Complete Author's Notes: Rated T just to be safe, for language (come on, it's a Kuro-fic, there HAS to be coarse language) and a vague reference to two men in bed together. Story takes place between Piffle and LeCourt. I wanted to place it directly before Tokyo to make the sense of what Fye and Kurogane temporarily lose in that world more poignant and to strengthen the little bit of foreshadowing, but the transition between LeCourt and Tokyo was too seamless.
1 point for recognizing the "Princess Bride" quote. 10 points for getting the tiny "City of Wind" visual reference. 25 points for spotting the excruciatingly vague "Through the Looking-Glass: The Walrus and the Carpenter" reference. 50 points if you recognized the pig tattoo as inspired by Murikuri, with +25 points if you also remember the piggie from two different chapters of xxxHolic. 100 points if you suddenly thought of Shizuka Doumeki when Kurogane said "Oi". 3
I would like to point out that just as Kurogane mistakes Fye wiping his eyes on Kurogane's shirt as a deliberate nuzzle, he's misinterpreting Fye's "tactics" throughout the entire bet, and even the nature of the bet itself. Deep waters can't be seen through very well even when they're clear, and Fye has some really murky depths, so please do not take Kurogane's interpretation of Fye's thoughts and motivations as what's really going on in Fye's head.
I'm considering writing the same story out from Fye's perspective in order to explain his actions and reveal what he wanted out of the bet. I kind of want to call it "Immovable" just to mirror the title of this ficlet, but it's kind of a lame title in and of itself. XD
Many thanks to Ninja-America for being my beta-reader and characterization coach for Kurogane, allowing me to use some of her roleplay dialogue directly in this little fanfiction, helping me settle exactly how to word the last line, and all the Tsuba-chat~ 3
There was a light touch on his shoulder and he came immediately awake, and having been startled awake when he'd fallen asleep with no real expectations of anything happening during the night, he went immediately on the offensive. Souhi was in his hand and the blade flashing silver in the moonlight almost before his eyes were fully opened, and he had his attacker pinned to the grass with one hand before his mind caught up with his body and he realized that he was half an inch away from slitting Fye's throat. The man's face was in shadow but Kurogane heard a faint, nervous laugh and a whisper.
"Kuro-puu sure wakes up grumpy."
He briefly thought about following through with the throat-slitting, then realized that the wizard was back to silly nicknames. The month was over. Kurogane ignored the fact that he felt relieved while glancing around to make sure that his near-homicide - justifiable, to his way of thinking - hadn't woken any of the others.
"What?" he whispered - or rather, growled - back, impatient to know why he'd been woken up. The flippant greeting seemed to indicate that there was no immediate danger to be dealt with, but then again, the moron seemed to consider an opportunity to tease him important enough to pause for even in the middle of a battle. Fye responded by squirming out of his grasp and then getting up and walking off, pausing after a few steps to look back and beckon to the ninja.
Narrowing his eyes, Kurogane got up and followed, still contemplating murder.
The wizard stopped after a short walk, just far enough away to speak in more normal tones without waking the others. Kurogane looked back to confirm that he could still see the campsite clearly and that they were near enough to rush back if anything happened, and he distinctly heard a snort of laughter behind him. He turned back and glared, but before he could say anything, Fye spoke.
"I was wrong. You're the Immovable Object," the blonde said with a wry smile. It took a moment for the phrase to make sense, but then Kurogane recalled the conversation that had kicked off this entire mess.
"Feel free to hold your breath while you wait for me to call you the Irresistible Force," he offered irritably. "What'd you wake me up for?"
"So mean," Fye complained, and then shrugged his shoulders. "I couldn't sleep."
Kurogane let out a long, drawn out sigh as he began to unsheathe his sword again. Fye stepped lightly forward with another faint laugh, stopping him by putting one pale hand on the end of the hilt and speaking once more.
"So, what do you want?"
"To go back to sleep." Seriously. Why was he standing here?
"No, Kuro-silly, for winning the bet. You get to tell me to do one thing, remember?"
He did remember, now that Fye mentioned it, but Kurogane was suddenly more interested in understanding how they'd gotten into this mess in the first place than claiming his prize. Despite how dumb the blonde played much of the time, the dark-haired man knew that the wizard had a good enough knowledge of his personality to know perfectly well that Kurogane would have never lost the bet.
"Why'd you make such a stupid bet anyway? You knew I'd never give in."
Fye continued to look at him for a few seconds, then dropped his gaze and stepped away.
"Yeah, I guess I did."
