When I Come Home…

By AvidAkiraReader

Inspired by Kaito (Vocaloid) 's 'When I come home my wife pretends to be dead'

I don't own anything!

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Ike sighed to himself while checking his tie for stains of yesterday's work on the carpet. "Ike! Look at the news!" An attractive colleague of his, Zelda, came scampering up to him, and punched the 'On' button on his flat screen TV. Looking at his Rolex watch, Ike exhaled silently. "Five more minutes, and that's all I'll give you Zelda." Ike warned the active woman, who was holding his TV remote in her gloved hand. His mind wandered off to what his wife, Palutena was doing.

She was more…eccentric these days, and tended to be more fun-loving.

Zelda punched his arm, and Ike immediately sat up. "What?" Ike said irritably, and Zelda wordlessly pointed towards the TV in excitement.

"Greil Industries… Link Kokari promoted to…Awards him a…Medal." The flat screen froze momentarily, and the entire thing blacked out. Ike's eyebrow raised, and he asked Zelda in a menacing voice, "What was that for?"

Zelda twiddled her two pointer fingers together and she stammered out, "J-Just a p-p-promotion for Link that was broadcasted today." Ike blinked once, and being rather peeved at wasting his time, stood up and stalked out the door, his black dress coat over shoulder and his right hand carrying his briefcase.

Arriving home, Ike's hand grasped the doorknob hesitantly. What would she pose as today? He wondered briefly before swinging the door wide open. Inside, Palutena was lying face down on the neutral toned carpet now spoilt with fake blood, and half a knife handle and blade protruding from her back. Ike gawked at the scene and quickly shut the door behind him. He had learned long ago that it was all fake, the blood, the knives, but it didn't occur to his neighbors that his wife was just playing.

Hanging his coat on a rack, Ike set his briefcase down, and went to the kitchen to grab a bucket of soapy water, five towels, an apron, rubber gloves, and a 5 Hour Energy pill. Going over to Palutena, he gently popped the pill in her mouth, and made her swallow it while taking out the knife.

A small note on the floor caught his sight, and Ike's eyes rolled at the message. "I forgot to buy milk."

His lips curled into a smile, and he lifted a groggy Palutena up. "Y 'kay?" Ike asked her worriedly. A grunt in response made him sigh. He began to scold her lightly, jokingly almost. "What if Peach came over to see this Palutena? She might've faint, then Mario would have my head!"

Palutena laughed at the description, and began to get more alert. "No worries Ike, I locked the door!" She cheerfully began to grab a towel and wipe off the blood. Ike eyed her and said bluntly, "It was unlocked, and now the cleanup will be tough. You are so helping me today Palutena." Palutena looked satisfied when she saw how much blood was spilled. "It's just…" Palutena began, but was cut off.

Ike kissed her on the forehead gently, and grinned at her. "It's alright." She blushed and giggled a little. Together, they both began to scrub the floor roughly, taking out all the blood. Afterwards, when they were cooking dinner, Ike teasingly asked, "What kind of death shall you have tomorrow, Master of All Things possible?" Palutena sniffed at him, and turned her attention to the noodles and pork.

Ike pondered at all the events that happened before this particular event. He couldn't imagine what she would do tomorrow, and that sort of made him a little peeved. Once, Palutena had a very realistic arrow through her head (It was actually a headband), and had cooked with it during dinnertime. It still gave him a little chill.

Another time, she had stolen his military clothing, and dressed as a soldier. Ike laughed a little at that memory when she wouldn't let go of the assault rifle she had. Still inscribed on his coat were the words, "I will not stop till victory."

Ike started to grin subconsciously when he saw the frozen sunfish she was placing in the freezer. The time when he saw her in a dead sunfish costume with a dagger jutting from her side on their doorstep, Ike almost shut the door on her.

He used to compliment her on how well she did her faked deaths, but that had encouraged her to imitate Ronald Mcdonald, and he had no wish to encounter it again. So now, he did his best to ignore her antics, and concentrated on cleaning up after her bloodstains.

After eating dinner, they went to go read, and he saw how unhappy and tired she looked. Ike sat in his favorite armchair, and began to remember before they were married. Even though he was busy, just being able to see her made him happy whether it was just in a shop, or a bakery. They would drive around aimlessly throughout the day, and Ike would always end at the beach, with the sun barely above the horizon, and it's light shining on the murky waters of the ocean.

But right after they married, he got promoted to the head of the company, and he didn't even bother to think how Palutena had felt, waiting for him to get home after a day's happy work. Were these acts she put on during her faked death just because she wanted to return how they used to be?

Palutena gloomily leaned on the rail as she fondled a paper airplane. Looking into the sunset, she threw the airplane far, far away, wishing that Ike could return to his normal self.

Where they could just roam around the town in his car...

Where they would stop at the beach's shoreline...

Where they would stay all night looking at the stars...

Ike snorted at the absurdity, and after looking at a scrappy looking snake, thought again of the memory.

Palutena straddled the snake, and Ike watched bemusedly. "Made it myself!" She said proudly, and moved the snake's head to Ike. "…I see." Ike replied, raising an eyebrow at her antic.

Waking from the memory, Ike saw Palutena sewing yet another doll, only it was a bluefin tuna. Walking over, Ike smiled at the beginnings of another plush doll. Wrapping an arm around Palutena, Ike nuzzled her neck, and said, "If you do the outside, I'll do the inside." Surprised, Palutena looked at him, and her shocked expression turned into a happy-go-lucky face.

Ike's mouth smirked at his wife, and he started to go after the cotton stuffing.

Palutena also smiled, and began to sew scraps of old fabric.

How sad it was, when Ike couldn't find his old dark blue t-shirt he wanted to wear the next day.

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Aw…Inspired by Kaito's 'When I get home my wife always pretends to be dead'. Youtube is so helpful...

R&R!