A/N: This is part one of two, and you can expect to see part two posted this weekend. After much debate, I went with the "Chouji" spelling rather than "Choji," since that seems to be the acceptable spelling around here. Enjoy!

It was a late, lazy afternoon at the Korean Barbecue, and Ino felt at peace for the first time in months. Bathed in warm slanting light and pleasantly drowsy, she watched Chouji settle strips of beef on the grill between them with unusual care. She wondered if he felt as relaxed as she did, as willing to allow the afternoon to extend into evening as they sat in the booth they'd shared since childhood, their legs tangled unselfconsciously beneath the narrow table.

"Are they still up there?" Chouji asked. The meat sizzled, hissing when he prodded the raw curls of beef with his chopstick.

It had rained that morning. When Ino looked across a shimmering lake of reflected light to the inn across the street, she had to squint against the glare. Even with a hand shielding her eyes, she couldn't see Temari's usual window.

"I think so. I can't see, but the door hasn't opened since we sat down."

"Hee."

His glee made Ino smile. "So, you really think he'll tell her this time?" Chouji was the one who knew Shikamaru best, even now, which meant he was probably right.

Ino put her elbow on the table and leaned out of the sunlight, chin on hand as she studied her friend. Some of the sorrow had left his face since she last saw him at Daisuko's funeral, and that made her glad. After the death of his genin that spring, and the guilt that followed, she'd been afraid he might never smile again.

"Yeah. I think Shikamaru will really do it this time." Chouji was smiling to himself, remembering something. Ino caught a whiff of the seared meat. It smelled so good today.

"But this is Lazy Ass we're talking about." Ino smirked. "Telling her after this many years is just un-Shikamaru-ish. Why bother now?"

"I dared him to," Chouji said. He looked uncharacteristically nervous given the situation, but that seemed to change when he noticed her watching him. Then, he just looked evasive.

"Huh." There was a story there, a chain of events she couldn't quite believe: Chouji daring Shikamaru, Shikamaru taking the dare despite avoiding the subject of Temari for at least half a decade, and then Chouji being evasive about the whole thing as though he could actually hide anything from her. "He's telling her because of a dare?" Ina scrunched up her face. "I mean...that's completely lame."

A cloud passed overhead, and Ino glanced out the window in time to watch the upper room's curtain close in a clashing swirl of material, shuttering the world from within. Ino felt her eyes bulge at the brief glimpse of flesh she'd seen. Lame or not, it looked like someone had been successful.

She fisted the air.

"Hell yeah, Shikamaru! Chouji, did you see?" She started laughing and expected Chouji to laugh with her, but he just looked miserable. Ino leaned across the table to punch his arm. "You were right again, Chouji!"

Chouji didn't seem too pleased by this turn of events. He might as well have been Tsunade winning the lottery. Ino shook her head. Looks like he's got to uphold his end of a bargain that he doesn't like. That must have been some dare. But, looking at him, Ino realized that - whatever that dare was - she didn't feel like teasing Chouji about it right now. His sadness made her uncomfortable.

"Hey. Thanks for inviting me out," she said instead.

He prodded the meat with the tip of one chopstick. "Had to when I saw your mom at the market." He was frowning at the grill, and Ino expected him to say, "Let's eat," at any moment, but he didn't. In fact, Chouji had let the meat cook much longer than usual. Ino's stomach twanged, but she didn't mention her hunger. He was always picky about how long the beef cooked, and she didn't feel like arguing about it tonight. "My team leaves again tomorrow morning and I was getting supplies-when your mom heard, she said I had to take you out before I go."

Ino felt a mixture of excitement, embarrassment, and dread. Mom said that, huh?

It wasn't surprising. Ino's mother had been harping about Chouji ever since she found that stack of Chouji's old letters in Ino's pouch five missions ago. Ten missions ago? Mom had come at her with a stack of her own: accusations regarding her intentions toward Chouji and assumptions of affection that Ino hadn't wanted to face then but had been unable to avoid ever since the funeral.

