Hello guys! Back with my second one-shot. I hope you will like this one. Before you start reading, would you listen to: 'A Rocket to the Moon – Like we used to.' It's the song I used for this and I freaking love it. I heard it last week when I had my phone on shuffle and I was like: 'OMG. THIS IS SO GOOD FOR BRITTANA.' So don't be an ass and just go listen to it! I own nothing.. Enjoy!
Well, I kinda just started writing without plan. It turned out to be a little long, sorry for that! Once again, English isn't my first language, so if you notice some mistakes, please point them out (:
xxxxx
I felt like I could choke any minute. The lump in my throat just got bigger every time I tried to swallow it. The one after the other chill ran down my spine as my hands nervously fidgeted my Cheerio skirt. I even think I smelled myself sweating a bit. Thank God I've put on some deodorant.. For like the tenth time I tightened up my ponytail and licked my lips, as I stood against the lockers across the room I had to enter within the next 2 or 3 minutes. Someone hit me on my shoulder.
'Nervous?' I turned around and saw Puck smirking at me.
'Tsch.. I'm never nervous.' The lie wasn't even convincing myself. He laughed a bit and squeezed my shoulder, trying to encourage me.
'You'll do just fine, just look at me when we're up there and nothing can go wrong.' He winked and I punched his shoulder.
'Shut it, Puckerman,' I snapped at him. 'I don't need to look at you.'
He grinned and turned around. 'Good luck, though you won't need it. Whenever you're ready.'
'Puckerman,' I snapped, just before he went through the door to the choir room. He looked around with raised eyebrows. I swallowed. Why was this always so hard for me? 'You know.. like.. thanks, I guess.'
'Anytime, Lopez.' The Mohawk headed boy walked into the room and I banged my head into the lockers behind me. Why was I so nervous? I just had to sing a song.. And that was immediately the problem. I didn't mind singing the song and standing in the spotlight. I mean, tsch.. I'm Santana fucking Lopez. I practically lived there; everyone was looking up to me and adoring me. That's how things rolled here at McKinley High. But the meaning of the song scared the shit out of me and never-ever-ever anything scared me. Well, I don't really like horror movies, but that's so not the point.
For the past couple weeks I have been practicing on a song with like.. a meaning.. for someone.. And all I could think of was.. What if she didn't like it? What if she didn't get the point? I wasn't afraid to make a mistake. I mean, I practiced my butt off. Even Coach Sylvester noticed I was busy with something else than Cheerio practice and homework. As a punishment she had me running for an extra hour last week.
'This'll make you think better next time, Lopez. Do you think we are national champions, because of my good looks and unresistable smile?' Sylvester shouted at me, as I ran my 45th round or something like that. My legs were burning like hell. 'Do you think I became who I am today with just smiling and being magnificent, if I may say it myself? Hmm? NO! I worked my butt off all the day, every day! You got to focus on one thing and one thing only, Lopez. Why do you think I'm trying to bring Glee club down? The balance in the school is nowhere to be found. People have to focus on one thing and now Schuester had to show up with his disgusting hair you cannot even see past and there are two things people think about. Even the budget has been cut! If you don't focus on one thing, you won't get anywhere! Do you think Obama had time for his secret hobbies playing chess and golf when he made his way to become the president of the United States of America?'
I sighed and rolled my eyes. That woman was crazy. I looked at the door leading to the choir room. I saw Man-hands entering with a big smile, not long after that Schuester followed her. Probably everyone was already in there. Schuester was pretty much always the last one to enter. That meant I was kinda late now. I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed myself off of the lockers. I put on the Santana Lopez-mask and tried to shake the nerves of. I was going to pull this off. I was going to make my point.
'Santana! Sit down and please try to be on time next time,' Schuester began. Brittany was sitting in front next to Artie and looked at me with a little smile. I locked eyes with her and my nerves just seemed to grow. Artie narrowed his eyes. He didn't trust me. Well, back at cha, cause I didn't trust him for one bit.
I swallowed and tried to smile back at Brittany. She knotted her eyebrows together in confusion, a questioning look in her eyes. Of course, she immediately had to see I was nervous.
