Author's Note: This was written before Lexie and Jackson became a real couple (gag me). It's set around the time where they were just fooling around. This is the sort of scenario that I guess is needed to shove Mark and Lexie back where they belong.

"I…I'm sorry," Lexie tells James Haudley, standing a couple feet from his wife's bedside. "There's nothing else we can do."

"NO," he shouts, tears streaking down his weathered face. Lexie flinches inwardly, remembering the last time she had to deliver news such as this, and who she had to deliver it to. Don't think about that. "There were—complications during the surgery…" She glances over her shoulder to Jackson, who's standing by the doorway, unsure if he should come in. A moment later, her eyes are back on Mr. Haudley.

"There's…There's nothing else we can do. We need to…let her go." Lexie swallows roughly. Don't think about him, don't think about him, don't think about him. "It's time to say…to say goodbye."

"NO," he replies, choking on his own words.

"I'm so sorry," Lexie murmurs, reaching out to turn off the dialysis to his dying wife's body. "I really—"

"TERESA!" The man calls, rushing forward to her bedside. Lexie stumbles backwards at the man's anguished cry, needing to get as far away from that exam room as possible. She trips over her own feet, though, falling back against the wall. In a flash, Jackson is beside her, helping her up as James Haudley shoots her tearful yet hate-filled looks over his wife's body. "How could you?" He's shouting now. "HOW COULD YOU?"

"I…I'm sorry," Lexie whispers, eyes wide. She tries desperately not to remember the last time she had to do this. Don't think, don't think, don't think. "There was nothing—"

"GET OUT!" He yells, pointing towards the door.

"Come on," Jackson murmurs, hoisting her up and leading her toward to door. "He needs time."

Though she wishes she could look away, Lexie's face is glued to the now-grieving man sobbing in the room she's exiting. His blazing gaze haunts her even after her eyes leave his.

Don't think. Don't think. Don't think.

…

"Okay, Lexie, calm down. It'll—it'll be okay. It wasn't your fault," he tells her. She just shakes her head vigorously, turning herself even further away from him. Jackson curses himself, wracking his brain for something else to do. "It wasn't your fault. It was her time to go, and her husband…He was just emotional. It isn't your fault," he repeats forcefully, trying to get her to meet his eyes. She doesn't.

"What—what d'you want me to do?" Jackson asks a moment later, visibly upset by the multitude and intensity of her tears. She just shakes her head, sobbing into her hand. "Do you want me to—" he tries to put an arm around her, draw her towards the comfort of his embrace, but she pulls away. If possible, she seems more distant than before.

"How 'bout I—how 'bout I go get Meredith? Would that—would she help? Meredith?" Lexie cries harder at the mention of her sister, her head bobbing slightly as she tries to dispel her haunting memories from that hellish day so long ago. It somehow seems like it was just yesterday.

It somehow seems as if it's going to happen again, and soon.

"Okay." The word exits Jackson's mouth as a breath of relief at her shaky half-nod. "Okay. Stay here. I'll get her. I'll be back as soon as possible, all right?" He looks to her, but her face is hidden, her body doubled over. Jackson gets up reluctantly, sprinting to the ER where he knows the other Grey will be.

Lexie simply cries harder, trying in vain to hold herself together.

…

Mark Sloan is walking by the locker rooms when he hears a woman sobbing. His ears perk when they pick up the sound—so heartbroken but somehow oddly familiar. Curious, he glances in the intern's locker room, but there's just a few doctors busy studying, as if they're deaf to this woman's suffering. Can't they hear it?

He crosses the hall, looking into the attendings' locker room, but he finds it empty, just like he expected. Only the resident's locker room is left.

Maybe it's Yang, Mark thinks. He's still not sure she's totally put back together yet, and he's loathe to try and comfort her. He debates whether or not he should just walk away, maybe get Grey or Hunt, or hell, even Derek. Anyone's better than me, he thinks, walking reluctantly towards the door. I'm just as unfeeling as her.

…

"Meredith!" Jackson calls, running into the ER. He skids to a halt to avoid an oncoming trauma, slipping between the beds to find the other resident. "Meredith!"

