Revenge best served chili!
"She ran away." Hidan replied trying to put on a somber façade.
"What?! Oh no not my baby! Bobby quick call the cops our baby gone missing!" she shook her husband. Hidan had to practically bite his tongue off to keep him from going into hysterical laughter.
"I'm on it sweetie! Let's drive around also to see if we can find her!" he replied frantically holding the cellphone in one hand and pulling his wife back to the car with the other.
"Johnny were gonna look around bit if she comes back before we do call us!" she called out before they took off again. Hidan was finally able to start laughing and rolling over the floor.
"Ahaha ah shit I didn't hahaha think Ama was ahaha serious ahahahahahahaha." Hidan wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. "This is gonna be good."
Back at the store..
"I'M BUYING IT!"Kaylee gritted trying to tug the package meat out of Kakuzu hands.
"No. You're. Not!" Kakuzu growled dragging Kaylee and the meat back to where she found it. Kakuzu did not like that Kaylee had picked the most expensive meat package in the entire market and was trying to put it back.
"Give it to me!" Kaylee demanded leaning back as her feet slid across the smooth floor from Kakuzu's hauling.
"Fine." Kakuzu erratically lets go causing Kaylee to fall back onto her arse for the second time today.
"Phhhhhffffffffff KAKAZOO I AM GOING TO-" Kaylee stops realizing that the threat of killing him will only lead her to her grave.
"What are you going to do?"Kakuzu glared.
"I..I …ah..I…I'll make you wish you were never born male!" Kaylee said pointing her finger at him while at the same time rubbing her tailbone with the other hand.
"Are you threatening my manhood?" he asked still glaring at her.
"Damn straight foo'!" Kaylee replied throwing failed gangster signs at him. Kakuzu looks at her confused raising his brows up then drawing them back down to a glare.
"You're an idiot." He said then promptly walks off with the cart.
"Get back here with that cart! I need it you donkey ass!" Kaylee yelled wobbling after him.
To the parents…
"Please officer she's been missing for over 24 hours now! Please find her before the mass murderer does! Oh I don't know what I'll do if I lost my baby!" Kaylee's mom pleaded with the police officer that was writing down the report.
"Don't worry Mrs. James we'll do whatever we can in our power to find her and bring her back home safely. Is there anything other details would you like to give us?" The officer asked also trying to comfort her handed her a hankie.
"Yes her car was stolen around the same time she disappeared." She answered blowing her nose quite loudly.
"What's the car description?" The officer asked slightly disgusted he brought his pen to paper getting ready to write.
"It's a dark blue jeep wrangler and the license's plate is 370455V." she replied more calmly.
"Are you certain that's the license's plate number?" he asked surprised.
"Oh yes only my daughter would customize the plate like that." She replied with certainty.
"What do the numbers mean?"
She flips his report over.
"Oh…well I must take leave now to find your daughter. Take care." He said with a wave of goodbye and took off.
"Thank you officer be careful!"
Okay now back to the store again…
Kaylee leans heavily onto the cart waiting for the cashier to finish ringing her up.
"My ass hurts."
"Who would've guessed? You've been rubbing and complaining about it for the past 10 minutes!" Kakuzu growled very irate.
"Okay ma'am your total is $69.52." the cashier said rather bored as he pressed the total button and then finish up bagging her stuff. Kaylee stuffs her hand in her right-hand back pocket finding it empty she quickly sticks it in the left back pocket. Her face contorts into panic as she places both hands in her front pockets.
"Shit!" she slowly turns her head to Kakuzu. "I…ah…I think left my wallet at home heh." Kaylee slowly puts up a smile.
"No." Kakuzu bluntly replied to her unspoken question.
"Plwease?" Kaylee pleaded curling out her bottom lip and giving him her puppy-dog eyes.
"No." he said sternly glowering down at her. 'hmphf well if Hidan can pull it off with that Kakuzu-chan line in the anime why can't I!?' Kaylee lets out a low 'ahem' to clear her throat.
"Purrteee pwease Kuzu-kun with sugah and and lots and lots of cherries on top?" she flutters her eyelashes. Kakuzu bends down so he was at eye level with her also having their faces only inches apart. He searches through her eyes and steadily says.
"No."
"I'll pay you back." Kaylee pouts quivering her bottom lip.
"Are you going to pay or what? You're forming a line here." The cashier was getting impatient. Kakuzu straightens out and glares at the cashier then at Kaylee then at the people behind them then back to Kaylee who was still giving him the puppy-dog eyes.
"Please?" Kakuzu rubs the bridge of his nose coming to a decision.
"Fine."
"Yay." Kaylee squeals with glee.
"But you're going to repay me five times the amount." Kakuzu forewarn her handing the cashier the money Kaylee's mood turned sour.
