Disclaimer: Don't own or claim rights to Buffy

A/N: For Skargasm, since she liked my Riley fic.

Riley reached down and shoved Graham's legs out of the way before he dropped down on the bed. "You know how I used to say Buffy was odd? She's not. Anya? Now Anya's odd."

Graham tilted his head. "And Anya is…" he prompted.

"Oh," Riley shook him out of his daze, "she's Buffy's … um… She's… You know, I want to say friend, but she's really not. She's kind of Xander's girlfriend, I think, but none of them are really great friends with her. And she's so odd!"

Graham grinned. "So does Buffy need to worry," he teased.

"God, no!" Riley huffed. "Poor Xander," he frowned.

Graham shook his head. "'Poor Xander' why? And who is Xander anyway?"

Riley turned to look at his friend. "You don't know Xander? He's one of Buffy's friends from high school. He didn't get into college, so he's trying to get a job, but they still see each other. Actually, he kind of looks like Parker Abrams, poor guy."

Graham raised an eyebrow. "Parker Abrams, who Buffy had a fling with before she got together with you, looks a lot like her school friend? How much alike?"

"It's not like that," Riley scowled. "Buffy and Xander were never together." He shrugged. "But they do look a lot alike. You've probably seen him – he comes in to meet Buffy and Willow for lunch. He and Willow have been best friends since, I don't know, birth?"

"Ow," Graham muttered. "That's got to hurt." When Riley shot him a questioning glance, he went on. "Best friends that long, and suddenly she's at college, and he's a townie?"

"Getting fired from all the best, and worst, take-aways in town," Riley nodded with a grimace. "Oh, he was the guy who grabbed Buffy at that party at we had, when I was trying to get her attention."

Graham thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, I see the resemblance. And I've seen him around, too. So he's got a girlfriend?"

Riley frowned. "I guess. Well, they're having sex, and Xander's trying to help her fit in with the group. She's very…"

"Peculiar?" Graham teased.

"Open, I was going to say," Riley retorted, kicking at Graham's legs. "She's very open. Pathologically. About everything. If I wanted, I could get a report on where, when, and how often she and Xander had had sex in a given period of time, average number of orgasms per session, average time to orgasm, and gross sales at her shop. In public. With Xander sitting right there, cringing, and begging her not to do so."

Graham blinked, and slowly shook his head. "Wow. Poor guy."

"Oh, but she's very complimentary," Riley hastened to assure him. "She's very satisfied with him." He shrugged. "Sexually, anyway. Those dead-end jobs don't pay him anywhere near enough, though, and I'm beginning to wonder if that's going to become more of a factor in their relationship."

"It is a leading cause of divorce," Graham offered. "Maybe he could have a sudden attack of the gay," he suggested.

"Huh?" was Riley's intelligent contribution.

"All of a sudden, he's gay. Can't give her orgasms any more."

"That's dishonest," Riley shook his head. "And possibly wouldn't work anyway. After all, you don't need a dick to give a woman orgasms." He smiled. "But a brand new boyfriend might do it." He grinned at Graham. "Better yet, a returning boyfriend. Someone he met on his road trip."

Graham frowned. "Why am I getting a bad feeling about this?"

Buffy watched as her boyfriend all but dragged his friend towards her. The hissed conversation was interesting, also.

"You can't do this to me," Graham objected furiously.

"You started it," Riley grinned.

"I made a suggestion. I did not tell you to… Oh, hi, Buffy," Graham greeted awkwardly.

"Graham," Buffy nodded, grinning, "Riley, is there something I should know?"

"How attached are you to Anya?" Riley blurted out.

"Riley!" Graham hissed.

"Uh, well, she's useful, I guess," Buffy considered. "And Xander seems to like her. I think."

Riley nodded. "And how attached do you think Xander is to his heterosexuality?"

"Riley!" Graham whined.

Buffy blinked. "Uh, I honestly don't know. I know he notices guys, but I don't think he's ever thought about going out with one. And he is kind of taken," she added, apologetically, to Graham.

"So how do you think he'd think about pretending that Graham here was his boyfriend from his road trip?" Riley grinned.

Buffy's eyes went wide. "Oh! So he can break up with Anya? I'm really not sure," she added, chewing her lip. "And then there's the problem of getting him away from Anya," she shrugged. "He's working construction, now, and I think he's doing well, so his days are full. And Anya's definitely got the nights."

"I could grab him for a boys' night out," Riley grinned. "All that time around so many girls – he needs a guy friend or two."