"Yeah, hey, what is it?" Meredith's staring at him, confused and on alert, from the ER's desk. Jackson darts over, skirting around Karev, who gives him a dirty look.

"It's Lexie," Jackson manages, trying to catch his breath. "She—she had to take a patient off dialysis; let her go. She—she's a mess. I don't know what to—"

"I've got it," Meredith replies automatically. This isn't the first time she's dealt with a hysterical Lexie. "Where is she?"

"This way," Jackson directs, leading her back towards the locker rooms.

…

"Hey, Yan—" Mark begins, only to have his voice catch in his throat when the woman on the bench looks up. There are streaky tears falling down her face in droves, smudging her makeup. Mark has to blink a couple times before speaking.

"L—Lexie? Are you…okay?"

"What does it look like?" She snaps, looking up. He ignores her tone, opting instead to walk across the room and join her by the lockers.

"What happened?" He whispers, looking over to her as he takes a seat on the bench. Mark sits down beside the girl he's loved for so long, memories rushing back over him like a tidal wave. Her tears remind him of all the times he's held her while she cries… And all the times he wasn't able to because he was the cause of those tears.

He's about to lift and arm to comfort her, do what's natural, but he stops himself at the last second. He knows that it isn't his place anymore. Instead, he clasps his hands together, tightly, to keep from moving. "What happened?"

"The patient," she manages, looking over at him. "I killed her."

"I'm sorry, Lex," Mark murmurs. "That's hard." He, unlike Jackson, knows this isn't a time to reason with her. This isn't a time to say 'Oh, I'm sure you didn't.' This isn't a time to say 'It will get easier; you will forget.' He can tell from her tone that she's past that. No, this is a time to face the facts. "Did you have someone alert the family?"

Lexie shakes her head, wiping her eyes. "I did it," she replies, resting her trembling hand over her mouth. "Again. I did it again."

…

"She's in here," Jackson is saying, pointing to the residents' locker room. Meredith walks to the door, looking in as she hears voices float across from the opposite side of the room. She starts to walk into the room, but stops abruptly when she sees Mark, causing Jackson to almost run into her.

…

Mark's forehead creases. 'Again?' What's that supposed to mean? "What do you—"

"Gary Clark," Lexie half-spits, half-sobs as she faces the lockers again, avoiding his worried gaze. Jackson moves forward, but Meredith puts a hand across the door, blocking his path and shaking her head. You weren't there, she mouths. Jackson's about to argue that yes, he was there, his best friend died…But then he realizes what she meant, and he remembers that Lexie was trapped with Sloan and Karev during the shooting. He probably knows more about her from that day than I do, he realizes, a slight twinge of jealousy slipping into his thoughts.

"He was the last man I had to notify about the death of his wife." She takes a shaky breath, her violently-shaking hand still in front of her face. "Right before he tried to kill me."

"Lexie," Mark whispers, outrage in his voice.

"It's—it's going to happen again. He's going to kill me. Teresa Haudley's husband—widow—is going to kill me."

"He is not," Mark replies harshly.

"And he'll try to kill the Chief," she continues, her voice leveling out, calming as she takes deeper and steadier breaths. "And Hunt—he was Teresa's primary. He'll try to kill me and Owen and Dr. Webber, but before he gets to us, he'll shoot everyone else in his path."

"Lexie, stop it. That isn't—"

"Derek and Cristina are going to die." Her voice is matter-of-fact, open, as if she were giving her opinion on the weather. Jackson watches Meredith's hand grip the doorframe harder. "And Alex, probably. Right? You don't almost die at the hands of a gunman and then get off the next time around. That's just not how it works."

"You don't need to—"

"April, too. Meredith, Callie..." She turns her head, her watery eyes meeting his as her hand falls to her lap. "And you," she whispers. She tries to reach out to him, but her muscles aren't cooperating and her hand dangles halfway between their faces, like an olive branch. In her tearful and obviously terrified state, he tries not to see it as such. "He'll kill you too."

"He isn't going to kill me," Mark argues her, taking her outstretched hand within his. "He has no idea who I am."

"So?" Lexie scoffs. "He didn't know Reed. He barely knew me. Mr. Clark didn't know Alex, but that didn't stop him from shooting him right in the chest. It doesn't matter if he knows you or not. If you're a doctor, you're dead." She takes a deep breath. "And you're a doctor, so you're next. Alex was in the wrong place at the wrong time. What about you? Are you going to be in the wrong place at the wrong time too?"

