him with it. Hojo always makes it clear that Sephiroth's humanity was about the size of a gnat. He taunts Kadaj with it because if Sephiroth is his father then Kadaj is not human either. Maybe a vivisection would be better, at least those he could heal from.

Hojo laughs and slaps at Kadaj's cheek in what in any normal circumstances would be a joking manner. Kadaj feels the tension leave his shoulders. If Hojo laughs, then it might just be something small like a mako shower or testing a dangerous new material that might leave a few burns. He wouldn't have to see his guts sitting next to him of the examination table.

"You're his son. Haven't I told you this a thousand times, boy? Do I have to tell you again how his cells devoured Zack Fair's son like a cancer and left you instead? You aren't human, boy, and the sooner you get that out of your head, the sooner you'll be better off. Gods don't want to be human, boy, and you are the son of a God!"

Kadaj nods, the movement adding a few more red drops to the floor.

"Yes, Doctor."

It was the right answer. Hojo grins and takes a lock of Kadaj's hair. He tugs on it playfully but Kadaj knows it could turn vicious in a matter of seconds. His face almost looks paternal.

"I made you, boy, so I only want the best for you. You see how strong your father is? That was me. I can make you stronger than him, stronger than anything you ever imagine."

Kadaj doesn't like the gleam in Hojo's eyes but he nods and says yes doctor again.

"That brat's got your mind poisoned. I should get rid of him."

"No!"

Kadaj's head snaps up so fast that he nearly knocks Hojo in the chin. He grips at the man's lab coat, uncaring that he is smearing blood all over the pristine white cloth.

"You can't. You can't. I need him."

Kadaj can barely breathe under the fear. In/Out. In/Out. The air doesn't seem to be reaching his lungs. No cloud. There can't be a world like that. There is already a world with no Mom, Dad or Uncle. Cloud is all he has left. Cloud is what he needs to keep making his lungs move. Hojo's lips curl and he rips Kadaj's hands from his coat so hard that they smack the boy back in his face.

"I should do it. Look at you bawling like a woman over some boy. It would only take a phone call."

A phone call. A flip of a PHS and that's all it would take for Hojo to destroy Kadaj's world. How ugky. How hopeless. Kadaj could cry but tears don't get you anywhere with Hojo. The boy feels acid burn in his throat. There are never any good options. He staggers out of his chair and falls right in front of the scientist. It forces its way out and onto Hojo's shiny black shoes.

Hojo kicks him for it. Kicking him like a dog and ordering his only hope dead like it is a pizza run. Something in Kadaj snaps. Isn't he the son of a god? Would a god be crying by the feet of an ugly, stupid human? Why then is he cowering in front of Hojo? It broils through his veins and burns through the sluggish feeling of his inhibitors. Kadaj stands to his feet, shakier than a new born chocobo. His pale hand lashes out at Hojo's arm and with a scream, one of horror and one of rage, Hojo's wrist snaps.

"Don't hurt him. I'll kill if you do. I'll rip you apart worst than I've ever ripped one or your monsters apart before. There won't be anywhere I can't find you if you kill, Big Brother."

Black smoke starts to curl around Kadaj. Hojo pushes the boy away with his good arm although the movement feels like an ant smacking against a mountain to Kadaj. The teenager looks to his side as a dark dog like creature begins to emerge from the smoke. In his distraction, Hojo scrambles out of the room and into the hallway. Kadaj only becomes aware by the hiss of the door's airlock.

"Increase his dosage. I wanted it increased!"

Kadaj can hear Hojo screaming down the corridor. Big Brother. It feels right. Cloud looks after him like one. There must be a connection if they can be okay together in this Hell of Hojo's creation. The words soothe his lungs like a medicine and Kadaj breathes easier and finds strength.

The dog creature nudges Kadaj's hand and he is surprised to see it lick his fingers like a puppy. It whines and paws at his pants.

"Master?"

Dogs can't talk but this is Hojo's labs and stranger things have happened. Kadaj runs his hand between what he thinks is the head of the creature. Its tongue lolls out in pleasure.

"Tear them apart. Anyone who comes into this room except for Big Brother tear them apart limb by limb."

The hound rumbles and lets out a nightmarish howl. Smoke curls from its breath and other hounds join it in a burst of soot and plumes.

"Master has spoken. Master has spoken and we will do as he pleases."

The other dogs howl in response and rush towards Kadaj in a crowd of snuffles and woofs.

"Our Master has spoken. Let us obey him," they crow in unison and joy.

No personnel make it farther than the door that night. In the end, the staff decides to deprive the room of oxygen until Kadaj passes out.

When he wakes up under the heavy arm of Cloud, he smiles though the blood caked on his face makes it stiff. It was worth it, all of it, come what may. He snuggles closer, breathing in woodland scent that has never left Cloud no matter how many years they spend in the labs.

"I can protect you too, Big Brother," he slurs because the amount of tranquilizers in his blood could probably kill Behemoth.

Kadaj opens and closes his fist feeling his power thrum under the heavy blanket of his inhibitors. Hojo left without hurting him. He knows from playground rules what that means – He has the upper hand now. Kadaj closes his eyes and for the first time in a long time, he has sweet dreams.