Chapter 1

Descend upon Carpathian Ridge, a crescent-shaped cliff

that extrudes from the dense Virginia evergreens above a

deep rock canyon. The cliff marks the end of a dirt road

that winds down from above.

Harry Potter (sixteen) is asleep at the edge of the cliff.

With his bike collapsed next to him, he is shivering, curled

up on the fetal position.

He slowly opens his eyes and looks around, disoriented by

the morning light. He then stands up, looking down into the

expansive rock canyon. After a moment of hesitation, he takes

his bike back up the hill.

Harry pedals down into the suburban village of Middlesex,

Virginia... passing by a large rock 'Middlesex' rock-pattern.

Harry pedals past two neighborhood women who are

speed walking with hand weights. They smile at him.

A Pontiac Trans-Am speeds by.

Harry turns the corner and heads towards the garage.

Over to the Potter house... moving through the front

yard where James Potter (forty-four) pulls the cord and his

gas-powered leaf-blower roars to life.

Luna Potter (nineteen) comes out the front door. She

approaches her dad from behind. James turns and aims the

leaf-blower at her face... blasting her with air.

Harry parks his bike and goes inside.

Ginny Potter (ten) as she is jumping on

a trampoline and Lilly Potter (forty-two) as she

sits at a table reading a paperback copy of Stephen King's

"IT". She glances over to the kitchen.

Harry walks into the kitchen. He then goes to the

refrigerator.

Printed in magic marker on the refrigerator notepad is the

phrase:

WHERE IS HARRY?

The opening theme of "Who's the Boss?" begins as Tony

Danza's blue van and the title card. Ginny,

sitting on the floor, singing softly to the theme song "Brand

New Life" performed by Larry Weiss.

Harry, sitting in the La-Z Boy.

The Potter family has convened for dinner. They eat silently

for several moments.

"I'm voting for Dumbledore."

"Perhaps when you have children of

your own that need braces, and you

can't afford them because half of

your husband's paycheck goes to the

federal government, you'll regret

that decision."

(amused bitterness)

"I'm not gonna squeeze one out until

I'm thirty."

"Will you still be working at Yarn

Barn? 'Cause that's a great place to

raise children."

"No, a year of partying is enough.

She'll be going to Harvard this fall."

"I haven't been accepted yet, mother."

(smiles)

"If you think Albus Dumbledore will

provide for this country prior to

the point when you decide to squeeze

one out, then I think you're

misinformed."

"When can I squeeze one out?"

(to his sister)

"Not until like... eighth grade."

(to Harry)

"Excuse me?"

"Harry? You're a dick."

"Whoa, Luna. A little hostile,

there. Maybe you should be the one

in therapy. Then Mom and Dad can pay

someone two hundred dollars an hour

to listen to all of your thoughts...

so we won't have to."

"Maybe you'd like to tell Mom and Dad

why you stopped taking your

medication."

An awkward silence.

(surprised)

"You've stopped taking your medication?"

"When can I squeeze one out, Mom?"

(glaring at Luna)

"You're such a fuck-ass."

"When did you stop taking your

medication?"

(laughing)

"Did you just call me a fuck-ass?"

"That's enough."

(to Harry)

"You can suck a fuck."

"Oh, please tell me, Luna, how

exactly does one suck a fuck?"

(disgusted)

"We will not have this kind of language

at the dinner table."

"They are all silent for a moment."

"What's a fuck-ass?"

Despite his brave efforts to hold back laughter, James Potter

lets out a slight guffaw.