Wow, it's really been a while since I've updated this story and for those of you who still wanted to read it I am very sorry. I have to say this chapter took me a while; in fact exactly where I wanted this story to go was difficult for me to figure out so I spent about a month refining my plot outline. Unfortunately though, as I said in my AN, I just lost a lot of the love I had for Grey's and a lot of the faith I had in Derek. I honestly didn't even want to watch the show anymore… what happened in that finale bothered me that much. Derek just really let me down, he's a fictional character but I think it's safe to say that everyone who watches the show is attached to the characters in some way. Oddly enough all of the sudden I felt the urge to write again and I started working vigorously on this update. So I really hope you enjoy it, please R&R. And to those of you who have been reviewing, it is greatly appreciated.

Meredith Grey could feel her heart beating in her chest at a mile a minute as she and her person sat outside the Seattle Police Department together in her blue jeep. The rain had started up again on the drive there and now left a foggy residue on the windows. She exhaled deeply as Cristina stared over at her, just waiting for her to actually get out of the jeep, she was impatient, she always has been an impatient person but in this instant she knew Meredith needed time. So she kept her mouth shut instead of pestering her to get out of the car like she usually would do in this situation.

Even as a kid and a teenager she always hovered in doorways, indecisive about what she actually wanted to do in the room or even say to the person that sat in it. In this moment Meredith was hovering, not in a door way but in the car, outside the place where she knew she needed to be.

"Cristina, tell me to get my ass inside that building." she knew she needed to hear it otherwise she feared she'd chicken out, though Cristina knew she was stronger than that, she complied.

"Mer, you got to get your ass in there and nail that guy." She exhaled at the words and wiped her hand over the window, the way a child does when they want to see what's outside the window. She could see the police station and her stomach seemed to drop, he was in there; that much she did know. She would have to face him eventually, why not just go do it now? She convinced herself in her head, she needed to pull up the courage and in an instant she does.

She stepped out of the car and the chill of the Seattle air hit her face and made her lungs burn on contact. Cristina exited too and slowly inched her way next to Meredith. They stood outside the station for a moment, this was it.

"I got this." Meredith said reinforcing her courage.

"You got this, and I'll be there." Cristina said reassuring her friend that she wasn't in this alone.

"Derek, that page is 911 you need to take It." she said convincingly, she wanted him there yes; but she didn't want a patient to die or him to get into trouble because of her.

"The chief should know not to page me, I told him I was on paid leave for now." he said dodging her glance as he leaned up against the sink, she bit her lip and backed in closer to the counter, he could be such a stubborn ass sometimes.

"You're going into the hospital, Cristina is here and I'll be fine. Obviously if the chief is paging you 911 on your paid leave then it's really bad and he really needs you. I don't want to be responsible for someone dying because the best neurosurgeon in the country couldn't get his ass to work and operate." she said firmly, in her bossy manner. His heart seemed to melt in that moment, she'd looked like her old self; in that instant you would not have known that this ever happened and that gave him hope, it was only a moment but in the back of his mind he couldn't help but think she'd go back to normal. He knew that this wouldn't be some overnight miracle transformation, but maybe in time she'd be able to move on, they'd be able to move on. This moment brought a ray of hope.

"You know how bossy you are, right?" he questions smirking now at her.

"I keep you in line." she said giving him the smallest little hint of a smirk in return. She gestured him toward the door now hinting at him to leave.

He looked toward the door and sighed, this was one of the many things he loved about her; when she put her foot down he knew that there was no winning against her. He leaned in closer to her for a moment and the lavender scent of her hair made him want to take her back up stairs and just lay with her in bed undisturbed by the outside the world. He leaned in and lightly pressed a kiss on her cheek; she tensed for a moment then released it all; she leaned back into him as he held it there. He broke and they stared at each other for a moment.

"You can do this Meredith." he said as he strode toward the door against all his instincts He'd always had the instinct to protect her and this just made him uneasy, her doing this alone. He knew she could do it, there was no question there but he wished he could be there likely for his own sanity really.

Meredith smiled as she remembered what Derek had said to her before he left. She could do this; she had to do this, not only for her but for all the other women victimized by this man.

Detective Vince Ryan felt unexplainably anxious as he awaited the arrival of Meredith Grey, the pictures of her battered body after the attack made him shutter as he compared them to the headshot of her. She was pretty, not just the kind of sexy that made men fantasize about having sex with her but she was also the kind of pretty that caught your attention, you could look at her more and more, something about her was captivating. Between the wavy honey colored hair, adorable smile and interesting gray eyes she was definitely something to look at which of course made it all the more difficult for him to look at her battered and bruised as she was, she definitely didn't deserve that.

