This idea just came to me one night, and it was short and sweet, so I figured I'd write it. Let's face it: the Djinni are highly underappreciated. They give you your most powerful attacks, and without their buffs a lot of players would find the game impossible. However, most of them don't get a single line of dialogue.

I'm assuming for the sake of this fic that they can speak. I'm also capitalizing the words Djinn and Djinni, since that's how Wikipedia and other sites spell them. In case you didn't know, Djinni is the plural of Djinn.

Disclaimer: I do not own the game, it's characters, etc.

Revenge of the Djinni

"Damn it, you rat! Come back here with my dessert!"

A small brown blur careened around the corner of the captain's quarters, gliding across freshly polished deck. The Venus Djinn Pewter slid to a halt just in front of a pile of molding barrels, filled to the brim with salts and spices from Yamato Isle. Yes, he decided. These would do nicely.

Tyrell, the ill-mannered Mars adept to which Pewter had pledged his services, followed shortly after. He raced across the floor, and at the speed he was flying, Pewter thought for sure that that the fire adept would crash headlong into the barrels. If the Venus Djinn was lucky, the boy might even topple over the side of the ship.

Unfortunately, the boy was a bit smarter than Pewter gave him credit for. Seeing the barrels before him, Tyrell dug his heels into the deck and skidded to a halt just in front of Pewter. The Mars Adept grinned and spread his legs, effectively blocking Pewter's exit. If the Djinn tried to rush between the adept's legs, he would shortly meet a fist full of fire. If he tried to escape over the ledge of the ship, he'd likely fall thirty feet into the sea. If he tried to go to the right…what was he thinking? He was a djinn, he couldn't pass through walls.

Pewter was trapped. Dang. He hadn't expected that.

Pewter gently set the precious cookie down in front of him and looked bravely up into his assailant's eyes, giving Tyrell the fiercest look his giant eyes could muster. "It's not your cookie."

"Yeah right!" shouted Tyrell. "It came from my plate, didn't it?"

"Sorry, firebrand, but you left it there. You abandon a cookie, it's up for grabs. That's how it works out in the big bad world."

"Cut the bull! I was just saving it for later!" Tyrell stepped forward. Pewter leapt protectively on top of the confectionary delight. Tyrell frowned. "What do you even want it for, anyway? Djinni don't eat."

"Yes we do! If you fed us once in a while, you'd know that Djinni have very refined appetites. We simply do it for pleasure, rather than…whatever you guys do it for." Pewter nudged the cookie behind him, just in case Tyrell tried something funny. "And not that it's any of your business, but the cookie isn't for me. It's for a lovely young girlie who's been feeling under the weather. Not that you'd care about anything like that."

Tyrell wrinkled his nose in disgust. "You're giving it to one of the girls? I hate to break it to you, fuzzball, but neither Sveta or Karis is going to want to touch a cookie that you've been dragging across the deck."

"And you do?"

Tyrell flinched. "Well, I don't want to eat it anymore, now that you've been sitting on it! I just want it back on principle."

Pewter made a series of irritated clicks. "You humans have strange principles. I don't know about you, but when one of our ladies is in trouble, we Djinni help her out." The Venus Djinn leaned in and winked. "It's called chivalry. It might be a little ahead of your race's time, but seeing how often you strike out with the Windy Girl, it wouldn't hurt to try it out."

Fortunately, Tyrell was too busy processing his newfound revelation about Djinni culture to take offense at Pewter's jab at his love life. "Wait, you're giving my cookie to a Djinn…girl? You guys have those?"

Pewter's large round eyes shrunk into inquisitive slits. "Did you hit your head or something, Firebrand? You have three lovely ladies set to you right now: Tinder, Pepper, and Sizzle." A chorus of high-pitched giggling filled the air around Tyrell. The fire adept's hands began to glow red of their own accord, and with a quick succession of pops, three Djinni appeared at Tyrell's feet. They winked and cooed at Pewter in a manner that disturbed Tyrell to no end.

Tyrell looked down at the tiny, wriggling fire Djinni in front of his boots. One of them cooed at him. "Those are girls?"