"I'm not gonna die."

"You don't know that," Lexie argues as more tears escape her eyes. "He could come back at any time. No one would know till they got all the bodies out. You'll be dead and it'll be my fault."

"I won't be dead and it won't be your fault." He lays a hand on her arm, just lightly touching her. "I'm right here, okay? I'm alright, you're alright."

Lexie sniffs, smiling slightly despite her tears. "We're all alright," she sings, lifting her head for once and wiping the side of her face.

"Exactly." Mark smiles at the reference from one of the favorite TV shows. A moment later, though, that small distraction is gone and they're both sobered. "Neither of us are dying, okay?" He takes her arm, applying light pressure so she'll meet his eyes. When she does, he repeats the phrase, waiting for her confirmation. When she nods, he relaxes. She watches him, and, before she has a second to think, she's jumped forward, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tight. Mark pauses, shocked, but soon his arms are around her as well. He holds her tightly, not quite believing this is real, before she pulls back slowly, her eyes locked with his. She lifts her shaky hand to hold his cheek.

"Teach me," she murmurs.

"Lexie," Mark sighs, raising his hand to cover hers. He tries to remove it, but she isn't having any of that.

"What?" She whispers, her voice painfully broken. "You don't want to?"

Mark closes his eyes, not being able to think or see past the sorrow written all over her face. "Of course I do, baby, I just…" He sighs. "Not like this."

"Not like what?"

Mark gives her a sad smile. "You're crying, scared. It's not right."

She lets out a shaky, half-hollow laugh, but it has a bit of good humor in it, just enough to let Mark know she isn't completely pissed at him for rejecting her. "Ah. It's not right? When has that ever stopped you?"

"Hey," Mark protests lightly, giving her a small smirk as he nudges her with his shoulder playfully.

"It's true," Lexie smiles back, feeling more at ease with him. It's been weeks since she's talked with him, let alone joked with him. She never even thought this would be a possibility. Maybe I just need to be around him, she thinks in wonder, feeling a bit better already.

"Uh-huh. Sure it is."

"Oh?" Lexie laughs. "You wanna go there? Really?"

"Go where?" Mark asks, smiling sweetly.

"You're an idiot," Lexie replies, shaking her head.

"I'm an idiot?"

"Does me showing up at your hotel room ring a bell?" Lexie asks, point-blank.

Mark cocks his head to the side, as if thinking. He tries not to focus so much on the smile on her face. "Vaguely," he replies slowly. "I think…there was a girl. Popped up randomly at like ten o'clock, just walked right in. And then she started taking off her clothes, ordering me to teach her…" He narrows his eyes, tilting his head comically as if this was a major discovery. "Wait! That was you!"

"Quit it," Lexie smiles.

"I barely recognize you," Mark mocks. "You're so different."

"It's all in the confidence," Lexie replies dramatically.

Mark pauses. "You had confidence."

"Please," Lexie scoffs. "I had none. That's why it worked."

"You had it," Mark argues. "And anyway, that is not why it worked," he adds after a minute. Lexie turns to look at him, curious.

"Then why did it work?"

"It worked because I'd been obsessed with you for weeks," Mark admits softly. "If you hadn't shown up, I'd have probably went after you…much to the disapproval of Derek," he sighs.

Lexie gives him a half-grin. "Yeah, I'd forgotten about that." She reaches up tentatively to his left cheek, tracing a small scar there. "He got you pretty bad."

"He should've," Mark excuses. "I practically broke his nose."

"He shouldn't have hit you in the first place. It was uncalled for."

"Agreed," Mark replies. "But he did just lose a patient. It was bad timing on my part."

Lexie shakes her head slightly at the memory, wiping her face with the back of her hand. "To tell you the truth, I think any timing would have been bad timing for Derek."

Mark smirks. "Yeah, that's true."

The two sit side-by-side in silence for a few minutes. The minutes drag on so long that Meredith and Jackson, still standing a bit shell-shocked in the hallway from all this information, almost make their presence known. But right before Jackson's about to step around the other resident, Lexie speaks.

