Sorry this took so long! D: by the way, I thought I'd clear this up – THIS IS IN NO WAY RELATED TO IN YOUR EMBRACE OR BOOM. This is a totally separate story. Haha :) also, this is going to go on a brief hiatus until I get the next few chapters written (so you guys don't have to wait huge amounts of time between chapters) I won't just abandon it like some authors do – if I decide to stop writing for whatever reason, I'll let you guys know and adopt it out to someone so they can finish. Haha :)

James was quiet.

Kendall found that strange. James normally sighed a lot in his sleep, content, spread out on his back with the blankets pulled right up to his nose. James was a cold sleeper and always had been; Kendall was the opposite. While he slept in the lightest shirt he could find and boxers, James often curled up in sweatpants and a sweatshirt to sleep in.

Now, James was sleeping facing Kendall, curled on his side with his knees drawn to his chest and his hands curled beneath his chin, holding the covers there. James reminded him of someone who had been hurt so badly he wasn't sure they'd recover.

Kendall got out of bed and went to James', sitting on the edge and stroking his friend's hair just out of impulse. Although James' fever was getting better, slowly, the coughing and raw voice remained, meaning that James couldn't sing. James was breathing with difficulty at night, mostly because of the humid L.A air irritating his already sensitive lungs. Every now and then, Kendall would hear James panting harshly across the room, usually because he had covered his mouth accidently and couldn't breathe through his blocked nose.

James tensed and coughed under his hand, curling closer. It was then Kendall realised that James probably wasn't asleep. Sure enough, James cracked an eye open and looked at him tiredly.

"Kendall?"

"Hey."

"I'm sorry for keeping you awake." James coughed again. "Do you want me to go sleep on the couch?"

Kendall's heart squeezed. "No, of course not," he said softly. "Do you want me to see if I can find something for your cough?"

James nodded. "I can barely breathe."

Kendall found a few throat lozenges but the Nyquil was gone; he worried at his lip as he watched James suck the candy, scrunching his face up.

"What's wrong?" Kendall asked.

James shook his head. "It tastes gross."

The door creaked open and Logan stuck his head in, looking sleep-ruffled and tired. "What's going on?" he asked softly.

"I had a sore throat," James said, surprising Kendall, who was scrambling for the right words. "I guess I was keeping Kendall awake with all my coughing." He turned truly apologetic eyes upon Kendall and shrugged. "Sorry."

Kendall nodded, and Logan watched them for a moment. James was giving him a deceptively innocent look, made all the more effective by the tousled, wavy hair and sleepy expression on his face. It was a look that told Logan that his presence, while not exactly something undesired, wasn't very welcome either.

"I'm going back to bed," Logan said quietly. "Make sure you guys get some sleep."

Kendall felt a twang somewhere in his chest. Logan acted as if he didn't know how to look after James. Kendall wasn't denying that he wasn't the best choice – he could hardly look after himself most of the time – but at the same time, it was James. And Kendall would never let anybody hurt James.

"Do you think he'll come back for me?"

Kendall jerked his head around to look at James. James was pulling at a loose thread in the throw rug Kendall had spread over him before he himself had gone to bed. "I mean," James said softly, "do you think he'll give up and leave me alone or make my life hell?"

Kendall didn't have to ask who "he" was. He opened his mouth, unsure of how to respond, and found that his heart did it for him.

"Even if he does," Kendall said softly, "I won't let him have you. Promise."

James smiled at him. "Cool."

They looked at each other for a moment. James was lying down, Kendall still standing, and yet he felt pinned by his younger friend's gaze, pinned like a poster of Dak Zevon to a raving fangirl's wall. It was James' eyes that were doing it, too.

"James…"

James closed his eyes, and Kendall was released from the spell. He stared down at James, wondering if the sandy-haired boy knew just what he was doing to Kendall, or whether he was doing it unintentionally.

Maybe I'm doing it to myself.

When Kendall was woken by the covers shifting and a cold draft seeping into his bed, his first thought was that Carlos was about to prank him, badly.

Then he wondered how much time had passed since he had been awoken by James' coughing. He rolled over, only to find his arms full of his shivering best friend, who was pressing as close to Kendall as he could get.

"James?"

"I was cold. Don't wanna wake Logan up. Or you. Sorry."

"That's okay," Kendall said, adjusting so James could squeeze in beside him. James was wearing a fleece hoodie and sweatpants, and Kendall could feel him shivering. He hesitantly put his arms around his best friend, rubbing his back, and felt the shivering cease.

"Is that better?"

"Much better." He felt the tip of James' nose against his collarbone, freezing cold with hot air huffing out. James still sounded like he was having trouble breathing. James' hair rubbed against his neck and Kendall suppressed the urge to jerk away from the tickling motion.

"Do you mind?" James asked.

