One final author's note

Hello,

If you're reading this… I'm sorry. Right now is the moment that I have officially decided to abandon this multi-chapter.

A lot of you probably lost hope a long time ago over it. I've gotten reviews since, private messages begging me to continue, lots more followers and what not since. But I had hope still that one day I could continue with this piece of work.

I struggled since the start with the fic. But that's not to say that I didn't love every minute of it. I have had a half written document sitting on my computer that has been slowly added to and deleted over the year to the point where it has a paragraph left. And I think it would be best to finally lay it to rest.

I'll be blunt. In this year, I was diagnosed with severe depression. This isn't me trying to throw myself a pity party but it has been a struggle and definitely the toughest thing I have faced in my entire life. Whilst I have known that I have been ill for a very, very long time (say… the better part of a decade), the past couple of years have been hard. Especially the past couple of months. I don't have a support network, my family don't even know and three months ago I moved away on my own to live my life and study in a city I had never even expressed the want to live in.

To sum that up, I don't particularly have the mental capabilities of continuing this fic. A lot of days I can't get myself out of bed or even feed myself, let alone consistently be creative and write. I boycotted writing for a bit. But slowly I have started writing drabbles and longer, which I am proud of myself for doing and which you can find on my Tumblr, which I will leave a link to on my profile.

I have decided to give you a quick lowdown on where I was planning to send the rest of this story. Just so you all know where I was going with it.

Blaine was going to be operated on in the next chapter. But, whilst they successfully managed to clear his knee of cancer, a scan later revealed that the cancer had travelled through his bloodstream and had spread to his lungs, which is very often seen in this type of cancer. This is the reason Blaine has been coughing. When it spreads to the lungs, there is a very high chance of dying.

That little notebook Blaine has been writing in is his will and funeral plans. He didn't want to burden his family with having to deal with it all on their own after he died. He also wrote letters to each and every person he loved. Kurt one of them.

Whilst Blaine is still under anesthetic and waiting to come to after his second operation in which the surgeons tried to remove some of the cancer from his lungs, Kurt finds the notebook open on Blaine's bedside table. Not being able to stop himself from finally looking, he finds out all of Blaine's thoughts and fears on dying, his funeral plans and a very emotional letter addressed to Kurt himself – expressing his love for the boy and the overwhelming sadness he is feeling over the fact that he would never be able to tell him and that they could never be together. Blaine awakes and finds Kurt reading his diary and explodes, telling to Kurt to get out and get away from him. Kurt flees.

After that, Blaine doesn't let Kurt see him for a long time. He tries to bring him flowers and tries to talk to him but Blaine isn't having it. His privacy has been invaded and he's incredibly angry with Kurt. It's the only piece of secrecy he has been granted and Kurt has betrayed him.

One day, Kurt comes across Blaine in a music room on the children's ward. Blaine is sat at the piano, playing a heartbreaking version of The Cab's Living Louder (which I felt was wonderfully perfect and fitting and you should search for it on YouTube to see why). Kurt slips away when it's over without talking to Blaine, giving Blaine some space.

Eventually, Blaine lets Kurt back in. He's had more surgery, yet every time they operate, there's more tumors than before. They plan to operate a few more times before finally deeming that Blaine is terminal if the cancer won't go with the combination of radiotherapy, chemotherapy and surgery.

Knowing they don't have much time left, Kurt confronts the elephant in the room and finally tells Blaine how he feels about him in return. They sing As Long As You're Mine to each other from Wicked because the lyrics are so fitting for them. They spend the whole night kissing and crying in Blaine's hospital bed.

In Blaine's last ever surgery, the doctors are shocked to see that the tumors have shrunk from Blaine's treatment. They continue radio and chemo, in hopes that it's working, to find that Blaine is miraculously getting better. Scan after scan shows that the tumors have greatly shrunk. One extra surgery sees the doctors managing to remove the tumors from Blaine's lungs completely. He gets more treatment to make sure it's gone and then…

Test after test after test after test after test after month after month after month after month finally find Blaine in remission. The cancer is gone.

There's a high chance it could return someday afterwards and he might not be so lucky the next time round. But Blaine has been given extra time and given him one big opportunity to live that time with the boy that he loves with all of his heart.

The end.

I wish I could have written this. I wish I had. I wish I will. But I know that it will never happen. So here you are, this is for you my faithful followers. Thank you for every favourite, every review, every follow. Thank you for your love, your faith, your hope and your encouragement. I could not have hoped for better readers than you and I love you all with all of my heart.

Thank you for giving me the chance and thank you for reading the very few chapters that I have managed to spew out.

This is for you.

Lucy