Disclaimer:

*gets phone call*

Random person on other line: Hi! You have just won the rights to Big Time Rush! All you have to do is press 1 and –

My brother: I need to use the phone *hangs up the phone for me*

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU STUPID EVIL CHILD!

Hehe :)

Logan POV

I sat down by the pool, ready for a relaxing afternoon. It was only 11 o'clock, I had my whole day ahead of me.

After our second album went out, Gustavo had given us a 3 month break, and let us do whatever for a while. I wanted to spend it chilling, reading and figuring out how to get to university.

Right now, I was obviously chilling.

As I watched Carlos and James dunk each other in the pool, having a great time, I felt a twinge of a feeling. Sorrow? No, that's not it. Guilt? No, nothing to be guilty about. Jealousy? I think I hit the right feeling. I couldn't be jealous of Carlos, James and I are only friends, I never felt anything for him. No way was I jealous of James, Carlos was like my little brother.

Yes, I am gay. I had known I was since I first moved to LA, that's when I realized it.

I realized what I was jealous about. Not either of them, but just their relationship. I was jealous that they both knew that they loved each other, and had no problem with showing it.

I looked over to my right, my boyfriend sitting there, kissing Jo.

No, I didn't get angry, I saw this almost every day. My boyfriend had Jo as a cover up, he didn't want to go public with our relationship just yet.

If you didn't know by now, my boyfriend is Jet Jettson.

I don't know how we began dating, it just sort of happened, and all the while he pretended to go after Jo. I completely trusted him, I knew that he loved me and I loved him too.

They disappeared into the lobby, and I joined Carlos and James in the pool, something I rarely did. No matter how many days I spent by the pool, I probably only went in 4 times since we got here – 9 months ago.

After a game of extreme water polo, James and Carlos wanted to see a movie, but what they wanted to watch wasn't exactly my idea of a good time. They wanted to see some movie called 'Evil Girls' or something. It was some sort of movie about cheerleaders, and they were both obsessed with wanting to watch it. They had seen every commercial, hooked on the announcers every word.

I went upstairs to 2J and entered my room – well, Kendall's and my room.

Kendall and Jo had broken up a while ago, because she cheated on him with Dak Zevon. At the time, Dak didn't know that Jo and Kendall were dating, but the second he found out he broke up with her, apologizing to Kendall, and Kendall swore off Jo.

I was proud to see him just dismiss her, he hardly seemed upset at all.

"Hey Logan. Can I ask you something?" Kendall asked me.

"Sure." I said, sitting down next to him on the bed.

"Logan, I don't know how to put this in words."

"C'mon, you know you can tell me anything. Best Friends until the end!"

"okay, Logan I-"

Suddenly Camille burst into the room. "oh my god!" she screamed.

"What happened?" Kendall asked, getting up.

"I walked into my and Jo's apartment to see the most disturbing sight of my life! I walked in to see Jo and Jett having sex." She gasped.

My mind swirled, I didn't completely understand what happened. Before I knew what was going on, I was running out of the apartment, heading straight for Jo's.

"JETT!" I yelled, banging the door open.

I threw open the bedroom door to see them lying in bed, naked, post-it.

"What the FUCK man? I thought you loved me." I said.

Jo sat up. "What the hell is wrong with you Logan? You're not dating Jett, I am. You can't just burst into our room and start yelling like a maniac." Jo said rudely.

"Stay out of it you bitch. You hurt Kendall, you will never get respect from me. And you" I said, pointing at Jett. "You hurt me. I'll make sure you never forget it you lying son-of-a-bitch!" I stormed out.

"Logie, wait!" Jett yelled

"Don't you dare call me Logie. Ever. Again." I said angrily, and slammed the apartment door. I heard it fly open and saw Jett run out, now with jeans on.

"but she made me!" he said.

I chuckled at the weak excuse. "oh, because Jo is obviously stronger than you. And you obviously couldn't come up with a reason like 'it's too soon' or 'later' or just plain 'NO!' But wait, you wanted it so bad you would cheat on me. No Jett, it's over. I don't care what you say. I DON'T!" I said, skipping the elevator and heading for the stairs. I went upstairs, to the roof. No one knew this, but I liked staying up at the roof, it was my spot. Unless Carlos was attempting a stupid stunt, no one came up here. I became so lost in thoughts, I didn't notice I fell asleep. I dreamt.

