A/N …Damn I suck. There's only three weeks left until school starts back up (or something like that) and I haven't been updating! I'm really sorry I'm such a slow writer… I need to be in a writing mood to be able to produce anything worth reading. Also, I'm what schools consider "gifted" which is just a fancy way of saying I'm smarter than most and might as well have ADHD. I can't sit still for too long, which is why I hate school so much… ANYWAY, on to mah super-special-awesome chapter!
P.S. Mah computer has been broken for about three months now. =_= I apologize. BUT it's fixed now! :D
DISCLAIMER: Me saying "I own Yu-Gi-Oh!" is like Marik saying "I'm not insane."
WARNINGS: I've been over the warnings. You should know them by this point XD
PAIRINGS: Okay, new section. The pairings will be listed here and are subject to change if I add any drama. Which I might… So, the pairings currently are: Bronzeshipping, Puzzleshipping, Antagoshipping (To be introduced this chapter. This idea hit me while I was writing the scene, and I love Antagoshipping, so it totally works!), and Buddyshipping (also to be introduced this chapter). Any complaints will be fed to my gerbils. So they will suffer a painful and excruciatingly slow death. O.O
Chapter Five: What up with this damn country?
"Wakey, wakey, eggs and bac-y!"
:-:-:
"THAT DAMN WOMAN!" Malik and his yami screamed simultaneously as Layla rambled over the loudspeaker.
Marik rubbed at his half-lidded eyes, "She fucking needs to stop doing that. I want to slit her throat…"
"Marik, no," the young tomb keeper scolder his lover. "No murder. Bad."
The taller of the two just pouted cutely and rose out of bed, ambling to the bathroom in order to try to conquer his tangled locks of blonde. His adorable counterpart soon followed, but all that resulted in was a hot make-out session on the tiled floor. Silly boys.
:-:-:
Normally, I would go into exhaustive detail and meticulously explicate every move the other eleven characters make, but I don't think you would like to sit through that. So let's not and say we did.
:-:-:
Jonouchi raised a blonde eyebrow at his rival, "You don't want to get off the ship, moneybags? Why not? It's Costa Rica! It means 'the cost of Rica'!"
"You moron," Seto muttered in response, not even bothering mentioning the fact that the mutt had translated "Costa Rica" like a five-year-old kid with autism.
Malik decided to be the one to correct his fellow blonde's idiotic statement, "Uh… Jo? 'Costa Rica' means 'beautiful coast'…"
"Oh," Katsuya responded sullenly whilst shoveling eggs into his abyss of a mouth, only to puke them up ten minutes later.
:-:-:
After an excruciatingly long breakfast, the gang—not including Katsuya, Hiroto, and Otogi due to a sickness they spread around their cabin, otherwise known as 'laziness'—was wandering around in Limón, Costa Rica.
"Oh! How cute! Look at this purse! It's a Coach!" Mai squealed appreciatively as she clung onto the apparently 'Coach' handbag.
Yami rolled his amethyst eyes, "That purse is as Coach as I am black. Which is to say, not at all." This earned a round of guffaws from the others as the blonde woman blushed and mumbled curses under her breath.
"It's alright, Mai," Anzu comforted her friend with a warm smile, "I thought it was real too."
"Oh, lordie! Now we have two dense broads on our hands! What ever shall we do? " Bakura stated in a southern accent with his the back of his hand resting on his forehead dramatically. The yami's little show sent the Egyptian duo into hysterics, and they were quite literally "rolling on the floor laughing".
"You meanies!" Anzu whined immaturely whilst crossing her arms over her chest.
Mai nodded, "Yeah! Can't you guys lay off for five seconds?"
"Nope!" Bakura, Marik, and Malik all responded in perfect unison. The three of them stood there smirking at the enraged blonde as she tried to stomp off, but they followed like puppies. Cruel, evil, and diabolical puppies; but still puppies nonetheless.
"Oh!" Yuugi called out as he fashioned an idea in that juvenile brain of his, "We should totally split up! Marik, Malik, Bakura, Ryou, Kaiba, and Mokuba should go do something else while the rest of us stay here and shop! Then we can meet up at around one for lunch on the boat! How does that sound?"
Yami smiled, "That sounds perfect, aibou. We'll be rid of those fools and we'll be able to shop!"
"Bloody fruitcake…" the albino yami sneered condescendingly, earning only a polite giggle from Ryou.
"What's wrong with being homo, 'Kura?" The pale one's "best friend" hissed.
Crimson eyes were unpleasantly rolled, "Lots of things, Mar-mar."
"Like?"
"Well, you like men, fairy-boy!"
"Correction: I like my hikari."