"So besides it not being 'right,'" Lexie begins as Mark sighs loudly, "which we've already proven doesn't matter…Why can't we?"

"Lexie," Mark sighs.

"I'm serious here, Mark."

"So am I. I can't—" He looks to her, his voice quiet. "I can't let this happen again."

Her face falls. "Let this happen again? What is that supposed to mean?" She asks, standing up quickly.

"Lex—"

"What's it supposed to mean, Mark? Are you—are you saying it was a mistake that first night?" Her eyes fill with tears as her voice cracks. "That—that everything was a…a mistake?"

"Of course not," Mark replies, getting to his feet and walking towards her. He gives her a small smile. "Come on, Lex. You know it wasn't a mistake. None of it was a mistake. You know how I feel about you."

"Maybe you should refresh me," she replies after a few seconds, the anger completely wiped from her face as she steps closer, looking up into his eyes.

"I don't…" Mark clears his throat. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"Well, if you won't admit it, then I will." She reaches up to stroke the side of his face gently. "I love you," she tells him.

"Lexie," Mark warns, looking down.

"What?"

"Don't do this," he murmurs.

"Don't do what?"

"This," he snaps, his eyes flying to hers, suddenly filled with fire. "Don't do this to me."

"Do what to you?"

Mark shakes his head, walking away as he rubs his forehead. "Don't act like you don't know. You're—you're just giving me hope now to take it all away later."

"I am not."

"Yes, you are," Mark replies, voice rising.

Lexie purses her lips, putting her hands on her hips. "Well, it's not a surprise," she calls out. "I did learn from the best, hm?"

Mark turns around, exhaling deeply. "I didn't mean it like that," Mark replies. He really wished they wouldn't go back over all of this.

"You say I'm giving you false hope? What about you begging me to come back and then dumping me the second Callie told you?"

"I didn't dump you," Mark replies. "You walked out."

"I had no other choice."

"You think I had another?"

"Of course you did!" Lexie shouts. "It's not your kid, Mark!"

"Of cour—" Mark begins loudly before breaking off. "What?" He asks, his voice suddenly hushed. Lexie's eyes widen at this. Shit. Shit, he hasn't thought about it. "What did you say?"

"Nothing," Lexie replies, walking towards him, trying to calm him down. "Nothing. I just, I meant—"

"What did you mean?" Mark asks, stepping forward. Lexie sighs, wishing she weren't the one to have to do this.

"Mark, did you really think you were going to be this baby's father?" Lexie asks quietly. "It already has Callie and Arizona, it doesn't need anyone else." She puts her hand lightly on his shoulder. "It's already an illegitimate child. Do you want to make it's life that much harder by giving it three parents and a rather tragic life story?"

"I didn't—"

"You'll be in the kid's life, Mark. But you aren't going to be its father."

Mark's eyes fill with hurt as he steps back, almost stumbling away from her.

"Mark," Lexie murmurs, following him back to the bench. "I'm sorry. I didn't—I didn't mean to—" She breaks off, resting a hand on his. He turns to look at her, his fist supporting his cheek as he stares at her.

"Is this really what it's going to be like?" He asks, voice despondent. Lexie looks over confused.

"What?"

"This," he replies, removing his hand and gesturing to himself. "Am I really never going to have a life?"

"You do have a life."

"Not the one I want."

Lexie takes his hand gently, squeezing it once. "I want a family," he continues. "I told you that."
"I know. And you—you have one."

Mark shakes his head. "No. I don't."

"You do."

He shakes his head, condescension lacing his tone. "Fine. You think I have a family? Then tell me who I've got."

"Derek," Lexie replies automatically before pausing to think. "Probably Meredith by extension. You've got Callie and Arizona—"

"They're their own family," Mark counters.

"Addison."

Mark laughs out loud at this. His eyes find hers. "Really?"

"What?" Lexie replies, shrugging. "It isn't preposterous to think—"

"Yes," he replies without hesitation. "It is preposterous to think. She lives in LA. And we're done. We've been done."

Lexie shrugs. "I don't know. You two could…" She trails off.

"That was a mistake," Mark tells him, knowing she's talking about his and Sloane's trip to LA. "It didn't mean anything."