He ran both his hands through his hair, a tell-tale sign that he was stressed out. Staring at these case files all day took its toll on him; it made him fear the world. He feared all the sick people inhabiting it, he feared all those dark corners where evil could lurk and pray on the unsuspecting by-standard. More than anything though he feared the fact that no matter how hard he tried; crime was inevitable.

The light tapping noise coming from across the room caught his attention and seemed to snap him out of his dazed perplexity, that's when he saw her in the flesh standing in the doorway. He opened his mouth to speak but the words he wanted to say escaped him.

"Sorry, I-uh... Am I interrupting? "She questioned nervously tripping over her words; a small smile tweaked his lips.

"No, not at all." he said standing up from the computer chair in front of his desk. She came closer now and her gaze glazed over all the photos on the bulletin board behind him, his gaze followed her's and his heart sped up for a second,"Crap, I'm sorry I shouldn't have left these up." he said guiltily.

"No, it's fine... It's just a lot of women." she said

"Which is why your testimonial in court is monumentally important if we want to put him in jail." he said, she nodded understanding that she needed to do this no matter how much she dreaded it.

"Ok so are we gonna go do the thing where I point him out in the line-up?" she questioned after a moment of awkward silence. He chuckled slightly; she certainly had a sort of fire in her.

"Yeah, we can go right now." he said leading her back out the door of the office. She followed him silently and closely through the office and past the lobby where Cristina was sitting, she needed to do this part by herself; that she knew.

she walked through the present with him with her head down, not wanting anyone to make eye contact with her, the building was old and somewhat beaten down. It was apparent though that it was at least freshly painted a beige color that made the space as neutral as possible. All the desks were across from each other, each had a laptop on top of it and a small desk chair. There was a door that led out to a waiting area and a hallway with the chief's office, the restroom and all the detectives' offices. The other hallway was where they were headed; toward the interview rooms and the holding cells.

She followed him down the narrow hallway and heartbeat sped up at with each step, this was really it. As soon as he opened the door she could see into the room it made her uneasy. He entered and she followed more reluctantly than she had initially planned too but at least she'd gone in.

"Meredith, this is one way glass so you can see him-" she cut him off.

"But he can't see you." she said completing his sentence, he nodded and she joined him in front of it.

", chief Delk, nice to meet you." he said reaching out a hand, she shook it and nodded politely.

"OK, Meredith we're going to bring in the suspects, each of them is going to step forward and if you see the guy all you have to do is tell us that it's him.

"Ok." she said breathlessly.

He pressed the button on the intercom and spoke, "OK Garcia, bring them in." and just like that a line of men entered the room each holding a number they turned around to face her, numbers one through 10.

"Number one, please step forward." the man stepped forward and Meredith looked, he was about the same height, same hair color yet he didn't quite ring any bells for Meredith. He was too chubby to be the man who'd attacked her, she knew that.

"No, that's not him." she choked out.

"Suspect Number two please step forward." she looked at this man, his face was far too long and his nose stuck out like a toucan's... definitely not.

"That's not him either." she said staring at the same spot on the wall, her agitation was becoming more obvious all she really wanted was to point at the man who did this and get on with it because quite frankly she doesn't really know what else she can do.

"Suspect three."

And just like that her wish was granted as if the universe had responded to her desperate internal plea. The dark hair and the black beady eyes that reminded her of a shark made her shutter and took the words out of her mouth at that point, she was frozen... her vocal cords just seemed to be under a temporary paralysis, not matter how hard she tried no words seemed to exit them.

"Meredith?" Ryan says curiously as she stands there gaping at the man like a fish on a hook; stuck with her mouth wide open and no way to get off.

"Th-thats." was all she managed to get out at a strained whisper.

"Is that him Meredith?" he questions urgently, he needed the confirmation, his palms sweated in anticipation all she had to do was say a simple three letter word and the man he'd been trying to catch for the past five years would finally have to pay for his actions. It was surreal to him that a simple three letter word could affect so much.

"Yes." she says breathlessly, his heart stopped dead in his chest for a moment, she'd just confirmed it... the man standing behind one way bullet proof glass is the man he'd been hunting for, the moment he'd been working for has finally arrived and he's finally gotten his wish. It was bittersweet this woman had been the key to catching the man yet she was also a victim who would have to deal with the fallout for her entire life, the thought was making him nauseous.

