Chapter 1 A New Quest

"That's him?"

Yeah, it's me, Freak449. They must have been looking for someone more impressive-looking. I'd been a celebrity ever since I (helped) put an end to Lord Luxon, a level one hundred twenty-six bent on enslaving all Runescapians. But I don't look like a celebrity. No Santa hat. No fancy armor. Not even a party hat.

"Hello," I say to the two gawking ladies. We're standing at the entrance to the white city of Falador. The women currently staring at me happen to be wandering into the city as I wait for my escort.

"He can't be," one of them, a lady in a long white dress and insanely colorful rainbow shoes, mutters to the other. "He's a noob."

They walk away while I contemplate the insult to my person. Wait! I'm not a noob anymore! Doesn't being level sixty-eight mean anything to these people? I lament and moan for a bit before someone flicks the back of my head.

"Ow!"

"What's wrong now?"

"Dawnie!" My dear, darling Dawn! At long last, we've been reunited!

"If call me that again, I'll pull your eyeballs from your head!" She glares, and I cringe. Once upon a time, she had absolutely terrified me as the Pokey Lady, whose deadly pokes wound like weapons. Over time, she revealed a softer side, which occasionally re-appears when I do something right for once. Even so, after we defeated Luxon, I really had thought she was starting to get fond of me.

Dawn's bright blue hair is clipped short now, curled around her face charmingly. Her eyes are tawny like the pelt of a lioness. They're narrowed with irritation at the moment. Sighing, Dawn brushes off her rune platelegs before returning her gaze to the path ahead of us. "Why did I agree to escort you to the Champions' Guild?"

I place a finger to my lips in thought. "'Cause I don't know where it is."

"I remember!" She brandishes her trademark rune axe in my direction. I flinch away. "Redseed guilted me into this…"

Thank goodness for Redseed. As my mentor, he's got my back. Ages ago, he had enlisted Dawn, who happened to be his cousin, to help me out. Then Redseed had disappeared, probably so I couldn't mooch any hints for the quest from him. "Hey, let's just go," I say. We're lingering outside the gates of Falador, and the guards are giving us not-so-subtle glares. "The sooner we get there, the sooner you can get back to your own business."

Dawn sighs again. I inch forward in concern, but she reaches out to stop me. The hand she has on my chest makes my skin tingle happily. Perhaps noticing my perverted smile, she withdraws the hand. "My own business…Well, woodcutting was getting old, and then Redseed found me and told me I had work to do. I've been delaying the job, but now I have no excuses left. "

"Is this 'work' going on an adventure with me?" I say.

"No, I've already done the quest," Dawn replies. "You're on your own when it's slaying time. Strange things have been happening around Runescape, so while I escort you and make sure you don't get into too much trouble, I'm going to investigate."

"What am I slaying?" Apparently, it's a rite of passage, but no one's told me exactly what I have to slay yet.

Dawn tilts her head at me and gives me a smile that borders on a smirk. "Well, I don't want to spoil the surprise." Wait…I don't like surprises! Then, without warning, she sets off down the dirt path snaking away from Falador. Swift as a cheetah, she leaves me quite a distance behind before finally, she stops at the top of steps that lead to the Dwarven Mountain.

By the time I catch up, I'm panting and breathless. A small, bearded fellow—a dwarf!—scrutinizes the both of us. I scrutinize him in return. Even after all this time, I've never had a good look at dwarves.

"You're simply adorable," I declare to the dwarf. He has small, round brown eyes and a button-nose.

Dawn pushes me away as the dwarf widens his eyes and lifts his pickaxe defensively. "You scared him," she states. "Actually, you're starting to scare me too."

Within a matter of minutes, during which Dawn refuses to talk to me, we arrive in Varrock. In the middle of the city square, a buddy of mine, Hamlet, is contemplating the water running under the four way stone-bridge. It's strange to see him standing still like that: for once not busy counting or making money.

