Epilogue

Between the police and insurance investigations, it took a week before the reconstruction of Roxanne's apartment could even be considered. During that time, she decided that so long as her new boyfriend and his beloved sidekick didn't mind — in fact were thrilled — to share their home with her, offering her any rooms she wanted as her temporary residence, she would accept their generosity without complaint. After all, there was no hotel in Metro City that could offer her such luxurious accommodations along with spa facilities and a five-star caliber chef ready and most willing to cook all her meals to suit her whims, for free. There was also the added bonus of getting to watch the city's new hero off-stage, in his comfort zone, where there was no need for him to put on any sort of face for the public. It was fascinating, and as multi-faceted an experience as the full tour she'd been given of his unexpectedly beautiful home.

But then, by the end of that first week, Roxanne had learned that when it came to the real Megamind, it was always wise to expect the unexpected. The Friday after the end of Tighten's reign of terror, Roxanne was finishing her breakfast in the sunny kitchen, trying not to think about a dull end-of-the-week meeting scheduled for that afternoon. She wondered if she would have to spend the coming weekend walking into town far enough to reach a city bus to go shopping, since Hal had flattened her car and the insurance company was still haggling over whether or not destruction by super-powered being constituted an act of God. Minion had been an absolute angel about driving her to work every morning, since Megamind was too busy to do it himself just now, and she felt that it would be an imposition to ask either of them to drive her around all weekend, just so she could go car and clothing shopping (the latter of which couldn't be put off much longer, since she'd been able to salvage only two decent on-camera suitable outfits from the ruins of her apartment). She had just started contemplating how she was going to afford a new-to-her set of wheels — having no faith in the insurance company coming through any time before the end of the century — when Megamind, disturbingly bright-eyed and energetic for the unholy hour of the day, plopped down in the chair beside hers at the kitchen table and asked, "How would you like your apartment rebuilt?"

Roxanne paused just as she was about to take a sip of her coffee and looked at the far too chipper alien over the rim of her cup. She really couldn't blame him for his enthusiastic attitude, given how his life had done a complete turn-about so very recently. While the brainbots carried out the tasks of clean up and repair around the city, returning to the Lair in shifts to be recharged, repaired, or given new instructions to carry out, Megamind had been working with civic leaders in planning certain upgrades to places and infrastructure that Hal had destroyed, educating the various police and emergency services in the systems he had used to control many kinds of crime during his tenure as Evil Overlord, and generally reacquainting the people of Metro City with their former villain, now defender. Things had been going astonishingly well — not perfectly, of course, since there were plenty of people who would need a lot of convincing before they'd be willing to forgive him his villainous past, and some who likely never would. But compared to his more than thirty years of being an outcast, alone in the world but for Minion, it was a literally miraculous improvement, so he had good reason to be happy.

Roxanne also liked to think that she was no small part of his giddy mood, and she was right. His insanely optimistic nature generally didn't allow him to stay down and depressed for long, but on those days when struggles with the more obstinate people opposed to his second chance in life had him sinking toward the bottom, the smallest sign of affection from her could raise him right back up and send his spirits soaring. She was fairly certain that this extreme reaction wouldn't last forever, but she was glad that she could have this effect on him during this very rocky part of his transition from evil to good. Then again, this was Megamind, so it was entirely possible that the condition would be, for all intents and purposes, permanent. Which would be just fine with her. It was rather heady stuff, knowing that you could have that immediately positive an effect on another person.

So when he sat down and popped out his most peculiar question about her apartment, Roxanne was just a wee bit confused. "How would I like my apartment rebuilt?" she echoed, examining the question in search of a more enlightening angle. "Well, the way it was without the drafty windows and leaky shower head would be nice, and having it finished before the end of the year would be good, though I'd rather have it back before the snow flies."

"Oh, no, that won't do at all!" was the new hero's insistent reply. Pinky, who had just filled Roxanne's coffee cup — having become quite attached to Daddy's house guest over the past few days — bowged a mite irritably when he snagged the coffee pot from the bot's claw as it floated by to see if Roxanne's barely-touched cup already needed a warm-up. Megamind ignored Pinky's annoyance, gesturing with his free hand while he filled an empty cup with the other. "You don't understand, I'm not talking about mere reconstruction, I'm talking major remodeling! Anything you want, any design, any style, any fixtures, you just have to name it!"

