A/N: This just started when I remembered the commercial of Modern Family on Fox. The one where the woman yelled "THE BOMB!" when she took off her blazer. I got this idea while brushing my teeth, then I thought of Sengoku. *dreamy sigh*

WARNING/S: Guaranteed to work. Do at your own risk. Loljk. I'm not sure, but I think assault and shouting 'bomb' will really get you in trouble. While writing this, I was listening to Dalton music. Oh god, Kurt and Blaine are *~married~*.

DISCLAIMER: I don't have to disclaim anything since I didn't mention anyone here. Okay, fine, if you insist: the character profiles are still provided by Konomi Takeshi. He be so awesome. Everything else is mine. All ideas, plots, etc. are mine.

50 WAYS TO GET CAUGHT IN AN AIRPORT

(Prince of Tennis style!)

By ThroughTheMonsoon

1. Go back and forth to and from Japan and America. Lots of times. As if you have all the money in the world.

2. Get caught under the metal detector. (Only to be found out you were the one detected. You must be really stoic.)

3. Smile menacingly at the guard, the luggage checker, the stewardess, the pilot, the passengers – EVERYONE.

4. Worry over everything too much, i.e., ask the staff if all engines are okay, all propellers are well-oiled, all oil tanks are full, etc. That's suspicious.

5. Treat the airport as if it were a playground and start flipping and somersaulting and cartwheeling and stuff.

6. Get caught with your luggage filled with different ingredients and concoctions, and be mistaken as an evil mastermind.

7. Go Burning Mode. Period.

8. Pull everyone into a choke-hug. Emphasis on 'choke.'

9. Be mistaken for a terrorist and scare everyone. Also, hiss after everything you say.

10. Assume you own an airplane, no, 25 airplanes in that airport. (But when they see your ID, they'll let you go and let you get on your private jet anyway.)

11. Make all the girls faint by talking to them in a sex phone operator voice. Even to old women. They'll assume you used some kind of airborne anesthesia thing.

12. Start leaping around and doing air somersaults as high as the highest floor of the airport.

13. Sleep everywhere and anytime. Especially when the staff ask you the important questions, such as "Where's your passport?"

14. Get angry with every single thing anyone says. And don't let anyone take your hat off.

15. Be too kind to everyone. Let a hobo take your plane seat. Stuff like that.

16. Say 'gekkokujyou' to anything you say.

17. Reply 'usu' to every question they ask you. If you wanna mix it up a little, say "Katsun wa Hyoutei' or 'hoi hoi.'

18. Look like an angel, but think like the Devil's spawn. Then act like it.

19. Be arrogant and call yourself 'The Emperor.' Then use your Invisible Swing to throw your hand carry luggage up the compartment, grab back your passport, etc. Violently.

20. Chew gum and start blowing balloons every minute. The popping sound'll make 'em go nuts.

21. Shave your head before any conversation with the staff. Shave your head before passing through the metal detector. Shave your head while getting your luggage weighed in. You get the idea.

22. Fool them and act like someone else. Be a trickster. Prank people. Etc.

23. Be the most gentlemanly gentleman in the world and carry everyone's luggage for them, give them your seat, etc. Then become a prissy and be picky about stuff.

24. Calculate everything you see. And don't open your eyes. Ever.

25. Try to get everyone hurt when you encounter them. Then get blood all over your face.

26. Say "I'm riding the rhythm!" every 5 minutes.

27. Never stop talking. Ever.

28. Start chuckling and twisting your hair around your finger.

29. Call the older boys, and I mean BOYS, not men, "Baka aniki!" or "Stupid brother!" Even if you don't know them. If it makes you feel better, shout it at the security guards too while pointing your forefinger at them. But the best is to do this to no one but the air.

30. Overuse 'da ne' or any word that doesn't contain any meaning at the end of your sentences. "Let's get our passports, okay? Then let's get some coffee, okay? Do you want me to get you some food, okay?" Etc.

31. Just stand there menacingly and look scary. Put on extra eyebags. Glare at anyone and everyone.

32. Hit on a girl and call her 'the bomb.' This will give you a sure-fire free ticket to the detainment room.

33. Overuse 'desu.' Or, be too polite to others.

34. Talk to your imaginary twin the same time the airport staff talks to you.

35. Make your voice loud. Really loud. Even when you're talking to someone beside you. They'll think it's a signal.

36. Kick people in the head (preferably, face) when they say a corny joke. Assault, is it?

37. Tell your own corny joke and laugh at it yourself. You only. And do this every other minute. Security will go nuts and arrest you immediately just for that.

38. Use your superb eyesight to observe and notice every single movement. Inspect people's baggage. Let the staff see you snooping around, or let them notice your eyes.

39. Ask why to everything the staff says. Also to the stewardess. They'll be annoyed out of their minds.

40. Attack anyone who judges you, in both good and bad ways. Also those who judge your coach. Attack them like the savage animal you are.

41. Be proud and say you can do better than anyone in the airport. Especially the staff and security.

42. Bring your fanclub over to wave you goodbye. If they don't mind it, change over and copy all the airport workers. Most especially the pilot.

43. Urge everyone to read your tennis bible. Then tell anyone you can do anything perfectly. Hell, you can even drive the plane on your own. Then really do it. You're gonna get yourself killed. (Applicable to numbers 41 and 42.)

44. Ask everyone if they're Echizen Ryoma. Before they answer, tell them you'll beat them in anything they do. Then point a racket at their face.

45. Shout 'Hey!' before anything you say. Then bring out a rope and start lasso-ing random people.

46. Try predicting the result to anything the staff you're talking to will do. Example: "After you weigh my luggage, you will sip your coffee and cough." Works better if it's really creative and wrong. Like, "When you check my passport, ninjas will appear out of nowhere and abduct me. They'll take me to Saturn where all the corn really grow."

47. Call the airport and everyone (especially the security) cheap.

48. Freak out all the girls with your oh-so-hot charms. If they don't freak out, hit them on the face with a frying pan. Or a marionette.

49. Insult every single person you see. Every. Single. Person. Then if they retaliate, start getting physical. Violence. Muwahahahaha!

50. Follow every single instruction written here one by one. That will officially get you banned in every single airport in your country forever.

DO AT YOUR OWN RISK.