The day of Daisuko's funeral, Ino didn't have time to change out of her uniform. She felt guilty standing beside Chouji, still stinking from campfire smoke and sweat because she'd rushed her team to get to Konoha in time. She murmured that she would move downwind, but he held her hand and told her to stay beside him. That day they stood in the cemetary, side by side, just as they had stood for so very many funerals before. Beneath a spring sky that did not match her mood, Chouji told her, "Thank you, Ino." When he then leaned his head against hers with a weariness that made her chest ache, she understood at last that his pain was now hers in a way that it had never been before.

Her mother had been right.

Ino knew she was in trouble when she described how kind Chouji's eyes were to Sakura the last time they'd met for drinks. Sakura had smiled against her glass. "Uh-huh. Kind eyes. Always there for you. Always looking out for you. Forces you to be honest with yourself. This is sounding very familiar." She leaned closer. "What about his smile, Ino? Does it fill you with light and inspire you to think of stupid, cheesy metaphors until you gross yourself out?" She grinned. "Do you want to feed him beef from your chopsticks?"

Damn that Sakura.

If it had been anyone else but Chouji, Ino wouldn't have hesitated to say something-that wasn't her way. But this was different. Ino didn't have the best luck when it came to making relationships last, and she couldn't imagine living a life without Chouji in it. She worried that these new feelings were part of some passing emotion brought about because Chouji was always the one looking after her, noticing things, and speaking the truth. The man hadn't cared that she smelled like a nine day mission at the funeral of his favorite student. Who wouldn't fall a little bit for that? It was a relationship she couldn't risk losing.

But it seemed that her mother hadn't liked Ino's conclusion. "When your mom heard, she said I had to take you out before I go."

Ino hid her cheek against her palm and turned her face toward the sun's warmth. She is so dead.

Ino knew she was blushing beneath her hand, and though it had never bothered her before, she felt self-conscious about the way her legs were jammed against Chouji's beneath the table. After all, his legs were no longer the soft, doughy limbs he'd had when they were young. She was hyper-aware of the strength in them, and of their warmth just beneath the thin layer of cloth that separated her skin from his. She could feel the firmness of his muscles against hers, and it drove her crazy because she couldn't move her legs away now or it would be obvious she didn't want to touch him, and that would be awkward, and there was really nowhere to move her legs to anyway. She was sweating. It was getting difficult to breathe. Oh, Hell.

Her mind caught up with Chouji's words and disappointment overrode embarrassment. She straightened. "Wait. You're leaving tomorrow?" She was surprised how much the disappointment hurt. She wanted to whine, "But I just got back...and you were home this time."

Ino watched Chouji's thick fingers as they held his chopsticks. His feathered hair fluttered slightly in the rising steam. "Yeah." He turned strips of meat on the grill without seeming too upset about his departure or appearing to notice her shifting moods. This irritated her.

"Can we eat already?" she snapped.

He came to himself. "Oh. Yeah. Itadakimasu!"

#

They ate, and Ino consumed far more than usual, but she'd been so hungry. And determined. It took every false smile and stupid story in her arsenal, but she worked until Chouji was smiling at her again, reacting to every little thing she said with his old enthusiasm. They ended up ordering more beef. That round, Ino showed Chouji the way they ate barbecue in the last village she'd gone to: in that village, you wrapped each piece of meat in lettuce and then shoved it into the mouth of your friend as an act that meant trust on one side and goodwill on the other. As far as she could tell, it was an excuse to either make your friends look ridiculous by stuffing their mouths too full of food, or it was an excuse to inadvertently touch the lips of someone you liked.

Ino did both, laughing at Chouji when he over-reacted to her fingers on his lips.

"That's just weird," he complained.

"I forced my genin to feed each other...I thought it would improve team morale."

"Did it work?"

"Nope. Just gave them something else to fight about. It was funny to watch, though."