"Of course not." Kendall tried not to read into James' clinging, needy actions – he was sick, away from home, probably missing his parents and siblings, looking for someone to make him feel better – and Kendall was the closest option. But it was hard not to – this was different to simply sharing a bed. No, they were snuggling, almost spooning with the way Kendall was holding James.

"I'll get a heater for you," Kendall said decisively, running his hand over James' spine. "We'll leave it on at night."

"You'll burn to death, Kendall," James mumbled.

"I'll be okay for a few nights."

James shuddered against him.

"That guy," Kendall said uncertainly. "Did you ever do anything else with him?"

"Only kissing. That once. When you pulled him off me." James rolled over, pressed himself flat against Kendall from hips to chest. He wound his arms around Kendall's waist and draped a leg over him. "You're like my own personal space heater," he murmured.

Kendall smiled. "Glad I can help."

"Are you?" James lifted his head sleepily. "You're really glad to be able to help me?"

"Of course."

James smiled. "Cool."

"You sound a little better."

"Yeah. I don't feel as sick either."

"Sick?"

"I was puking before. Quietly. So I didn't wake anybody up."

Kendall was upset by that. "You should have told me," he said. "I would have sat with you."

"I didn't want you to see me like that," James said.

Kendall was silent, listening to James breathe for a while, feeling James' warmth seep through his pyjamas and warm him despite the cold night. He held James a little bit closer and knew when his friend had drifted into sleep by the sudden slump in James' body.

Carefully, he moved his head so he could kiss James' hair, then shut his own eyes and waited for morning.

James woke up alone.

The bed was still warm, and James figured Kendall hadn't been gone all that long. He pushed himself upright on the palms of his hands, hips digging awkwardly into the mattress as he raised himself up and stretched. For the first time in a long time, James had woken up feeling okay. Not good, but not bad either. Just okay. It was a nice change.

Sighing, he climbed out of bed and grabbed a blanket, wrapping it around his shoulders. He began to shuffle out of the bedroom, watching as his breath misted in front of him in the cold air. Even LA had its wintry moments, and today was one of them. It was nearing Christmas, after all.

"Kendall?" he croaked out.

Nobody answered. Mrs. Knight was out doing various errands, Katie was at the school, and the rest of the band – well, James didn't know where they were, exactly, but they weren't here. He poked around in the fridge for a good five minutes, wishing something vaguely appetizing would magic itself in there, before accepting that he was still feeling nauseous and going to sit on the couch. Without Kendall, the world had suddenly grown a lot colder.

He was almost asleep again when he felt a hand on his face. He blinked his eyes open tiredly to find Kendall looking back at him in surprise.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. What are you doing out here? You were asleep when I left."

"I woke up," James explained croakily. "And nobody was here. I was looking for breakfast but I still feel sick."

Something strange flashed in Kendall's eyes right then, something James had never seen before, not in fifteen years of being Kendall's best friend. His sleepy, sickness-addled mind was too slow to comprehend the change before it was gone, though, and he shut his eyes again. The sunlight was stinging them.

"Come on," Kendall said softly, lifting James under the armpits. "You need to come back, James."

"What do you mean?" James asked faintly.

"You need to come back to us. The world isn't ending. Our lives… they're just beginning… don't do this to yourself. Please. Don't end up like… like my father."

James' eyes drifted slowly over Kendall's face. "I don't mean to."

"I know you don't. Neither did he."

"I'm sorry."

Kendall bowed his head to James' so their foreheads touched. Kendall just breathed quietly for a moment, savoring the warmth James radiated in spades. He stroked James' hair and was obscenely happy when the stroking wasn't rejected.

"Everything will be okay," Kendall said eventually. James believed him. Kendall was right most of the time. And even when he wasn't right things usually turned out okay. James couldn't help but feel that the world was boxing him in – he was trapped here, more than he had been in Minnesota, by his sexuality, his position in the band, this stupid cold that was keeping him indoors, his paralyzing fear of the man coming back to find him.

"Listen, James," Kendall said softly. "I have to go out for a little while. Gustavo wanted to see me. Will you be okay here?"

James nodded obediently because he couldn't make Kendall stay, so he may as well act like a man about him leaving. "I'll be okay."

Kendall smiled. "I'll be right back, then."

James stared as Kendall left. Without him.

"James!"

Logan bounded into the apartment with the kind of energy Carlos usually had, carrying the assignment he and James had completed together. He was surprised to see James sitting alone and despondent at the kitchen table.

"James?"

James jumped and turned. "Hi, Logan."

Logan moved into the apartment. "Where's Kendall?" he questioned, because ever since what happened it was rare if unheard of to see James without Kendall being at least two feet away. He noticed that James had his arms wrapped around his stomach and was staring at the place mat in front of him.

"He went out," James said.

"Are you hungry?" Logan asked. "Or do you feel sick?"

"I'm hungry."