'Ehm..' I began and cleared my throat. 'Mr. Schue, if I may.. I-I would like to eh..' Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Puck nodding his head at me. 'Ehm.. Well, I want to do a song like right now, okay?'
He looked surprised, but happy. It wasn't the usual for Santana to ask to sing something, so this was an improvement. 'Of course, Santana. Go ahead.' Schue smiled encouraging and took a seat beside Mercedes.
Once again, I cleared my throat and I noticed that I was playing with the hem of my skirt again. I stopped myself and crossed my arms, looking at all the Glee clubbers, trying to get over my nerves. I was sure my mask wasn't what it was supposed to be. I shot a look at Brittany, she was looking a bit surprised, just like the rest. When she caught my eyes, she shot me a big, bright smile and did a thumbs up. Only Brittany could make a ridiculous thumbs up look cute.
'Well, hello.' Hello? Really? 'I ehh.. I'm going to play a song and.. You know what, whatever. I'm just gonna play it and you'll figure it out for yourself. If you do not, not my problem. Puck, if you want it to happen today?'
Everybody looked even more surprised when Puck nodded his head, stood up and walked to the side where the band stood. He grabbed two guitars from the band geeks and gave one to me. I bet some eyes were bulging out right now from shock. Puck handing a guitar to Santana? I couldn't help but smirk a little bit. I always knew how to shock people. We both sat down and Puck placed a capo on the guitars.
'Ready?' he asked and winked at me.
'Always.'
xxxxx
'That's so hot, don't you think, S?' 'What is, Britt?' I asked, having difficulty with keeping my eyes open. It was a Friday afternoon and we were chilling on my bed. I rested my head on the blonde's shoulder and started to fall asleep to the warmth of her body. We just saw Peter Pan. As usual, we always watched Disney movies together, Brittany just loved them and couldn't get enough of any of the movies. I didn't mind. Anything to see Brittany smile. Besides.. I couldn't get enough of her smile, so it was a win-win. 'That woman on the TV, silly!' she said, nudging my head with her shoulder. I groaned a bit at this, she just turned her attention to the TV. My eyes followed hers and saw that she was looking at some unknown channel where a woman was giving a concert. She had dark, long hair, green eyes and she was playing guitar. The crowd sang along with her. 'I think it's hot when a woman can play an instrument. Don't you, San?' she whispered in my ear. A chill ran down my spine and I bit my lower lip, immediately feeling guilt. She was with Artie. I couldn't feel feelings like this. She looked at me with a small, questioning but adorable smile. 'Artie can play guitar, sometimes he plays for me. That's cute, but when a woman can play it's just hot.' 'Yeah, I guess so..' I answered softly, jealousy stinging when she spoke about Artie being cute. She smiled and turned to watch the woman on TV again. I closed my eyes and knitted my eyebrows together in thoughts. What would Brittany think of me if I could play an instrument? Would she like.. immediately fall for me? I bet I would look a hundred times hotter playing harmonica than Artie looked playing guitar. I was so jealous at this guy for having Brittany as his girlfriend. I missed her. I mean, she was right next to me, but it didn't feel the same as it used to. Artie took almost all of her time, she didn't have that much left for me and I left behind as the loner. Beside Brittany I didn't really had anybody else and lets be fair.. I didn't really wanted anybody else. I sighed and nuzzled my head in the crook of her neck. I resisted the urge to place a kiss there. Brittany was really tight with this not-cheating thing. It kinda.. well.. It kinda hurt me. Of course she was being a good girlfriend and behaving the way it should be, but I.. I wanted her for myself. I came to this realisation not too long ago, but it was too late. She was with Artie, she was happy. I wouldn't take the risk of hurting or confusing her by telling her how I felt. 'San, I have to go.' I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to pretend I didn't hear her. 'San.. Sanny, Artie is going to pick me up within 30 minutes, he's taking me to Breadsticks for dinner and I still have to change and stuff.' I sighed and sat back up, but didn't say anything. Artie taking her to Breadsticks? I always used to take her there. It was like.. our thing. Brittany stood up, gathered her stuff and looked at me with a sad smile. 'Time flies when I'm with you.' I looked up and nodded. 'Yeah,' I whispered. 'Well, have fun. I'll see you on Monday.' Since she already had plans with Artie for the whole weekend. 'Yes,' I heard her saying. She came to the bed and pulled me into a tight hug. 'I really enjoyed being with you again, San. We should hang out more, like we used to.' I faked a smile and agreed, knowing that Artie wouldn't let that happen. She could see right through the smile, but didn't bother to ask. Brittany knew. I watched her leave and I laid down on the warm place where Brittany just sat. 'I think it's hot when a woman can play an instrument. Don't you, San?' Her words ran through my head again and I got an idea. Maybe I wasn't like.. able to tell her how I felt, but there was nothing wrong with making a point, right? It didn't have to be like.. about Brittany, though it was and everybody would understand, but whatever. It was about damn time I was going to do something about these past lonely 5 or 6 weeks. I smirked a bit and started to work out my plan.
