Chapter 1: Secret dad, therapists and yaoi
A/N - Thank you very much for your letters. Keep them coming! Everyone who got an owl got fed so, their pleased too. Just drop us an owl, you don't even need an account. Click review leave your name and who your letter is for and they'll get straight back to you.
Dear Voldie, Hello, how are your plans with killing Harry? I think you should stop giving the tasks to the Death Eater because they'll just dissapoint you. Yup, true story. Just trap Harry. Point your wand at him and say the words! Gosh, it's not that hard. So yes. Other than that. Why are you so evil? What made you become evil Voldie?:D Love, Thelma S.
Dear Thelma S.
My plans of killing Harry are … as usual going slow. All he does is go to school or hide about in an invisibility cloak – which I find less than amusing. That bloody kid.
I was thinking of stopping their services too, but every bad guy has to follow two rules. 1. Having a name that starts with a letter at the back of the alphabet and 2. Have followers, cronies, minions whatever you want to call them, muggle born, I have to keep them. Sure Lucius Malfoy's hair bill is a lot and Bellatrix Lestrange apparently fancies me – but, once we've killed that blasted Potter everything will be fine.
Now, now. You don't understand. Potter is a dick, right? Therefore torture must pursue him. I can't just kill him straight up and trapping that wriggly bugger is harder than it looks. For one that Granger is always helping and I hate gingers so why would I trap him at school? Imagine if I touched the ginger. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Weasleys suck.
You're starting to sound like my therapist, whom I killed after she charged me an arm and a leg. I suppose it has something to do with my parents; my mother who bewitched my filthy muggle father and then died. :( It's not a fun story.
I decline your love and instead am tracing your owl. I will kill you.
Voldemort
Dear Remus, Not sure if you have read any stories here on but all us fangirls would love to know if this pairing is true. Anything special going on between you and our sexy Padfoot? If there is we all totally accept it and if not, that's too bad. You should read some of the stories. They are good and make you two adorable! Love, Alex Vicky
Hello Alex Vicky,
Firstly thank you for writing to me. I really hoped nice people would send an owl instead of Sirius sending some prank which, I know from experience, has no purpose but, to hurt me.
Ahhh … the classic question. I'm very sorry to disappoint you, fangirls, but me and Padfoot we're just friends. Brotherly friends, yes. But, no sexual feelings between us … we at least on my side. Make me adorable? I don't know if they can do that. But, because you've been so kind and written to me, I'll check a few out.
AWHILE AFTER CHECKING A FEW REMUSxSIRIUS STORIES OUT
My. Eyes. The Gryffindor common room has never been so violated. Miss Vicky, I assure you nothing of that … graphic nature is going on. Just friends, we're just friends.
I think I'm going to go and wash out my eyes with soap.
Thank you again,
Remus
Dearest Sirius, I. LOVE. YOU. That's all there is to it! I truly do think you are the sexiest thing to grace Hogwarts! I really admire you and let me just say that I would love to marry you... And if you refuse, I will snap your wand in half faster than you can say "HOLY HIPPOGRIFFS!". Oh, and you must feel really upset about all these false fanfics saying how you and Remus are together. I know you are. Because you're too sexy to be gay...right? Let's make kids togther, iight? ;D What do you say? Love, ~ Shashon*
Hi, Shashon
Um … well firstly, I'm now afraid for my life. But, thank you I know I'm sexy :D and you should too. Well, I better not refuse then should I? Maybe I should just uh … go and tell Remus. Maybe I'll take a long holiday away from the scary fangirls.
Sexy people are often gay, but I'm not one of them. Remus gets a wife apparently and they have a kid. So, that sucks. But, obviously people would pair me up with others I'm amazing!
Kids? With me? I'd much rather not. I'd make a terrible father. And … I've got to … run away …
You're a very devoted fangirl. I appreciate this but, also worry about it. Have some love anyway.
