Alrighty then, I know its been a LLLOOONNNGGG time since I last updated, and I really don't have a valid excuse. :) This plot bunny's been hopping around in my head for a while now, nibbling at my conscience and all, and I just can't ignore it anymore. And I have a nice long break from school so I have the time to write. Hope you like it!

"Bakuraaaa!" screamed a mass of white fluffy hair as it ran down the hall and crashed into Bakura's chest. The force of Ryou's tackle knocked Bakura back a couple steps and the shock left him speechless for a moment. He hesitantly put his arms around the boy, and was puzzled to find the boy quivering.

"... Ryou?" Bakura asked, "Umm... what the hell?"

Ryou looked up from where his head had been buried in Bakura's shirt, his eyes wide and frightened. "'K-kura... I-I..."

And that was about how far Ryou got before hiding his face in Bakura's shirt again, trembling uncontrollably.

The elder teen frowned, his eyebrows knitting together as he tried to think of what could have caused Ryou to act this way. "Ryou... did someone hurt you?"

The boy shook his head and mumbled something unintelligible.

"Hmm..." Bakura absentmindedly stroked Ryou's hair as he continued to guess at the cause of his boyfriend's hysteria. "Diiiiiid... a family member die?"

Another shake no.

Damnit.

"Did you fall asleep in class and your teacher called you out on it? Did you get a B on your math test? Out with it Ryou!"

Once again, those great big brown eyes looked up at him, all shiny and filled with tears, his bottom lip quivering slightly. Aww... he's so cute... Bakura thought absently as he waited for Ryou to compose himself enough to tell him what was wrong.

"I-I... I had to use the loo so I asked my teacher..."

Loo? Wow, he's only that British when he's really upset. I'd better listen carefully...

"... and she gave me the pass so I went to the men's loo and opened the door and... and..."

"And..." Bakura prompted, curious. Ryou wasn't the type to go this ballistic over a clogged toilet or something.

Ryou looked side to side secretively, then whispered, "Yugi and Yami were in there."

Bakura blinked slowly, still not getting it. "Bakura! They were... you know..." his voice lowered even more, and Bakura need to lean in closer to hear the words, "... doing it..."

"Oooooh, they were having sex," Bakura said, then he made a disgusted face, "Eww... that's traumatizing."

Ryou squeezed his eyes shut and shuddered. "I know."

"Sorry you had to see that Ryou," Bakura said, hugging him and patting his head in a consoling way. His mind was elsewhere though. How did that bastard Yami get Yugi to have sex with him in school? Yugi's just as shy as Ryou is! How come I'm not getting any?

"It's just so awkward! Yugi's my best friend, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," Bakura replied, still caught in his previous train of thought.

"I've never seen anything like that before," Ryou whispered.

Bakura nodded, barely listening. "It's okay," he said vaguely.

"I mean... it looked so painful! Putting something so big in such a small hole!"

"It'll be... wait, what?"

Ryou blushed suddenly, even his ears turning pink. "I... uh..."

Big... hole... that means Ryou saw... SHIT! DAMNIT! YAMI STOLE RYOU'S EYE VIRGINITY!

"'Kura?" Ryou asked nervously, watching Bakura's face turn into an expression of pure fury.

"Where?" Bakura ground out between clenched teeth, "Where is that bastard?"

"T-the bathroom by the cafeteria, but- Bakura?" Ryou cried as the elder stalked away down the hall, his hands clenched into fists and his black trenchcoat billowing out behind him in a very intimidating manner. "B-Bakura wait for me!"

Ryou ran after him, worried he'd do something violent and get himself suspended... again.

The bathroom wasn't very far away, and Bakura's legs were so long that Ryou didn't catch up with him until they got to the bathroom. Ryou hesitated before entering after Bakura, worried that Yugi and Yami were still... well, you know. "Is it safe, 'Kura?" Ryou asked after knocking on the door.

"Yeah, yeah, now get in here."

Ryou took a deep breath and peaked his head in, ready to squeeze his eyes shut and run if need be. Thankfully, the two lovebirds were dressed again, although their clothes were slightly crinkled. Yugi's cheeks and ears were flushed bright red with embarrassment, but Yami had a vaguely amused expression on his face. The faint smirk Yugi's boyfriend wore was probably due to Bakura's obvious rage. Bakura's whole face was painted red, his eyebrows were knitted together, one of his eyelids was twitching with aggitaion, and his entire body was quivering with anger. It was comical really, watching the metaphorical steam pour out of Bakura's ears, and if Ryou wasn't so distressed about what he had recently seen, he probably would have been giggling at his boyfriend's behavior.