"That's not fair!" Kaylee whined. He starts pushing the cart forward. "Hey, hey, hey! Don't you dare start walking off with that cart!" she manages to push him aside and take control of the cart.
"I swear I had my wallet on me." Kaylee claimed searching through her jeep before they left.
"Didn't you say someone bumped into you?" Kakuzu implied as he sat in the passenger seat not offering any help.
"Yeah and they took off giggling." Kaylee answered she end up huffing giving up the search and getting into the jeep. Kakuzu stares at her for a good moment before she got irritated. "What?"
"Do you not know how a thief works?"
"Well I certainly do not since it takes a thief to know a thief and I am no thief so therefore I do not know how a thief works." She replied pulling out of the parking lot and onto the road.
"Okay since your tiny mind can't put two and two together. I'll just get to the point that you were robbed or is that still too much for your nutshell of a brain to comprehend?"
"Why you!"
*WEE-WOO*
From behind there was a flash of red and blue that followed the siren which caused Kaylee's heart to skip a couple beats. She pulls over and starts to panic.
"Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit! They finally track us down! They found out who the killers were! They found my fingerprints I bet and now they have come to get me! Oh my god I don't to want spend the rest of my life in jail! I didn't do any-ow!" Kakuzu had decided to whack her upside the head. "What the hell!" he hits her again.
"Calm down you imbecile, don't give them reasons to be suspicious." Kakuzu warned. There was a tapping at Kaylee's window, she rolled it down.
"Yee-Yes Offis-ficer?" Kaylee managed to stammer out. Oh yes out of all things scary she is afraid of a policeman and not some s-rank serial killer ninja with a bad temper and tentacles.
"License's and registration." The officer said in a monotone voice. Kaylee's eyes widen in horror as she realized that her license was in her wallet. 'Only with my luck does this happen to me!'
"Ka-ka-ka-Ky-eye-yle cou-could you give me th-the registration out of the glo-glove department pah-pah-lease." Yeah Kaylee was having a nervous breakdown basically. She looks over to Kakuzu tensely; her eyes then shift to the glove department in front of him. The officer eyes them both suspiciously.
"Ma'am I'm going to have to ask you to get out of your car." He said stepping away from the car. Kaylee steps out all shaking. "Ma'am this car has been reported stolen." The officer informs her. Her jaw drops in total shock then closes again from total fury splays across her face.
"Mother." She manages to grit out. "and I suppose I've been reported missing too! I only leave the house for not even an hour and and she goes and pulls this shit! You know this isn't the first time she's done this. Calling the cops reporting me missing along with my car all because I wanted move out! This woman knows no privacy! It drives-" Kaylee rants to the officer for a good 20 minutes before he decides to buy her story and let her off the hook. She gets back into her jeep slamming the door behind her. Kakuzu looks at her questionably.
"Kakuzu." She said glaring at the staring wheel.
"What?" he asked annoyed
"You mind spending a couple more dollars?"
"Why?" he asked knitting his eyebrows together.
"I want to stop by a drug store and buy some laxatives."
10 minutes later…
"Oh Kaylee sweetie I thought I'd never see you again!" Mrs. James cried out hugging her daughter as she stepped out of the jeep.
"Mother…I only went to the store…for only an hour and a half." Kaylee gritted standing stock still as her mother wept on her shoulder.
"It seemed like you've been gone forever and Bryan told me you were running away!"
"Bryan." Kaylee growled out his name. "Mother, why don't you go ahead inside and prepare the table for dinner. While me and Kaku-Ky-Kyle bring in the groceries." Kaylee said forcing a smile.
"Sure thing dear and I'll have your father call off the search squad!" Her mother beamed heading back into the house. Kaylee opens the back of the jeep with Kakuzu at her side ready to grab bags.
"Remind me to put most of the laxative in Hidan's bowl." She muttered grabbing the bags.
"Don't worry if you forget I'll take the pleasure of doing it myself." Kakuzu replied closing the backdoor.
Hidan was leaning against the doorframe of the front door with a big smirk plastered on his face. The thought of Hidan being on the toilet all night made Kaylee smile from ear to ear.
"How was your trip to the store?" Hidan smiled.
"Oh fabulous! I fell on my ass a couple times got robbed and the cops pulled us over on the way home! I hope to do it again someday!" Kaylee said enthusiastically with lots sarcasm as she pushes her way past him.
"Ha well that's what you get bitch for leaving me here!" there was triumph in his voice.
"It's best not to fuel the fire." Kakuzu warned passing by.
"Yeah whatever fuck-face." Hidan snuffed him off.
"So what's for dinner dear?" her father inquired sitting at the kitchen table watching her search the cupboards.
"Chili." Kaylee simply answered while pulling out a large pot.
"Mmm I love chili your mother hasn't made that in years!" her father proclaimed.
"I wonder why." She mutters to herself rolling her eyes.