Love,
Sirius x
Dear Draco, So how much Hair Gel do you have to use in the morning? And really what is between you and your two goons (Vincent and Gegory(sp?)? Do they reall go were ever you go. Must get crowded in your bed.
nailpeter83
Hello …
Look, it was a first year thing. Check me out in my death eater shizz, I'm so sexy I make people cry. But, back in my gelled up haze of first year … about a tub a day. Got to keep my hair all waxed and greasy :)
Crabbe and Goyle? Yeah they go wherever the hell I want them too, unless they see floating cupcakes or something. (They told me they saw floating cupcakes once … freaks) My bed is always crowded with the creepy fangirl I call Pansy Parkinson … she scares me. Thank Merlin for Polyjuice Potion. Let's just say Goyle and Pansy are more than friends without realising it.
I'm not gay if that was what you were getting at. My father will hear about this.
Draco L Malfoy
To be delivered to Remus Lupin and Sirius Black on September the fifteenth in the year 1995. I've always wondered what it would be like to talk to you guys...I wish that I'd known you. Especially Remus, since you're...kinda my dad. Hi, I'm Teddy Remus Lupin, and once I saw that I could write to you, and the letter would somehow get sent back in time...wow, I can't even fathom it, but whoever's idea this was...I officially am forever in debt to them. Well...yeah...this isn't a prank of Sirius's. I can say that much. So don't worry about that. I don't want to tell you guys too much of the future, but James and Lily's son Harry basically becomes the "Chosen One" and defeats Voldemort...but it doesn't come without a price. By the time the Battle of Hogwarts in the year 1998 is over, all four (plus honorary members five and six) will have perished. I'm sorry that I can't bring more good news...but Harry lives, and that's the great thing. He's my godfather, and he's given me the best life I can possibly imagine without my parents being there to raise me. And I do understand that they fought to give me a life in which I wouldn't have to live in fear, and I love them for it. Now I finally get to say in person how much it means to me. Dad, I guess this is kinda creepy, since we're like the same age now, but I wanted to tell you that you're a hero. No matter what the world may think of you because you're a werewolf, that shouldn't matter to you. You're not like the rest of them, and when Mum begs you to understand this, I hope you do, now that you've sort of talked to me. Sirius...well, mate, it's an honor. You're my pranking inspiration, and thanks to Harry's map and cloak, I hope to do justice to the pranks that you've pulled while using my Metamorphosing to enhance it. If you have any great ideas, please share them! Last thing I did was dye Albus's hair green. Unfortunately, that was just around the time that James had been teasing him about possibly being sorted into Slytherin. Bad timing on my part. I would say that maybe pranking just isn't in my blood, but that'd be an outright lie, seeing as I'm your third cousin. :) I hope you guys write back...I want a chance to get to know you both. Teddy R. Lupin Former Gryffindor Quidditch Captain, Seeker, Head Boy Current Auror-in-Training
Dearest Teddy R Lupin,
Wow. I re-read your letter through a thousand times. Such a way with words you must definitely be my son. The specific date confuses me, but the future must have brought the date for a reason. Of which, I will not ask. It's very hard to comprehend your existence, everything you tell me worries me. I know what it's like to be alone and I promise you if I am any father I will be with you.
I am truly in debt to them to. However, it's hard to imagine the destruction of the time line you are causing. I know just to meet you I would tear it apart to so, I don't blame you. Metamorphmagus? I know one of them. She's called Nymphadora but, we just call her Tonks. She's very nice. As imagined most wizards are very inbred but, having a godfather like James I'm sure you're doing fine.
Now, unfortunately a "talent" like Padfoot's doesn't die and go Merlin don't get caught. Dumbledore gave us enough chances with our pranks hopefully he gives you a long leash too. Wait, Dumbledore's alright in this battle? Of course he'll probably be looking after you too. Right?
I know it is asking far too much, but thank you so much. You never had to do this and finding me is pure talent. Quidditch Captain, Seeker, Head Boy? I'm so pround of you.
My Son.
Love till the day I die and further,
Remus J Lupin
Your Father
Hey Baby Remus!
Remus, has been obsessive about your letter for ages! But, it's cool seeing as you're a little Remus. Teddy what a fun name. Andromeda is my favourite cousin so you're on good family lines, mate.
Dyed his hair green! Mental, keep it up despite what your dad says. I've got to keep it short – Remus' letter is very thick and I'm afraid his owl's legs will drop off with anymore words.
Keep the Marauder spirit little Remus.
Yours,
Sirius O Black
(I wanted to join the full name thing)