Logan put their project down on the table, making sure James could see the A+ scribbled on the marking sheet. "I'm hungry too," he said, "I didn't get to eat breakfast. What do you want?"

"Logan…" James trailed off, staring at him.

"Come on." Logan smiled. "What do you want?"

James looked like he was about to protest again, then seemingly thought better of it and smiled a little. It was genuine, and Logan felt a surge of hope. Maybe his best friend was coming back to him. "Bacon and eggs," James said finally.

"Okay. Where'd Kendall go?"

"He said Gustavo wanted to see him."

Logan shrugged. "Fair enough."

They went about their business, talking quietly as Logan cooked. James stayed at the table, apparently too tired or lacking the motivation to move.

When Logan moved around the table to put the food in front of James, he stopped to grip his friend's shoulders in what he hoped was a soothing, comforting embrace. To his surprise, James leaned his head back against Logan's stomach and tilted his head towards Logan's left hand, cheek resting against the back of it.

"James." Logan was alarmed by the reaction.

"Sorry."

"What for?" Logan hesitantly stroked James' hair under his palm. It was ruffled and needed a wash – a sick James was a despondent, disinterested James.

"That guy." James shrugged helplessly. "He wanted to have sex with me. And Kendall's nice but I don't know what he wants from me. You're just my best friend. You won't confuse me."

Logan felt an uncharacteristic surge of anger. Whatever Kendall was doing to James, it sounded like it was hurting and confusing him, and Logan hated people taking advantage of his younger friend. James had enough to deal with already without copping it from his friends.

"I'm sure he doesn't mean to," Logan said, helpless to say anything else.

"Yeah. I know." James leaned forward and started eating his breakfast. Logan had definitely been surprised by that almost-hug, James leaning his head into his stomach – simply because assault victims usually had an aversion to touch. If anything, James had gotten touchier.

"Why aren't you scared of me?" Logan asked James just as they were both finishing their meals.

"You're smaller than me," James said.

"So's Kendall."

"Not by much. And he might be a little smaller but he's stronger. You and Carlos… you're both smaller than me. That man was bigger. So… I guess you're safe."

Logan nodded, understanding the psychology behind it. "Seeking comfort from someone who's less likely and less able to physically hurt you," Logan said, "and ignoring or submitting to someone who's taller and more capable. I've heard of that before."

James said nothing.

Logan got up and moved around to James' side of the table. He pulled out James' chair with James still sitting on it and guided him upright.

"Come on."

James said nothing as Logan led him to the bathroom. While Logan bent over and started running a bath, James sat on the toilet seat and stared into space for a while.

Logan managed to scrounge up some bubble bath and poured it in. James sniffed at the smell and allowed Logan to pull him upright. His hoodie was unzipped and shirt removed. The jeans came next, but Logan left his boxers on. James climbed into the bath with them on. Logan removed the showerhead from its place on the wall and turned it to a warm setting, running the water over James' legs and picking up a bottle of shower gel.

"Why are you doing this?" James asked.

"You looked like you needed someone to take care of you. Without confusing you," Logan said softly. He ran a hand over James' hair, smoothing it back from his forehead, and wet it so it was slicked backwards. He grabbed James' shampoo and lathered his hair gently, massaging his scalp.

"That feels nice," James murmured.

"It's supposed to," Logan said with a smile. He rinsed James' hair then, holding a hand gently over his friend's eyes to stop any shampoo leaking into them, even though they were closed. He conditioned James' hair next, then knelt beside the bath.

"Let me know when you want to get out," he said.

James blinked at his knees, then looked up at Logan. "Kendall will be back soon," James said softly.

Logan felt a twinge of exasperation. "He confuses you… and yet you're going to go back to him anyway, aren't you?"

"I don't know." James blinked. "I like spending time with you. I don't think I wanna see Kendall for a while. He confuses me and you don't." James smiled then, a real smile. "It's nice not being confused all the time."

Logan smiled back helplessly. "We can go somewhere," he offered. "Anywhere."

"Just friends?"

"I'm as straight as an arrow, James," he said with a smile. "Just friends."

"Best friends," James said.

"Yep. Now come on. We'll get you dry and dressed and go out for smoothies or something."

James' hand in his own as Logan pulled him from the bath was warm, and Logan was ridiculously grateful that he was able to take care of his younger friend. He reflected that nothing felt as good as knowing he'd done something to help someone who was obviously crying out for it.

A/N sooo how was it? I love the fluffy bit at the end, that just randomly jumped in there. I'm thinking of writing a Jagan multi-chapter at some point. I've also recently become hooked on the movie The Faculty (1998, 20-year-old Josh Hartnett, need I say more) and I've started writing fics for that, so check them out :) REVIEWS ARE LOVE, and thank you SOOO MUCH to all the people who left me condolences about my friend. It meant a lot and stopped me from abandoning this story. :)