"Hey, Hamlet." I slap his shoulder companionably, and he jumps a foot before giving me a tired glance. Leaning against the rail that keeps clumsy folk like me from falling into the fountain, Dawn prepares to wait when I ask, "What's wrong?"

Hamlet suddenly looks paranoid. "Nothing," he says, sounding too defensive for it to be nothing.

I waggle a finger in his face. "There's something in that nothing of yours."

"Maybe that something is actually nothing."

"Or maybe that something is something."

"Stop it!" Dawn puts an end to the conversation. "Did Rick Turpentine mug you or something?" We all know how precious money is to Hamlet. It's not as if he uses it for much; he just collects as much as he can. Maybe he had lost his fortune. I hadn't thought of that.

"No," Hamlet replies. He brushes a dark curl out of his face. "It's nothing you can help me with. Anyway, Freak, I heard you're planning on doing the Champion's Guild quest?"

"Yes," I say promptly. "Could you please tell me what I'll be slaying?"

It's now Hamlet's turn to wag a finger in my face. "Not telling. You'll have to find out."

My stomach bloats with dread or maybe gas from the pie I had earlier. Training on white knights makes me hungry…and guilty. Even after all this time, I still haven't managed to justify my actions to my inner pacifist. Maybe that part of me is dead now. Now I'm a killing machine! I've had these qualms lately, but there's no one I can turn to.

"Freak, stop standing around and looking emo," Dawn says.

I make a face at her, and she steps towards me menacingly with her poking finger raised. "Sorry!"

Hamlet chuckles and winks at Dawn. "You sure know how to put him in his place." Then, miraculously, Dawn blushes.

"Hmm. Well, let's go. See you, Hamlet." She hauls me away, and I'm too demoralized to enjoy it. We bustle by the general store and the sword shop, and Charlie the Tramp hails me as we pass him.

"Spare some change, guv?"

"We're not in London," Dawn mutters, but a smile lifts a corner of her mouth as I deposit a few coins into Charlie's hands. When we walk out of Varrock, she tells me, "You really can't go around giving money to NPCs. There's no point, but I guess that was very generous of you."

I beam. NPCs are people too even if Runescapians spend most of their lives slaughtering them. "Besides, he helped me with the Shield of Arrav quest."

"You mean, nearly got you killed," Dawn reminds me. Oh yeah. Running away from gangsters is not fun.

"You'd think the guards around here would stop standing around all day and put a stop to the gang violence."

"You're technically part of the Black Arm Gang," Dawn remarks.

"Oh, I forgot I'm a gangster."

"Hey, gangster, go get your quest." Dawn pushes me towards a small stone building nearby. Beside the building, on a stone patio, are chickens, pecking away at the grass growing there. The sight yanks me back to my noob days. Even then, I couldn't bring myself to kill them and interrupt their zombie-like pecking. They were just too creepy to touch.

Forgetting the chickens, I enter the Champion's guild, my chin held up high. A man, brown-bearded and dressed in steel armor, accosts me. I open my mouth in outrage to tell him that he is invading my personal bubble, but he interrupts me.

"Greetings bold adventurer. Welcome to the Guild of Champions!" he booms. Behind him, I see the guild consists of a long table and a number of stiff-looking chairs. Somehow, I expected more impressive furniture.

"Uh, no need to shout. I'm standing right here," I say, stepping away and rubbing my ear.

"Aren't you here to ask me something?" the Guildmaster wheedles.

I scratch my head. What did Dawn tell me to say again? Er…let's see… "Can I have a quest?"

"May I have a quest," the man corrects me with an obnoxiously brilliant smile. Geez, this man could give people lessons on pomposity and flamboyance. Ah, how I enjoy big words. Thanks to Redseed, I have learned to use them properly. I'm no longer the noob I once was. I miss it.

