Chapter Nine - Leaving and Lingering Fear

'A man that flies from his fear may find that he has only taken a short cut to meet it.'

~ J.R.R Tolkien , The Children of Hurin , Chapter One, The Childhood of Túrin~

The morning seemed to come to quickly and to slowly for Aurora. Having spent what seemed like hours doing nothing but toss and turn, throughout the darkest hours of the night, as sleep continued to evade her and she so wanted to sleep. As at least in sleep, it would offer at least a moment's pause from the thoughts and problems that seemed to chase one after another around her mind. Her conversation and worry over her conversation with Haedirn that afternoon plagued her still, and she couldn't decide if her silence was the right thing to do, then again if she had told him everything he would think her mad for claiming to know the future. Her thoughts were not settled by the conversation she walked in upon that evening and what she had heard – Húreth was sending her away, those words all but broken her. The fear that lay all but dormant in her for many months now raised its head once more. Venture from Dûndolen and into the wilds? The thought had been paralyzing. Hardly able to hear Aragorn as he spoke, as they sat around the fireside after dinner and he explained why she must go. Gandalf wished her to be brought to Rivendell, to where she would remain hidden from the sights of the Enemy until the end of the war, or so they hoped. Aragorn did not soften his words or fears for her, 'the possibility of the Enemy knowing of you will only strengthen if you remain here we had feared this and Gandalf believed that moving now was for the best. But this fear is no longer a possibility, in the past few weeks I and other Rangers have heard questions being asked, asked of you Aurora. I know not how they know of you but they know something, I feel more than ever the importance of getting you to the safety of Rivendell in all haste'. So she was to leave, first making for Bree with Aragorn and then onto Rivendell. Going into danger, just to flee it, because she knew what was going to happen once they reached Bree, and it was more dangerous than what could happen to her here. For the first time Aurora understood that she could change things, that because of a love, built by a child to a set of books, and as a teenager to a set of films, she held a certain power, she could change things, like she wanted so badly to do with Haedirn. Though in the dark of the night she couldn't help but wonder at how far she could go? It was one thing warning a guarding Ranger of the danger he would be unknowingly walking into, but on a larger scale, when would the information stop being a help to those she loved and become a weapon in which to destroy them?

Though at some point during her worrying, she must have fallen over, because in what felt to her like minutes, found Húreth kneeling by her bedside shaking her shoulder, gently trying to rouse her. "Aurora child, its time to rise" she said soft as her hand moving to stroke through Aurora's slightly sleep tousled haired, as the same head attempted to bury itself deeper into the pillow, and Húreth could only make out the faintest of sounds emitting from mound which was her ward "What was that child? I couldn't here you, my old ears aren't as reliable as they used to be" she teased gently, but it did make the younger turn her head, and downcast grey eyes were soon staring into her own sad gaze that warred against her gentle teasing tone.

"I don't want to go Húreth" came the soft admittance, and still stroking the tangles from the dark strands, Húreth fought the urge once more to tell the Ranger to leave her home, and her ward. If she could keep the child safe from the growing Shadow she would, but what could she do against the Enemy's servants? No, the best thing for Aurora she knew was to go with Aragorn to Rivendell, yet it did not make the separation any less painful. She had helped this young girl heal, had taught her, had held her during the night when her enemies came back to haunt her in the night and for what? For her only to be placed in harms way once again. "I know child. But sometime we must take the path we dislike the most, if it means to keep you safe. As such I would have you walk it, even if it leads you from here" shaking herself from her dark thoughts she slowly rose to her feet, brushing off her skirts as she urged Aurora to rise, and with much reluctance she did, and while Húreth sorted out her traveling clothes Aurora quietly washed herself in the small stone basin.