"Heh. Well, the beef is pretty tasty with the lettuce."

They ate and talked until there was only one remaining curl of beef. Ino could have eaten it, but that piece was always Chouji's, and he didn't seem in a rush to eat it either. She leaned against the booth's rigid back and splayed her legs, hands on her stomach.

"Hee," Chouji said, watching her. "I've never seen you eat so much."

"Oh, hee yourself. I hadn't eaten anything all day, and we didn't have time to eat much yesterday either." She sighed angrily. "I can't believe you're leaving tomorrow! I wanted to meet that new little genin of yours...I sort of vaguely remember her from those classes I taught for Shizune. She's very skilled."

"Sen." Chouji grinned, and Ino smiled at the kindness in her friend's eyes. He really did have nice eyes. "She'll be sad not to meet you...you impressed her back then. Next time."

Yeah. Next time. It could be another five months before she saw him again, if their schedules continued to miss each other like this. Maybe she should get Sakura to say something to Naruto, but then Sakura would just tease her...and then Naruto would know. Once Naruto knew how she felt, everyone would know, and that would just be embarrassing.

She was saved from an imminent downward thought spiral by a familiar voice.

"Save any for us?" drawled Shikamaru. Temari hovered behind him and was watching the grill with interest.

"Ooh, that's mine," she said, reaching fingers toward the last slice of beef, but Ino's chopsticks flew to intercept her.

Ino stared at Temari's finger, caught and white between her chopsticks.

This was usually the part where Temari did something noisy and unpredictable, and a distant part of Ino's brain wondered how the hell Shikamaru was going to deal with someone he couldn't predict.

Let go, she told herself.

In one movement, she released Temari's finger and dropped her chopsticks, but the older girl was laughing as she rubbed her bruised finger against her chest.

"I forgot how competitive you two are about food." She eased into the seat beside Ino with grace and a sigh as Shikamaru settled across from her, his elbows on the table, his chin on his clasped hands, and his eyes on Chouji. Temari leaned against the booth's straight back and smiled at Ino. She was more relaxed than Ino had ever seen the woman. Temari lifted her arms to adjust one of her unruly pompoms, and she was...still smiling. "Sorry we're late."

That is one seriously scary smile.

"How was your mission, Ino?" Temari asked, elbows still high as she fiddled with her hair. A flicker of confusion crossed her features, followed by intense concentration. "Huh." She jerked something from her top left pompom with an audible snap of hair and studied the object only briefly before a smirk touched her lips. She looked at Shikamaru, an earring Ino knew too well held gingerly between her slender fingers. Temari's eyelids lowered slightly. "Hmm...it seems I found a stud," she purred.

Shikamaru closed his eyes. "Temari..." But he held his hand out anyway.

It took Ino half a minute to realize she was staring at them. Across the table, Shikamaru didn't look nearly as embarrassed as he should have, though Chouji seemed to be making up for it. And, oh my god, the earring! Damn that Shikamaru, flaunting their happiness this way and making her peaceful evening awkward.

"So," Temari was saying. "Your mission, Ino?"

Ino wrestled down her jealousy and gestured lazily. "Oh. Ha ha. The mission was nothing too interesting," she said through her teeth.

Meanwhile, Chouji still said nothing. He'd retreated within himself. Shikamaru was watching him with an expression somewhere between amusement and exasperation, and Ino thought she heard him mutter, "Tch. Coward." His expression was affectionate as he set his earring back into place.

Temari stretched and yawned something like, "One to talk." She was still smiling that scary smile. "Should we get another round of meat? Sake too. I'm hungry."

"Geeze, settle down," Shikamaru said, but he was already gesturing her order to the owner.

#

"They're shameless," Ino complained to Chouji as he walked her home. The sun had disappeared long ago and the moon was high. The storm clouds that had burned away during the warm afternoon now crept back into the night sky, cooling the air and her sake-flushed cheeks. "I mean, it's better than it was before, because the sexual tension was just out of control, but...so rude of them. I mean, we're hot blooded adults too, you know, and it's not like you and I can just run off and do anything we want to about that right now... You know?"

