A/N: Don't own Pokemon.

And for the first time in forever, I don't know why the hell I wanted to write this so badly, but I regret nothing.

Edit: Wow, the only thing more surprising than the pile of good reviews this has been getting... is that it's been getting them with some REALLY BLATANT errors sitting in the middle of it. i.e. entire duplicated paragraphs right in the middle of everything. Why has no one called this to my attention? Fixed now...

Apples and Derp-heads

There that dumb-ass was again, fawning over that manipulative little brat. Sure, they'd all made up, but that was half just to set a good example for the young'ns, and half because she'd honestly thought the new bitch could learn her place. Instead, while she no longer out and out brainwashed any of the boys, she still used her feminine wiles to get what she wanted left and right.

Snivy sighed, leaning back against the trunk, closing her eyes and trying to block it out. She was a loner anyway, what did she care? She'd pay enough attention to make sure little Axew wasn't warped by his new "big sister", and maybe Scraggy since he was young too, though he was enough of a snot the thought of him getting manipulated was almost worth it.

Oshawott was the worst though. He jumped to Emolga's every whim the instant she had it, and Snivy was fairly certain that was really the only reason she'd stopped with the Attract spam; she'd figured out she didn't need it to get at least that mon to wait on her hand and feet. Coupled with the way Iris jumped to her defense continuously, Emolga now had it made, aside from the rare moments where Pikachu or Pansage - the only other two mons around here with enough brains to notice her tricks - managed to notice.

Snivy heard the other girl's now-familiar chitter, and cracked open one eye to see what tomfoolery she'd talked what boy into now. Sure enough, Oshawott had rushed to her "aid", carefully setting his scalchop down in a puddle as use for her stepping stone... never mind how easily she could have flown over or stepped around the water. She huffed, closing her eye again before she could get irritated again.

But it was too late. A couple moments later she was still awake, and her tail was getting twitchy as the image of the normally proud (albeit undeservedly so) Oshawott letting his precious weapon be stepped upon replayed itself in her mind. The worst part was knowing what would happen next... Emolga'd wink at him, then carry on as though he didn't even exist while he sadly brushed the shell off and replaced it. Then a few minutes later she'd get hungry or bored and demand his attention again, and he'd give it because that was how he worked. He was just that stupid.

She hated seeing anyone be taken advantage of that blatantly, but he was enough of an idiot to let it happen to himself so she couldn't let it get to her. Could she?

"Emol~" she heard a moment later, and snapped upright, sneering and staring down from the tree. A few feet away, the little twit was rubbing her stomach sadly, pointing forlornly at the apples in a nearby tree. Oshawott puffed out his chest, pulling his scalchop off with one hand and pushing her back with the other, clearing his throat and assuring her this was a job for a man. Naturally, Emolga's eyes sparkled - up until he looked away, at least, after which point she just snickered as he cocked his shell back and hurled it.

It took him three tries to hit such a small target, but he managed to strike an apple's stem and cut it free. No sooner had Emolga begun to clap happily, Oshawott striking a victorious pose than the apple was interrupted mid-fall by a vine wrapping around it.

Oshawott froze in place, teetering nervously as his head tilted toward Snivy's branch. Emolga's made it there much more quickly, her eyes jerking to lock on the other girl she already knew was there. Her cheeks sparked immediately, gaze narrowing as it met Snivy's deliberately calm sneer.

The Vine Whip retracted, bringing the apple to Snivy's hands where she carefully took a nibble, staring at Emolga all the while. For a moment the squirrel stared back, then finally turned back around, turning on the waterworks to Oshawott. Her apple - her favorite one, since he'd gotten it for her, had been STOLEN by her royal bitchiness, and she was just starving.

He gulped, trying not to shake as he started to raise his scalchop toward Snivy. Clearly she'd stolen Emolga's apple, but she was terrifying in her own right. How could he stand up against that?

Unsteadily he took a step forward, waving his paw at Snivy and warning her – very nicely – to please give Emolga back her apple before he got mad. She merely scoffed at the empty threat, taking another dainty bite of her prize and staring past the whipped idiot to Emolga, who was desperately trying to hide her growing rage from her little pet.

She put her hands together, tilting her head and letting her eyes shine. "Emol~~~?" she trilled, batting her eyelashes as she begged.

Oshawott's heart skipped a beat, his cheeks glowing as he grinned sheepishly and nodded. He just couldn't say no when she was being so sweet and adorable, not even when he was up against bad odds. She cheered, wiggling around joyfully until he'd turned back toward Snivy, at which point her eyes glinted once more. It was so fun to have someone she could manipulate without wasting effort on Attract; all she needed with this one was her natural feminine wiles. It was just a pity that the trade-off was him being unbelievably stupid, but unlike her other willing victim, Axew, he was of some additional entertainment value... Like the fight he was about to be in, if she had her way.

He strode up to Snivy, head held high and one hand on his shell. It took a couple tries for him to get up the nerve to threaten her, and when he did it was still polite. Snivy raised one brow at him,, taking another small bite, waiting for him to carry through. "Osha...?" he cringed, trying politer still.

She swallowed, wiped her lips politely, and answered by raising one of her vines just slightly, waving it challengingly.