Húreth, it seemed had some how gotten her new clothes for her travels at some point during the night, how she managed it Aurora doubted that she would ever know. And no matter how much she protested against the gift, the Healer just leveled her with one of her glares, which she reserved just for her patients and Aurora who were intent upon making her job and life more difficult. "I won't have you going out there in thread bare clothing, now hush and let me help you". The notion of dressing up as she did when she was a child, never seemed to leave her, and the medieval style clothing always made her feel the same way she did when back in High School drama class, prancing around like a lunatic and getting good marks because of it. At the fading memories, a smile tugged at her lips as Húreth began to alter the lacing on the dark cream stay which Aurora had pulled on over soft brown leggings. A dark green over-tunic was then pulled over her head and Húreth tighten a thick brown leather belt around her petite waist "You may be traveling in male clothing. But it doesn't mean that you must look like one" she huffed when she caught Aurora's amused face and in her huff threw a pair of soft leather boot at the giggling woman's head in a huff. Aurora barely managing to catch the thrown boots and Húreth's parting words before she moved out of the room "Breakfast is ready, put those on and remember your pack!" Shaking her head, and feeling slightly better than when she had first wakened, Aurora pulled on the boots, her nimble fingers making short work of the laces and buckles, before standing.

Allowing her gaze to flicker over her room making sure that she had everything she would need. The pang of leaving the tiny room, though it was no bigger than the small store-room it had been before Húreth had made it into a small room for her, it had become hers. The small single bed took up almost all the space, and the little chest took up the rest. It wasn't much, and could have fitted into her old room in her world twice over and a bit, yet she wouldn't have wanted it any different. Running her hand over the little trinkets she had picked up over the years, her gaze finally fell upon a number of small wooden figures. All of which had been gifts from Headirn who had craved the little figures whilst he had been out in the Wilds over the time of their friendship, always presenting her with a new one on each of his returns, though she knew better than to linger on such thoughts any longer. Swiftly turning on her heel and she made to leave the room, as uncertainly warring within her, though it was useless to fight the way in which her path was now taking her. Whether she was ready for such a path or not was something she didn't know, and one she didn't want to dwell on, otherwise she would just crawl right back under her blankets and wait for the world to pass her by.

Her hand was reaching for the door handle, when a sudden feeling seemed to wash over her. Something deep within her was telling her that if she stepped from this room now she was never going to see it again. And so, against her better judgement she turned back and stared, taking a moment to commit as much of the small space to memory as she was able. Acting on impulse, she quickly reached her hand out and took one of Headirn's wooden figures, placing it safely into her pack. "Aurora, hurry up child! The day will not wait for you" came from Húreth and finally tearing her gaze from the slowly lightening room, she blew out the small candle by the door and with a soft click closed the door tightly behind her.

The sun had barely begun to rise into the sky when Aragorn had finally managed to usher a reluctant Aurora from the house. At the doorstep Aurora forced herself to turn and except with trembling hands the proffered pack from Húreth who was faring little better than her it seemed. "There is food and water provisions in there but not enough to weight you down but still enough to last out your journey, also some basic healing ointments and a sleeping roll". Finding herself fighting harder against the coming tears Aurora could do nothing but embraced the woman who had taken her in all those years ago. A pang went though her at the idea of actually leaving her, not completely unlike the one which she felt when she truly realized that she wasn't going home. The Healer had offered her a home and love when she need not have; she had brought her back from her darkest moments, always patient and selfless with her time. Though finally with one tight squeeze Aurora reluctantly released her grip and stepped back, taking a steadying breath before managing to speak.

"I left letters for Meril, Baranor and Haedirn. Can you make sure they get them, especially Haedirn he leaves for his post soon" she asked after clearing her throat of the lump that still seemed to have found a place there. Catching the sharp look Aragorn sent towards her at her request she began to reassure him "I didn't mention anything I shouldn't have. But I'm not just going to up and leave without a word, let alone a goodbye, they deserve more than that from me after all they've done" her own frown matching the Ranger's and, when he gave no more sign of fighting her any more on the point she turned back to Húreth. Who took her hands in one of her own and the other went up to cradle her cheek, opening her mouth to speak, only to let it close again with a snap, words seeming to have failed her. "We must go" Aragorn's soft command broke the silence which had fallen over them, and Húreth gave a curt nod telling the Ranger she understood his desire but not before finally speaking softly to Aurora, voice chocked with the tears which she had not allowed to fall.