"Whatever, Pineapple-head. You're still as straight as a rainbow."
"And proud of it, bubble-balls."
"Yeah, you would know! You've watched me in the shower, you pansy!"
"You pompous poof, that was on a dare!" (Yami and Malik snickered guiltily at this.)
"But you totally loved it, Marik!"
"Yeah, well… YOU WATCH GLEE, YOU FUCKER!" The Egyptian yami screeched at an almost super-sonic pitch.
"Oh snap!" his lover interjected.
Bakura fumed, "At least I don't watch America's next Top Model!"
Marik rolled his beautifully violet eyes, "Malik watches that shit, not me, dumbass."
"Oh yeah," the retired thief king replied. "You watch Rachael Ray!"
Marik's jaw dropped significantly. "And that's worse than a show about kids mutilating great songs? How does that seem even remotely close to the awesomeness that is 30 Minute Meals?"
"My show has a gay kid and a pregnant cheerio!" the yami with Snow White's complexion stated arrogantly.
The psycho with the gravity-defying hair rolled his mauve eyes once again, "What happened to that homophobia from just a moment ago? Did it become a fairy and fly away?"
"Sh-shut up."
And that was that.
"You fools… Let's just go do something… manly. Like-" Seto began, but Malik cut the billionaire off.
"Please don't tell me you were planning on saying football. I'd have to let Marik saw off your dick for saying something so cliché," the blonde hikari told the CEO dryly.
Kaiba smirked, "Oh, I'm just damn terrified now. The psychopath is going to saw off my junk. With what, dare I ask?"
"A nail file. …Was that what you were expecting?" Marik inquired coyly, a sly grin gracing his sun-kissed features.
The rich brunette blanched visibly, his hands unconsciously moving to cup his endangered manhood.
Bakura half-giggled, half-chuckled with malicious glee, "Oh? Is a certain arrogant jackass afraid of losing his 'lil wee-wee?"
"You're one to talk… About being an 'arrogant jackass' and having a 'lil wee-wee', which I do not," Seto growled at the devious albino that was teasing him.
"Oh yeah? Prove it, then!" Bakura replied stubbornly, his headstrong nature shining through.
The brunette CEO smirked, "Alright."
And with that, he grasped the white-haired yami's hand and dragged him off to some undisclosed location –that looks a hell of a lot like Seto's cabin.
The pair wasn't seen until breakfast the next day.
"G-gah! The mental images! THEY BURN!" Yuugi screeched whilst clutching the sides of his head.
Yami sighed, "Aw you scarred my hikari for life, Kaiba!"
"Okay… That was disturbing… But I agree with Yuugi's idea to split up. We'll be going now. Bye, guys! See you at one!" Ryou informed the group as he began to walk off, closely trailed by Malik, Marik, and Mokuba.
"Bye!" Mai squealed happily as her remaining tormentors receded into the horizon. Anzu just waved cheerfully as Yami tried to snap his small lover out of his disgust-induced coma.
:-:-:
The rest of that day was disappointingly uneventful for those guys and gals, so let's focus on the adventures of Marik, Malik, Ryou, and Mokuba.
:-:-:
"So what should we do? It's only ten-thirty and we don't have to get back to the ship until one…" Mokuba asked from his perch on Marik's shoulders. His "little legs" had "gotten tired" after five steps, and the young Kaiba somehow managed to convince Marik to carry him. Even the Egyptian yami himself doesn't fully understand how the boy had managed it.
"I think we should go sightseeing. Well, more like just walk around, but we can take pictures and stuff," Malik suggested suddenly.
Ryou nodded fervently, "That sounds good to me! What do you two think?"
"Sounds cool," was Marik's simple response whilst Mokuba hummed in agreement.
"Onward, horsie!" the raven-haired boy atop the Egyptian yami's shoulders squealed, pulling on the blonde locks his fingers were lost in. Marik sighed and ambled forward, much to the young Kaiba's pleasure. Ryou giggled at the oddly heart-warming display as a light blush flared behind his almost-transparent cheeks.
Malik was marching ahead of the group, attempting to scout out suitable places to take pictures. His camera was dangling from his wrist on a thick string that kept it from plummeting to its death.
"Malik," the blonde hikari's other half captured his lover's attention. "We should go down to the beach and take pictures. The coast is what this Ra-forsaken place is famous for anyway." The young ex-tomb keeper nodded in agreement as he skipped down the road towards the beach.
Or so he thought.
"Maaaaaaaaliiiiiiiiik," Mokuba whined from the crown to Marik's head, "It's almost eleven forty-five; where is the beach, man?"