Meredith's lungs feel like their burning it's like someone set fire to a building and trapped her inside... like she was drowning in the Elliot Bay all over again she was desperately trying to breathe but all she could do was gasp. The whole world turns into a blurred haze and her eyes are burning from the salty tears she's not even aware of, like the salt water burned her eyes while she was sinking to her death just a mere five months ago.

"Meredith... Meredith its ok... Meredith look at me he can't see you, you did it." Ryan says turning her around to face him now, she's gasping for air and he feels helpless. He's frozen; really not sure of what to do in this situation, what do you do when someone is having a panic attack? "Meredith you need to breathe you're fine." he says attempting to be soothing, unfortunately it doesn't seem to be working for him.

"Ryan, get her out of here!" Delk says urgently leading Meredith away from the glass now. She was unaware of anything going on around her, she couldn't breathe and she was sinking the blackness started to engulf her more and more each second her blurred vision became black. It started with dots and started to multiply like someone was taking a paint brush and just splattering black paint over her eyes... and then nothing.

"Meredith!"

the throbbing sensation in Meredith Grey's head was intensified by the blurred light as she opened her eyes she was in a dazed confusion everything was just... unclear to her. She blinked rapidly as she heard people chanting her name... voices she recognized, she definitely knew the people saying her name her brain just wasn't willing to process precisely who they were at this very moment. Slowly the world started to clear up and her brain became less fuzzy.

Raven black hair and bright blue eyes filled with concern were peering down at her with concern, he was leaning over protectively and though she doesn't know exactly what happened it made her feel a bit more safe.

"Derek?" she finally questions, he exhales a sigh of relief, "What happened?" he smirks a bit at this.

"Meredith, you fainted." her eyes widen in disbelief now... Meredith Grey does not faint...

"I WHAT?" she says wide eyed, "you're lying. " she said he actually laughed at this; a real Derek laugh, the one that made his smile widen and his baby face come out to play. She sat up and he reacted quickly putting his hand behind her back for support. She was sitting up now with his arms protectively around her.

"Well this is just... awkward." Cristina chimes in... She hadn't even noticed her friend kneeling to the left of her. She looks around the entire room now Derek is holding, Cristina is to her left, Ryan's to her right and much to her embarrassment an entire room of people are staring at her... she clears her throat to relieve some of the tension.

"Meredith, go home for the night and come back tomorrow we can finish our interview and meet with the DA then." Ryan says politely. She nodded at him, figuring it was best for her to flee the scene for now. Derek looked at her questioningly... can you get up? his expression seemed to read. He didn't even have to speak for her to know what he was saying.

"I can get up." she answers without even thinking twice about it. He reluctantly moves to help her stand, slowly she grabs his hands and he lifted her up, she was dizzy for a moment upon standing but it quickly subsided, much to her relief.

She turned to Vince now and politely smiled at him, "Well uh, thanks for the... thing... I guess I'll see you tomorrow." she said awkwardly as the entire room stared at her, great she'd just had a panic attack in front of the entire Seattle Police Department, that'll make her a stable witness for a courtroom plus it'll give Derek even more of a reason to hover around her.

They exited in a hurry and Meredith tried to be inconspicuous, the last thing she wanted was any more of an audience. The chill of the air hit her when she exited; it was like a light turned on and woke up all her senses again.

"That went well." she said sardonically.

"At least you didn't pee yourself." Cristina added as Derek glared at her. Meredith laughed dryly at her comment.

"Meredith they all understand that could have happened to anyone in your situation, in fact I bet it's happened a lot more often than you'd think." Derek added trying to comfort her. She turned to him with both eyebrows raised.

"Oh, I bet."

"Mere... are you okay to go home with Derek? My shift starts in twenty minutes..." Cristina said trailing off as she looked at her watch.

"No it's fine." Not! the last thing she wanted was to have to talk about what just happened with Cristina she knew they'd just avoid the subject but with Derek it would be an endless discussion about her feelings; she wouldn't want to talk about it, he'd press the subject and complain about how she never lets him in, and it would finally most likely result in her talking about things she'd much rather hide in the back of her mind. She knew him way to well...