"I do not have the power to know what will become any of us from this coming war. Nevertheless, one way or another we will meet again, in that, I believe with all my heart" squeezing the hand which held her own Aurora not trusting her own voice nodded. Knowing that it did nothing to show what she felt, or how she could ever begin to repay Húreth's kindness for taking her in, and for caring for her when she didn't have to. She hoped in some small way the letter she had written for her, which was safely tucked in with her others, could do a better job of explaining how grateful and honoured she was for knowing the woman and how grateful she was for everything the woman had done for her. Bringing the older woman into one last tight hug, and before she knew it found herself following Aragorn down the short path leading away from Húreth's home. Only turning around once more, much like she had done when leaving her room earlier that morning, and took her last look at the little wood and thatched house which had been her home for over two years, with Húreth standing still in the doorway watching them. Aurora raised her hand in a gesture of goodbye and turned quickly before she would give into the desire and go back. Pulling her hood tighter around her face to protect against the chill of the morning, and to hide the tears she could not longer hold back, she once again began to follow long strided form of Aragorn.

Well at least this trip through the wilds of the North was at least a little better than her last, that at least was something Aurora had to admit and be thankful for. Not being slung over someone's shoulder like a sack of potatoes or being dragging along like a dog were not ideal way to see all of what Middle Earth had to offer and it really was something be behold. It was something nothing any piece of artwork or film set could ever begin to recreate, and she doubted she would ever find the right words to describe what she was seeing. Dûndolen was everything she had hoped a medieval style village would look like, and her inner history geek doing an inner dance of joy, but outside the small valley, was something else entirely. However, traveling with Aragorn was proving to be pretty close to being the third worst way to see anything around her. "Must you insist at stopping at every plant and flower? We do not have time for such frivolous actions" turning her attention from the small white and purple flower which had drawn her over to a small group of bushes. Aurora regarded the annoyed face of her companion, and merely raised a brow in question at his obvious annoyance, before answering slowly back, making sure to stress her every word as if talking to someone especially slow. "We could have traveled faster if we had horses, but you insisted upon walking to Bree" she pointed out, the pair had been having the same argument for three days, since leaving Húreth's home, neither willing to give into the view if the other, both believing themselves to be in the right on the matter.

Brushing the dirt from the knees of her leggings with the hand not holding the small bloom, ignoring the annoyed Ranger in front of her as she wandered calmly past, not pausing even as he spoke, pretending not to have heard him. "And I have told you that while on horseback we cannot hope for stealth needed for this journey, now come we must reach Bree within three weeks. At our current pace I doubt if we make it within the next three month" with his last muttered words, the grim-faced man, with long even strides brought him swiftly past Aurora, and delving deeper into the forest he was trekking them through, with to much ease it was almost sickening to witness, 'damn Ranger, and his damn long legs!'. Not wanting to be left far behind, or worse get lost within the maze of trees, which had a high probability of happening, Aurora quickened her own pace trying to follow the path Aragorn had taken. With much less finesse than her guide seemed to posses, as he moved through the forest without a whisper, and Aurora brought up the rear, resembling a herd of elephants. So it had only been a matter of time, or so was Aurora's opinion, until something in the end managed to catch around her ankle. Which it did, and quite spectacularly if she said so herself, as while she attempted to climb over a fallen tree, throwing her already precarious balance on flat ground. off entirely and with a soft squeal Aurora was sent toppling forward. Knowing there was no time to even try to reach out and somehow stop her sudden descent to the ground, she merely waited for her painful meeting with the ground, what must go up, must come down painfully and all. However, a strong arm seemed to come from no-where, wrapping itself securely around her waist and bringing her tightly against a firm chest, instead of her intended meeting with the ground and she found the little air leave her still with an oomf.

"And if we traveled upon horseback I doubt that you would have even stayed within the saddle any better than you have done so upon your own two feet. Less distance to fall" with her ear pressed tightly to Aragorn's chest, the amused words seemed to reverberate against her ear, and it seemed to make her whole body vibrate with them. With gentle hands, Aragorn steadied her and did not let go until he was sure that her feet were stable enough under her to keep her upright and not risk the possibility of her continuing the journey downwards, before turning on his heel and once more setting back off on his previous path. As Aurora watched his retreat, a frown pulling at the corner of her mouth down, something suddenly hit her, making her eyes widen in realization. "Did you just make a joke? Oi! Aragorn wait!" with a renewed strength in her steps Aurora hurried after the Ranger, whose deep throated chuckles, filled the small area.