"Logan, honey, it's me, your mom!"

"mom? I thought you were de-" I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence.

"God promised me one last visit. I needed to tell you something."

"what, mom, tell me! Please don't leave me mommy, please don't! No one loves me, no one!"

"honey, think about your life, why didn't you burst into tears when you found out the person you loved didn't love you back? You don't love Jett, that's why."

"he was my everything."

"look carefully, who was always there? Who does Jett remind you of, in some ways?"

"mom, I don't know! Please, help me, give me a sign!"

"A bigger sign that this one?" she said, chuckling. I realized how stupid I sounded, she came back from heaven in my dreams, and I wanted a bigger sign.

"help me mom!"

"honey, I'll try, but I have to go now."

"mom, don't leave me!" I screamed after her. Her figure became smaller and smaller.

Suddenly, my dream shifted.

I was in my room, reading the tabloids. It was something I had done just days ago. This was a memory, not exactly a dream.

The title of the article said "Jo leaves Kendall for Jett. Was she just looking for the same thing with a different hair colour?"

My mind raced, even in my dream I had logical thoughts.

Jett's eyes were green. Kendall's eyes were green.

Jett was a leader. Kendall is a leader.

Jett did anything to help his friends. Kendall did anything to help his friends.

There was only difference. Kendall had helped me through everything, never putting any problems on my shoulders, only on his own.

I awoke with a start. I had realized a few things.

The first thing I realized is that I was looking for another Kendall in my life.

The second thing was that the reason I had never thought this way about Kendall is because my irritatingly logical mind had pushed away the thought before it could do any harm. There was a lot to lose – a best friend is the worst possible thing to lose.

I looked at the time. It was just past midnight, I had been gone all day. I checked if I got any texts or calls, and sure enough I had 4 phone calls and 15 texts – 3 from Jett, 3 from James, 4 from Carlos and 5 from Kendall.

I read them all.

To: Logan

From: Jett

Received: Tuesday, March 15th. 12:34 pm

Logan, I'm sorry! I promise I'll never do it again!

To: Logan

From: Jett

Received: Tuesday, March 15th. 12:47 pm

Logan, please come back! I love you!

To: Logan

From: Jett

Received: Tuesday, March 15th. 1:02 pm

I never meant to! Please forgive me Logie! Please!

To: Logan

From: Kendall

Received: Tuesday, March 15th. 12:33 pm

Where'd you run off to? We're looking everywhere! What happened?

To: Logan

From: James

Received: Tuesday, March 15th. 6:35 pm

C'mon man, where are you? It's dinner time and I'm hungry!

To: Logan

From: Carlos

Received: Tuesday, March 15th. 7:08 pm

Logan, come home, we are all really worried! Please!

To: Logan

From: Kendall

Received: Tuesday, March 15th. 7:18 pm

We're all freaking out here! Come home RIGHT NOW!

To: Logan

From: Kendall

Received: Tuesday, March 15th. 7:56 pm

It's not funny. Get home. Now.

To: Logan

From: James

Received: Tuesday, March 15th. 8:06 pm

Please come home, we need our nerd back :)

To: Logan

From: Carlos

Received: Tuesday, March 15th. 8:23 pm

I need my big bro back!

To: Logan

From: James

Received: Tuesday, March 15th. 8:47 pm

Are you mad that we went to watch the movie without you? If you are, we're really sorry! Come home and we can discuss it, please! We'll do whatever, we're just seriously worried here!

To: Logan

From: Carlos

Received: Tuesday, March 15th. 9:14 pm

Whatever I did to make you mad, I'm sorry, just come home! Please!

To: Logan

From: Kendall

Received: Tuesday, March 15th. 10:28 pm

Is this supposed to be a sick joke? Logie, come home!

