Disclaimer: I do not own HP. :-)

A/N: Second novel-length wooo! :) I need inspiration, readers. Reviews to get this writer's block a-dissipating please?

Draco Malfoy never knew that he would ever survive anything. He never knew he would survive the effects of humiliation after Harry Potter refused to ally with him in first year because it was something about the boy wonder knowing about sort. He never knew he could live down with the fact that his father took control of his life and how he was still chained to a life he didn't want to have in the end. He never knew he could survive the insurmountable power that is Lord Voldemort. He never knew that he could victor himself despite the fact that he was tasked to kill Dumbledore as a part of redemption for his father's low blow.

And yet he did survive all of these events.

He was able to hate Harry Potter and his loyal companions Ron "Weasel" Weasley and Hermione "Mudblood" Granger, finally kicked his father out of his life (he's currently imprisoned in Azkaban), potions master Severus Snape had done the dirty deed of murdering Dumbledore due to an unbreakable vow involving Draco's mother Narcissa, and Voldemort had finally met Death once and for all after the golden trio found all seven Horcruxes and destroyed them all with Harry being the last of them.

And as he glanced nastily around the room, he knew that although those events will never be overrun by the little daily mishaps here and there, he knew that the mere fact he was standing in this very area was because of some stupid contract his family had.

The Malfoy Marriage Contract.

He slapped his face in frustration as he twirled the quill idly in his hand, glancing at the lengthy parchment in front of him. He sighed loudly as his lawyer Horace Flaherty paced the room patiently, despite his pleas to his client to sign the papers.

And in the end, he thought that his father would stop taking control of his life. He just had to intercept his son's peaceful living once again with an emergency.

"What is it that made you want to see me so badly, Father?" Draco hissed as he adjusted his cravat coolly yet nervously due to the presence of soul-sucking Dementors in the prison area.

Lucius, always the confident one, twirled the limp noodle on his deformed silverware (although one couldn't call it silverware anymore due to its blackened nature for being in Azkaban for so long. Yes, even forks get their color sucked out by those lifeless monsters.) and stared blankly at his son.

"I want you to read this."

Draco glanced at the golden brown, rolled-up parchment in his father's hand. He took it fiercely from his pater and read through the paper.

"Is this some kind of joke?"

"Do you really think that this is some kind of merriment?" Lucius replied, his tone laced with cold. "I never 'joke' about anything. Where have you been the last twenty-six years?"

Draco sighed.

"You have gotten me married to that vile thing you call Lord Voldemort," Draco replied just as icily, rolling up the parchment and slamming it on the table. "And now you want me to get married so I can keep the Malfoy name intact?"

"And to keep the fortune."

"In three days?" Draco snapped. "Where the hell do I get a wife in three days?"

"You claim you're smart," Lucius barked. "Prove it to me!"

"Do you think that marriage behaves through dictation of paper? It's not easy finding women of this family's ideals!"

Lucius just drummed his fingers noiselessly on the table as Draco continued his rant.

"And where the hell am I finding a pureblood wife? Millicent Bulstrode is thankfully married to some bloke off the street or I don't know where… I don't care. Lucy Haverick is married to Peter Travers… and even Pansy Parkinson found my mate Blaise Zabini!"

"They never found each other," Lucius retorted. "You set them up."

"Only because I never intended and wanted to marry her! I had to make sure that she is not and will never be available for me!"

"What is so wrong with Pansy Parkinson?"

"She's a chaser? I am a Seeker because I like getting girls, not gotten by girls."

"Spoken like a true Malfoy." Lucius smirked.

"But look, back to the subject," Draco relaxed, knowing the air of tension will disappear briefly. "A marriage contract? Why do you have to put me through this?"

"Were you even listening?"

"Well, Father," Draco replied, reopening the contract. "You have to help me secure a wife immediately, since you're going to put me through…"

He ran his fingers through the words to search for the timeframe.

"SIX MONTHS?" Draco cried, tossing the paper aside in shock, his head spinning and he felt lightheaded. "You want me to 'love' a woman for six months?"

"Yes." Lucius replied as if it were just a regular decision to make.

"Why me? Couldn't you have ended it?"

"And lose the fortune and the name? Are you sick in the nutter?" Lucius sighed. "Your mother and I have not gone through this just to waste the Malfoy time—"

"You and Mother were a contract couple?"

"That is not important right now," Lucius snapped. "Now good for you, I have found a suitable partner for you—"

"Please do not say Ginny Weasley," Draco interrupted as he thumbed his fingers through the Daily Prophet. "I have better things to do than to listen to that blood traitor whine constantly and—"

"For one who claims to be a well-read person, you sure have gotten the description a tad out of context," Lucius replied dully as he swatted the paper out of Draco's hands. "She's married to Harry Potter."

Draco breathed a sigh of relief.

"I don't keep up with celebrity gossip, Father." Draco growled.

"So you consider Potter to be a celebrity?"

"That is beside the point!"

"She is a little out of our bloodline, Draco."