The echoing sounds of an owl's hoots seemed to reach every corner of the small, shallow mouthed cave Aragorn had found for them to camp for the night, a lucky find he said – Aurora didn't agree. It was damp, she swore that something or something's had moved in the corner and she thought a pair of eyes from the caves roof was watching it, and she would bet anything that something was a bat. Much later, when she should have found herself sleeping, instead found her laying curled within her bedroll, squeezing her eyes tighter together, yet nothing seemed to be helping her, sleep was just eluding her completely tonight once again. Until they began their journey to Bree, she hadn't realized how loud nature could be. The words of one of her old Film Studies lecturers from university came to her 'The only silence within the world is when its deliberate, like with the space of a film. Otherwise, the real world around us will always be making noise. Be it by spoken word, music or just pure noise' and it was true, silence really didn't exist out here at any rate. Tucking her cloak tighter around her ears, Aurora attempted once more to block out the sounds which seemed to surround her one step from just covering her ears like she was a child blocking out one of her parents rare fights. Though she doubted even that would help find sleep, and the more she struggled to fall sleep the more irritated she became. Aragorn drove them forward every morning before dawn til late into the night, always stating that long periods of rest only delayed them and make them a waiting target for those who wished to follow them. Aragorn liked to call it caution – Aurora, on the other hand, liked to call it paranoia. In any case, at most they only had a few hours sleep every night and those few hours were very important to her but apparently nature was against her.

Letting out a huffing sigh, which blended in, with the soft summer winds that were rustling the leaves of the surrounding trees, she gave up on sleep and just stared blankly at the rocks above her head. Letting her mind wander with the nighttime noises hoping that if she couldn't block them out, maybe they could sooth her into sleep, like that spa she went to once, that relaxing nature music always made her sleep. It took a while until she could hear anything over the loud timbre of the owl, but once she did the noises went from blending together in one vast mass into many. Letting her eyes flutter shut, closing off everything but the noise around her. It was like natures own little symphony, its melody rising and falling, blending together as much as it contrasted. Beneath the owls rich timbre, and the high humming pitched noises created by the various insects, near to high for human ears to hear, but every now and again, when some winged one would come to near to her, the hum of its wings seemed to gain in loudness before filtering off once more as it flew on. The rustling of the leaves within the soft summer winds, gave a constant undercurrent for it all. But close to her was the deep, even breaths of Aragorn, who lay but a few feet away from her. Noticing the breathing for the first time, Aurora let her own breaths fall into a rhythm with the slow, deep even breaths. And for the first time since she lay down, Aurora felt her body relax. Not worrying about the insects she knew were there, focusing only on the sound they gave, it made things less intimidating. Being the stereotypical image of a woman in a camping situation, she had balked completely at the thought of sleeping on the ground were bugs were in easy reach of her. But breaking things into sounds, instead of many legged beings, it settled her. And without even realizing it, she was lulled into a fitful sleep for the first time in the four nights they had been traveling. Her dreams untroubled and undisturbed until Aragorn roused her the next morning,

Annûminas, the city which Elendil founded and ruled years ago, once the seat of the Kings of Arnor, yet the city below them now lay in ruins, long covered by grass, yet some marble and stone mounds could still be seen amongst the green. Just beyond it, lying like a clear sheet of glass, was a lake, which shone an almost ethereal shade of gold in the setting sun, making the place seem so sadly beautiful. Even if the city was just ruins, the memories of a once glorious city still remained present still in some ways though not many, now laying in the memory of the Elves who lived during that time, and in the pages of books. That alone was a sad thought.