The first notes of Puck and Santana playing echoed through the room. Puck did the lead, I just did the rhythm. It was easier, but hard enough for a beginner. My nerves were probably reaching their peak, but I kept playing and when I looked up in Brittany's eyes, it was only me and her in the room. Brittany looked amusingly surprised and smiled knowingly at me, remembering our conversation from a couple weeks ago.
I opened my mouth and began singing, not taking my eyes of the blonde.I can feel her breath as she's sleeping next to me If only I could be in that bed again Does he watch your favourite movies? Does he sing to all your music 14 months and 7 days ago It should've been me inside that car Does he watch your favourite movies? Does he sing to all your music I know, love Will he love you like I loved you? Can you promise me if this was right? Can you do all these things?
Sharing pillows and cold feet
She can feel my heart, fell asleep to its beat
Under blankets and warm sheets
If only it were me instead of him
Does he hold you when you cry?
Does he let you tell him all your favourite parts
When you've seen it a million times?
While you dance to "Purple Rain"?
Does he do all these things
Like I used to?
Oh, I know you know how we felt about that night
Just your skin against the window
But we took it slow and we both know
It should have been me instead of him in the dark
Does he hold you when you cry?
Does he let you tell him all your favourite parts
When you've seen it a million times?
While you dance to 'Purple Rain'?
Does he do all these things
Like I used to?
(Well, I'm a sucker for that feeling)
Happens all the time, love
(I always end up feeling cheated)
You're on my mind, love
(Oh sorta let her when I need it)
That happens all the time, love, yeah
Will he tell you every day?
Will he make you feel like you're invincible
With every word he'll say?
Don't throw it all away
Will you do all these things
Like we used to?
Oh, like we used to
The song ended and everybody was still to shocked to react. Did Santana just sang this song?
I smiled a little bit and tore my eyes of Brittany to look at Puck. He was smirking at me.
'Told ya,' he said. I sniffled and stood up. Puck took the guitar and gave them back to the band geeks, who's jaws were dropped to the floor, surprised as hell that a cheerleader knew how to play a guitar.
You see, the last couple of weeks Puck has been teaching me. I showed up at his door the next day after Brittany told me she thinks it's hot when a woman plays guitar.
