A/n: Hello everyone! First time doing an iCarly fanfic. I could not get this idea out of my head, especially after seeing iOMG. This fic is actually tagged to iPity the Nevel. The whole vampire boyfriend sub-plot was highly amusing. I love Sam :) (I did some alliteration here and there, too. See if you notice!)

Please review!

Manipulation of Circumstance

Their high-pitched voices were gyrating on her nerves, piercing through the sleepy haze of her catnap. Irritated, Sam opened one eye to peer through the unruly blonde locks strewn over her face and arms, looking for the source of the noise.

She had been snoozing in her seat, slumped over the slab of her school desk. She could not for the life of her remember what class it actually was, just that Carly, Freddie and Gibby were not attending it. Was it detention? Art class? The teacher was nowhere to be seen, so it could also be a self-study hour.

It was not relevant at the moment. What mattered was that her sleep was disturbed by something and that something had to pay for it.

With a groan, she sat upright, flipping back her curls to clear up her vision. Instantly, her eyes were trained on her a group of girls huddled around a laptop.

'Play it again,' said one, 'I just, like, cannot get enough of his hotness.'

Dramatic music and several voices floated out of the speakers, interrupted by sighs and squeals of the girls.

'He's so dreamy when talks like that!'

'Oh my gosh!'

'Look at his troubled face, so hot!'

'I'd give anything to be that bra!'

'You know Patrice?' said another to a third, 'she got a date with him-'

Collective shouts of disbelief.

'Yeah, she told me this morning that they're meeting at The Groovy Smoothie tomorrow-'

'I'm so jealous!'

'Me too! Can you imagine him talking to you like that over a smoothie?'

More squeals.

Sam rolled her eyes in annoyance as the girls continued their excited chatter. The skit was intended to make fan girls like them ridiculous. 'But of course,' she mumbled to herself, 'trust them to be too dumb to understand the parody and go crazy over Fredweird.'

Not feeling active enough to get up and shout at them for being the shallow, air-headed idiots that they were, Sam slumped back into her previous position and closed her eyes. She could not stop herself from keep listening to their prattling, though.

'Do you think Freddie will become Patrice's boyfriend?' A blonde girl asked in a hushed tone.

'No way, that's not fair! I want a vampire boyfriend, too!'

'Just because they have a date, that doesn't they'll have a relationship! We have as big a chance as Patrice.'

'Yeah,' agreed a girl with a particularly nasal voice, 'all we need is his cell phone number.'

'Do we know anyone who has it?'

Sam scrunched up her face as all of the girls fell silent. She could hear their one-dimensional brains whirr, followed by a gasp and the burdensome feel of their gazes on her figure.

The girls shuffled around the Puckett's desk and kept staring at her.

'I think she's asleep.'

'Yeah... Well, I'm not gonna wake her up.'

'Me neither! She might, like, kill me, or something!'

Several girls echoed the same sentence.

'Do any of you have some kind of food with you?'

The girls began digging about in their bags, looking for food. Whatever they found, they piled onto another desk.

Sam felt a tentative hand touch and lightly shake her shoulder. Now, she had the choice to continue feigning sleep or to wake up and terrorise them. Whatever sleep she had, was dwindling and the girls' stupidity probably meant that they would not stop bothering her until they got what they wanted. So, Sam decided to enjoy this situation as much as she could.

She continued to act as if she was taking a rest. The hand on her shoulder increased the fervour of its shaking until the blonde shot upright in her seat and roared: 'WHO THE CHIZ IS HOPING TO DIE?'

All of the girls shrieked and jumped backwards. With a scowl as evil as she could muster, Sam glared at all of six of the girls surrounding her.

'Er...' started one, 'hi!'

'What – do – you – WANT?' snapped Sam, clenching her teeth.

'We – er... we were wondering if you might like some food?' The girl pointed at the desk adjacent to Sam's.

A modest pile of Fat Cakes, sandwiches, chocolate, biscuits, Wahoo punch cans and other items was heaped next to her. As a reply, she grunted and took a Fat Cake. She tore off its wrapper and stuffed the cake into her mouth.

The girls silently watched her consume more than half of the pile before one nudged another forward.

'So, err, Sam...'

Another grunt.

'We were wondering if you have Freddie Benson's cell phone number.'

'Yeah. What of it?'

The girls exchanged glances.

'Could we have it?'

Sam snorted between bites. 'What the chiz do you want Fredlump's number for?'

Another girl responded boldly, 'well, we want to, like, talk to him about something!'

'Is that so?' replied the blonde slowly, pulling open a can of Wahoo Punch.

'Yes, so can we?'