"You don't know that," Lexie replies quietly, looking away so her voice won't shake. I'm doing the right thing, she thinks. He has to move on.

"I do, actually." Lexie sees his face harden and she can tell he's thinking about the baby Addison aborted.

"Mark, you know she didn't—didn't mean that."

Mark lets out a hollow laugh. "Didn't mean it? Mm-hm. I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"She was trying to get Derek back. You know it—it wasn't about you."

"Funny," Mark replies, "seeing as it was my kid."

"It wasn't your decision," Lexie reminds him. He exhales loudly, looking down.

"I know," Mark replies softly. "I just… She should have told me."

"Yes. She should have."

The two are silent for a few minutes until Mark leans back rubbing the side of his jaw roughly. "I really want to know what's wrong with me." Lexie looks over, confused. "First Addison, then you, Sloane, and Callie…Why does no one want to be around me? Am I really that…awful of a person?"

"Mark…Of course not. You're a good person."

"History says otherwise."

"Then screw history," Lexie replies hotly. "Look, the only reason Addison did what she did was because of Derek. The only reason Sloane left was because she wasn't ready to raise a baby, but she was ready to live on her own...Or at least go back to her mother. And Callie…Mark, what did you expect? She loves Arizona."

They're quiet for a minute before Mark voices what they've both been thinking. "And you? Why'd you leave?"
"Mark," Lexie sighs. "You know why. It was because of everything else. How many times have I told you that I am not ready to be a mother?"

"You wouldn't have had to be the mother. She—Sloane would've taken care of the kid."

"Right," Lexie scoffs. "That girl needs her own mother, and that's a full-time job." Lexie sighs. "And I just…I wasn't ready for that, okay?"

Mark nods. "Right," he says, looking to her. "I know."

"Okay," Lexie replies meeting his gaze. They stare at each other for a few seconds before they each jump forward, taking possessive hold of the other. Their lips crash together desperately, their hands never leaving each other's skin as if it's a tactile drug they've spent much too long without. A minute later, Mark pulls back, still holding her face gently within his hands.

"I love you," he whispers, looking into her eyes. "You know that, right?"

Lexie nods, her hands grabbing at the back of his neck as she kisses him. She closes her eyes, letting her lips drift to his ear as his explore her neck.

"I love you too," she murmurs. "I never stopped." Lexie shifts her body towards him, bringing one of her legs to the other side of the bench so they can move closer. Mark kisses her deeply, not even stopping to think about what's happening—he's too elated that she's actually kissing him to think about where they are. Or what they're doing. He barely has time to realize what he's letting happen—what he's doing—before it stops. Suddenly, and without warning, Lexie pulls violently away. She puts a hand on his chest, using it both to move herself farther away from him and to keep him at arm's length. Apparently the only distance we can deal with, Lexie thinks.

"I—I'm sorry," she cries. "I—I can't. I thought—"

"It's fine," Mark replies without hesitation, angling his body easily away form her. "Trust me, I get it. I was—I was just about to pull back when you did."

"I thought…" Her pained eyes meet his. "I thought I could do this."

"You don't have to do anything," Mark replies. "I'm not—I didn't sit down with you expecting anything." He runs a hand through his hair. "I actually thought you were Yang."

Lexie smiles slightly. "What?"

"Yeah. I mean, with everything she went through at the shooting…I thought she'd be the one crying in the locker room."

"She's better now," Lexie replies.

"Yeah. She is." He pauses. "You're better too."

Lexie closes her eyes, lifting her hands and rubbing her face, as if to try and erase the events of the day from her mind. As her hands drop a minute later and her eyes open, she know that'll never be possible. She'll carry this patient, this day, with her just like she'll carry Alison Clark's.

Mark glances over to her after a couple minutes. He meant to do it briefly, just to gauge her status and then look back down…But he can't. Her face is still overflowing with silent tears, and her makeup and hair is mussed from her trying to wipe those very tears away. And it's finally then that he realizes what she needs: someone to hold her and tell her everything's going to be okay. So Mark puts aside everything else and just does that.