To: Logan

From: Carlos

Received: Tuesday, March 15th. 11:34 pm

Please? Logie, please? :(

To: Logan

From: Kendall

Received: Tuesday, March 16th. 12:22 am

Logan! I can't stand being away from you for so long and not knowing where you are! If you don't reply by 12:30, I'm getting Carlos' dad out here!

My cellphone beeped with another one.

To: Logan

From: Kendall

Received: Tuesday, March 16th. 12:29 am

You have exactly one minute Logie. Please come home. I'm really worried. We all are. Carlos is in tears, James won't look at anyone and is blaming himself and my mom is in hysterics. Katie locked herself in her room. Please. You keep us together, please come home.

And almost immediately, I got a phone call. I tried to answer it, but I couldn't. I hit the answer button, but my finger went through the phone.

I stood up, and saw my body lying next to me with a knife in my leg.

"Mom!" I called out. She would help me. I heard her voice in my mind. "I can't help you. Kendall is the only one who can do that."

As if on cue, Kendall ran onto the roof. He looked around frantically, trying to see in the dark. His eyes suddenly widened. He ran right past me – no, he ran right through me and over to the body. He picked up my limp body and held it close. Tears fell on to it and I heard him whisper. "Logan, I love you. Why did you leave me?"

I was drawn back towards my body, and joined it. I could feel him holding me, but I couldn't open my eyes. I tried, oh I tried more than you could imagine. I kept screaming at myself to open my eyes. I tried, but something was holding me back. "Mom, please!" I begged. "help!" I screamed in my head.

I awoke in Kendall's arms, my hair wet with his tears. There was a burning pain in my leg.

"Did you mean it?" I asked him

"You – you're awake! Logan, you didn't leave me!"

"I would never leave someone I love."

"you – you love me?"

"more than you can imagine." I hugged him, and he hugged back. After our hug that was much too short was over, Kendall dialed 911.

I blacked out again, but this time, I awoke in a hospital bed.

"Kendall?" was the first thing that came out of my mouth.

"Logie, I'm right here."

I saw his beautiful green eyes, and couldn't help but stare. He was so beautiful. Just, beautiful.

"is he awake yet?" I heard Carlos' voice come, James right behind him as they opened the door.

Kendall smiled and nodded, and squeezed my hand. Apparently, he had been holding it.

I was met with shouts of excitement and hugs, and Katie and Mrs. Knight came in too.

"oh my god, Logan, you're alright! Don't scare me like that again!" Mrs. Knight said.

"I'm sorry Mama Knight." I said, smiling at her. She gave me a giant bear hug, and her eyes started tearing up a bit. Katie swooped down with a hug herself, then scolded me. "Do you what it's like to think that one of your brothers is gone? DO YOU? No, Logan, you don't! So don't leave the house ever again without telling us. No going to the roof again. EVER." Katie said, and I could tell she was holding back a sob.

"You're as much a big brother to me as you are to Katie, and you gave me the scare of my life. Please, if you're going out somewhere, anywhere, tell us! Even if you're mad, tell us where you're going. I don't want to lose you." Carlos said shakily. He hugged me again.

"Don't leave us again. Please?" James begged. "I don't know what I'll do if I don't have my competitive little nerd keeping us grounded. You're usually the one who reprimands us for almost killing ourselves, so please, take your own advice!" he said teasingly. He also swooped down for another bear hug.

"With all the love I'm getting I should disappear more often!" I said, chuckling.

"Please, don't even joke about that." Kendall said.

"Can Kendall and I have some time alone?" I asked everyone. They nodded and walked out.

"Kendall, did you mean what you said back there? Or did you only say it because you were scared?" I said, bracing myself for the worst.

"I meant every bit of it. I love you, and I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. I need you. If you had been gone, I just don't know…" he trailed off, erupting into sobs.

"Kendall, it's okay. I love you too." I said, smiling.

He leaned down, and gave me the perfect kiss.

Thanks for reading! Just letting you now, this is sooo… not going to be a one shot! Many more chapters to come, all hopefully as long as this one :P

I know I should be updating many other stories (well, mainly 1) but I had the urge to write this one :D

Please review, they are all greatly appreciated!