He cringed, feeling his knees shake, whispering one last plea not to make him do this before yanking his shell from his chest and swinging at her. Snivy tilted her body out of the way, avoiding his blind swing without moving her feet or setting the apple down. Panicked, Oshawott swung again, missing by a wider margin this time and barely keeping himself from falling over. It took one more badly missed swipe before he threw his scalchop down in rage and humiliation, drawing in a breath to shoot a Water Gun at Snivy instead.

It was then, as he spun around to aim the attack at his own teammate, that he saw Emolga, rolling around on the ground and laughing so hard she was holding her stomach. Snivy blinked when she saw he wasn't attacking, turning her head to see what he'd focused on instead, then relaxed, sighing.

Emolga was very clearly pointing at Oshawott as she laughed, something which disheartened him so badly the water escaped his mouth as a mere trickle instead of a blast. "Osha... wott?" he murmured, trying to affirm that she was indeed mocking him, though he certainly hoped otherwise.

She looked up for a second, struggled to keep a straight face, and then fell back over, laughing harder.

Oshawott nearly fell over himself, stumbling into sitting down and whimpering. His dear, darling Emolga that he worked so hard to protect and keep happy was making fun of him, and after he tried so hard. To make matters worse, Snivy was now glaring her down, clearly challenging her to come fight her herself.

Emolga took a moment to notice she was being challenged, and when their eyes met Snivy held out the apple, urging her to try and come get it herself.

The electric-type took one look at her boy toy, who now had tears welling in his eyes, and then back at Snivy, remembering what had happened the last time she'd tried to battle her herself. One bright flash of lightning later, Emolga was zooming back toward camp to cry to her trainer again.

Snivy sighed, finally setting the apple down and turning to look at Oshawott, who had upgraded from wibbling to full out bawling, calling after Emolga as he stumbled back to his feet. This only left Snivy to sigh again, harder this time, and reach out to pick up her teammate's forgotten scalchop. He was already plodding along after his lost love when her vine cut in front of him, holding up the shell and offering it back to him.

"...Osh?" He glanced over his shoulder at her, tears stalling for the moment as he figured out if this was a trick, a challenge, or just her giving it back. She rolled her eyes in response, pushing it closer to him, then gingerly pressing it to his belly and holding it there until he finally took it and replaced it on his own.

She left her vine in front of him a moment longer, until she was sure he was done following the little bitch for a moment, then brought it back and looked at the apple again. She wasn't particularly hungry, but it would be a shame to let it go to waste, provided that Oshawott wouldn't just flip out again, so she cut out the quarter she'd been munching on, then strode over and offered the rest to him.

For a moment he stood rigid, still forlornly staring off in the direction Emolga had run, hugging his shell to his chest. Snivy nudged him gently, snapping him out of it enough to take the apple and stare at it, before sitting down and just resting his forehead on it, crying all over again.

"Sni..." It took most of her willpower not to smack him at least a little for his stupidity, but Oshawott had been an idiot from the first minute she'd met him, and that didn't seem like it was going to change any time soon. Not to mention he was easily swayed by women anyway; at least the rest of Ash's pokemon had still tried to move after being hit by Attract, he'd just stood there dumbly. Now Emolga had been leading him around effortlessly for the last two weeks, and he was too much of an idiot to notice the way she cackled when his back was turned... the water 'mon was more oblivious than their trainer, it seemed.

She patted him on the shoulder with her hand before sitting beside him, eating her slice of the apple in silence. She wasn't sure how to feel; there was anger at Emolga for being the conniving little whore she was, naturally, and anger and pity at Oshawott for being fooled so easily and repeatedly, even after she'd shown him that it was a trick before. Somehow she was angrier at Emolga than ever before though, and she wondered why Oshawott's crying brought on that reaction, instead of further frustration with him.

Oshawott continued to sniffle, griping about how he had just wanted a cute girl to like him for a change, and that he'd been so happy to have more fans than just the two month old. Snivy couldn't help but chuckle as she listened to him bemoan how he wanted to be cool for a change, which only spurred him to add on how even she made fun of him.

In a moment of what might have been pity but was mostly concern, she reached out and placed her vine gently around him, giving him a half-hug. He sat up in surprise, waiting for the motion to turn into an attack, or for her to tell him to toughen up, but it never came; Snivy just continued to nibble at her snack, one vine around his shoulders as comfortingly as a vine could be.

He was an idiot, sure; more so than Ash or any of their other teammates. But that just made him all the more her idiot, meant she had to watch out for him particularly carefully. Including defending him from tramps like Emolga. She hugged him a little tighter for a second, then pulled her vine back, only for Oshawott to catch it in one paw carefully. He held onto it for a moment, wanting another moment of the hug but not wanting to admit such. When she looked up from his hand to his face, his eyes were shining with thankfulness, and he offered her more of the apple.

Snivy only got halfway through turning him down before tears started to well in his eyes again, so she sighed, reaching her other vine to cut another small slice for herself and nodding thankfully.

Oshawott was positively beaming as he watched her take the first bite, then, with a grin still on his face, he bowed his head, kissing the vine in his hand politely before letting it go. She stopped mid-nibble, surprised at the action, but before she could say anything he was already merrily munching away at the remainder of the fruit.

So she just smiled, scooting a little closer to her idiot and finishing the snack he'd so graciously offered.