"C'mere, Little Grey," he mutters, scooting towards her and pulling her body towards his. She stiffens within his arms, lurching away, but after a minute or two, she simply collapses, holding on to him for dear life. As her all-out cries start to subside minuets later, she rests her head in the crook of his neck as his hands run soothing circles on her back.

"It'll be okay," Mark murmurs. "You're gonna be fine, Lex. You'll be okay, baby."

Tired and spent, she relaxes in his arms. She holds him as well, hoping he knows how she feels. Without thinking, once she's calmed down, she presses a kiss into his neck, a leftover habit from when they were together. Mark pulls back immediately as they stare at each other.

"Lex, I told you…We can't." Lexie's eyes fill once again with tears. She feels so alone now that she doesn't even care how pitiful she looks by asking. By begging.

"You don't...want me...anymore?" She murmurs.

"No, no, of course I do, Lex," he assures her quickly. Her utter lack of self-confidence both astonishes and worries Mark. He tries to think back, wondering if it's always been like this between them. It's a couple seconds before he comes to the realization that it's his fault. She could no doubt take only so much push and pull before it started to wear on her. And that's his fault. "But not—not like this," Mark continues. "I love you. And if—if you love me still, I don't want it to be like this, with you crying."

"That's not what I'm crying about."

"I know, but I—" He smiles sadly. "I must be running of chances with you, Lexie. I don't want to ruin my last one." She looks at him, her eyes meeting his softly.

"You could never run out of chances," she whispers. "Not with me." She leans forward kissing him gently. He takes her face hesitantly in his hands, as if she were breakable, and kissing her back lovingly. The joining of their lips this time is not hurried, frenzied, or desperate… This time, it's quiet, soft, and loving. This time, it means something. This time, it's real.

...

"There's—there's something I have to take care of," Lexie manages, disentangling herself a minute later and standing up.

"What is it?" Mark asks, curious.

"It's—I just..." Her eyes meet his, embarrassed. "If we're going to—to do this, I need to…"

"I get it," Mark replies, not needing to hear anymore. If she's with someone, he doesn't want to know who he is, not in the slightest. The two are silent for a beat before Mark speaks. "You'll come back?" He asks softly.

"Of course," Lexie smiles. "You'll stay?"

"I've gotta check on a patient," he replies. "But I'll meet you by the board."

Lexie nods in understanding. She's about to walk away when his hand stops her. She turns around, surprised to see him staring at the ground.

"Thank you," he tells her softly.

"For what?"

He looks up. "For trusting me. For believing me." He stands up, closing the distance between them. "For everything," he whispers against her lips before claiming them with his own.

…

"I'm being paged," Mark tells her, letting her go reluctantly.

"No, go, it's fine," Lexie replies, waving him towards the back door. "I've got to—got to go too."

He turns around once he reaches the wooden door, his hand on the knob. "Love you, Lex," he tells her.

She smiles at him. "I love you too."

She watches him go for a few minutes, smiling to herself, before she realizes what comes next. Shit. She sighs, heading out to the surgical floor where she knows Jackson will be.

Lexie spends the better part of the next half-hour searching for him. She goes down to the ER, into all the ORs, checks every gallery…And he's still nowhere to be found. It's only when she comes back to the resident's locker room that she sees him standing at the far door—leaning up against the wood of the open doorframe.

"Jackson," she calls. "I've been looking for you everywhere! Where the hell have you be—"

"I've been right here," Jackson cuts in quietly as Lexie gives him an odd look. She ignores his behavior, though, knowing there are much more important things that need to be said.

"Look, Jackson… There's something I need to talk to you about. It's, um, about us."

To her surprise, Jackson doesn't even bat an eyebrow.

"Is it?" He asks in a bored tone. "I never would have guessed."

"Yes," Lexie begins slowly, wondering why he's acting as if he already knows. "Look, while you were gone…Some things happened. I don't really know how to say this, but—"

"Just don't bother," Jackson shakes his head stepping away, sick of listening to all this already. "I saw it all."

"What?" Lexie calls after him, jogging to keep up. "You—you saw—what?"

Jackson whips around suddenly, causing her to step back. "I told you I went to get Meredith, or don't you remember?" A cloying smile forms on his face. "I can see why you were distracted," he mocks before stepping away.

"What are you talking about?"