The Guildmaster is tapping his foot impatiently while I get all misty-eyed. Then I snap out of it. "Wait, what was I supposed to…" I flinch back as the Guildmaster pulls out a small gun from thin air. His eyes have shrunken into little red dots. The weapon is pointed straight at my chest, and I can't quite believe that I've been so annoying and absentminded that I deserve to have a gun pointed at me.

"Before you shoot, let me just say…" The door bursts open, and Dawn sprints over to hit the Guildmaster over the head with the flat edge of her rune scimitar. He shrieks and crumbles into dust, which makes me sneeze.

With a dainty, booted foot, Dawn nudges the pile of soot that was formerly the insane Guildmaster. "Something weird is going on."

"Why do I have a feeling that wasn't part of the quest?" I mutter.

"It's not," she answers and climbs the staircase at the end of the room. I follow and find Dawn untying three people. They all look dazed. One of them looks like the replica of the Guildmaster Dawn turned into dust. Even as Dawn questions them, she gets no answers.

Frustrated, she goes downstairs, and I follow timidly. She paces the length of the guild, looking fierce and beautiful. I fix my goofy expression when she turns to look at me. "Whoever is messing with the NPCs leaves no trace of his, or her, identity…"

"I've never seen guns on Runescape. Well, cannons sure, but not guns," I point out. That strikes me as rather fishy.

"I know! Strange weapons have been sneaking onto Runescape." Dawn shakes her head. "And NPCs that never attack are attacking people."

Well, it seems that Runescape is in dire trouble, and I wasn't invited to help in the quest to put it right. "Let me help you investigate."

"No," Dawn protests, "You have your own quest to do."

"Ahem." We both turn to find the real Guildmaster considering us kindly.

Fine. I'll leave the investigating to the experts. I give Dawn a cold look. She looks faintly surprised for a moment but turns away. Okay, I've had it! I've been trying to woo her for ages! And she keeps holding me at a distance!

"Can I have a quest?" I ask bitterly.

"Aha! Yes! A mighty and perilous quest fit for only the most powerful champions! And, at the end of it, you will earn the right to wear the legendary rune plate body!" the Guildmaster proclaims.

"So, how do I get a rune plate body?" I continue.

The Guildmaster looks sheepish. "You'll have to speak to Oziach, the maker of rune armor. He sets the quest that champions must complete in order to wear it. Oziach lives in a hut, by the cliffs to the west of Edgeville. He can be a little…odd…sometimes though."

Odd or not, I still have to find him. I turn with a scowl to Dawn. "More traveling? My legs will fall off."

"Stop complaining," she returns. "Let's go to Edgeville."

I can feel the Guildmaster's curious eyes burning into me as I brush past Dawn and out of the Guild. Okay, so it's not the best start to the quest, but I don't care! I stop on the path outside the guild. Why the heck am I so emotional? Why is Dawn acting crabbier than usual?

"Who the heck is doing this!" I holler.

"Who the heck is doing what?" a female voice asks from behind me. It belongs to the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Her hair is black as midnight, in two pigtails and a playful fringe. Her eyes are an alluring gray-blue, soft and understanding. I swallow and stand there like an idiot. "I'm Tigerstar," she says.

"Ah, Freak449," I stammer.

"So, who were you talking to earlier?" Tigerstar asks.

"The person who's messing up Runescape," I tell her.

She raises an eyebrow. "What's going on?" Gladly, I tell her about the fake Guildmaster and Dawn's suspicions.

Tigerstar holds her chin thoughtfully and shrugs. "I haven't a clue. All I know is that Dawn person isn't very nice to you."

No, she isn't! Then, boldly, I ask, "Would you like to come with me to Edgeville? I'm doing a quest for the Guildmaster."

"Oh, I still need to do that. You can show me how it's done," Tigerstar says with an admiring smile. I've never gotten a smile like that before, and it feels nice. I finally feel like a hero…or at least a guy who could possibly be one.

"Let's go then?"

She nods and loops her arm with mine as we head back toward Varrock. From there, we can go north to Edgeville and find this Oziach guy.