The reporter smiled. His enthusiasm, not to mention his suggestion, was sweet, if impractical. "That's a lovely idea," she admitted, "but I don't think my insurance company — or the owner of my apartment — will go for it."

The alien was appalled. "You mean you're not allowed to remodel your apartment to suit your tastes?"

"No, I mean neither they nor my insurance will pay for anything better than what I had before, if they pay at all. I'm sure the owner would love it if I made that place a real luxury apartment, but he's not going to pay dime one for any improvements."

"Oh, is that all?" Megamind waved one hand dismissively before reaching for the sugar bowl and cream pitcher, the latter of which was currently filled with a chocolate-mint cream. Roxanne was glad she tended to prefer her coffee black, at least in the morning. Watching him drop three sugar cubes and half the pot of cream into his mug made her teeth crawl — though given how thin he was, she figured it wouldn't hurt him. Maybe she should talk to Minion about sneaking a protein supplement into the cream — and most of the rest of his food, for that matter. Megamind would always be incredibly thin, that was obviously hereditary, but if he was going into full-time hero work, she figured a little extra muscle would help for those inevitable times when he wouldn't be able to rely on technology and intellect alone.

"It's a lot," she sighed. "I need to get a new car first, and replace most of my wardrobe..."

"Not to worry," he assured her with an amusingly charming waggle of his expressive eyebrows. "I ran a few quick calculations, and if you roughly estimate a five hour average per kidnapping, multiplied by three hundred and twenty-seven, then figure that as a basis against your current hourly wage—"

Roxanne set down her mug with a sharp thunk! "Are you talking about paying me restitution?"

"Well, yes, I was thinking that it would only be fair..." The stern look with which she favored him took the smile from his face, replacing it with innocent, wide-eyed confusion. "You don't like the idea?" he asked uncertainly. "Everyone else seems to think that paying restitution is a good way for me to make up for some of my more villainous behavior..."

The reporter sighed again, but she also smiled. "For some people, it is," she agreed, leaning over to kiss his cheek, knowing it would help improve his visibly deflating spirits. It did, though not quite as much as she would've liked. Should've gone for the lips. "But they're asking so much of you, I couldn't think of adding to the burden. You don't need to buy my affection."

"But..." A small frown pinched between his brows. "Isn't that what I should be doing? I mean, not buying your affection, but isn't serial kidnapping a worse offense than property damage and vandalism and breaking and entering and disturbing the peace?"

She chuckled. "Well, yes, technically speaking, it is, but looking back on it, I think it might be more accurately described as a strange kind of alien/human courting ritual. I couldn't live with the idea of being paid restitution for that."

He deflated again. "But you deserve it."

She patted his hand. "It's enough for me that you thought to offer. Besides, I know how much the court is suggesting as an appropriate amount. It's going to take you years to pay that off. Like, to the end of your life and after."

Now, the look of confusion took a left-hand, sort of "get real!" turn. "That?" Megamind snorted. "Oh, don't worry about that. It was all taken care of yesterday."

It was Roxanne's turn to look confused, though startled would have been a better description. Even shocked. "It was? What did you do, Megamind, empty out the vaults of every bank in the state of Michigan?"

He shook his head, lifting his chin in mild indignation. "Of course not! I would've needed to hit half the banks in Wisconsin and Ohio, too — but not Illinois," he added, wrinkling his nose. "They're always teetering on the brink of bankruptcy. No, the government finally unfroze all my assets — that's a terrible image, you know, freezing one's assets. Who ever came up with such an... obskeen turn of phrase...?"

Roxanne whistled shrilly, interrupting his off-topic diatribe and bringing Pinky zipping back with the coffee pot. "Hold on one second!" she commanded, causing both alien and brainbot to freeze. She shooed off Pinky — who moved back to the other side of the kitchen with a disappointed little narf — before turning to her host. "Are you telling me you were able to pay off that ridiculously huge settlement and not wind up totally bankrupt?"