xxxxx
'Santana! Missed the Puckasaurs too much, huh?' he smirked at her, while leaning at his doorpost. 'Don't get too excited, Puckerman. I came here to ask something, not to fulfil your damn needs.' I rolled my eyes, pushed him aside and walked into his living room. He was practically living alone. His mom was working the whole day and when she got home she went to sleep and he didn't have any sisters or brothers. His dad died when he was 3. 'Here, I got you something,' I said when he closed the door and stood behind me. I pressed a box in his hands as he looked at me questionably. 'Seriously, Santana? You got me waffles? That's scary nice of you.' 'No problem.' He smirked, sat down on the couch and starting eating a waffle. 'So, what did you wanted to ask me? It must be quite something if Santana fucking Lopez buys someone other than Brittany something.' I rolled my eyes and sat on the loveseat opposite the couch and crossed my arms. 'Let's get straight to the point, Puckerman. I want you to teach me how to play guitar.' Puck had to do almost anything he could not to spat out his waffle at this while he looked at Santana with his jaw dropped and his eyes wide. 'W-what?' he sputtered. 'You heard me.' 'Yeah, I heard you. But.. what? Why?' 'Does it matter?' 'Umm.. Yeah, it does. You come up at my door, resist the Puckerman's charms, bought me waffles and ask me to teach you how to play guitar. Santana, what happened to you?' I sighed and looked down at my feet. It was now or never.. 'Brittany told me she thought it was hot when a woman plays guitar,' I whispered, almost so soft that he had to concentrate to hear me. 'Brittany told you..' He broke out laughing shamelessly. Santana looked at him annoyed. She wanted to kick him so bad, but she knew he wasn't going to give her what she wanted if she did. Instead she waited with an angry look on her face until he was done laughing. 'So let me get this clear. You want to learn a song on the guitar for Brittany?' I swallowed and opened my mouth, uncomfortable to admit it to anyone. Nothing came out of my mouth, so I closed it again and nodded. 'Well, took you long enough to spill the beans. It almost drove me crazy to see you looking at Brittany wheeling Artie around as if you wanted nothing than to wheel into a river and take your blonde back.' He looked at me and smiled at my confused face. 'Don't look at me like that. We all know. It was hard to ignore it any further when you slam the door shut behind you in Artie's face whenever we have Spanish and sit beside Brittany, where he used to sit.' I rolled my eyes at him. 'But, of course, Santana. I'll teach you.' The boy went to eat his waffles again.
The next weeks I was with him almost every night. First he taught me the basics, then he learned the song I wanted to play for himself and then he taught me. It was actually kinda nice, hanging out with Puck without.. well, getting naked. And every time I brought waffles with me.
I sighed and went to look at the Glee clubbers, who were still in shock. A couple of throats were cleared to break this uncomfortable silence. Puck sat back down on his seat again. Schuester stood up and clapped his hands.
'Wow, umm.. Santana. That was amazing. I didn't know you could play guitar.' I just nodded. 'Well, thank you so much for sharing this with us. If you could sit down, I can tell you guys more about sectionals.'
Clearly this guy didn't had any clue that this song just shocked the hell out of everyone, because Santana Lopez had shared her feelings for the very first time. I glanced at Brittany, who was looking at the floor with a confused look on her face. Artie had turned a bit pale and rocked back and forth in his chair. I looked a bit disappointed when Brittany avoided my gaze, but went to take my seat in the back, away from everyone. Mr. Schue began telling us about how he had found the perfect songs for sectionals. I tuned him out and wondered if I just fucked everything up. Brittany wouldn't even look at me.
The more I thought about it, the more I started to feel scared and uneasy and the lump in my throat made his way back. I stared at the clock on the wall until the bell rang. I stood up and almost ran out of the choir room to the parking lot. I didn't even bother to go to my locker and pack my books. I started my car and drove away. This feeling of having lost Brittany made me want to throw up. When I came home, I immediately went to my room, closed the curtains and laid down on my bed. I stared at the ceiling. Why the hell did I had to be so stupid? Tears welt up in my eyes. I couldn't live without her. She was my life. She had my heart from the first day I saw her in kindergarten. I couldn't believe I just fucked up our friendship, because I suddenly wanted more and had to be so selfish. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and I didn't even bother to sweep them away.
xxxxx
My mom came home at 5 and began cooking dinner. I tuned all my emotions out and looked at the TV screen without seeing anything. I couldn't do any homework, because I didn't pack any books for tomorrow. Whatever, if I'll give those teachers one glare they wouldn't even dare to ask if I did my homework. The only reason I normally did my homework was because I wanted to get out this town and that couldn't be done with B's and C's.
'Mija, dinner's ready.' I turned the TV of, stood up and sat down opposite from my mother. We ate in silence. We were neither one of those chatterboxes. My dad left when I was six, so it was just the two of us. After dinner we did the dishes together and I went to my room. I found myself an hour later in the exact same position as I was this afternoon; staring at the ceiling. The doorbell rang, but I didn't even bother to be curious about who it was. I heard my mom talking to someone. I sighed and rolled myself on my side, my back towards the door. It probably was one of my mom's flirts. Someone came up the stairs and knocked on my door.
