And we could ride all night

To the place of a blinking light

Wishing traffic was faster

-Blame Me! Blame Me!,

Anberlin

When the going got tough, Weetzie jumped into her car and drove. Every spark of bad emotions guided her to a different place. Some found the idea of driving endlessly on a battered road depressing, but Weetzie loved it. The scenery, blackened by the inky darkness of the sky littered with bright, burning silver-white stars, differed greatly. It was like living in a fairytale, where you had to make your own story but the ending remained the same: out of reach.

The reason for tonight's night-guided scenery tour? My Secret Agent Lover Man. She told him she wanted a baby to love unconditionally, and to take care of when she was feeling sick. Weetzie also hoped for a little girl, with My Secret's eyes and her own hair, a glitzy, glam rock princess who was willing to see the sparkling side of the world that was hidden under the grime. At first, My Secret brushed Weetzie's pleading wishes off as if they meant nothing.

"We shouldn't have a baby yet," My Secret Agent Lover Man explained casually, "because your desperation for something so intangible isn't reason to bring a baby into this world." His words struck her heart like a poison tipped dagger and she couldn't bring herself to fight with him any more. She wanted to be angry at him for not listening to her side of the story. She wanted to cry more than she wanted to be angry because she wanted blood family to love and to cherish. Her father's death rattled her more than she let on, which fuelled her desire to have children. It was a concept some people couldn't understand.

So that's why she was in her faded pink car at eleven-thirty at night, sobbing her eyes out and parked on a cliff that over looked the whole city and it's glimmering, colorful lights. She sighed. She loved My Secret Agent Man more than she could ever properly describe but sometimes his stubbornness bothered Weetzie. His flaws got under her skin, and-

Stop being so negative, Weetzie thought, you're here to rid yourself of these toxic thoughts, not create more of them!

She sighed and rolled down the car window. The icy air made her skin prickle because out of the sheer unexpected weather. Weetzie inhaled and exhaled deeply, truly loving the cold air filling her lungs. She enjoyed cold weather when it came around and began to truly appreciate it. She let the iciness envelop her until she was shivering uncontrollably, her teeth chattering wildly.

Being half frozen gave her an incentive to drive back home slowly to warm up and she all too happily blasted the heater. Silence was a girl's worst companion, Weetzie decided after five horribly torturous minutes of ear shatteringly deafening silence. She turned on the radio, where her favorite music blasted from the battered, overused speakers. Even though the music sounded slightly staticy, she didn't care one bit. Instead, she sang along to the lyrics as loudly as her voice could manage. Weetzie swiftly parked her car, and sauntered into her cozy cottage feeling as if there was a weight suddenly lifted off her chest. Giddy laughter escaped her grinning lips and the world felt like a different, warmer place.

The next night, Weetzie decided to jump in her car for yet another mind clearing drive to anywhere her tires and her mind could take her. Instead of going to the cliff overlooking the shimmering lights like she did last night, she decided to go somewhere different because she didn't think going to the same place in such a short period of time was at all interesting. Why go to somewhere comfortable outside when she could go somewhere new and interesting?

Driving randomly and without any planning was comforting to Weetzie. She concentrated on the world that surrounded her. The world changed at night, and she found the blackened trees, shadowed flowers and bushes hidden by shadows both beautiful and eerily strange. Weetzie sighed, half out of relief and half out of happiness. She couldn't believe how happy she was driving at night, only listening to the beating of her heart and the light of the stars and the moon. She was genuinely happy at the moment, and she couldn't have it any other way.