"You..." Bakura hissed, pointing a finger at Yami in such a dramatic fashion that the recipient of Bakura's infamous death glare was visibly trying to contain his laughter. Minus Yami's amusement, the whole thing reminded Ryou of the beginning of Rapunzel, when the witch catches the poor man in her garden stealing her Rapunzel lettuce for his wife. Except, instead of saying "You stole my Rapunzel," Bakura said, "You stole Ryou's eye virginity."

"... Eh?" Ryou managed to say, his large eyes blinking in surprise. Did... did Bakura really just say that?

Yami seemed to be thinking the same thing, since he was staring at Bakura with the same flabbergasted expression as Ryou. Yugi, however, seemed to have some sort of... emotional flashflood or something along those lines. His big amythest eyes watered and he ran over to Ryou, hugging him tightly and crying into his sweater. Yugi managed to sob something about how sorry he was and how he'd taken something so precious to Ryou, and about how Ryou had lost his purity. Other than that, Ryou couldn't understand a word he was saying. The young Britain (who really had more right to be upset in this situation than Yugi) started consoling his friend, assuring him that it wasn't the end of the world and that he shouldn't feel so guilty. It didn't seem to help Yugi calm down at all.

Maybe I should change the subject, Ryou thought.

"Umm... Yugi?"

The shorter teen looked up at Bakura, his eyes still watering.

"Uhh..." Bollocks. He had nothing. What could he say? "Do... do you know what that weird smell is?"

Fail.

Well, maybe not. It's a boy's bathroom so that was a pretty open ended question. Should be safe too, since it had no connection to sex.

Well, not that Ryou knew about.

Yugi looked up at him, horrified. "Oh my god! I stole your nose virginity too!" Yugi cried, promptly returning to his hysterics.

Ryou patted his head gently, silently puzzled. So... sex has a smell?

Meanwhile, Bakura still hadn't taken his eyes off of Yami and his accusitory finger was still pointed at the other's chest. Yami glanced away from his lover, seeing that he was in good hands, and faced Bakura. After taking in the other's unwavering stance, one of Yami's eyebrows rose in a quizical fashion and a faint smile appeared on his face.

Not a happy one, a condescending one.

"So," Yami started, "Are you going to attack me or yell at me or just stand there looking like an idiot?"

It was about now that Bakura realized he had no plan of action. At all. It wasn't the first time he ran right into the middle of somthing without forethought, but this was more important to him than those past instances. This involved Ryou (protective instincts), Yami (must punch that asshole instincts), and his pride ('nuf said). In short, something this important should have a plan, and sadly it did not.

Of course, this didn't stop Bakura from blustering.

"I have a plan," Bakura lied, glaring at the smug bastard currently smirking at him.

"Oh really?" Yami chuckled, "What is it?"

Damn.

"I'm... I'm going to make you pay!"

"And how do you plan to do that?" Yami asked, not looking worried in the slightest.

Revenge. Alright, Bakura was good at this. He had the eye for an eye thing down pat.

Slowly, Bakura dropped his arm and smiled. It was about now that Yami started to feel... less confident than usual. He wasn't quite worried yet, that smile could just be a bluff.

"You traumatized my Ryou, so it's only fair that I get to traumatize Yugi, yes?"

Yami scowled, struggling to find fault with Bakura's logic. As hard as Yami tried, he couldn't think of a way to get Yugi out of the equation that Bakura would accept.

"Bakura! That's so mean though!" Ryou protested.

Yami's confident smile quickly returned. Ryou wouldn't let anything happen to Yugi.

"It's only fair," Bakura snapped, glaring over at Ryou. The younger whitenett's eyes widened at Bakura's harsh tone, then narrowed into a dangerous expression.

Bakura blanched, the 'Oh shit!' he was thinking clearly showing on his face.

"Oh really..." Ryou said, his voice dangerously soft, "Well, I'm the one who saw it so I should decide what should be done about it, right?"

"But-"

"After all, that's only fair," Ryou's eyes narrowed even more as he glared at his boyfriend, "Isn't that right, Bakura?"

Bakura quickly realized he wasn't going to win this arguement with Ryou. You couldn't win against an angry Ryou. It was just that simple.

Bakura knew this from experience.

He heaved a defeated sigh, struggling to ignore the almost imperceptable laughter coming from Yami. "What do you want to do?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"I want you to leave them alone. Can't you see that Yugi feels sorry enough already?" Ryou demanded, gesturing at the boy in his arms who was slowly calming down.