'It's okay, mom. You can go, I'll see you tomorrow,' I said, thinking it was my mom asking me if it would be okay if she went out. 'Be careful.'
Instead of my mother saying; 'Okay, mija. I bought some chocolate ice cream for you, if you might want that. I love you!' There was another knock. I sighed, stood up and opened the door, saying; 'Mom, I said it was fine-' I was surprised to see a tall, blonde at the other side of the door instead of an older version of me. My eyes widened.
'Britt,' I said bewildered. She looked at me with a small smile. She was out of her Cheerio uniform and how I loved to look at what was under that skirt, it always amazed me how pretty she was in normal clothes. She was wearing skinny jeans, a white V-neck t-shirt and a hard pink vest. I felt stupid for wearing blue shorts and a way too big and outworn red sweater.
'Did you think I was your mother?' she said with her innocent, soft voice. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I saw that it amused her that she left me speechless. 'Can I come in?'
'Umm, yeah.. Of course.' I stumbled to the side, so Brittany could walk in. She sat down on my bed cross-legged and looked at the floor. I closed the door and stood there for a moment, not knowing what to say, what to do or where to sit down. I desperately wanted to sit next to Brittany and tell her how stupid I was, but I didn't. I walked over to my desk and sat down on my chair. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around my knees. There was an silence between us for a couple minutes. Brittany broke it.
'Artie didn't want me to come,' she whispered and looked up, smiling sadly. I suppressed the need to go over to Wheels and beat him up for making Brittany smiling this way.
'Oh.. Then why did you?' My voice was soft and it cracked. It felt stupid, I was never like this.
'Because I needed to talk to you, silly.' Brittany said as a matter of fact, like it was obvious. I smiled a little and looked at my toes. 'How did you learn to play guitar?'
'Puck taught me. I bribed him with waffles.' I heard her laughing softly. It made my heart flutter. I was still able to make her laugh, maybe I didn't fuck up that badly. I certainly hoped so.
'It was beautiful.'
'Thanks.'
'You looked hot.' I looked up at her. She was looking at me directly with bright eyes and we both let out a chuckle.
'Thanks,' I said again and smiled a bit. Once again, there fell a silence between us, while we just looked at each other. We were both too afraid that the moment would break if one of us looked away. My body went numb. The way Brittany stared at me made me feel so warm inside. It was as if everything was alright, if nothing was wrong. It made me feel like I was the only one on the world with her, like I was the only one for her. I tried to tell her my feelings, just by looking at her. I needed her to know. I needed her to know that I needed her, I needed her to need me too, I needed her to know that I wanted her, that I.. I loved her.
'He doesn't.'
I looked at her confused. 'Who doesn't what?'
'Artie.. He doesn't.'
'Oh..' I swallowed, understanding she was talking about the song I sang this afternoon. I didn't really know how to respond. I went to look at my toes again, feeling uncomfortable. I heard some movement and I saw Brittany standing up and walking towards me. She kneeled in front of me and stared at me intently until I looked her in the eyes.
'You do.'
Her face was serious. I have never ever seen Brittany look so serious like this. Well, maybe that one time when she told me she had a date with a duck in the pond called Donald, so she couldn't watch a movie with me. I swallowed and nodded, looking down at her. Her blue eyes were glistening.
'You do all those things for me, San. You always watch my favourite movies, like Cinderella and Pinocchio. Artie always tries to make me start liking The Curious are Fast. I cannot see what you would like about some curious cars driving really fast.' I knew she was talking about The Fast and the Furious but I didn't interrupted her. 'You was there for me and held me when I went to the pond that one day and Donald rejected me and didn't want to eat the bread I brought him and you also held me when Bambi's mother was kidnapped by the hunters. You always listen to me when I talk about how I would like to be Jane in Peter Pan 2, so I could've been the first Lost Girl. And.. you also seem to sing to my music, because you did that today. I send you that song a couple months ago and you clearly listened to it.' Brittany smiled.
