A/N: My first fanfiction! Hope you like it. btw the dialogue at the start is not really relevant, just a bit of foreshadowing ;), i don't know who is talking to Kilgarrah, probably just another all seeing druid or something...

This hasn't been beta'd, and it will probably only be 2 chapters long. I'll give you the next bit when i get 5 reviews. Is that fair? Enjoy...

" I am worried about Emrys, Kilgarrah. He has a lot to bear, so much death to cope with, so many secrets to keep. Much more of this and even he will crack, I am sure of it."

"I'm afraid I agree with you, but there is nothing we can do now, but let fate take her course. I worry that Merlin comes close to revealing a secret to Arthur every time he grieves for someone. With his friend William, it was his powers, with the druid girl it was his love for her, with the dragonlord it was his lineage... It is a consequence of them being so close, I should have foreseen it. If he is, as you say, close to breaking, then I fear the next death may mean that Arthur learns everything" _

Arthur had just returned from training his knights. He had left Merlin that morning with a list of the usual chores, and he fully expected that his incompetent servant will have "forgotten" most of them when he opened the door to his chambers. Right again, he thought to himself as he stepped into his untidy room, noting the dirty floor, the ashy fireplace, and the piles of clothes on the bed. In fact, he thought it doesn't look like Merlin has done anything at all today. It was late afternoon, Merlin had had hours to complete his jobs, and he hadn't done a single one? Even for Merlin, that was lax. Unease shifted in Arthur's gut. Had something happened? ... No, he was overreacting. But maybe, he should go down to Gaius' quarters just in case...

He knocked on the door, but heard no reply. He quickly squashed the irrational panic, Gaius was just out seeing to patients, and Merlin was... Merlin had decided to clean the stables again? He shook his head and pushed open the door. The room was empty, but Arthur heard voices in the room beyond. He started forward, but stopped short. The voices were distressed, distraught, even. And one voice was Merlin's. He felt a rush of anger at whatever had caused his fr... servant this much distress, and had to overcome the strong urge to throw open the door and offer any comfort he could. He knew he should leave them alone, whatever had happened, it was obviously upsetting, and Arthur didn't want to intrude. So he retreated to his chambers, hoping that Merlin would be back to his usual cheery self to keep him company soon.

That morning...

Merlin watched his master strut through the courtyard below the window with a smile, and then turned back to his chores. Uurgh, cleaning the floor again, he thought miserably. I swear he makes it dirty on purpose. Just then, Gwen barged in looking extremely upset. "Gwen what's the matter?" he exclaimed, rushing forward to put his hands on her shoulders.

"Y...You need to go to Gaius"

"What? Why is he sick?"

"No...He, he's fine, but...oh Merlin I can't say it, I'm not strong enough, I'm sorry" Her eyes were filled with tears, but Merlin thought he saw pity there as-well.

"Gwen you are very strong, one of the strongest people I know. Okay, alright I'm going" he tried to reassure her and he ran out of the room and down to his quarters.

When he opened the door to the physicians room, panic coursing round his body, Gaius was standing facing him, holding a letter tightly in both of his hands as if afraid someone would take it from him. When he saw Merlin his face fell and he closed his eyes, just a fraction of a second too long for it to have been a normal blink. Merlin's heart was thumping wildly. What had happened? Why was everyone so upset?

"Merlin, sit down, please" Gaius beckoned him over to a bench. Merlin stood where he was, frozen.

"Very well. I...have just received..." he began, brandishing the letter as if that would help him explain. "Merlin I'm so sorry, but your mother" he broke off, hesitating, as Merlin took a small steadying step backwards, his hand reaching for the solid door frame.

"What?" Merlin's prompt was a despairing whisper. It couldn't be, he'd got the wrong idea, she couldn't...

"She perished in a fire Merlin. I am so sorry"

Merlin stumbled backwards, and Gaius rushed to him and led him to a chair. He was in shock, and couldn't speak. He opened his mouth, and no sound came out but some forced croaks and sobs. Gaius cradled Merlin's head in his lap and waited for the tears to fall.

Really hope you like this, please review and i'll update soon