"So why'd you do it?" Kurogane persisted. The wizard looked back at him, his smile widening and one eyebrow quirked up.
"Are making that your order? That I tell you why?"
"No." He waited. Then he narrowed his eyes and cursed himself silently for being an optimistic fool and expecting to actually get a straight answer out of the idiot. Fye was standing perfectly still and just watching him with that same non-committal smile and the same cool, expressionless eyes he'd turned on Kurogane back at Souseki's temple after being questioned about the name "Ashura". It was a diplomat's mask; one that told you flat-out that there was nothing you could do to make the man talk about something he didn't wish to discuss. He wouldn't rise to any bait or give in to any cajoling. The door was shut.
"Tch. Do whatever you want," he muttered, and then turned to begin walking away from this pointless midnight meeting. An uncomprehending query stopped him, however.
"What?"
He looked back over his shoulder. The mask had fallen off for the moment, at least, and Fye was looking blankly at him, clearly not getting it.
"You heard me," Kurogane retorted shortly.
"That's your order?" Fye asked, his voice clearly indicating his disbelief. Kurogane turned back to face him but did not respond, merely crossing his arms and waiting for it to sink into the wizard's thick skull. A few more questions came drifting across the cool night air, separated by long pauses in which he merely glared at the idiot.
"You don't want me to dye my hair?"
Glare.
"You're not going to tell me to ask the Dimensional Witch to turn me into a mink?"
The hell was a mink? Increasingly irritated glare.
"You're not going to order me to never speak to you again unless you're about to fall into a crevasse or something?"
Kurogane thought to himself that this last option sounded tempting, though he knew he didn't truly believe it to be so. He was growing exasperated now, not understanding why the moron didn't just take the easy out and leave it as that. It was as if he wanted to be given a ridiculous order as punishment.
Extremely scathing glare.
"There has to be something you want me to do," Fye protested, and the ninja finally lost his temper.
"Of course there is!" he snapped. "I want you to stop butchering my name! I want you to cut it out with all the stupid jokes! I want you to stop acting like you're an idiot all the time, and stop looking over your shoulder and start paying attention to what's in front of you! And I want you to tell me why you'd make a bet you knew you couldn't win!" Realizing that he was practically shouting, Kurogane bit off his words and glanced back to where the others were to ensure that there weren't any busybodies awake and watching. He clenched his fists, got his breathing under control and prayed for the conversation to get a little less annoying soon or else he was going to have to convince the kids that the wizard had mysteriously died in his sleep.
"But...instead you're just going to tell me to do whatever I feel like doing?" Fye queried, his voice a little less incredulous now. The ninja sighed. Why was the wizard so slow to catch up sometimes?
"Are you deaf or just stupid? Yes."
There was a slight pause during which Fye just blinked at him.
"That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life."
Kurogane took two long strides over to the other man and practically snarled right into his startled face.
"It's meaningless if you're only doing something because I told you to."
"You're always yelling at me to do them!" came the immediate protest.
"And it's up to you whether you do it or not!" he shot back, his patience pretty well depleted. Fye fell silent for a minute or two, at first staring up into Kurogane's eyes as if searching for finer details about their conversation in the taller man's eyes, and then lowering his gaze to the moonlit grass as if hoping to find dropped clues. The blonde glanced back at him briefly then looked away again, standing silent and still for a while, and when he finally turned back and took breath to speak, seemed much more collected than before. He looked like he'd come to terms with the concept Kurogane was trying to hammer through his impossibly thick skull, or at least come to some kind of conclusion. The blonde head tilted to the side and pale lips pouted in an exaggeratedly contemplative manner, and the ninja wryly steeled himself for whatever of idiocy might come tumbling out of those pale lips.
"So...hypothetically speaking, if what I want to do happens to be crawling into bed with Kuro-sama one morning and then telling the children when they wake up that we're sleeping together because that's what Mommies and Daddies do...?"
"Then what I'm going to want to do is kill you," Kurogane said flatly, but he was relieved despite himself to find the wizard back to his usual self, and couldn't inject much venom into the death threat.
"Duly noted," came the reply, punctuated with a chuckle. The air between them seemed suddenly to clear of all the tension that had been clouding it for the past miserable month with that little laugh, and Kurogane hoped that they could get back to the campsite and get some rest. And if the nut actually tried to crawl into bed with him there were going to be words. And blood.
"Are we done?" he asked, with a mixture of hopefulness and impatience, and began walking back without waiting for an answer.
Fye gave a nod and a light laugh and fell into step with him, but quipped, "Nope. We're just getting started, Kuro-rin."