She trudged through the rain and plodded off to the Cheyenne grumbling to herself as she did so. She knew she couldn't avoid the inevitable but she wished she'd had just a bit more time to think about exactly how to get out of talking about her true feelings. She plopped into the black leather passenger's seat and stared out the window, she thought that somehow not making eye contact with him would get her out of having to speak with him.

"You can't avoid this subject just by staring out the window Mere..." he said taking the seat next to her, she sighed... exactly the comment she didn't want to hear, she seemed to forget that he knew her just as well as she knew him. She turned to look at him; his blue eyes matched her gaze.

"It's annoying how well we know each other." she said.

"It just makes you mad because you can't get out of talking about your problems with me anymore... by the way bringing up how well we know each other isn't going to work either." damn he's good... she thought as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"You had a panic attack in there." he said.

"No I did not... and how would you know anyway, you weren't even there." she said as it finally dawned on her... he wasn't even there before...

"Cristina confirmed it plus, like you said before, I know you which means I know that when you freak out you forget how to breathe and I know that's the reason you passed out."

"That's... just crap." she said defensively scowling at him now. He rolled his eyes, she was stubborn but so was he and it didn't always make for the smoothest conversations.

"Stop dodging it Mere, all I want to do is talk. It's just me, you can tell me what's going on." he said as they pulled up to the red light. She exhaled and realized there was no point in being stubborn or starting an arguement over this, all she could was talk.

"Fine, I freaked out, just don't tell anyone." she said like a child admitting a secret they don't want anyone to know.

"Mere, believe me when I tell you, you're secrets safe with Me." he said.

"I saw the guy... the one who-" she cut herself off; she couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.

"I know." he said pulling into an empty parking lot and parking.

"I just... I don't know it was like I couldn't breathe all the sudden I was drowning in the Elliot Bay again only this time you weren't there to dive in and catch me." she admitted, shocking herself even at her honesty. Meredith Grey doesn't discuss her feelings with anyone, yet somehow she managed to get this out of her system. "Ironically enough I did wake up to you hovering over me though so I guess you were there." she added.

"A little too late just like last time I suppose." he whispered.

"Derek, you saved my life last time and I'm not sure there was much that could've been done this time."

"I could have talked you out of it... I could've gotten you to breathe." he added brooding over the fact that he wasn't there to begin with.

"The whole beating yourself up over nothing thing really makes me want to punch you." she said trying to lighten the mood now, "Listen to me when I tell you this. Was. not. your. fault." she said one word at a time, trying to make her point clear.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're bossy?" he questions smirking at her now.

"Maybe one or two people." she said smirking back, "Someone's gotta keep you in line though Derek." She added.

"Very true." he agreed, "Are you hungry?" he questioned. He was happy that she had at least told him a little about what was going on and he made the decision not to push the subject at this point and for that she was great full.

"I could go for some take out." she said, the whole not eating for days thing was finally catching up with her, her stomach seemed to scream Feed Me!

"Take out it is then." he confirms.

"Get it from that one place next to that nasty Chinese place and that other sandwich place that we loved." she said, knowing that only he would know exactly what she meant.

"Papa Giorgio's Old school Italian." he said, informing her of the proper name.

"Yeah that place." she said rolling her eyes.

"OK." he replies taking off out of the parking lot now.

After stuffing herself, Meredith and Derek made their way up the stairs and to the familiar bedroom they both love. She sighed and the tension seemed to exit her system the way the air exits a balloon when you undo the tie at the bottom.

She ripped off her jeans and took off the sweater, leaving her in only underwear and an undershirt and she climbed into the warm depths of her bed. Derek stripped to just boxers and joined her, normally she'd kick him out but for some reason she felt the need to let him stay, she couldn't quite explain why but it felt to her like the complicated and messy issues with him just seemed to be insignificant to her tonight.

"I miss this bed." He whispered staring up at the ceiling.

"I'm glad your here." she said grabbing his hand, he shifted to his side and wrapped his arms around her, they didn't have to say anything in that moment they just lay there and stare at one another, for the first time in what seemed like years for both of them they had a peaceful easy feeling around them, and neither of them wanted to break it.

"Derek." she whispered hesitantly, she was afraid to say what she wanted to say out loud, the two horrible words she was taught never to use in the same sentence. The words that pointed her out as weak, the words her mother never used, and quite frankly the words surgeons in general don't like to say, "I'm afraid." she said shakily.

"Me too." he replied softly as he moved a stray hair from her face. With that he kissed her on her forehead and for the rest of the night peaceful silence stretched throughout the room, the kind of peace they've both been in need of.