Tinder, Pepper, and Sizzle suddenly went stock still, as if Tyrell had dumped a bucket of water over their heads. Pewter's ears twitched rapidly. "Ladies, ladies, don't take it personally. He just has really bad eyes. Heh heh. Heh." Pewter turned sharply to Tyrell, and if he didn't know better, Tyrell would say the furball was glaring at him. "Come on, Firebrand. Can't you tell by their smooth, silky fur and long, luxurious tails that they belong to the fairer sex?" The three fire Djinni relaxed and began cooing at Pewter again.

"Nope, they just look like rats to me," answered Tyrell. The three Djinni made a high-pitched hmph noise and hopped over to Pewter. The fire adept stuck his tongue out at them. "Whatever, you guys all look the same to me."

This time even Pewter stiffened. All four Djinni's coats puffed out as if they'd just grown an inch in the last second. "Geez, Firebrand," drawled Pewter. "I knew you were a bit thick, but I didn't realize you were racist too."

Tyrell shrugged. "Hey, it's not my fault you all look like overgrown hairballs. Besides, djinn don't count as a race. That kind of thing is only for people."

"Oh! Oh!" Pewter swayed from side to side, as if he were swooning in slow motion. "Just when I thought the bigotry couldn't get any worse!" Suddenly he sat up straight and shivered, his fur wilting back to its normal size. "Your father would be ashamed to hear you talk to us that way."

"Hey, leave my dad out of this! Besides, I can say what I want," muttered Tyrell, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh really?" The triangular flaps of fur above Pewter's eyes shot up like inquistive eyebrows. "Hey, everyone!" Pewter shouted. "Sounds like someone needs a bit of sensitivity training!"

A low chorus of chittering filled the air. At the sound of their leader's calls, dozens of large blue eyes gleamed in the shadows of the barrels. Furry, over-sized heads peaked out from behind the barrels, around the cabin walls, even over the ship's railing.

Tyrell was surrounded. Damn. He hadn't expected that.

"Wh-what the- Where the heck did you guys all come from?" Tyrell cried.

"Ivy, hold him down so he doesn't escape," Pewter ordered.

Thin green tendrils snaked around Tyrell's ankles. Before the Mars adept could react, the vines ripped his feet out from under him. Tyrell slammed into the ship deck with a cry. By the time he lifted his head, Ivy had tethered his wrists and ankles like a roast pig's. Tyrell was about to burn his bindings when he noticed five unusually large Mercury Djinn on the railing above him. Their slitted glares told Tyrell that the moment he summoned any fire psynergy, they'd douse him with enough ice water to sink the ship.

"Wait, stop, stop, just stop," said Tyrell. "Are you guys really going to attack me just for saying you look alike?

A reedy voice piped up from somewhere behind Tyrell's head. "No, we're going to do it because you don't have any respect!"

"And because you said I looked like a rat!" another Djinn cried.

"And because we're bored!"

Tyrell felt a light pressure on his stomach. He looked down and saw that Pewter had hopped onto his stomach, with Tyrell's arms and legs hanging over him like the roof of a steeple. Crouching in the shade like that, with the flaps of fur sagging around his face, Pewter looked remarkably like one of the clerics scattered across Weyard. Elderly. Official. Leader-like, even.

Of course, the effect was destroyed for Tyrell once Pewter turned around and whacked him in the nose with his tail. "Now, now, kiddies. We're not attacking anybody."

"Awwww," a few voices groaned.

Pewter turned around and waddled onto Tyrell's upper chest. "No, Tyrell, I'm afraid this lesson is a bit too subtle to teach you through violence. So instead, you're going to have to learn it through…" Pewter leaned into Tyrell's face, so that his faded blue eyes nearly touched Tyrell's green ones. "Song."

A short beat of silence. "Oh hell no," Tyrell breathed.

"Oh hell yes!" Pewter cried. He hopped off Tyrell's stomach. "Fugue, drop me a beat!"