"Riley," Graham moaned.

Buffy looked at the two men shrewdly, then shook her head. "I honestly don't know if he'd go for it. I don't even know if he wants to get out of the relationship, such as it is. And I really don't know how he'd go pretending to be Graham's boyfriend."

"But worth asking him about?" Riley asked hopefully.

Buffy shrugged. "Go ahead. Friday's probably good, but you should mention it at the Bronze tonight."

"Will do," Riley beamed.

Graham simply sagged, and stared despondently at the ground.

Friday night saw the three men seated at a booth at a sports bar. Xander sipped his coke, then cleared his throat. "So," he began cautiously. "What's the what?"

Riley smiled. "How's things going with Anya?" he asked suddenly.

Xander glanced at the blond warily. "Good," he nodded firmly. "Great."

"So which is it?" Riley pressed. "Good or great?"

"Great," Xander avowed a little firmly. "Things are great."

"Because I happened to mention her to Graham, and he thinks it's not a healthy relationship," Riley explained.

"What?" Graham demanded. Then, looking at Xander, he went on, "Yes. Well, actually, yeah, it isn't the healthiest relationship I could think of."

"Well," Xander shrugged helplessly, "I don't know. She definitely thinks we're in a relationship. We went to the Prom, 'cause it was that, or go stag, and I couldn't really go with Cordelia, which might have been okay, and then when I get back from my road trip, she just walks in and starts going on about wanting to get me out of her head, and that we had interlocking parts, so we should interlock, and dropped her dress!"

The other two men sat stunned at the explanation. "That's it?" Riley asked finally. "'I want to stop thinking about you, our parts interlock, let's do it?'"

"Yeah. I don't think I did too good a job, though, 'cause she hasn't stopped thinking about me," Xander mused with a half-smile.

Riley glanced at Graham, then looked back at Xander. "So. How attached do you feel to your heterosexuality?"

"My what now?" Xander gulped.

Riley looked at Graham, who leaned back in his seat and began banging his head against the back of the booth. "What I suggested was that you pretend to suddenly be gay. What Riley is suggesting is that I pretend to be your boyfriend from your road trip. I suddenly turn up and chase her off."

Xander appeared to be dazed, so Graham reached over and nudged his glass. Reflexively, he took a sip, and then a larger drink. "You want me to pretend to be not just," he waved a hand, "theoretically gay, but to be your boyfriend?"

"I suggested theoretically gay," Graham emphasised, "Riley's the one who match-made us."

"But …" Xander blushed, "what would you even see in me?"

Graham blinked. "We tell you that you should pretend to be my boyfriend to get rid of your real girlfriend, and all you can come up with is 'what would you see in me?'"

"Well, yeah," Xander frowned. "I mean, I never really got what Cordy ever saw in me, except for the snarking thing, 'cause we were both so good at it, and you're like the guy version of Cordy, except not the cheerleading thing, but you're both hot. Way hot!" Xander nodded earnestly. "What would someone like you be doing with someone like me?"

"Uh…" Graham glanced at Riley beseechingly. "You have a great sense of humour?" he tried.

"I have a crap sense of humour," Xander scowled. "I make crap jokes at bad times so people can groan at me instead of falling down screaming."

"You're smart?" Graham tried again.

"I barely graduated high school," Xander rebutted.

"You do that research thing," Graham retaliated. "With Buffy, and Giles, and all them."

"I'm the doughnut boy and the coffee fetcher," Xander shook his head.

Riley frowned and shook his head. "I've seen you research. How many languages do you read?"

Xander shook his head in return. "That doesn't count. And how would Graham know about that, anyway. It's not like I ever told anyone."

Graham shrugged. "You are, um, cute. I guess."

Xander gave the other man a look. "Sweetheart, you say the nicest things," he drawled.

Graham pouted. "I'm not used to hitting on guys, okay? I'm military, we don't do that."

"Speaking of," Xander turned to Riley. "Is this going to be a problem?"

"No," Riley grinned. "The way we're set up, we're not under DADT rules. We're supposed to fit in, and that includes the possibility of homosexual liaisons."

"Huh," Xander tilted his head in thought. "Okay. That's cool, I guess. So… If we decided to do this, and if we were actually believable, then there's 'no harm, no foul' for Graham?"

"A bit of teasing," Riley grinned, "but everyone gets teased about their lovers. And we'll spread around that it's to get you off the hook, but no one's to say anything to Anya if she comes around."

