A/n: My attempt to get back into the HP fandom after sort of moving away.

Fifty Secrets Sirius Knows about Remus

Sirius knows the moment that Remus realized that they knew about his lycanthropy. He remembers the way Remus's face had paled and he looked like he would either bolt or be sick. Because he didn't know that they didn't care yet.

He also remembers the moment Remus realized he was in love. They were lounging in the late morning sun, hiding in their eden, and Remus rolled over to look at him. Sirius looked back and noticed the way Remus look briefly confused, surprised, slightly horrified, and then, tentatively, happy.

Remus collects horrible romance novels. Sirius found them buried in the bottom of an aging trunk in their flat during the first war and flipped through a few before returning them with a silent smile.

Beneath that quiet, bookish facade, Remus is perhaps the most subtly manipulative person Sirius has ever met.

He's also the most subtle insulter Sirius has ever met. If the purebloods had understood half of what he said to them, there's a high probability that he'd be dead.

Remus was the first of them to kill someone. The man had been a Death Eater who got in the way of a curse meant for someone else and fallen off the edge of a cliff into the crashing sea below. After the battle, he'd thrown up once, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, a distant look in his eyes, and then never mentioned it or gave any sign that it bothered him.

There's a self-destructive streak in him a mile wide. He catches Remus staring at silver or the edges of things with a deep drop sometimes and he drinks too much. He also risks his life unnecessarily. Sirius doesn't think Remus is actually suicidal; just that he can't help it.

Everyone thinks Remus is an idealist. He's not and never has been. Sirius sometimes catches the cynical, amused, bitter look in his eyes when someone is being naive. Sometimes Sirius thinks he relishes the idea of loosing because he would be proven right, even if only he ever knew that. It probably relates back to his self destructive nature.

Remus loves to fish. The day after a hard test, he'd wake up absurdly early, take his pole and bait out to the river that feeds the lake, and fish all day long. It had taken Sirius ages to figure out where he went those days, but he never intruded.

He's an insomniac because he can never shut his mind off. Remus had explained that to him one night, half drunk and miserable. "It never, ever stops," he'd said, staring at the ceiling. "Worries, hopes followed by automatic crushing thereof."

Most wizards and witches are vaguely spiritual. Remus isn't and he's an atheist. He simply doesn't care about that kind of thing and muddles along without it.

He dislikes cats.

Remus is both emotionally and sexually attracted to other men, but only sexually to women, though he appreciates their company. And he was shallow, when it came to the girls he fucked when they were in school, back before he and Sirius got together. And mostly, that's all it had ever been.

He hadn't been a monk after Sirius had been taken to Azkaban. Sirius had almost hoped he had been, but that was wrong of him. A large part of Remus's nature is sensual and sexual; to deny him that, to punish him for it, would have been cruel.

Remus had considered suicide in the aftermath of that Halloween. He thought he was the last true Marauder left and that had ached in a way he hadn't been able to express the night they talked about it. Harry hadn't even crossed his mind. Sirius had been shocked.

He also collects fantasy novels. His favorites are Tolkien (of course) and Pratchett.

Ophelia, a girlfriend he had had, taught him to drive in the mid eighties. It completely terrifies him but he knows how.

When it comes to Harry, Remus isn't sure how to behave. The boy is the only child of two of his best friends but he's so different than they had been and, in his own way, unapproachable.

Lily had been been an exception. She had been his first and he had loved her, in his own way. They'd only had sex once, but Remus felt ill for weeks. It was a betrayal of James and he could barely stand himself for having slept with her.

Harry's sometimes casual disregard of his own life scares Remus and he desperately wants to fix that. But doesn't know how.

He had a multiple track mind. He could carry on a conversation, plan a prank, and explore a story line almost simultaneously and keep them straight.

Remus wanted to be a writer but had no illusions about ever getting published. He wrote anyway, if only because it narrowed his focus down to one thing.

His relationship with his parents was always strained, even as a child. They had never been cruel but always kept him at arm's length.

Perhaps accordingly, when they were alone, he was just about the most tactile person Sirius had ever met.

When Sirius first told him he loved him, Remus hadn't been sure what to say. He had looked puzzled, like he didn't understand what Sirius had just said, before accepting the proclamation with a kiss.

Remus is not ashamed of his body and he would answer the door naked if they were not expecting visitors. James and Peter had made sure to always call before they arrived, so as to avoid being greeted by a naked, mildly annoyed Remus at the door.

He thought James knew that he and Lily had had sex once.

Remus knew he was prone to lashing at against anyone and anything that annoyed him and being dagger on-point for two days before a moon, but rarely restrained it.

He had had a temper hot enough to melt steel, back when they were at Hogwarts. Time had tempered that, but sometimes Sirius still saw flashes of it, right before the moon. He would start to say something cutting and then clamp his mouth shut and close his eyes. When he opened them, his face was impassive.

Simply because he didn't like other people didn't mean that he felt the need to be cruel to everyone. He had little faith in his fellow humans and was a twitching ball of wrath for two days a month, but he could and would restrain it when it came to people who didn't deserve it.

The calm he exuded was mostly a convenient mask.

Sirius had seen Remus completely loose his temper once. A man at a pub had called Lily a mudblood whore when she was out of the room (she had stalked out in order to keep her cool earlier, a nervous James at her heels) and Remus had completely unloaded on him. Every ounce of subtlety had gone out the window and he had torn through the man like a knife through wet tissue paper.

Remus loved the feel of feathers. He would close his eyes, gasp, and shiver when Sirius traced nonsense on his skin.

He loved sex pressed against a wall the most.

It was not uncommon, toward that last Halloween, for him to deliberately pick a fight with Sirius.

Remus was a stickler about grammar. He would sometimes edit Peter's papers for him and Sirius would sometimes catch him twitching and sighing at the worst mistakes.

He liked to cook and spoil his friends.

Remus was also something of a photographer.

After Halloween 1981, he had almost abandoned the Wizarding world, sinking himself into Muggle society.

He was generous when it came to everything but blankets, books, and his records.

Remus loves the snow.

He doesn't fear death, and Sirius knows that when it comes for him, he will stand tall, teeth bared in challenge.

Sometimes, in winter, Remus used to disappear on those two wrathful days a month to scream into the howl of a gale sweeping in.

He's a tidy man out of habit. When you have nothing, there's no mess to be made.

They once tried a bit of tying up in bed and it had set Remus into a blind panic.

Aside from Sirius, Remus is the most suave and has talked his way into more people's pants than he can count.

He also fucked a drag queen.

Remus is a bit neurotic. Always was, but it's worse these days.

He doesn't like Molly Weasley.

He would very much like to kill Greyback.