Yugi looked up at Ryou, sniffing softly but smiling a little. "Thanks Ryou, you're so nice..."

Ryou smiled back, peeling him off his body and patting Yugi's head once he had extricated himself from the smaller teen's embrace. The glare was back when he glanced over at Bakura.

"But... But-" Bakura protested as Ryou stalked over to him, grabbed his arm and proceded to drag him out of the bathroom.

"No buts!" Ryou hissed, "You will leave them alone."

But that smug, triumphant smirk on Yami's face got the better of him. Bakura shook off Ryou's grip and pointed at the two boys watching him. "You mark my words. One day, I will make Yugi walk in on me and Ryou doing it and he will be scarred for life!"

"As if!" Ryou snorted, grabbing the back of Bakura's trench coat (and some hair) and dragged him out into the hallway.

Yugi looked over at Yami, who was chuckling to himself. "What are you laughing about, Yami? I'm scared!"

Yami's eyes softened as he looked over at his boyfriend. He walked over and wrapped his arm around the boy, stroking the other's hair. "Don't worry, there's no way Ryou would let that happen to you."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am. Ryou's a lot more careful than we are," Yami said, grinning.

Yugi giggled a little and snuggled against Yami's chest. "I guess you're right."

3 days later (Bakura works fast)

Yugi walked over to Ryou's house after Drama Club, carrying some folders that Ryou had left at school. Ryou had texted him and asked if he could bring them to his house, saying he didn't want to walk back to the school. Of course Yugi had accepted, since Ryou's house was on his way home. He'd texted him back, saying he would be over in about 15 minutes.

And he did get there almost exactly 15 minutes later. Yugi had always prided himself on his punctuality.

He opened the door, not bothering to knock. Yugi came over so often, he practically lived there.

He was about to call out for Ryou when a sound in the living room stopped him.

"Mmm... 'Kura..."

Bakura's dark chuckles followed. "You like that Ryou?"

Ryou gasped a little then sighed shakily, "Oh yes... this is quite the apology..."

"Hmm... you know, this would be easier if you took off your shirt."

"Oh." The sound of clothing against skin followed, along with a soft thump as Ryou's shirt landed on the floor.

Yugi was horrified. Were they doing what he thought they were doing? He should check, or no! He should run! In the end, Yugi could do neither. He just stood frozen in place, listening to the sounds coming from the nearby room.

"Hand me the lotion, Ryou."

Yugi's eyes widened.

"...'Kay"

Several seconds later... "This might hurt a little."

"'Kura, what- ahh!"

"Oh God, Ryou you're so tight!"

"Oh, that hurts so good! Do it harder 'Kura! Harder, please!

This was too much for Yugi. He eeped and ran out the door, dropping the folders on his way out.

"Di-did you hear that 'Kura?" Ryou asked, his eyes fluttering open.

Bakura chuckled, knowing exactly who had been listening to the erotic sounds they had made. "It sounded pretty high pitched, maybe it was a bird."

"Hmm..." Ryou closed his eyes again, relaxing further as Bakura continued to rub his sore shoulders.

"You shouldn't carry so many books, Ry. You'll be crippled by the time you're twenty!"

Ryou made a pained moan when Bakura pressed too hard on a sensitive area. Bakura stopped and gently rubbed the spot until Ryou gave a content sigh. "I don't carry that many books. Besides I don't have the time between classes to go to my locker and switch them out."

"I guess I'll just have to give you a massage more often, eh?"

"Oh, that would be just awesome 'Kura!" Ryou grinned, turning around and kissing him.

Bakura wrapped his arms around the boy, practically purring with delight. He knew his plan was briliant. Leaving some of Ryou's folders at school, using Ryou's phone to text Yugi, and of course the massage... it was just pure genius.

The result was better than Bakura ever dreamed. Not only had he gotten revenge on Yami, he got to run his hands all over Ryou's back and kiss the half naked Ryou, who was clearly very happy with him.

Best evil plot ever!

:)

Yeah, I know the fangirls are angry that the cake was a lie (I know because I am a fangirl) but it would make no sense for Ryou to actually do it with Bakura. He's too shy! Sorry sweeties!

I've got some stuff mapped out in my head for future chaps, and I'm taking all your suggestions to heart. I'll work on updating faster but no promises. Homework, studying... bleh... It sucks away at my soul...

But you don't want to hear excuses! You want to review this, don't ya? :D