Chasing Jack

Chapter One

All the other years on this date the bay had been a deep crisp cold blue. But this year the water was a vastly different shade. A hue more green than blue, more tepid than frigid, more forgiving than haunting.

Shifting his gaze towards the sky he noted the contrast there as well. Light, cool and gray instead of brilliant flawless and blue.

Somehow the contrast made the passage of time truly grip his heart and mind for the first time. Each and every time before the sky and the bay and their setting there had always had that same bright blue overhead and intensely dark water below. The place had always been frozen in time to him. The lack of change had allowed him to indulge in his denial. His visit here once a year had always affirmed that was how it was supposed to stay.

But now as his eyes stared back down into the water it struck him. Four years to the very day had come and gone and each one had passed void of the man he had come to think of as a son. Tony had died here under a flawless and brilliant blue sky. He had perished in the crisp cold deep blue water of the bay exactly four years ago and until today it had not infiltrated Leroy Jethro Gibbs' heart and mind that that much time had really truly gone by. On the calendar four years was a long time. But the pain of his loss had remained constant, freshly raw and so thoroughly wrong and unacceptable.

He had lost more than one friend that day. Tobias Fornell had been involved in the whole ugly mess. In fact if it had not been for the FBI agent Tony would never have been at this place to begin with that day. Harsh words and one hell of a right hook had estranged the two agents. Gibbs had no intention of ever forgiving him. He had no remorse for the right hook. He only wished that Vance and McGee had not pulled him off of the bastard before he had gotten the chance to do more damage.

Initially he had been set upon leaving NCIS for good. He had changed his mind the day of Tony's memorial service. There had never been a funeral. They had never been able to recover his body from the bay. But that day at the service Gibbs had seen the rest of his team bound together in their support of one another and yet at the same time so isolated and alone in their own individual sadness and grief. If he had left then the next time one of them was in danger he would not have been there for them either. And he wanted to be there to stop it, well, at the very least to be there to have a chance to able to try and stop it. He had never gotten that opportunity when it was Tony who had needed him.

Gibbs had vowed to keep the remainder of the team close to the vest. There had been new security measures and procedures drilled into them until they were engrained as second nature. There had been other improvements as well but somehow not once over the last several years had it ever felt like enough to him. He supposed in retrospect that was because not a single one of those things could ever accomplish what it was he really wanted and that was having Tony back by his side.

With his steely blue gaze locked on the green water before him he quietly uttered out a confession that had never before traveled any further than the edges of his heart. Somehow until that moment allowing the sentiment to cross out over his lips would have meant acceptance on his part. But today he no longer believed that.

Today the words that slipped between his lips were one simple thing.

The truth.

"I miss you Tony. A lot."

Barely having delivered the words into the air he departed. His heart certain he could never bear to bring himself to this place again.

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Tim McGee slammed his index finger into the letter T on his keyboard with so much force it made the pens and pencils stored in a cup on his desk rattle. That particular letter and its apparent trouble making cohort, the letter D, had been sticking all morning long. They had worked perfectly fine when he had departed the office the evening prior. It was as if someone had used his computer while munching on a jelly doughnut and had dripped the filling in the keyboard causing the keys to get all mucked up and sticky. Either that or this was a cruel joke.

It was really bad timing for this type of slow down. He had what felt like endless reports and paperwork to do and he didn't need this kind of delay. But who would have used his computer For one thing who would have been able to figure out the multiple levels of passwords? He couldn't think of a single person. "Besides Abby that is!" he added as an afterthought. So that left someone pranking him but who would want to do that? "Well, Tony would of course!" he thought. Then he immediately froze upon mentally registering what he had just thought. He couldn't believe that had sprung into his mind so carelessly.

"Argh!" he growled under his breath and hit his fist on the desk top. He attempted to inhale a calming breath but failed miserably. Closing his eyes he leaned back in the chair rather defeated and brimming with frustration.

Being Senior Field Agent had turned out to be a lot more involved than Tony had ever made it appear. Tim couldn't fathom how DiNozzo had managed all of this all while having it appear so thoroughly effortless and strolling around still looking like he had just waltzed out of a GQ photo shoot. Tim had been senior agent for four years now and although he certainly had the ropes down and technical side of things squared away he still couldn't do it with the kind of style in which Tony had for so many years.

Finally he was able to blow out a breath but it gave him little in the way of relief. Opening his weary eyes he rolled his head and glanced around his cubicle. The desk had been Tony's for so many years. It had felt almost wrong somehow when Tim moved out of his own into this one. But it had been either that or let the new agent on the team sit there and the thought of that had just been unbearable. As he looked around his eyes fell upon the calendar and the current date which was October 17th. Instantly he looked away again.

