Hey! So this story is about Peeta and Katniss after the rebellion and how they start rebuilding their lives. My last fic was little more cute and funny and I wanted to start a more serious story. It's rated T for now, but that may change in later chapters. Hope you like it!

It was the first time I had looked in a mirror in months. My hair, my beautiful wavy hair was now matted, tangled into knots like the rest of my body. My skin looked a lot like a quilt my mother had made me when I was young. There were even some places where you could see the stitches. I felt fragile, like if someone would touch me, not that anyone would ever want to do that anymore, I would break.

I closed my eyes, pushing the tears away and trying my best to face the truth. I was horrible, ugly. Never again would I be the Girl on Fire. I would not blaze with rebellious flames or feel power and strength course through my veins when I held a bow.

I felt myself sink to the ground, face falling into my hands. I let my eyes close and the faces of the people I loved and lost torment me. Prim's little face whirled around in my head, causing me to whimper in pain. Her eyes were bright and she was laughing, then right in front of my eyes, her petite little body was blown to a million pieces.

My father, gasping for air down in a musty coal mine, his voice no longer beautiful, but clouded with filthy, toxic air. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, but all that came out was loud moans. I thought I couldn't bare it anymore at that point, but the last face that haunted me finally caused me to break, screaming out in pain with tears flowing down my face.

Peeta plodded around the bakery. There was a smudge of purple frosting on his cheek and his blue eyes were shining with love as they recognized me. Then his body twisted, contorting into something abused and almost unrecognizable. His face was bloodied and dirty and he was choking on his own blood. His eyes were dark, hatred shining through like a stain on a perfectly white shirt.

My eyes flew open. I was lying on the ground, my eyes pouring tears down my blotchy red face. I had been screaming so loud my throat burned whenever I breathed. I sat up, burying my face in between my knees and curling my arms around my legs.

I don't know how long I had been there, sitting in the bathroom. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. The walls were closing in on me. I felt blackness creep up all around me, trying to overtake me like always. I looked now to the scars I had put on my body. I don't know how many times in the past month I have tried to end it all. I could never go through with any of them. Every little thing I tried just pulled me further into the darkness. I didn't hear the heavy, uneven steps coming up the stairs. Didn't see the bathroom door swing open as it almost hit me in the head.

"Oh my God." That voice. The voice that haunted me everywhere I went. The one that I had not heard since I had shot a President that I didn't trust. The one that used to love me with all its heart and soul. Peeta Mellark. "Katniss?" he was kneeling next to me, prying my hands away from my face.

I couldn't look at him, not after everything I had done to him. He would have been better off dead, never reaped at all. I would have preferred both of us dead. His hands were warm and gentle as they guided my face up to meet his.

"Katniss, baby, please answer me. Are you alright?" Peeta. My Peeta. I opened my eyes to stare at him. Blue oceans of bleakness. Waves of worry. Currents of concern.

"Peeta," I mumbled, trying to see through the darkness. He was glowing, trying to stop it from taking me. His eyes widened and he pulled me close to him.

"What's the matter Kat?" he pleaded. "Why were you screaming like that?"My Peeta. Only my Peeta would call me Kat. When had he come back to me? Why hadn't he come check on me earlier? Show me that he was his normal self again.

Then I was swallowed up by the shadows of hate.

Peeta's POV

She fainted. I felt my breathing quicken a little. I can't do this. What if I hurt her again? What if she doesn't want me here? My doctor says questions that begin with What If are bad; that they should be ignored. I look down at Katniss. I swallow hard and resisted the urge to vomit.

What if she's dead?

No! I will not let that happen. They have taken everything from me. Everything. I will not let them have her. As gently as possible I lift her into my arms, like a father carrying his new baby. She is way too light. She needs food, water. She needs to be loved.

I don't know if I can do that.

I set her down in her bed, pulling the covers up around her. Barely touching her, I brush my fingertips across her forehead. She feels like the bakery fires. The Girl on Fire. Literally.

I feel it coming and squeeze my eyes shut against it. I can't let it take me when she needs me. The real me. The me that loves her.

I pull up the chair in her room next to the foot of her bed. I will not leave her side until she wakes up. I sit with her for one hour. Two. Three. Four. Five. Eventually I put my arms down on her bed. My head droops down to rest on them and then I'm asleep.

I hate sleeping. My dreams are full of confusion. Real or Not Real? Real or Not Real? One minute I see Katniss leaning in to kiss me. Her lips look so soft and warm and I close my eyes in anticipation. Then I feel a sharp, shooting pain. She is smiling cruelly and there is a arrow sticking out of my chest.

Katniss and I are laughing in the bakery. I'm trying to teach her how to bake. I correct the way she holds the frosting bag. She slaps me, telling me I'm a worthless pig. Just like my mother used to. I'm a waste of air. I'm a mutt and a disgrace to her. She could never love someone like eyes slowly opened and I tasted blood on my tongue. I had been biting down on it. It happens a lot. Katniss is still sleeping. 3:33 am. She's lucky to be asleep still.

I can't help myself from staring at her. I don't know how much more time I will have as myself. She looks broken. But she's still my Mockingjay. She's still the reason I take my pills and listen as hard as I can to my doctors, and try to rebuild my life from the ruins I found it in when I woke up in District 13.

I drift in and out of fitful bursts of sleep. Every time I awake she is still asleep. At 5:33 the birds begin to sing. I listen to their little voices. My Katniss puts those birds to shame. Even so they are beautiful and bright in a world of ever-present darkness.

There is movement in the bed and I sit up, rubbing my sore cheek. It had been resting on my arm all night. Katniss is beginning to stir. I don't know how to not startle her so I go back to my earlier position. I close my eyes, laying my head back on my arms. The bed sheets shuffle around me and it takes everything I have not to open my eyes.

"Peeta?" she sounds confused, like she doesn't remember what happened. I slowly open my eyes and sit up. I take her hand gently.

"Katniss!" I say, sounding more relieved that I thought I would. "I was so worried." Then, she starts to cry.

"Stop it Peeta. This is so cruel. I know you don't like me, but this is terrible!" I feel my face slip into a frown. What?

"Kat," I say gently, stroking her cheek with my fingertips. She flinches.

"No," she says, turning away from me. "Stop it right now. There's no way you could still love me. Not after all I've put you through. This is just the Hijacking abusing me." I shake my head.

"Kat no, baby." I beg. "It- it's not your fault. Really it's not." There's a voice in my head screaming that this IS all her fault. That I should hate her. That I should have left her there on that bathroom floor to-

"You better stop it Peeta Mellark," she cried, tears flowing down her cheeks. "You better stop it right now or I'm going to smack you." I drop her hand, scooting away from her a little bit.

"Katniss, I know you're hurting. But they cannot take you away from me. Your mine and I love you. The Capitol could never take that from me." She is crying harder now, but I cannot stop yet. She has to know how much she means to me. "You and Haymitch are the only people I have left. You have to believe me baby. I love you. I always have I always will. You are still beautiful and strong and proud to me. And it doesn't matter what anyone else says." We lock eyes for a minute and then she throws herself at me. She is gasping and crying and I open my arms and encircle her in them.

"Peeta." She wails. "My Peeta."Her Peeta? She must know now. She has to realize that I'm fighting the Hijacking the best I can.

That I'm slowly but surely becoming the person I was before; no matter how broken.

Hope you liked it! Please review and tell me if I should continue. It really means a lot to authors if you review. Thanks for reading. The next chapter should be up by Tuesday at the latest if you're interested! Review please!