'Sure.'

They all emitted relieved sighs.

'But,' she licked her fingers after devouring yet another sandwich and smirked deviously, 'it'll cost ya.'

Their smiles dropped immediately.

'So... what do you want for it?'

'Five bucks a person.'

The girls crowded together and Sam kept wolfing in her food, a simper dancing on her lips.

They separated and one girl finally spoke up. 'I'm the only one who wants his number.'

A slight chuckle was emitted by Sam. Calmly, she finished the last of the food pile and stretched her body languidly. 'No can do, girly. You'll pass the digits to your giggly girlfriends as soon as you get it. Momma won't miss out on her money. Thirty bucks or no Nubby's number.'

'Oh, never mind! We'll ask Gibby.'

'That certainly is an option,' Sam nodded in feigned agreement, 'too bad I flushed his Pear Phone for being such a dweeb.'

'Well, Carly-'

'Carly won't give you his number either.'

'How do you know that?'

Sam formed her hand into a fist and leaned forward, glaring at them threateningly. 'Are you questioning my words, lady?'

None of the female teenagers could form a response that would not threaten their happy, small-minded, vampire loving lives.

Sam shrugged. 'Take my offer or surrender Freddifer the Fanged Fool to Patrice.'

'Fine!' snapped the nasal-voiced girl.

'Thirty bucks, please,' Sam smiled sweetly and extended her hand.

A full stomach and a wad of cash in her pocket. Sam could not be happier.

Theoretically.

She was once again slumped over her table. This time, it was during another class. A class in which Carly, Freddie and Gibby were present. The former was sitting left to her, while the two boys were sitting in the front of the classroom. Sam tilted her head just enough to get a look at Freddie. Right under Briggs' big nose, he was fervently texting with his Pear Phone concealed by his desk. Every once in a while, he would glance up at the teacher to check if she was on to him.

Sam scoffed. Teachers could be so blind. She continued to watch Freddie text and wondered how many texts he had already sent during this period. And which of the girls he was texting with. Maybe he was texting with Patrice.

Another scoff. Stupid Fredlumps. Did he not know that those brainless cows only liked him for his stupid persiflage? But no, the idiot kept having active contact with the vampire loving broads.

Sam shifted in her chair as an uncomfortable feeling washed over her.

They did not like him for his character, his skills, his kindness or his appearance. Dim-witted, bloodsucker crazed idiots! As soon as another boyfriend trend would start, they would drop him like a leaky dung bomb.

Sam sat up straight, causing Carly to look at her, questioningly. The blonde merely shook her head and smiled deviously. The brunette shivered slightly, knowing that Sam was up to no good, and decided not to interfere with her plans.

Lunch time.

Sam strategically sat right next to Wendy, her Pear Phone in her hand. She sat with her back leaning against the table. A group of girls was sitting at a table not too far off.

'What's up, Wendy?'

'Hey, Sam! Nothing much,' the redhead offered her a smile, 'just eating my sandwich. I'd give you some, but it won't be enough for you.'

'Nah, I'm all right for now.' Sam rested her elbows on the table, facing the group of girls. 'I'm just looking at my SplashFace and discovered this guy. He's totally hot.'

Wendy peered at the smart phone with interest. 'Isn't that an actor? He does like interesting. What is that on his face?'

'Oh, those?' replied the blonde loudly, 'those are sideburns. Delroy Lardner has grown them for his role in the next Tridark movie. He's a werewolf.'

'A werewolf?' Wendy had taken the bait.

'Yeah. Personally, I think werewolves are way hotter than vampires.'

Two of the girls at the table next over were now listening to Sam's loud words.

The redhead look thoughtful. 'I do like his broad, muscular shoulders. Vampires usually don't have that "huggableness".'

'Yeah, totally. Look at this picture. He's not wearing a shirt.'

Wendy squealed loudly, 'Oh – my – gosh! He is gorgeous!'

All of the girls were now listening on and Sam smirked.

'Can you imagine being embraced by a strong looking guy like him? Not to mention all the brooding and angst caused by his struggle with his wolfish side!'

'That must be amazing. And that facial hair-'

'Sideburns!'

'Yeah, those sideburns must feel ticklish if he were to kiss you!' gushed Wendy and quickly took out her own Pear Phone to search for his picture.

A couple of girls walked up to the pair of them. One asked: 'Hey, Wen. What are you looking at?'

She showed the girls Delroy Lardner's picture, causing them to shriek in delight.

Sam swiped some of the girls abandoned food and ambled off, satisfied with her work.

The end.

A/n: please review and tell me your thoughts on this one-shot.