"Please. Don't act like you don't know. I saw you two in there."

"You saw…what?"

"I came back with Meredith," Jackson explains. "I thought you were….I thought you needed help. But obviously you found your own."

"I didn't ask for him to come," Lexie informs him. "He showed up on his own."

Jackson shrugs. "Whatever. I saw you with him. He obviously means more to you than I do."

"Jackson—I—I'm sorry, okay? I just—it happened. And we—you and I were never—never serious."

"We were never serious because you never gave us time to be serious," Jackson counters.

"I'm not so sure it would've happened anyway," Lexie tells him softly.

"Ah, now you say it."

"Because I believe it's the truth."

"He's going to hurt you again," Jackson informs her. "And I won't be here when you need someone to help you pick up the pieces again."

"Help me pick up the pieces again? Please," Lexie scoffs. "The only reason you came to talk to me before was because he sent you." Jackson's eyes widen. "Yeah? You think I didn't know? You think I couldn't tell? You were just following orders, Jackson, trying to get ahead on surgery. At least Mark cared enough to see how I was."

"He didn't—"

"And if you really had wanted to be with me, you wouldn't have found a back-alley way to do it. You should have been straight with me, told me why you were asking."

"And you should have been straight with me," Jackson replies, looking her in the eye. "You should have told me you were still in love with him."
"Told you?" Lexie scoffs. "You should have known!"

The words are out of her mouth before Lexie can take them back, and she regrets it immediately. "Jackson," she beings. "I didn't—"

"You let him," Jackson states softly.

"I—What?" Lexie asks, bewildered by the rapid changing of the conversation and his tone. "I let him what?"

Jackson shakes his head, letting out a humorless laugh. "It's always been him, hasn't it? It's—you're completely open with him. You cry with him, you laugh with him, you let him call you 'baby.' You never let me do that."

"Jackson. You and I weren't—"

"You kiss him even when you're with me." Jackson swallows. "You tell him you love him."

"I—"

"You let him tell you he loves you. And you…You believe him," Jackson manages incredulously.

"Because he's being honest," Lexie replies after a minute.

"Right."

"He is. I…I know Mark better than most people."

"I can see that."

"So I know when he's lying," Lexie continues, ignoring Jackson's jab. "And I know when he's telling the truth. You don't know him that well…But I—I can see it in his face. I can see it in his eyes."

"Fantastic."

"Jackson, look, I'm sorry I said it…But you should have known, when we were first together…I wasn't completely over him."

"I get that," Jackson replies. "But the way you talk to him… It's like you're still his girlfriend, like nothing's changed." His expression turns calculating. "…Like you never stopped being his girlfriend." Jackson blinks, turning his head to look her in the eye, daring her to refute him. "Like you two never—never stopped loving each other."

Lexie takes a deep breath, closing her eyes slightly. "Have you ever been in love?" She asks softly. "And I don't mean just saying it, just saying 'I love you.' I mean being truly, wholly, in love with a person. Have you ever had that?"

Jackson shakes his head. "No. I haven't."

"Well, I have. And when you—when you feel something like that…" She shakes her head. "It doesn't just fall away, okay? People say you can fall in and out of love, but you can't really, unless you never loved that person in the first place. The people you love—you hold onto them forever, whether you want to or not. You hold onto them after they've left you, moved on, or died. You hold onto them until you die. Love doesn't just let go. That isn't how it works."

Jackson nods, staring into an empty space just above her right shoulder blade.

"So I…I'm sorry," Lexie tells him. She half-wishes he would look at her. The other half of her is happy he won't. "I'm sorry that I'm ending it like this, but I just…I need to." Even though his gaze isn't meeting hers, she looks down. "I cared about you, Jackson. I care about you. But I…I don't love you. I just—I don't feel that way about you." The silence following her statement says more than her words ever could, and Jackson can practically hear her saying them—shout them—at him. I don't love you like I love him. I never have. And I never will.

"Okay," he replies. Lexie nods, realizing she won't get anything more out of him, before walking away. She hears her name being called a few minutes later, as she waits for the elevator to arrive.

