Author's Notes:

WARNING 1: This story is AU! It has lots of events from season one of Torchwood, but it also skips around according to the timeline I felt like writing and adds a lot of stuff in that wasn't in canon. If anyone is confused by the changes I've made, some of which are kinda subtle, please tell me in a review or a pm and I'll try to clear it up.

WARNING 2: Sexual activity, worth about a T rating. Lots of references and jokes, nothing explicit. Some swears. I don't think people should be afraid of the F-bomb: it doesn't actually blow up.

WARNING 3: Possible sensitive issues discussed. I don't want to go in too deep to this, because that would be spoilers, but I don't think anyone's going to be offended by what is really just an exploration and critique on this particular subject that's very close to my heart.

Rating: Pretty solid T, I think. If that's in dispute, tell me, I hate being in the dark about that sort of thing.

Pairings: Wow, lots. If I told you most of them I'd be spoiling. Janto, obviously, because they're my OTP, but it's definitely complicated and not necessarily requited. Sideline Gwen/Rhys, about as much Tosh/Owen as is there in canon, although I left out the Gwen/Owen because I really didn't like it and that changed how my storyline played out. Several other pairings as well.

Final author's note, I promise: This story is kinda huge, for me at least, and I wrote it in a week. This isn't because I'm insane, though it did feel like it at times, but because I simply had to get the whole thing out or it may have never happened. There's a lot of me in this fic, and while I don't mind critique and I welcome flames, if it's all the same with everyone I'd love to hear people's real thoughts on what I say in here, because a lot of it's been spinning around in my head for months and months.

Thank you so much for reading this. I hope you enjoy it.

[*]

"Sit down, please, Ianto."

Ianto sat. "I'd like to thank you again, ma'am, for speaking to me personally and for helping to arrange a transfer. It really means so much to my sister's family and me that I can be there to support her through her treatment."

"It's my pleasure, Ianto," Yvonne Hartman smiled, sitting back in her large, comfortable chair. The movement highlighted the wide expanse of blue sky and London skyline below, visible through the glass walls of the head of Torchwood's corner office. The Director moved her head, causing her thoroughly treated hair to bounce youthfully. "The health and wellness of our employees and their families is one of our biggest concerns."

Ianto ignored the inappropriate thoughts sarcastically piling in his mind about who exactly was represented by that 'our' and if they knew all the Torchwood resources the Director was wasting to pay for her wardrobe and beauty treatments. "Thank you, ma'am."

"There are a few things I wanted to discuss with you, Ianto." Yvonne flipped open Ianto's personnel file. "I heard you've been in a relationship with one of the research head's secretaries, Lisa Hallet? That it was rather serious?"

"Yes ma'am," Ianto swallowed. He'd hoped to avoid this subject.

"And she has no plans to move to Cardiff with you?" Yvonne's intelligent eyes studied Ianto's face for flaws.

"No ma'am," Ianto answered evenly, focusing on keeping his expression and voice level. "Lisa is keeping our apartment here in London and most of the furniture."

"I'm very sorry about how these circumstances must have torn you, Ianto," Yvonne said, compassion softening her voice. The part of Ianto that hated to be pitied struck out mentally against her image, but he decided to assume she was being sincere. It'd make it easier to look like he was respecting his boss, in any case.

"If there are any other services Torchwood can provide to ease the transition, you only need ask. Does your sister need any help paying for the chemotherapy?" she asked with a caring smile.

"Thank you ma'am, but the company has already been more than generous and I believe I'll be able to handle the rest on my own," Ianto informed her. He was becoming a bit tired of the niceties and decided to move things along. "Your secretary notified me that there were a few last minute details concerning my posting in Torchwood Cardiff that need to be straightened out?"

"Ah, yes." Yvonne straightened in her chair. "Here's the gist of it, Ianto. I'm being honest with you," she said confidentially. "The head of Torchwood Three, Captain Harkness, has expressed reluctance in the past with having London operatives working with his team. I believe him to be a rather reckless agent who prefers to play things by hand rather than by the book, which, as you know, is our by-word here at Torchwood One." Ianto nodded. "For this reason, he is resistant to any attempts to organize the Cardiff branch and bring them closer to the clean-cut, transparent, modern sort of company we have here in London."

Ianto was feeling a growing foreboding in his gut. "Are you saying the Captain is denying my transfer?" he asked slowly.

"Not at all!" Yvonne smiled with a hint of teeth. "In fact, I have no doubt that by the end of today he will be most convinced of the need for a London archivist. That's not the problem."

"And what is the problem, ma'am?"

Yvonne placed her pen delicately on top of her paperwork and folded her hands together. "We have received reports that, recently, some of the Captain's operations have not been, shall we say, above-board. This is obviously a problem in an institute which reports directly to the Crown with the purpose of protecting the United Kingdom."

"And how might I be expected to help, Ms. Hartman?" Ianto's voice had acquired a slightly harder edge as he began to realize that this would not be the simple lateral transfer he'd hoped for.

"The Captain writes a weekly summary of his employees' activities for the London archives. We have reason to believe that, through either mere laziness or intentional censorship, not all of Cardiff's activities are being recorded in these reports. For the sake of organization and expediency, we would like you to compile your own weekly report to be submitted separately from Captain Harkness'."

