Have any of you ever experienced that moment where somethng's really bothering you but you just can't figure out what it is? Then suddenly, you see one person and because of that person You feel like everything in the world is going right again? Funny feeling isn't it? That you know you're going to be ok just because you saw the one individual?

I'm With Him

On days like this, I think of him. Not in a very deep, remorseful sort of way. I just get reminded of him sometimes. That's all. Like how after surgery you'll always have the stitch scar to remind you of it, long after you've recovered from the ordeal.

The sky is blue; light innocent and beautiful, with small clouds dotting it here and there. I frown slightly as I look up at it .The day I first saw him…was exactly like this one. Of course, I had never once dreamed that he would have a major impact on my life. His first set of words had to be the rudest any person could have said at a first encounter.

"It's none of my business."

A stray ray of sun peeks out from behind the clouds. I squint at the intrusion.

"Kaho chan!" Nao called out to me.

"It's bad for your eyes to look at the sun like that. Come inside."

Nao gently grips my wrist and leads me into the building.

"Are you ok?" Mio asked in concern. "You've been spacing out a lot today."

"No…I'm fine…" The words slip easily from my mouth. The truth is I actually am ok. There are no tears, no mushiness in the brain. Just his memory comes to call and usually that doesn't bother me. Some days without reason I remember him. There usually is no catalyst or memoir to make him resurface. It just happens. But unlike that day last year, I can still smile, like my old self.

Ave Maria had never been special. It was a coincidental tune we both happened to find beautiful. But that didn't stop me from believing in love. I still do. Very much. It just hadn't been him. Life moves on and you can learn to live normally again. Like how I am now. It's not such a big deal. The trick is to getting your mind into that state of recovery.

People always assume that if you remember someone it's because that person has left deep impressions on you. That's not always the case. You can remember someone just for the sake of it. Memories aren't meant to be lost after all. I smile as Mio suddenly trips over her feet. She's so clumsy. I grin and wrap an arm around her shoulders. It's so easy, to live on and enjoy life. I glance outside again. The stray beam of sunlight has vanished.

"Kaho, you're practicing again?" Nao questioned me as I picked up my bento and violin case.

"Yeah. Besides I have a duet with him. I can't let him down!"

"You won't Kahoko. Just do your best!" Mio gave me a wink and a thumbs up.

I smile at her and leave the classroom. Yes, thoughts of him still roam around in my head, like a butterfly living out it's last days. I can think of them now, without feeling pain or sadness. It's just there, kind of like a signpost, showing the direction of life. He's one more mark on my path, telling me where I've already been.

"I don't think this performance is worth listening to."

I pause in my step as that deep voice rings through my ears. That hadn't stopped me. His criticism always hurt but it never stopped me. I used it as another reason to force him back. Easy. I reached the steps and climbed. No, things like that shouldn't be discarded.

But at times, I wonder why I had been naïve to give him my time. I had known it from the start. We were from two different worlds. Completely impossible. More experience I guess.

But on days like this I can't help but think of him. True I can think of him without doubting myself, without asking the same questions. But I know I'm all right. I know this for a fact. Because now I don't tear up if I hear his voice. I don't break down into a mess when someone mentions him. My heart doesn't skip a beat when something reminds me of him.

I'm all right. Very much all right. I reach out to open the door to the roof. It's not sunny, just warm and slightly breezy. I sit down on the bench and pull out my violin. Why should music remind me of him? So many people play after all. Nami's words amuse me.

"He also plays violin Kahoko. How can it NOT remind you of him?"

I shake my head, my lips twitching. There's no need of remembering him when I see my violin because he was never the one that put the music into it. I trace a finger over one of the tightly wound strings.

I'm all right. I know I am. I hear the door being opened again and close my eyes. I know who it is.

"Kahoko? You're here again?" Footsteps are heard and I know he's standing behind me.

"Hai. Just practicing a bit more that's all."

"It's so much like you."

"Can't let you down can I?"

"You'd never do that. And you never have."

On days like this, when I think of him, I know I can recover from this sudden intrusion of his presence. I have found a way of doing it.

"Where have you gone off to now?" He's bending over me now; his chin is resting on top of my head.

"I'm here itself. Where else would I be?"

His chuckle rumbles deep in his throat. I really do love that sound; it's strong and warm, like him. I sigh and stroke my violin. I want to practice, but I'm in the most comfortable position right now.

Days like this remind me of him. But I know I can recover infinite number of times now.

His warm muscled arms wrap around me. "Thinking of him Kahoko?"

I nod, knowing he won't misunderstand. He brushes his cheek against my hair.

"But you're all right ne?" he asks.

I smile. "You know I am."

On days like this when I remember him, I know I can recover. The reason for that is…

"Who are you with Kahoko?" he asks me, his embrace becoming tighter.

The reason I can recover is…

I grip his forearm with my free hand. I never give an immediate answer. It's always like that. His lips gently brush across my cheek.

"Who are you with Kahoko?" he repeated.

The reason I can recover on days like this…is because I'm with him.

"I'm with you."

I can recover when I'm with him.

"I'm with you, Ryotaro."

I thank my senior in college for inspiring me with this. I think I can be honest with him and truly admit that I feel everything's all right when I'm with him. :)

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