"Okay, well, that's good. But the thing is that Anya will demand proof. I should be able to get away with not having sex in front of her -"

"No way in hell," Graham growled. "I am not an exhibitionist."

"See," Xander grinned, "that's good. You do that, and you'll be believable. And I'll dither around, and blush, and that will be believable, too, 'cause I'll obviously be embarrassed about being sprung. It's just the kissing and stuff that she'll demand to see. That's going to be a problem."

Riley smirked. "So you two will just have to practice!"

Discussing where to go to 'practice' – Riley sniggered any time either of them used the word – took some time. Xander refused to go park somewhere: he said he only played vamp bait when Buffy was there to rescue him. Graham couldn't take him back to Lowell House, because he wasn't ready for anyone to see them. Not that there was really a 'them' to see, but nevertheless. Neither would agree to going to the only gay bar in town, and LA was too far to travel in one night. Eventually, Riley took them to Buffy's place, opened the basement door, and stared at them.

"This is probably not such a good idea," Xander mused as he looked around the basement.

"You worried about Anya coming around and seeing us?" Graham asked.

"No," Xander dismissed. "She doesn't have much to do with Mrs Summers. It's just that this is where Cordy and I first kissed. Plus, Anya jumped me in the basement at home, 'cause that's where I live now. So I'm thinking that basements and me are not mixy things."

"Maybe it will bring us good luck?" Graham tried.

Xander considered that, then nodded. "I can go with that. So how do we do this?"

Graham came over, and frowned at the other man, before raising a hand and cupping his face. "It's odd to think about kissing someone my own height," he murmured.

Xander put his hands on Graham's upper arms. "You're bigger than I am, though."

Graham grinned. "I probably work out more than you do. For longer, too." He rubbed his thumb over Xander's cheek, then moved closer. "We need to do this," he whispered, then brushed his lips over the other man's.

Xander's eyes fluttered closed as his mouth dropped open a little, and he closed the distance to kiss Graham. It was odd to kiss someone without craning his neck. Graham had to be just about exactly his own height, and all he had to do was tilt his head to the side to make sure their noses didn't bump. It wasn't bad, though. Different, but not bad. He shifted his hands to curl around Graham's back, then let them drift down to his waist. Graham had run his hand into Xander's hair, while the other dropped down to sit on Xander's hip, pulling him a little closer.

After a few minutes, they parted, and Graham licked his lips absently. "That was … not disgusting," he murmured.

"No," Xander agreed, a little dazed. "It wasn't too bad." It had definitely been different. No soft breasts pushing him back, no looking down to see Graham, even as close as they were still standing. It wasn't like kissing Cordy, fire and fury from their fight spicing it up, nor was it like Anya, with a hint of something clinical to her explorations. It was … nice. He wanted to see if it could be something … more. He glanced at Graham's lips, still so close to his own. "I'm just going to…" he began before pulling Graham's hips closer, and kissing him again. Except that when he'd pulled Graham closer, he'd pulled them close enough, and at the right angle that their cocks touched.

Graham groaned into the kiss, and clenched his hand in Xander's hair, taking charge of the kiss. He rocked his hips against Xander's, swallowing the younger man's moans as he explored the wet cavern of his mouth. Xander tightened his arms around Graham's waist, and matched his movements to Graham's. Graham left Xander's lips, and began nipping a trail along his chin, and down his neck.

"God, Gray," Xander moaned, head dropped back, eyes closed. Graham responded by licking his way back up the trail, then deviating to lick, suck and nibble on Xander's ear. Xander shuddered, and reached further around to cup Graham's butt in his hand. Then he growled softly, and began kissing Graham's neck in return, continuing to grind desperately against the other man.

Graham shuddered at the sensation of calloused hands running over his back. Xander had obviously left his rear and untucked his shirt. Not that he was complaining. "Xan," he whispered, "scratch."

Xander ran his palms as far up Graham's back as he could before scratching his nails back down, hard enough to leave red marks, but not enough to make him bleed. Graham dropped his head back, pushed hard against Xander, and cried out wordlessly. Shocked, Xander shuddered, then sagged against the other man.

The two men stood there, panting. Finally, Graham straightened and drew his hand around to cup Xander's face again. Looking into brown eyes, he once again rubbed his cheek with his thumb, before smiling and smoothing Xander's hair.

Xander smiled, and dropped his eyes, before looking up again through his hair. "So…" he began. "I guess this means we'll be able to pull it off?"

That surprised a belly-laugh from Graham like he hadn't had in years. "Yeah, Xan," he answered eventually, "I guess it does."