The green eyes blinked in such a way that Roxanne was sure he was briefly questioning her sanity. "No, of course I didn't — wind up bankrupt, that is. Didn't I tell you that I've been accumulating receipts and royalties from a number of patented inventions, ever since I was seven?" She nodded. "And did I mention that I'd earned nearly as much as the Scott fortune by the time I turned sixteen?" She nodded again. "Well, do you think it all stopped back then? Just because I was in prison didn't mean that people could get away with using my inventions without proper payment. Everything went into trust against the possibility of my eventual parole, I've acquired quite a number of new patents since, and the income has increased substantially, except for a few unfortunate setbacks due to problems with the economy since the turn of the century. I'm not anywhere near bankrupt, far from it."

His expression shifted to the heart-wrenchingly sad puppy face no human could ever hope to match. "So is there something terribly wrong with wanting to share what I have with you, now that I can legally access it?"

The whole situation seemed so bizarre and unexpected, Roxanne felt as if her head had been popped off and not screwed back on quite right. She rubbed her forehead, trying to massage away the strange feeling. "So let me see if I've got this straight: You've paid off the restitution the city and the circuit court asked for two days ago."

"Yes, that's right," Megamind confirmed.

"And you still have money left."

"Also right."

"A lot of money."

"You could call it that."

"We're talking a lot as in, won a couple of record-setting jackpots in the lottery."

"At least a couple, yes."

"Bill Gates kind of assets."

"He wishes! Gates wouldn't have a peet to pot in, if it weren't for some of my inventions!"

"Do I want to know how much, exactly?"

"Uh... from the way you're acting I'd say no, probably not."

"Which means the Area 51 'modern computer technology comes from aliens' conspiracy theories are actually right?"

"Well, since I am an alien, I suppose they are — although the technology came out of my head, not some bogus crashed spaceship."

"Fair enough." She ran one finger around the rim of her mug, contemplating the possibilities. Pinky sidled over to her again, so tentatively, Roxanne relented and let the bot top off her cup. "So, were you thinking of this as a loan or a gift or what?"

The ex-villain nibbled his lower lip, trying to decide which answer had the least risk of offending her. "Um... whatever you want, Roxanne, really," he finally said. "I do think I owe you more than I could ever repay, but if it would make you uncomfortable to accept anything like that from me, I'd understand. Some people might miscon— mikson— take it the wrong way, and I hear that independent women don't care for that sort of... er... bad image?"

Roxanne understood what he was trying to find the right words to say. "If you mean I don't like being beholden to other people for things I ought to be able to handle on my own, you're right, Megamind, I don't. Wayne tried to offer me money to help me out after I was released from the hospital, back... well, you know when. I didn't accept, of course. But he and I were just friends. Do you really want to do this for me, as a gift?"

"Of course! I can afford it, you can't, and..." He flushed sheepishly. "I feel more than a little responsible that you lost so much because of a scheme of mine that backfired. Rebuilding your apartment for you in whatever way you like would feel like paying you back, if only a little. I'd love to do it, if you'll let me."

She considered the matter a bit more. "Will you have the time, though? Between the meetings with the authorities and all the work you've been putting in to atone for your mistakes, I've seen more of you when I'm out reporting on the progress of restoring the city than I have here."

That truth brought a wistfully sad look to the blue face. "I know. But once the repairs are a little farther along and the reconstruction plans are finalized and the police and other emergency services are hooked into the city wide security net, I'll have the time."

The sound Roxanne made was skeptically amused. "Then I can expect to still be living here come New Year's, huh?"

But the sarcasm flew right over Megamind's big head. "Oh, no, all that should be done by the middle of next week, tops. And if City Hall keeps dragging its feet deciding what they want done, they can drag them without me for a while. I really want to do this for you, Roxanne, all of it. New apartment, new car, new anything you need or want. It's just money, after all, and you're... you. Please let me help."

Those last four words, spoken with such simple, unaffected sincerity stole more than just the reporter's breath; what was left in her keeping of her own heart melted. In only a handful of days, Megamind had dropped so much of the "evil" facade that had been his armor against a very cruel world for nearly thirty years, Roxanne could understand why some people feared it was just another act, another trick. But even though he would probably never lose some of those mannerisms and habits — she frankly hoped he didn't, because they were part of what made him what he was, in amusingly and charmingly quirky ways — the fact that he was able to just let go of so much of them now that he had a good reason to do so was almost literally mind-blowing. She had to find a way to let the people of Metro City see what was now so plain in the former villain, the side of him that was so heartbreakingly earnest, one could not help but see in his face and hear in his voice the child he had once been and in many ways still was, exposed, vulnerable, and asking for the chance in life he had never been given, had never been allowed: Please let me help.