"Half-blood?"

Lucius shook his head slowly.

"Oh, Merlin, please don't say—"

"She's a mudblood."

Draco's heart thudded.

"Are you that desperate to keep—"

"It's Hermione Granger."

Draco shut his eyes as he remembered the way he screamed more than a thousand profanities after his father dropped the bomb on his new faux wife.

Hermione Jean Granger.

He knew that even if Harry Potter was the main archenemy attraction, he felt that Hermione had the greatest negative effect in his life. She is his number one foe both in academics and in loyalty. He knew that he was smart enough for his own good. In fact, his intelligence level could make him capable of being number one but then no, the Gryffindor brat had to get his spot.

And who could forget that they fought on opposing sides?

"Would you stop contemplating there and sign the papers?" Hermione huffed, her arms crossed. "You're wasting my time."

Oh yes, she's his faux wife.

"Oh, put a lid on it, Granger," Draco snapped as he reread the contract for what seemed like the tenth time. "Some things like these take time."

"It's been six months since you two have been put under this kind of legality and you still hate each other's internals?" Attorney Flaherty chimed in as he sat back down in the leather chair, his hands on the table.

"I'm glad I survived six months with him, period." Hermione replied irritably.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, stop trying to pretend you don't want the pureblood life!"

"Like I wanted it," Hermione retorted. "Impish, ignorant snobs!"

"Like you would know who we are," Draco sneered as his eyes narrowed. "Filthy little mud—"

"I think we should stop now." Horace added.

"Here you again with the same insults," Hermione replied, ignoring Horace's interjection. "Have you any new ones? I doubt your brain can handle brand new knowledge! Or has it even contained any form of brilliance?"

"I could've beat you in Transfiguration if it weren't for your loyalty points of 10. I thought Gryffindors were just and right. Maybe you're the exception."

"Don't you dare bring the point system into this! I worked hard for those points. Not like you know what hard work is. You just charmed Pansy Parkinson into doing your homework all the time! Or Millicent Bulstrode!"

"Can you help it if I look good all the time?" Draco smirked nastily as his temper rose. "Unlike your frumpish sense of style!"

"I think we should stop now!"

"You call your spit-like tresses fashionable? It's like you slicked slug waste on your head."

"Oh, so you notice my hair? Tell me, Granger, what's it like staring at a Pureblood for the first time?"

"Quite wonderful, actually," Hermione replied sarcastically as she tossed her bushy hair to the side. "The mere sight of you and your family burn the eyes of out of my sockets."

"Like mudbloods know what quality people are!"

"You are one to talk to, you snobbish arse—"

"ENOUGH!" Horace Flaherty boomed as he slammed his briefcase on the long, oak table. "Could you two at least act decent? You have a son for Merlin's sake!"

"I may love Scorpius with all my heart," Hermione sniffed snappishly. "But let's not forget where he came from."

"Miss Granger, didn't he come from you?"

Hermione glared at her ex-faux-husband and he looked away, cursing.

"Oh, let's just say he came from one of my husband's many concubines."

"Shut up, Granger!" Draco stood up, furious as he balled his fists.

"Isn't it true, Malfoy?" Hermione sighed heavily. "But who cares? We're going through with the divorce."

"Are you two sure about this?" Attorney Flaherty took a new white quill and Accio'd extra copies of divorce papers.

"Yes!" they replied in unison.

"Are you really sure?" the lawyer replied, hoping some god would cast a miracle and let them decide otherwise.

"Do you think we're pulling your leg?" Draco replied snarkily. "Yes we want a divorce and that's final. I don't think I can stand my faux wife any longer."

"And I cannot stand my faux husband any longer than he can stand me. Hurry with it, Horace! Come now!"

Horace sighed heavily and wrote their names on their respective blanks.

"You're going to regret this, you two," Horace said as he handed the papers to them and they snatched them up quickly with quills in hand.

"Are you serious, Horace?" Draco replied. "Do you think I'd want to be stuck with Miss Bratty Brainiac here?"

"And do you think I want to be stuck with Mister Bratty?" Hermione snarled.

"Could you two just agree on something?" Horace added tiredly, obviously fed up with their childish feud. "You're divorcees for Merlin's sake, at least act civil."

Draco and Hermione dropped their quills and thought for a moment.

"I liked her last retort on Mister Bratty."

"Thank you, Malfoy."

"Now we have something in common!"

They signed the needed blanks and they whooped as they handed in their divorce papers.

"Finally, I'm a free man!" Draco clapped his hands together as he grabbed his leather trenchcoat from the seat. He grabbed his wand and shot fireworks out of the tip, leaving Hermione very annoyed.

"Please take your lights somewhere else, ferret." She grabbed her coat and her bag and walked out of the conference room.

"Huffy, aren't we, Granger?" Draco smirked.

"I'm not pigheaded enough to celebrate divorces even if it's involving me and someone I have hated for the past 10 or so years. Now, get out of the way. I have Ministry work to do."

"See you, love."

Hermione cringed and continued on her way.