The hikari in question shrugged, "No clue, Mokuba. I thought I was going in the right direction anyway…"
"Well, good job, moron. You got us lost. It's not as bad as Panamá was, but it stills smells like cow shit and rotten bananas," Marik interjected, scrunching his nose up when he mentioned the country's odor.
The shorter Egyptian frowned, "Marik, That was very rud-"
"AHHHHHHHH GET OFF OF ME YOU PEDO-HOBO!" Ryou screeched from behind the two lovers and Mokuba, cutting Malik off.
A stinky hobo had grabbed the small albino's ankle; causing the hikari to flip the fuck out, kick the smelly-ass vagabond in the face, and shriek. "GAH MY EARDRUMS!"Malik screamed as he collapsed onto the sidewalk clutching his injured ears.
Marik rolled his gorgeously dangerous eyes, "Oh, get up, you drama queen."
The group found the beach soon after by asking the locals to help them out.
"I'm so disappointed I might cry," Ryou stated blankly, gazing at the expanse of rough rock that led to the ocean.
Malik sighed, "It's just a rock. There's not even any sand! WHAT KIND OF BEACH IS THIS?"
"A famous one, apparently," Mokuba interjected, while Marik placed him back down onto the ground.
The 'beach' was actually just a large slab of stone. Crabs scuttled across the porous surface every so often, but other than that there were no other indications that this was a coastline. Well, other than the murky seawater, of course. There was litter spread out in little piles along the stairs that led from the raised inland to the at-sea-level disappointment. The whole area smelled of rotting garbage and urine.
"Humph, 'Beautiful coast', my ass. This is absolutely horrifying."
And Marik was completely right.
:-:-:
Aboard the ship, Ryuuji, Katsuya, and Hiroto had kept themselves readily entertained.
:-:-:
Otogi had spent the morning lazing away and pampering himself in the spa. The sauna and steam room did wonders for his skin, and the back massage he received released a lot stress. So much, in fact, that he was willing to spend the rest of the day with his two idiot friends.
Feeling refreshed; Ryuuji thanked the spa workers, gave them his card to charge on, and left the 11th deck.
Waltzing up to the room he shared with the dynamic duo with a new spring in his step, he was surprised to find that he was completely lost.
"Damn it…" he muttered.
"Oh, look! It's dice boy! What's got you miffed?" a feminine voice asked the gamer, while the owner of the voice poked him in the shoulder.
He spun around, "Oh! Hey, Layla. I'm just lost. That's all."
"Well then. Let me help you. It's my job, after all." The short cruise director smiled warmly at him. He just nodded.
Her grin turned a tad feral when she inquired what room he was in. He replied without thinking, and she grabbed his hand and led him around her precious Willy-Boat, her hazel eyes sparkling with glee.
"…And this is the sushi bar…"
"…that's my boyfriend Jonathan…"
"…and there's the second dining room…"
He got the whole tour as they worked their way up the ship. He actually learned a lot, and was glad she was the one that found him and not anyone else.
"Here we are! Thank you for flying Air Layla. Your room should be right down this hall, puddin'. Have a great cruise!" Layla spoke quickly, glancing at her watch, swearing, and dashing off.
"Thanks, Lay!" Ryuuji called after the fleeing female.
"No problem!" echoed the rushing cruise director's voice.
:-:-:
"Do not disturb? What's this doing on our door…?" Otogi thought to himself when he finally reached his stateroom. He removed the sign from the door handle as he slid his key card into the receptor.
Once he unlocked the large slab of wood, metal, and electronics, strolled in and closed it behind him, he saw exactly why the 'do not disturb' sign was on the outside of the room.
Honda was fucking Jonouchi's brains out, and Katsuya was moaning like a bitch.
They were mansexing it up!
Ryuuji shrieked at the top of his lungs, the fell in a dead faint on the floor.
:-:-:
"Malik! Ryou! Someone! HELP!" Marik screeched at a supersonic pitch. "THESE FUCKING DOGS WANT MY DELICIOUS RUMP!"
The crazy yami sprinted down the sidewalk as a barking squad of K9s chased him down.
Malik rolled his lavender eyes, "Oh, quiet. And he calls me the drama queen… Psh…"
"Maybe," Ryou spoke to his best friend. "Maybe we should help him."
"I'm with Ryou on this one. We have to help him out! He's my transportation, after all!" Mokuba interpolated.
Both the hikaris present gave him a "you moron" look, but rushed off to save their favorite Egyptian psychopath from a gang of ruthless dogs.
"Take THAT you fucking bitch!" Marik screeched as he kicked the animal that had bitten his calf. The damned creature howled as it came crashing down to the ground; the yami had gotten him in mid-air after all. Then the dog whimpered and stalked off, gesturing for its cronies to follow.