I swallowed. She clearly got the message and my point was made clear, but now I didn't know what to do. She took my hands and squeezed them a little. 'You do things for me no one else does, Santana. You always give me the pieces of brownie in your chocolate ice cream, even though you love them. You give me the red and the green M&M's, because they remind me of Christmas and the red and the purple Skittles, because I love those flavours. You iron my clothes before we go out, because you know I don't like ironing things. You blow my hair dry before we go to sleep, after showering after an exhausting Cheerio practice, because I'm too tired to do it. You remember my locker combination and when you say you're at my house in 5 minutes, you're there within 4. You always bring extra lunch with you, in case I forgot to grab mine from the fridge. You massage my neck when it hurts after a long day of school. You learned to play guitar for me,' she chuckled. 'And I've missed those things you do for me. Being with Artie is nice, but he isn't you and he will never be you. I came to that realisation when you sang this afternoon.'
I looked at her with wide open eyes and an unreadable expression on my face. I really do all those things for her, huh.. Damn, I'm so whipped it isn't even funny anymore. And I have always been. I'm so stupid. '
'Listen to me, San. Look at me.' She placed one hand on my cheek and turned my head so I was forced to look at her. My eyes were all watery, I didn't want her to see me like this.
'It's best if you just go, Britt. I bet Artie is waiting for you,' I said, looking at her hair and avoiding her gaze. 'I'll be alright, just go.' I wanted to turn my head away from her again, but she placed another hand on my cheek.
'Look at me,' she said more stubborn. I squeezed my eyes shut before I looked in the blue eyes I drowned so easily in. 'I'm not going anywhere until I made my point clear.' I started preparing myself for another stab in my chest from her telling that Artie was the one for her and all she wanted was to be just friends. I swallowed and tried to fight back the tears.
'I want it to be more than it used to. I want us to be together. I want to be able to kiss you in public, to hold your hand in the supermarket, to go to the cinema as a couple.' I felt hope fill my whole body and all the sadness I was feeling a couple seconds earlier seemed to have never existed. 'Santana, I want to be your girlfriend and I know you want to be mine, because just friends don't do those things for each other. You like me, but I don't want it to be a secret.'
I stared in her eyes, while she was waiting for me to respond. Suddenly I smiled and nodded and I kept nodding until she laughed out loud. 'I wouldn't want anything else, Britt. Seeing you with Artie broke my heart. All I wanted to do was wheel that guy into ravine when you had to leave after we hung out so little.' I placed my feet on the floor and bend forward to pull her into a tight hug. I nudged my head into her neck and inhaled her sweet scent that always made me dizzy.
'God, San. I've missed you,' she whispered in my ear. 'What the hell took you so long?'
'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Britt. I will never ever let you go again.'
'Well, you're going to have to, because I have to go to Artie.' At this my heart sunk into my shoes, even though I wasn't even wearing them.
'Wh-why?' I stumbled, pulling away from the hug and looking at her with a pained expression.
'Well, I probably have to explain to him why you're taking me to school tomorrow morning and he isn't,' she smiled at me. I smiled back at her and tucked her hair behind her hair.
'Yes, you probably have to. Are you coming back after that?' I asked her hopefully. It had been too long that she had slept next to me. I've been missing the warmth of her body like crazy.
'No, my parents said that I had to be home before ten, so I'll see you tomorrow.'
I smiled at her, though I didn't want to let her go. 'Of course.'
We stood up and I took her hand as we walked downstairs. My mom was in her office making some phone calls. By the door we stood still, just looking at each other. 'San?'
'Yeah?'
'Say it.'
'Say what?' I looked at her, pretending to be confused.
'You know what.'
'I.. I love you, B.'
'I know,' she smirked before opening the door, pressing a loving kiss on my cheek and skipped outside, humming the song I couldn't get out of my head the last couple of weeks.
Like we used to and still do.xxxxx
That's it! I don't really like the ending, I feel like I over rushed it or something, so I might rewrite it someday. Anyway, did you already listened to the song? No? Shame on you and go listen to it now. I bet you'll love it. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! :D