Yes, she was definitely going to have to find Wayne and rip him a couple of new ones. Very soon.

She smiled, surrendering. "Okay, why not? If a girl can't let her guy show off his generous, indulgent side for her once in a while, she's not much of a girlfriend, is she?"

Seeing the look that transformed his expression from uncertain sadness to absolute joy was like watching the first sunrise over paradise. "Yes!" he crowed, unable to contain himself for more than two seconds, pumping both fists in victory. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Oh, thank you thank you thank you, Roxanne, I was hoping you'd agree, not that I thought for a second that you wouldn't, but you know, well, I did have that little doubt about it being insulting to a strong person like you, but I thought well, it couldn't hurt to ask, though I guess it could, I mean, literally hurt, if you did get insulted and decided to clobber me, but still, I thought, this is Roxanne, she can be a reasonable person, after all, she put up with all those kidnappings and the evil surprises on her birthday and—"

The blue eyes widened. "Whoa, time out! You were the one who sent me all those silly singing telegrams with the most godawful excuse for lyrics known to Man? And here I was thinking it must've been Wayne in an early 'Music Man' phase..."

Megamind drooped so suddenly, she felt as if she'd just popped his inner balloon. "You thought they were that bad?" he squeaked, uncomfortable with her comparison to the very musically challenged Music Man.

She gave him her best reassuring smile, and was relieved that she didn't need to fake it. "The lyrics were pretty dreadful, but I have to admit, the tunes were evil, 'cause they got stuck in my head for days! That's a good thing, sweetie," she added when he still looked doubtful. "That means they were catchy and I liked them."

"You did?" He immediately reinflated, puncture wound patched. "Really? I can show you some other things like that if you want, without the lyrics, of course..."

She laughed at his irrepressible enthusiasm. "Later. Let's deal with one surprise at a time. Like remodeling my apartment. I've gotta tell you, that idea really appeals to me, especially after seeing what you've done here, with nothing to work with."

"Actually, having nothing as a starting point can be an asset. Loft space is so much easier to work with, since you don't have a lot of extant structure and utilities that need to be incorporated." He suddenly stood up, grabbed his coffee mug in one hand and her free hand with the other. "Minion wanted to put in another load of laundry before he takes you to work," he explained as he tugged gently to encourage her to follow him. "I want to show you some of the ideas I came up with for the remodeling, it won't take more than a minute or two..."

Roxanne had heard enough of that claim in the last few days to know that if she went along with him, she'd be late for work — again. Ah, what the heck, she thought, snagging her own mug as she allowed herself to be led toward the elevator to the Lair's business levels. After everything she'd been through lately, her boss would understand and cut her a little slack, especially if she could provide a few exclusive comments from the city's new defender to spice up the evening's newscast. Besides, after seeing the Lair's living quarters, she was undeniably curious to get a look at what kind of ideas Megamind had come up with to "remodel" her place. And frankly, when he got all fired up over something in this energetic boyish way of his, he was irresistible.

"I hope you're not thinking Baroque or Louis the Fourteenth," she warned with an eloquent shudder.

"Oh, no," she was instantly assured as they entered the lift, Pinky discreetly trailing behind, coffee pot still in claw. "I was thinking more along the lines of late neo-classical, with the Egyptian and Etruscan geometric influences rather than all the silly frills and furbelows of the early Regency. And I had some other intriguing ideas in Italian villa style, Tuscany or the Amalfi coast—"

"Sir!" Minion's scolding voice came echoing up from somewhere below. "You really need to empty your pockets more often...!"

Roxanne grinned at the sudden purple-cheeked "Uh-oh, busted!" expression that twitched across Megamind's face. Well, she reflected with amusement, even if she was stuck here until the end of the year, the unexpected twists and turns of life around the no-longer-evil Lair were certainly never boring.

Finis

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Author's Afterword: My humble thanks to all the readers and reviewers who have come along for this strange little ride. Who knows what new twists and turns await us in the next story? :D