"It's funny because it's true," Ryou giggled as the group of adversaries retreated. "But we really need to wash this blood off of us. It might look a tad suspicious."
Malik nodded, "Ryou's got a point. We can't waltz around town with blood-soaked clothing on…"
The Egyptian yami just clicked his tongue and grabbed Mokuba, then headed towards a tourist shop. The hikari pair followed the psycho dutifully.
The group purchased some new clothes, changed into them, and began heading back to the ship for lunch.
"I'm depressed. This place sucks," Malik lamented as they ambled closer and closer to the Willy-Boat.
Ryou sighed in agreement, "I know. I'm quite disappointed."
"Us too," Mokuba spoke for both himself and the yami whose back he was riding upon. The Egyptian psycho merely grunted his concurrence.
:-:-:
Lunch was delicious and all of the teens enjoyed. They didn't see Ryuuji or any of the others that were on the ship until dinner.
:-:-:
"Are you serious, Otogi? Honda and Jonouchi? WHAT THE HELL?" Yuugi shrieked, and then began hyperventilating.
"You think I wasn't flabbergasted when I saw the pair going at it like rabbits ON MY BED?" Ryuuji demanded hotly.
Anzu inserted her opinion, "OMFG THIS IS HORRIBLE! WHY WOULD DO THIS TO US? *WHINE WHINE WHINE*"
"I KNOW! I'M SHOCKED! THEY'RE SO HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE!" Mai shrieked in agreement with her friend.
Marik decided to speak up, "Yo, chill your tits. It's not that huge of deal. So what? They're a couple. They only live together. It makes sense, morons."
"Marik's right, guys. Calm it down," Malik muttered as the dumbass group continued to rant about how terrible this change of events is.
"Okay, I know this is a bad time to mention this, but does anyone have any clue where my yami and Kaiba are?" Ryou asked quietly from his spot at the dinner table.
Every soul at the table froze solid at that inquiry.
"Didn't they run off earlier…? Do you think they're on the ship…?" Yugi wondered aloud, his lips pursing together tightly.
Yami vaguely listened to his lover ponder, allowing his mind to roam and dwell of the worst of possibilities.
He blanched and tried not to retch as an assortment of gruesome images invaded his mind. Seto's mutilated carcass shredded and strewn about the cabin... Bakura's blood-stained handprints on every surface… The shrill sounds of maniac cackling drifting throughout the soulless halls… The satisfied smirk of a successful psychopath… These thoughts chilled him to the bone.
"Let's go to my cabin! They might be there!" Mokuba suggested helpfully.
Once the group finished their meals, they all made a mad dash for Mokuba and Seto's joint cabin.
The raven-haired school boy shoved his key into the slot, praying that his brother hadn't locked the door.
Unfortunately, the older Kaiba had padlocked the slab of wood and metal.
"Damn!" Marik cursed, "They fucking locked it!"
Malik just rolled his mauve eyes at his yami and pushed to group huddling around Mokuba to the aside. He pressed a sun-kissed ear against the door whilst shushing the crowd of acquaintances. What he heard caused his face to lose its healthy glow.
"Oh, Ra, yes! Yes! Harder, Kaiba! Ra damn it thrust harder!" Bakura's voice moaned out huskily along with the sound of slapping flesh.
Seto's voice sounded next, "I'm trying, B-Bakura! I can only thrust so fast! My hips are tired!"
"Oh, Ra! K-KAIBA! HIT THAT FUCKING SP-SPOT AGAIN!" The albino yami could be heard crying out.
"I think that's your… What did y-you call it again?"
"THE PROSTATE! OH RA YES!"
At that point, the tanned hikari could no longer take it. He shakily stood from his crouching position on the floor outside the Kaiba cabin and gazed blankly at the silent group.
"Th-they're having sex…" He told the gang dejectedly.
:-:-:-:-:-:
A/N Cliff hanger no jutsu~! XD I know, I suck. I'm sorry. Alright, pairings have been decided and the plot has been set in stone, so hopefully it won't take me as long to get the next chappie up. I absolutely love writing this fic because it's a lot of fun.
Okay, now I want to set one thing straight. I have been to Costa Rica, Panamá, and all of the other places that our heroes will be going to. Anything that I say is more or less true. A big thing that bothered me about Costa Rica and Panamá was the smell. It smelled horrid! I hated it! That's why I mentioned it so much. :3
The part of the Costa Rican shoreline that I went to was just like I described. It sucked.
Last thing: No one should take offense to anything in this stupid fic. It's all for shits and giggles.
"Even my butt's sore.
…No homo."
~Josh, a friend of mine that's in my pathways class. He plays football XD