Two brawny Venus Djinni shoved Tyrell to a fairly stable sitting position, with his arms and legs hanging in front of him. Off to the side, one of Tyrell's traitorous Mars Djinni was rocking its head back and forth. Strange sounds were coming out of its mouth, like a rhythmic mixture of sizzling pans and stomping boots.

Boop-pTCH-Boo-boop-pTCH. Boop-pTCH-Boo-boop-pTCH.

The Djinni surrounding Tyrell and Pewter had gathered around in a circle. Their bodies began gyrating to the sound, twisting back in forth in time with what Tyrell guessed was "the beat". And if the mass hypnosis of seventy angry Djinni wasn't enough to creep Tyrell out, Pewter was circling slowly around Tyrell, whispering in a low, squeaky voice that sounded like it was intended to be intimidating. "Who your Daddy? Who your Daddy, Tyrell? That's right. I'm your Daddy. Who your Daddy? I'm your Daddy."

When Pewter reached the space of deck in front of Tyrell, he stopped and struck a pose. "You ready for a beat down, Tyrell?"

"No."

"Well, you're gonna get one! A-one, a-two, a-three, four, GO!"

Every Djinn is different.

No two Djinn are the same.

And if you think we're merely pets,

Then you've got to be really lame!

Mars Djinn are the strongest.

They burn your enemies like toast.

But their fireballs can also miss,

So they need your respect the most.

Mercury Djinn heal your party

And can freeze monsters in ice.

They save you from a bloody death

So make sure you treat them nice.

Jupiter Djinn are light and swift,

And can fly across the sky.

They can also electrocute your brain.

It's not wise to make them cry.

Venus Djinn are as tough as rocks

And can make the earth erupt.

You better not upset us,

Cause we will mess you up.

By the time Pewter was done chanting in that oddly threatening sing-song voice of his, he was perched on Tyrell's chest, his face about an inch from Tyrell's. The adept and the Djinn stared deep into each other's eyes without saying a word. A dense, jittery silence filled the air.

"That last stanza didn't rhyme," one of the Jupiter Djinni called.

"Shut up, Lull," muttered Pewter. He leaned back on his haunches, increasing the weight on Tyrell's chest. "Well, Tyrell, do you think you learned anything today? Maybe something about tolerance and diversity, or respecting the elemental spirits that make your journey possible?"

The circle surrounding Tyrell and Pewter shrank as the Djinni shuffled closer to hear his answer. As the fire adept looked around, he suddenly became aware that while he could probably hold his own against one or two of the tiny spirits, if the seventy of them combined their powers to summon something like Dullahan…

"Um…yes," answered Tyrell. "You-you guys all look really different now. And the girls all look really pretty, or silky, or fluffy, or whatever you Djinni are into." Most of the Djinni relaxed. Tyrell sighed in relief. Perhaps he would survive today after all. "C-can I…go now?"

Pewter signaled to Ivy with his tail, and the vines loosened their grip on Tyrell's body. "Yes, Firebrand. You've learned your lesson."

I'd like to inform you that no Djinni, adepts, or cookies were harmed in the making of this fanfic. I think I edited out all of the grammatical mistakes, so hopefully no readers will be hurt either. Still, it's possible that one or two mistakes are still in there. Keep in mind, though, that some of the grammatical errors in dialogue, like "Neither Karis or Sveta", are character choices rather than mistakes. Because really, can you imagine Tyrell saying the word 'nor'?

Please, please, please do not assume that I am advocating physical threats as a means to deter racism. I shouldn't have to ask that, but you never know how the readers will interpret a story. If you come across someone who is being racist/sexist/homophobic/a general *$!, please do not tie them up with vines and then subdue them with poorly written rap music. Or if you do, don't blame it on me when you get arrested.

Also, I apologize to any Tyrell fans. If you feel the burning need to write a revenge fic on Tyrell's behalf, by all means, go ahead. Just don't flame me. It's just a story about cute, singing animals. Please don't take it seriously.

That said, I hope you'll send a review with your thoughts, suggestions, etc. The longer, the better. And thanks for reading!