She looked to Chouji for confirmation. His eyes rarely opened fully, but they were huge as he looked at her.

Oh. She realized what she'd just said. Whoops...

But that was it. He didn't react further, and they continued their walk in comfortable silence, moving through a quiet village that had long ago gone to bed. Their feet crunched the ground in unison. A late summer wind lifted the grasses in a shushing chorus. An owl called from the camphor trees above them. Ino was relieved that her mouth hadn't run off in an attempt to explain away what she'd just said, because things were always worse when she did that. And the silence was nice.

She snuck glances at her friend as they walked. He looked so serious. Determined. I can't believe he's leaving again tomorrow...I guess I should be glad Mom said something. She would have been even more disappointed than she was now if they hadn't been able to meet at all.

"Where are you headed?" she asked because they were almost to her house, and she had run out of time.

"Just a day away. It's not dangerous." As usual, he had answered the question she didn't ask.

Good. Ino didn't like the idea of Chouji taking on dangerous missions with an inexperienced team. Naruto was a skilled Hokage, but he couldn't predict the future, and not every mission deserved its classification. She didn't want Choujito ever go through the loss of a student again.

They'd reached Ino's front door. A year ago, Ino might have lifted her hand in farewell and skipped inside without a second thought, but tonight felt different. Even Chouji looked uncomfortable as they stood on the street before her family's store. He had snaked one hand beneath his collar and was looking at the ground in a manner that was familiar but wildly out of place. He was scared. Ino's gaze narrowed. Why? Did he lie about his mission?

"Chouji...?"

The upstairs window opened and Ino's mother leaned out; her long hair floated in the evening breeze and her smile was wide as she gazed upon them. "Hey, kids," she sing-songed. "Why don't you come in and have tea before you go, Chouji?"

And that was the end of that. Chouji mumbled something about needing to wake up early the next the morning and fled, but Ino caught a glimpse of his face as he escaped. His expression made her cold.

It was not his mission that had him worried.

Ino shuffled inside with the heavy drag of disappointment slowing her steps. Tea together would have been nice, but it was his expression that had bothered her. She closed the shop door calmly enough, still numb as she contemplated Chouji's panicked face, but when her mother reached the bottom of the stairs, Ino realized that her hands were clenched, her body was tense, and her legs trembled with anxiety.

Ino looked at her mother and felt fury build like chakra within her. She realized she didn't need to say anything because her mother was staring at Ino in that shocked manner of hers. This was how Mother looked when she knew that she'd done something horribly wrong, and it was a face Ino usually saw directed at her father. Even the delight that had infused her mother's face not moments ago had crumbled into a husk of palpable disappointment. And pity.

I look that bad, huh?

"Ino..."

Among the warring emotions battling for dominance within Ino, embarrassment seemed greatest. She couldn't believe her mother asked Chouji to take her out and then clumsily asked him to come inside for tea. After all of the letters Ino had written over the last several months, it would be obvious to Chouji how she felt now. It might not have bothered her beyond a slight twinge except Ino remembered the point at which Chouji's mood had soured that night. It was somewhere around the time he'd mentioned meeting her mother at the market. He'd gotten better over the course of the evening, but the mood had never fully lifted. She'd attributed his moping to his bet, or to Daisuko, but that wasn't it.

He'd known how she felt, and it had embarrassed him. He'd been miserable all night because he didn't know how to talk to her now. Thinking about this, Ino couldn't help believing that their friendship of almost twenty years was over. Gone. Forever.

The misery Ino felt at this realization made her lean one hand against the wall. She could no longer look at her mother. She didn't need to say anything.

"Ino, I'm so sorry."

Ino shook her head, still not looking in her mother's direction. She pushed beyond her and began the slow climb upstairs. "I'm going to bed."