Today was the anniversary of Tony's death.

Then he shook his head realizing that there was a prankster after all. The only letters that had been sticking on his keyboard that morning had been the T and the D. Apparently Tony DiNozzo had the ability to prank from the great beyond.

"I wouldn't put it past him!" he whispered.

"Wouldn't put what past who?" Ziva inquired as she turned into the team's area from the aisle.

"Past whom?" Tim corrected her, straightening up in his chair. He picked up his keyboard and inspected it from all angles for the fiftieth time within the last few hours. But just like all the other times there was nothing to be found.

"No Gibbs?" she inquired as she settled into her desk. There was a beat of silence before McGee responded and even when he did all he offered was a tossed nod of the head in the direction of the calendar that was tacked up on her cubicle wall.

"I'm going down to Abby's so I have some space to take apart this keyboard. See if I can fix it!" he informed her as he disconnected the offending piece of equipment from his computer. Only a breath later he had headed off towards the elevator.

Ziva looked over at her Beautiful Beaches calendar in search of why Tim had referred her to it as an answer to her inquiry. At the end of every day before departing she crossed out the date on the calendar. Now her eyes fell upon the next date that was not yet completed. Today was the 17th of October.

She sighed. It was the only date in the year she never crossed out. Maybe to someone else it would have seemed silly but that date would never be completed to her. Not to any of them who had been Tony's family. McGee had been spot on though the date certainly accounted for Gibbs' absence. He would eventually turn up but he had always been the last to arrive on this day.

None of them knew exactly where he had been before he arrived. They had shared theories with one another with the exception of Ducky who stayed tellingly silent during those conversations. There were two theories on that as well. Either the doctor was remaining quiet out of respect for Gibbs or he knew the real answer.

Either way Ziva despised the reason for all the theorizing in the first place. Tony's death had ripped him away from all of them forever. Not even one of them had the chance to say goodbye. He had even been robbed of a proper honorable burial. It was ugly and wrong and all too vivid.

This thought had scarcely passed through her mind before she had the calendar inside a vice grip tearing it down from its spot of the cubicle wall. It was then deposited rather roughly into the trash can beside her chair. For good measure she delivered a kick to the rubbish barrel. The force resulted in it sliding beneath the desk.

"Wow! What crime did that calendar commit to deserve such treatment?" a voice asked her. The words drew her out of the haze of anger she had been wandering through. She looked up to find Agent Moore standing on the other side of her desk.

"Trust me you do not want to know," she stated firmly in the hope he would let it stand at that. Luckily for him he did. Promptly the young man continued over to his desk which was located diagonally from where her own stood.

Even after all this time it was not entirely settled in her that McGee no longer sat in the spot. She had caught herself more than once looking up to say something to him in that direction instead of where he now resided at Tony's old desk directly across from hers. Resisting that train of thought she stood and made her way to the newest member of the team. He had been with them now just under two years.

"I am sorry. I should not have snapped at you," she offered quietly. Moore looked up from his seat at the desk. His expression was calm but his eyes betrayed him. He could always make understanding appear as the expression on his face but had not yet perfected the art of concealing the other not so pretty emotions in the soft brown irises of his gaze.

"Not a problem. We all have our moments, right?" he replied.

"This is true. However it does not eliminate the need for apology."

"I'd be an idiot to argue, wouldn't I?" he responded. The wince at her potential physically painful reply showed in his eyes.

Today was October 17th so after a beat Ziva chose kindness over violence. With an affirming nod of the head she returned to her seat back to her own desk.

"I only see two of you!" Gibbs demanded as he turned the corner into the grouping of desks. One of the first new rules had been regarding awareness. Ziva began to open her mouth to offer the information requested but Gibbs put up a hand in her direction indicating for her to stop. He then looked over at Moore.

"I was…just about to…ask Ziva!" he stammered out. This earned him a razor sharp glare but the team lead turned to his other agent.

"McGee is down in Abby's lab. Something about a keyboard I think," she informed him. Gibbs turned and began to settle in at his desk. While he was looking away Moore glanced over to Ziva and silently mouthed words to thank her for saving their butts. She understood. She too knew that if one of them had not held the answer there would have been drills or procedure review or lord only knew what else Gibbs might put them through these days. She smiled softly at him. Moore was a capable agent. Perhaps he was a bit subdued and occasionally serious but definitely a team player.

Gibbs looked up and glared at them as if he was fully aware of what had just transpired but they were spared his opinion of it by the ringing of a phone. The team leader snatched up the receiver and offered the caller his usual greeting.

"Gibbs!"

And with that single word they were off on a journey. One that could give them back what they all thought they had lost forever.

To Be Continued….