Ianto thought for several moments, trying to come up with the best words. "If you'll pardon my saying so, ma'am, this is all beginning to sound like an Internal Affairs issue. Am I to assume that I am being asked to police other members of the Torchwood Institute and report of any wrongdoings?"

Yvonne let out a carefree laugh that had Ianto's back tensing up. "Nothing so James Bond, Ianto. We simply want to have a comprehensive report every now and again," she explained in a friendly manner. "God knows it's like pulling teeth getting Harkness to file anything correctly. Your job is to make up for the lackings in his reports. Anything he forgets about, I want you to remember, and if that happens to be evidence of wrongdoing, then, naturally, that should be reported as well. This isn't spying, Mr. Jones," she clarified, "just being a good secretary."

"Of course Ma'am," Ianto stood, pulse racing. "I apologize for my assumption."

"As long as we understand each other, Ianto," Yvonne said kindly, her finely manicured nails scraping Ianto's skin as he shook her hand.

"Crystal clear, Ma'am."

[*]

"What the- You're kidding me, Yvonne! No way in hell am I taking one of your regulation-quoting, penny-pinching paper-pushers just because you're too impatient to wait for useless files!... No I don't think I'm being unreasonable! I think I'm saving your man the time it'll take him to drive out here, get a foot shoved up his ass, and drive back to London!"

Tosh scurried up the last few steps and managed to close the door of the conference room before Jack's tirade continued. She began to spread her papers out on the table while Gwen, who was already working on her own forms across the table, spoke.

"Does this, er, happen very often?" the former constable questioned. She'd only been with Torchwood a few weeks and was trying very hard to familiarize herself with the foibles and quirks of the group.

"Only every time Her Nobleness calls down to the Cardiff outpost for some artifact or sommat," Owen answered, not taking his eyes off his GameBoy. "Jack can't stand 'er. Convinced she's gonna drive Torchwood and the rest of the UK into the ground."

"Why does he think that?" Gwen questioned curiously.

"'Cause she is." Owen slammed the console onto the table as a series of descending drones marked the end of his game. Tosh flinched at the sound, but went back to her files. Owen continued. "Torchwood One, in London, their motto is 'If it's alien, it's ours.' Not very similar to Jack's, which is-"

"The twenty-first century is when it all changes, and we have to be ready," Gwen recited, eyes flicking upwards as she remembered.

Owen rolled his eyes. "I'm fresh out of gold stars, Cooper." Gwen flipped him off. "So anyway, Jack thinks she's gonna ruin any chance the Earth has of a peaceful first contact. 'e's been tryin' to get her to change the policies for years now."

"What's the matter with what they've got, is it too, I don't know, violent? Unfriendly?" Gwen looked a bit lost as she tried to map an unknown world in her mind.

"Let's put it this way," Owen stated, leaning on his forearms on the table toward Gwen. "If a friendly alien species came to visit Torchwood London, I doubt they'd see the light of day again." He paused to let the sentiment sink into his new colleague, showed by the way her eyes became even more perfectly round. "Stuff that goes into Canary Wharf, doesn't often come out. Torchwood One is evil."

"And how do you know this all," Gwen challenged. "How do you know they're really so bad?"

"I've seen it with my own eyes, Gwen," Jack answered from the doorway. As one, Tosh, Owen and Gwen spun to look at him. The captain was slumped against the doorframe, hair ruffled and jaw tight. Jack looked straight at Gwen, expression intense.

"I've seen them dissecting the bodies of peaceful visitors to our planet, filing them away with a number and files as research subjects. I've seen humans that have been pulled through space and time, not allowed to leave secure Torchwood facilities for the rest of their severely shortened lives. I have watched aliens be executed and interrogated and studied and tested like lab rats and I am doing everything in my power to stop those practices." He took a deep breath, looking out over the Hub. Gwen let out the air she'd kept in while Jack's gaze was pinning her down, relieved that he'd finally looked away.

"Now we're getting a London stooge to file out paperwork and make us coffee. I always said I'd do everything I could to keep Torchwood Three safe from London's politics, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be."

"What are you saying, Jack?" Tosh asked, quietly but calmly. "You said she'd backed off on that."

"She had," Jack replied, still surveying his realm. "But that was before she got some good dirt on us."

"What's she usin' to blackmail us?" Owen demanded, scowling. One of his hands was curled into a fist around a pen.

"One of our operatives recently went psychotic and began killing civilians using illegally obtained alien technology," Jack explained, sarcasm layering his words. "This could be a big enough incident to spark off a full investigation into Torchwood Three's practices and activities, or..." he turned back to his team, "we take their man."

"You can fight it, can't you?" Gwen asked, feeling stunned. One moment her colleagues were discussing how dangerous these people were; now one was being invited into the Hub?

"Nope," Jack answered succinctly. "Political bureaucracy, I can't get around it. She's got us cornered."

"Then what will we do?" Gwen said aloud to a room which suddenly seemed far too quiet.

"Whoever they send, we make life miserable for 'em," Owen growled.

"We don't trust them as far as we can throw them," Jack finished.

[*]

AN: Tell me whatcha think!