She went to bed, but not to sleep.

#

When she was home, Ino always saw Chouji off on his missions. She would bring healthy snacks, or soldier pills, or something easy for his genin to eat while they ran. She was still awake when dawn arrived the next morning, but she didn't go down to the gate. She didn't know if he would be hurt or relieved. It had been so long since their schedules last overlapped, she didn't know if he would even notice.

Her team had a free day, it was raining, she was pissed off at her mother, and later she was angry with her father too because Inoichi attempted to make Ino understand her mother's point of view. "She's just worried about you, Ino." Shikamaru was busy with Temari; Sakura was busy at the hospital and begged off taking lunch with Ino because she'd already arranged to eat with Naruto. All of Ino's friends were either training, out of town, or too damn annoying to hang around given her present mood.

When she ended up back in her bedroom, soaking wet from wandering in the rain, staring at a fly buzzing lazily overhead, Ino knew she shouldn't reach beneath her pillow. She knew what that simple action would beget. If she pulled that slim stack of letters from her pillowcase and removed the ribbon that bound them, she would regret it for the rest of the day. She would regret reading the kind words she might never see penned anew. She would parse the sentences, looking for hidden meanings-which she had already done, but she had new insight now, and new wounds to lick. She knew how badly some of those sentences would sting. If she closed her eyes, she could already see the exact shape of the words that would hurt the most: the thickness of certain letters, the crossed out phrases, the blots where he'd hesitated over a word.

Maybe he's known for a while. Maybe he knew me before I knew myself, because that really is Chouji's way. Maybe things were already awkward, but I was too blind to notice. So she parsed their previous encounters the way might parse the sentences in his letters. She'd been blind to her own feelings for so long, for years, but Chouji was more perceptive than she was about these things.

And, because she couldn't be certain without seeing those old, familiar words written in that sometimes measured, sometimes rushed hand by a pen that left great globs of ink in its wake, Ino slipped a hand within her pillowcase.

She was only one paragraph into the first letter before she tied all of the letters back up again and spent the rest of that day sometimes crying, sometimes curled in a ball of quiet, desperate embarrassment personified with a pillow over her head. Sometimes, she was only furious with herself, frustrated with her inability to take a situation like this. She was over-analyzing things.

What the hell is wrong with me? This isn't like me. Normally, this was when she would seek out Chouji, or write him a new letter, but she couldn't do that. This limitation just made everything worse.

The next morning, Sakura showed up in her room without knocking. She didn't comment on the state of Ino's face, or on anything at all. Her expression was grim.

"Gather your team," she said, and held up her hand. "No, don't get up. Tell them to meet you at the gate in half an hour, and then I'll tell you. Naruto will meet you there with what you need-he hasn't even been in to the office yet; the encryption team sent word directly to our place this morning, and you know what that means, Ino. You need to leave right away, and we can't send anyone else to do this...just in case." She looked at Ino. "If anything has happened out there, I'm sorry, and I know it will be difficult," her expression softened. "Ino, it has to be you who helps this time. He'll need you."

Ino felt cold all over. The vagueness of Sakura's words and the solemnity in her expression made her breath quicken. Chouji... It had to be about Chouji, or Sakura wouldn't be acting like this.

"What happened?"

Sakura couldn't meet Ino's eyes. "Use your telepathy and call your team. I'll tell you when you've finished. You'll have half an hour to prepare yourself."

Prepare yourself. Ino realized that her friend wasn't talking about counting the number of kunai in her pouch or packing extra food or pills. The realization was like a slap in the face: she had half an hour to mentally prepare herself for this mission.

Ino drew herself together. Tch. Like I need half an hour. She moved her hands through the signals for her telepathy jutsu and relayed instructions to her genin. They were groggy and confused, but she knew they'd show up.

"Okay, Sakura," she said, hearing the firm resolve in her voice. She grabbed a fresh shirt from her drawer and began dressing for the mission. "Tell me what happened."