"Tonight we shall camp here" the sound of Aragorn's voice snapped Aurora from her stupor, and she turned to regard the man beside her with a frown, confusion clearly written across her face as she observed the man beside her. "But its not dark yet" she told him pointing out the obvious, but all she got as her reply was a raised eyebrow, as if telling her that he was well aware of the time. Even as part of her screamed at her to keep quiet or he might change his mind, she ignored it and continued on nevertheless trying to understand what was going on, "We never stop before its night, as in the middle of the night, kind of night and you want to stop – even before the sun sets". With an look towards the sky as if praying for patience to deal with the child beside him, Aragorn chose instead to ignore her and began to walk down the slope leading towards the small wooded area near to the ruins. "Come, before I change my mind and we continue on for a while longer, as in the middle of the night, kind of longer" he mocked her, and holding in her next comments in fear that the Ranger was serious about his treat, and would take them further on into the night once more. Aurora was silent as she quickly hurried after him, questioning him on the matter she knew would be useless, learning long ago that Aragorn rarely gave answers if he did not wish to give them and no amount of pestering or harassment would make him change his mind – it seemed to do the opposite. While it went on to annoy Aurora to the point were she wished to pull her own hair out, it only proved to amuse Aragorn as he watched her mounting annoyance.

Aragorn had chosen a place near to the lakes edge, much to Aurora's delight, as she closed her eyes in bliss as the soft, cool breeze came from over the lake. Sheltered by both the hills and trees, Aragorn deemed it a safe enough place to camp for the night "I'll go get wood" Aurora offered at one with a smile brightening her face, making her way towards the small boarders of trees. Only to be stopped by Aragorn's call, and knowing what ailed him without him having to speak the words "I won't go far" she promised and started to shuffle her way towards the boarder before he had the chance to gave another protest. Mostly she was too tired to help Aragorn set up camp at nights, but having stopped early in the evening, and glad of the small period of grace he had given them. Aurora felt that she needed to do something, to feel as if she was pulling her equal weight. It wouldn't happen often, and so when an opportunity like this arose, she was more than willing to make up for the times when she did not. For a fleeting second Aurora worried that he was going to refuse, but instead he just settled back to where he had been creating a small fire-pit, pulling his pipe from some pocket or other. "Do not stray far from the sight of the camp, and if I call you must come" Aurora rolled her eyes at the stern man, yet nodded her head in understanding, before breaking into a smile once more and turning on her heels ventured into the trees a bounce in her step.

While she wandered amongst the trees it finally allowed her mind the wander to things which long days of travel and fatigue had pushed anything more than placing one foot on top of the other, let along anything else. The humming which had been keeping her compared as she searched for usable firewood, slowly tapered off until she was left with only the soft sounds of birds and her own thoughts. Thoughts she didn't wish to linger on again, but which still came unbidden. Whether she wanted it or not she knew what was coming, and even if she wished to ignore it, she couldn't allow herself to, not believing she would have the conscious to do so. The books and the films had been things she loved, knowing both sadly as her friends and family used to say, like the back of her hand, as she mouthed the words as the were spoken in the films or her mini library of Tolkien's works. The key dates and events of every conflict and war would come, she knew, both the of victories and losses, of who lived and those that would not. Knowing all of this, of the future pain and sorrow of people she would more than likely meet, might in turn be painful for herself as well. No matter how selfish a thought of her own pain was, it was still true and only human of her, as she wondered about how she could cope with it. To interfere or not, whether it could help or harm the world by her inference that had been her orginal question all those nights ago laying in her bed, and still she hadn't found her answer.

Stopping for a moment, Aurora found herself staring blankly at her arms filled with twigs and branches. "I didn't know I would be apart of it" the words spoken aloud were more for her own sake as if trying to explain to herself the naivety she had held the past years. 'You knew what year was, and still walked forward blindly. Ignorance is bliss' the whisper in the back of her mind was mocking and cruel "I was frightened, who could blame me?" her voice was no louder than the whisper of the evening breeze and didn't travel far, but loud enough for her own ears to hear the spoken words 'Fear. It bound and gagged you because you chose not to fight it, you chose to let it control you. It would be too much effort on your part to flight it, wouldn't it? In self-misery and selfishness, you were happy, let other do the protecting, of poor pathetic little 'Rora, frighten of her own shadow! While people died fighting, yet you couldn't see it, so it was OK. Out of sight out of mind'once again the treacherous voice in the back of her mind taunted her. She couldn't control her worry any more than she could control the weather, yet apart of her had always known she could have helped in someway. She could have told Headirn of what was going to await him once his small band of Rangers went South to The Shire to protect its boundaries even if it was just to tell him to look more towards Sarn Ford around the 22nd and be cautious. She could have better prepared them for the coming of the Ringwraiths, she could have pleaded him to stay "But I could have sent him to his death". A sudden pang went through her at the thought, but it was the truth. Headirn – brave and kind, who had helped raise her from a shell of herself, to someone who was coming close to resembling herself before she came to this strange world. In return and thanks for that, she sent him to face death unprepared, when she had the means to help.