"Hey, Lexie?" Jackson calls. She turns around, surprised to see him walking towards her. She expected him to have left, gone back to work. But instead, he's here, Lexie thinks. He stops five feet from her, looking her dead in the eyes this time. "That feeling you were talking about?" He asks. "I told you I'd never been in love…But I thought I might've had that with you."

Lexie sighs. "I'm very sorry I hurt you," she tells him, not knowing what else to say. Would 'It's too late?' be too mean? She thinks. Jackson just shrugs.

"And I'm very sorry that I'm hurting you now…But you should—should know…I never—never felt that way…about you," she whispers the last bit. "I didn't. It—it was fun, you and me. I liked it. It was easy. But I—"

"You're taken," Jackson cuts in.

"Yes," Lexie whispers.

He shakes his head, chuckling softly. "You're right. I should have known. You know? I really should have known. But I felt…so much…for you that I just let it slide past. I saw what he meant to you and vice versa, but I just wrote it off as something that would fade away."

"It didn't," Lexie whispers.

"Yes, I realize that," Jackson replies, averting his gaze again.

"I'm sorry."

"So you said."

"I…have to go."

"I'm sure you do."

"I—I want you to know—" Lexie begins, stopping only when he puts up a hand to silence her.

"You know what? I don't need to know anything else. I don't need to know anything about me, you, him, us, or you two. I'm good." He sighs. "Ignorance is bliss, right?"

"Right," Lexie replies after a minute, watching him go. She sees April, a few hundred feet away, watching their exchange… But Lexie doesn't have the heart right now to tell him what she was about to say had nothing to do with their situation.

…

Six months later…

"Can I say something?" Lexie asks quietly. "About you guys?" Jackson and April look up from their spot on the couch.

"Yeah?" April asks before Jackson can stop her. Lexie speaks to the both of them, but her eyes are on Avery.

"I always thought you two would be good together, ever since I met you. You guys…You fit."

"Thanks," April replies brightly. She glances to her boyfriend, smiling.

"Yeah," Jackson adds belatedly. "Thanks."

"Sure," Lexie says before getting to her feet and leaving.

…

"Hey," Jackson says, meeting Lexie in the hallway.
"Hey," Lexie returns, looking up.

"Why—why did you say that?"

"Because it's the truth," she shrugs. "…And I thought you'd at least let me speak this time."

"What?"

Lexie puts down her pen. "When we broke up last March, I was going to say something to you, but you told me not to. You said—"

"'Ignorance is bliss,'" Jackson quotes as Lexie nods.

"Exactly."

"What was I…ignorant about?"

"April," Lexie replies. Jackson's forehead creases in confusion and Lexe gives him a soft smile. "Please. Don't tell me you never knew."

"Knew…"

"That she likes you," Lexie replies. "She's been interested in you forever."

Jackson's eyes widen. "What?"

"She hasn't told you?"

"We haven't…We didn't really…talk about it."

Lexie nods. "Well. It's true," she says, grabbing her chart and heading for her patient's room. Jackson stands by the nurses' station, thinking back through everything. With that one simple sentence, everything clicked into place for him. He realized, finally, why things were so easy and nice with April—they'd been on the brink of being together for so long. They'd been friends, good friends, for years. They knew things about each other that no one else did. How had he never managed to read her face, to realize what she was thinking? It was all so obvious now… He looks over, seeing his girlfriend laugh and talk with one of the other residents, before his eyes seek out Lexie again. He finds her down the hall, filing a handful of medical records.

"Hey Lex?" He calls. She looks up, surprised to see him again.

"Yeah?"

"I'm—I'm glad I stayed ignorant," he tells her. She smiles at him, straightening up. "It's more real this way."

"It is," Lexie agrees.

"Well, I should—I should go."

"Sure," Lexie replies, turning back to her charts.

"Oh, and by the way," Jackson calls over his shoulder. "I got your save-the-date."

Lexie looks up, feeling oddly nervous waiting for his answer.

"And I'll be there." He gives her a small smile. "You can count on it."

"Thanks," Lexie smiles back. "That means a lot."

"Of course," he says before heading back into the longue. Lexie watches him walk away and converse with April for a few seconds before glancing down to the ring on her finger. Even though there's no one around to see her, she smiles to herself.

It's good to make amends.

Author's Note: Please review and tell me what you think! :)