lancey's musing: It took me forever to upload this. not because my internet connection is a turtle wannabe but the site kept having error! i've written this weeks ago and planned to upload it a.s.a.p but the site wouldn't let me. real bummer 'cause i was very excited to let people read it. anyway, here it is. (finally!) btw, "lancey's musing" is my version of "author's note" ;p

Spoiler Alert: This is kind of based on Inuyasha Movie 3: Swords of Honorable Ruler. Well, let's just say this happened before the events and sometime during the beginning of the third movie. :D

Disclaimer: Inuyasha is Rumiko Takahashi's. ^.^

xxxxx

She wanted to forget that night but then she could not bring herself to lose that last memory of him. It was a night of victory and yet it was every bit cruel to her. A cause for celebration had caused her sorrowful partings and an eternal loneliness. As the Lady of the West, she could not forgive fate for toying with her; however, she knew very well that no one can stand up against fate once it decides to interfere with things.

.xxx.

She had heard news that Inu no Taisho had won the battle with Ryuukotsusei. There were no exact details about his return but she had a feeling that he will be coming back that night. It was only an instinctive feeling that only she can have. Maybe she had to hand it to the fact that she was his partner. She had been anxious for his return. She could not shake the feeling that he was badly injured and needed severe treatment. She knew of the power of the enemy; it was worth her concern. Aside from that, there was a worry far greater than his injuries. She could not tell at that moment but she knew something tragic was about to happen.

When he arrived, the uneasiness she had had been confirmed. The great Dog-Demon General was bleeding and showed no sign of recovering. Even with his wounds, he walked up to her gallantly. He was like that. He did not want to show any sign of weakness to her because he never wants her to worry. And to repay his efforts of freeing her from worry, she always held a nonchalant and, sometimes, mischievous air around her. She did this so he would lighten his strained and weary form. He always liked how playful she can become.

.xxx.

"I'm here to seek your forgiveness," was Inu no Taisho's first words to her. It had confused her for a moment but, without any need for explanation, the meaning dawned on her. She stayed silent for she knew there were still things to be said. She dreaded to hear his following words but she listened still. "and to say goodbye" he finished. Now she knew what the terrible indefinable feeling was. This was her tragedy. But she will not succumb to it. She will try to deny it for she was a fighter. But the determination that gleamed in his eyes was saying that this will be a losing battle for her.

xx

Her voice was soft when she finally spoke, "I have already granted you a lifetime's worth of pardon. Please do not ask for something that you have always had, my Lord." Her calm demeanour was a tough act to keep. She was making all efforts to keep her voice from cracking. "And don't you mean 'I'm home!' instead of a goodbye? It is better suited since you just got back, is it not?" She was trying to be as normal as she could be but she knew the futility of it all. The great inuyoukai before her seemed to relax with her antics but she knew it was not enough to keep him from going. "You always have been a playful one. I thank you for that and for being patient of me. I thank you for giving me everything I was lacking. You made this life of mine livelier." His smile as he said it was full of honesty and sincerity. "Then stay," was all she could think of saying. "I am really sorry for this, my Lady, but someone needs my power right now." She knew, with that answer, she had lost. She had turned away from him then. She still had questions but looking him in the eye would only have her confine her words. "Just tell me one thing," her voice was still as soft as earlier but the demand for answer was evident. "are you off to see that human princess?" disgust can be heard but she did not meant any insult to her mate. "My son is about to be born; the royal family plans to –" His words were cut off by his wife. She had whirled around to face him at the mention of the word son. She knew about the female human and the relationship between the two and she had accepted it with much distaste. She knew that woman was as dear to him as she is; he explained it himself. She knew that human princess was carrying a hanyou for months now. However, with all these knowledge it still strung her ears, especially knowing that this birth will bring about her grief. "Your son has been born years ago!" she had meant it to be a calm retort but control was lost. "He is young. He looks up to you. He plans to follow you, if not surpass you. Sesshoumaru needs his father. He needs guidance." her voice was pleading and yet anger was still there. The great Inu no Taisho did not falter, "I have entrusted you with my heir. There is not even a trace of doubt in my mind that you will raise him to be a daiyoukai far greater than the both of us." She was silent. She knew tears will stain her cheeks if she were to reply. She had no choice but to accept his decision and admit her defeat. Her tragedy was at hand.

xx

"Goodbye my Lady. You are the first woman who showered me with affection and the reason I wish for victory in every fight. You are the one I return to when I am weary from my battles. You are the only one I trust to treat my wounds. You are the one who knows of my faults and still accepts me. I am sorry that I have been too dependent on you. I am sorry I have caused you pain. I am sorry." The words of Inu no Taisho were full of candour that her only answer was a tight grip on the necklace she once received from him. "And thank you." With those final words, she could not hold back the tears anymore. The first drop gleamed with the full moon's light. She never wanted to let him see her cry for he vowed before never to stain her face with sorrow. Even the moon which she had always adored had abandoned her. It allowed the Inu no Taisho to witness her pain which she wanted to hide for as long as he was there at her side. The Lady of the West did not want to let her Lord know he had broken a promise.

.xxx.

The last thing she could see with clear eyes, before they were clouded with tears, was him lowering his form to give her a chaste kiss. She did not even feel the touch of their lips. No words were uttered when they parted. Her clutch on the pendant of her necklace never wavered. She watched him go. His bleeding was not stopping. His wounds were not closing. She knew the end was following suit. She could not do anything. His retreating back was an unbreakable wall. His every footstep was a hymn of separation. Her tragedy was at hand – at his hand.

xxxxx

She sat at the edge of her throne. The wisp of night air was her messenger. Her senses were heightened to alert her for any change, any chance of his return. For hours, the breeze had been steady. The scent of Inu no Taisho was going further and further away. No change then, huh. She thought. Then after a few more whisk of night air, the wind had carried a new scent. Sesshoumaru was there. A gush of relief had drowned her. She clung onto a tiny tinge of hope that Sesshoumaru could and would stop his father's advances. However, her hope faded when the herald told her that he had transformed into his true form only to rush on even faster than earlier. Her hands were once again around the pendant of her necklace, the lone object that truly reminded her of him. She assured herself tears will not come again tonight. She would witness everything with a straight face; accept everything as if it were her decisions as well. The smell of his blood and sweat filled the night air. His valour had finally reached the side of the one he must protect. The scent of a life, half-human and half-demon in nature, was there for a moment, then gone when more of his blood and sweat filled the air. It must only mean that the child had successfully escaped. Her grip on the pendant tightened. She could sense the tension building up. Her fear was fuelling her to run to his side but it pained her to know so well that she was far too late to save him. Without warning, the night messenger had shaken violently. It was screaming, shouting, scolding at her. She was petrified, eyes wide with horror but never filled with tears; she could only be a witness but never a saviour. She could only do so much as to tighten her hold on her necklace. As sudden as it came, the vehement gush of wind had quieted and stilled. He had won but paid a great price. Her fingers clung loosely at his memento. The night zephyr had solemnly whispered to the Lady the passing of the great Inu no Taisho.

xxxxx

She did not wait for that old flea demon to come and make the announcement. She already knew; she did not need to hear it from a slave lesser-demon. She retreated to her chambers; laid on her futon; smiling bitterly at the thought that nothing will be "theirs" again. She finally closed her eyes but not to wait for sleep to come but to create an image of her beloved inuyoukai. She would be back to her usual aloof self the following day; however, that night, she was his widow. She knew too well that she will be forever grieving and mourning but she promised herself that no one, not even her son, will ever see her despair. His demise was her tragedy but she will have to live on as the Lady of the West.

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