Shaking her head, Aurora blinked the tears that threatened to slip. She was weak in a way, hiding behind the protection of Hureth, Baranor, Meril and Headirn and to an extent Aragorn. Hiding from the truth of the position she had found herself in, allowing herself to be consumed by her own grief and fear, only seeing to her own ends really. Before she had come to Middle Earth, she never thought of herself as weak – but wasn't that was all that she had been since coming here, with a false bravado and pride, declaring herself not to be frightened, yet really she had been, especially during her captivity. She never tried, not even once, to escape them, ever fight back when they hit her, or dragged her along with a length of rope? No, she didn't. Even when faced with her adoption, hadn't she just hid from it for years, not being brave enough to ask for the truth? She was a coward, when it boiled down to it all. Sighing deeply, Aurora couldn't allow herself to linger any longer on her own shortcomings 'Going to ignore the problems, yet again? Why am I not surprises at all?' Ignoring the little voice in the back of her mind, Aurora turned sharply back around toward the camp, only noticing that she had wandered further than she was supposed to "No. I can't fix how I acted in the past" she admitted to herself, struggling to keep her load balanced as she scoped up a large branch which she had previously missed while lost in thought, "But maybe I can do things differently from now on". The thought scared her, though terrified would probably been a better way to describe the feeling. No matter in what context, change was frightening, even more so when placed into a situation where it could mean a life, another human being , her own or another's. She wouldn't be human if it wasn't so.

When the sight of Aragorn still sitting by the fire-pit, smoking his pipe came into sight when she was close enough once more to their little camp, she stopped for a moment and just watched the Ranger silently. To lose him, or anyone she cared for was not something she ever wanted to experience or even think of experiencing, as they had all in one way or another become so dear to her. She'd a choice before her now though, to either kept going as she had been – allowing the world to unfold around her at its own accord, ignoring the bigger picture outside her own little safe world. Or she could do something. To believe that she was brought here for a reason other than mere chance – to make a difference in someway, even if it were only a small thing. But could she find the strength within herself to fight for those she loved? Could she overcome the fear that she had let control her for too long now?

"Will you be standing amongst the trees all night? Or will you be bringing me those twigs before the night set in?" the teasing tone in Aragorn's voice snapped Aurora from her musing, and she snapped her grey gaze up to meet his own mirth filled ones. Pulling a face back at the Ranger, Aurora bounded forward and unceremoniously dropped the firewood at his feet, before sticking her tongue out at him childishly. "Here O fearless leader, your firewood. I'd hate for you to be cold during the night" she snipped lightly back as she settled herself down opposite him with a small huff, and a half smile tugging at her lips. Time waited for no man - or so says some proverb. and it was true. Aurora would deal with her problem, maybe not today or even tomorrow. But soon she would, when she had no choice but to face it. Yet for now, just for a little while longer, she'd like to resist being consumed by the fear of uncertainty and until a need called for it, which would no doubt be sooner than she'd like. Maybe it was selfish on her part, she mused as she helped Aragorn make their small fire, and began to prepare their small dinner. However, she had heard another quote – Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try tomorrow again. Tomorrow she might stretch her courage, and if that failed, she'd try the next day and again she'd keep trying until finally her courage did roar. That much she promised herself as she moved to the edge of the lake to gather some of the clear water.

(A.N- I'm not even going to count the number of months its been since I updated my last exams finished there for semester one, so I celebrated by diving back into Tolkien's world again.:) Hopedully my next update won't as as ashamedly long.)